Mum of 3
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Posts posted by Mum of 3
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<'> Sorry to hear things not going so well. Know the feeling!
I agree with the others that you should stay put for a while, but look into other things. What about the school you were looking round the other week? Was that no good?
It's so hard watching your darling child being unhappy. I really don't know what to say except
<'> I'm thinking of you and feeling much the same way!X
<'> X -
<'> <'> <'> so glad it went ok and well done to your DD!
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As far as I'm aware, a dx will not make any difference to a school's funding...it is the Statement of Special Needs that brings funding (if needed), and that can be applied for (if necessary) without the dx.
What the dx has meant for us, so far (ony got it last month!), is that the school has access to the specialist ASD service, who are coming to observe DS and advise school and me on how to help him.
I went through the same decisions as you, wondering whether, in his case, a dx would relly help DS, but decided to go with it for all the reasons oxgirl has given. I reasoned that I don't know what the future holds for him, and I don't want to be reaching a crisis and then trying to go through dx at that point. If he decides he can cope with life without letting ayone know when he's older, then he doesn't have to tell anyone of his dx.
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All my three are coming down with the lurgy!
Can I come with you?
Have a lovely week.
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<'> <'> <'> Smiley, I'm so sorry to hear about your Nan, and that you're feeling so bad yourself.
Anyone in your situation would be feeling the thoughts you're feeling, so don't let it worry you unduly-it's normal, and it will pass.
But it sounds as if you might need some help to get past it, so why not call your NAS support worker and let her/him help you to get some extra support to see you through this tough time. Some counselling and maybe some gentle anti-depressants might be just enugh to help you.
Look after yoursef, Smiley, and don't be afraid to take the help that's offered.
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I really can't remember who posted this a while back, but someone had a similar problem to yours as regards sanctions/rewards, and the person (Bid? Jaded?)replied saying turn it around...instead of saying 'you can't go out until you've done your homework,' say 'when you've done your homework, then you can go out,'. That way, it's not a threatening thing, it's a positive.
I try to do this with everything now, and it really works with my very defiant and manipulative little man!
I also totally agree with the other posters...homework is for the child, not the parent. If your child needs some support with it, try to support him without actually doing it. If you find he can't (or won't, but who knows which it is, sometimes!) do it, write this on the sheet, sayng how long you've spent, and what he was able to do, and leave it at that. Let school decide if he was capable of doing it, and deal with him accordingly, since it's they who set the work in the first place, they must know what they expect back.
Good luck!
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I've tried every year for 3 years to go to the village bonfire party wit my DS. Each year he begs to go-and each year he starts to scream to come home as soon as the whizz-bangs start! It's organised by school and we can see it from home, so I can't avoid it!
So, we've just bought ear defenders (3 pairs...the others had to have them too!!!). For when the baby cries, or hoovering, etc, I give lots of explanation and reassurance, and we've had small success with an mp3 player loaded with stories.
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<'> >
< <'> Sending lots of these mumble.
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Had to laugh when I read your post...am trying really hard not to put CH on during the day, but have relented for mornings and evenings & put it on the timer, but turned down very low. Have just come into (cold!) living room and thought...'Hmmm, think I'll light the stove' (which is gas), but decided to be good instead, so now I'm wearing hiking socks, Hubby's jumper, and I've got 8 candles lit to provide a bit of warmth & cheer! Feel like Scrooge!!! (probably look like him too! 
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Adding my
<'> <'> <'> to the others.What a dreadful shock for you...but try not to worry, the important thing to remember is that, now, J's heart murmur is not undetected...you're actually in a better position now than you were in yesterday, before you knew, if that makes sense ?
As the others have said, he's in the right hands now. It certainly sounds as if they're doing all the checks they can, and this will tell them exactly what's wrong.
<'> to you all. X -
Sending lots of these
<'> <'> <'> Wish I could come over and cook you some soup to build your strength up. Mumble's right-you must look after yourself, and take it very easy. You need to make a full recovery!
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I have to say, as I read down the posts here, every time I thought of a point to make, Mumble made it first!
I think I can answer the question about why they're being given this type of work-It looks like the sort of question they will be asked in the 'oral maths' part of the SATs test. When you read it out loud, you can use your inflection to make it make sense.... Unfortunately, many teachers think the way to learn how to do these types of questions is simply to do lots, under lots of pressure.
By the way, I was under the impression that we don't have a 'pass/fail' culture in our education system, and that 'Every Child Matters'. How much do you feel you matter when you 'fail' your maths homework every week? I would certainly be challenging that one!!!!
And what are the consequences of 'failure'? Does the teacher actually have to start teaching you something? Or do you just get told you've failed, and made to feel bad?
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I have just read the same thing in the prospectus of an independent Montesauri scool.
I assumed they said they can't take statemented children because they may have to employ extra staff in order to comply with the statement, which the fees charged would not cover. I assume that the LA won't transfer funds to pay for the independent school to comply with the statement unless there is no other school that is suitable for the child. This would be the case for ay independent school.
Also, in the case of a Montesauri school, I would think that the Statement itself could easily contain things that go against the Montesauri style of education, so they would not want to comply from that point of view.
I've just realised I've not helped the OP at all, just added further to the query! Sorry, Athena, but I am interested in this too, as my son's school are thinking of applying for a statement, but I'm thinking of sending him to the Montesauri school, so I'm in a bit of a dilema!
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I also think there's a need for caution, as many local 'groups' actually get set up to promote intervention programmes and 'therapies'.
But basically it makes good sense to offer all the help we can promoting local support groups that haven't got a product or agenda to peddle
L&P
BD
Sorry, but personally, I'd be quite happy if someone came along and 'peddled' an intervention prgramme or therapy in my area...it would be infinately preferable to sitting here all alone with my diagnosis letter and wondering what the hell we do next!!!!
Maybe if you come from an area where there is already a good suport system post (or even pre!) diagnosis, 'peddlars' aren't welcomed, but up here in the wild and woolly hills, assistance and advice is very hard to come by. When I asked for help at the diagnosis meeting I was told G's file would remain open, and i could get in touch 'if anything changes'. In other words, 'don't bother us!!!'
I understand that there are people who will see parents like us-desparate for help-and see pound signs in front of their eyes, and we need to be aware of this, but to be honest, I'd rather make my own mind up from a set of 'intervention programmes and therapies' in my area, than sit here twiddling my thumbs! I'm sure people can reccommend things they've tried, or warn others to steer clear of things that aren't that helpful, without opening the frorum up as an advertising site!
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<'> <'> <'> I'm so sorry for your little boy. It breaks my heart to think of him all on his own in the playground.
... my little boy's 6 as well, and has just the same troubles. He's always getting into trouble for playing in the dirt, yet when he takes toys into school to play with they're taken away til hometime (or never returned!), and the only 'play things' provided by school are b*&"$dy footballs, which he wouldn't play with in a month of Sundays!
Mind you, at least he's able to access the new play equipment...my best friend's little girl recently 'lost' all her freinds because they were all playing on the new equipment (which my friend and I had fund-raised for through PTFA-there are only about four of us in it, and we raise money for all the 'extras)...the equipment was all for climbing and balancing, and my friend's little girl uses a wheel chair, so couldn't access it....the school hadn't thought to buy ONE thing with the money we raised that could be accessed by a wheelchair user. Their excuse was that the children themselves had been given the choice of equipment as they asked the pupil reps to choose it. Pity none of the teachers thought to discuss access issues with the pupils first...but I guess that sort of learning only takes place in designated PSHE lessons-it's not for lunchtime groups like school forum!
It breaks my heart to think of our little ones feeling so lonely, and no-one helping them...I don't know what the answer is, but I'm hoping others will be along soon who can offer advice to both of us!
<'> 
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with paper if I make a mistake its basically the end of the world and I rip it up.From the above, it sounds as if you might do something that my son does, which really upsets me...He's obsessed with everything being perfect, and this includes all of his toys (he's only 6. so toys are his world!).
If something breaks, or gets lost, it doesn't matter how great the toy is, or how insignificant ( to me!) the damage is, he refuses to have anything at all to do with that toy, and often all the related toys, ever again!
For instance, he had a collection of Take-Along Thomas trains, which he loved and played with all the time and his grandma got him a Molly from Italy. One of Molly's wheels stuck, and he not only refused to play with Molly, he gave up on the whole set of trains...but not before spending months crying over it daily, and begging his gradma to go back to Italy to get a new Molly!
He also has a habit of finding problems, like a broken toy or a missing piece of something, and insisting it's put right straight away. If I can't fix it that minute, he will throw the hugest tantrum. When he gets like this, I call it the 'One hundred impossible things to do before breakfast' phase, because that's what it seems like to me...He leaps from one impossible thing to another, having a bigger and bigger tantrum each time.
I often wonder how much of this is just inecurity/anxiety, and how much is within his control, because I must say, it sometimes looks to me as if he's doing it just to wind himself up and alieviate some boredom!
If you can shed any light on this, and how I might deal with it, I'd be most grateful!
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Hi.
I've just completed your survey, as I find this subject very interesting. One thing has really concerned me, though. My child has two parents, and they both have an equal influence, so how can your research, which only asks questions about the parent who answers, have any relevance?
Sorry to be so down on this, but my DH and I are almost polar opposites on most of the questions that were asked...I'm a risk-taker, he'd panic if he had to change the colour of his socks...I love parties and socialising, he'd rather stay at home with a good book...I like to plan everything in advance, and can see all possible implications to decisions made, he can't plan as far a tea-time, and has no imagination when it comes to thinking about the consequences of his decisions. These are just a small selection of the things that the survey touched on where we differ in our approaches to life. Our approaches to parenting are similarly opposed. Not to mention the fact that my mum is involved with his upbringing on a daily basis, and is just as big an influence (if not more!) as either me or my husband.
I'm sorry, but I fail to see how you can draw any sensible conclusions about how my child's personality and behaviour are influenced by his parents if you only look at one of his parents!
I would be interested to read your response, and also what other people think of this, as I've often thought that although our NT sons seem to be able to take the difference in approaches in their stride, it really seems to have a big effect on our son with ASD, and he really struggles when Dad is at home during the day, because the rules and the energy in the house are so different.
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It took me a while too, to realise that not everyone posting came from hill country!!!
Now I'm used to it, I like t...but what alternatives have you got? It would be fun to think of some, even if we don't change what we've got!
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Rhi, If I lived nearer London and/or had the money I'd be going here
http://www.londonchildrenspractice.com/
(Mods, if I'm not allowed to post this link, please feel free to edit, and let me know, and I'll PM Rhi with the info
)I have a friend who Nannys for a little girl with add/asd and they attend weekly. She has occupational therapy (when I asked our NHS services about that I was told it wasn't really for children...more for people on disability benefits!!!!!), SALT, social skills group (I think), and my friend thinks it's marvelous.
If you do go, could you let me know how you get on? My little boy is 6 (Today!!!
), and we could, at a pinch, use some savings to attend, and stay with my sister in Cambridge, if it would be of enough value to him.Good luck!
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So good to hear some good news
I hope she continues to thrive, and who knows...maybe her eating disorder might start to improve as she gets more and more settled?
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I don't have a garden in this house (
), but at my last house I had one, and it had a big traling fuschia bush, that took up loads of room that should have been taken up by 'pretty' flowers! So, I decided to keep it small by cutting it right back, probably in the Spring (since I only garden in the Spring, then I let it do its own thing over the summer, die back in Winter and then start again next year!), but that year it seemed to come back even bigger! Next year, I cut loads off-right down to the ground and it was massive by end of summer! Year after, I thought I'd really get it- left nothing above soil level, more or less, and it took over the blooming garden! My Mum said how magnificent it was, and I told her my tale. She said I'd been doing just the right thing to get good fuschias!!!!
So, neglect it all year, then cut it all off in Spring.
You may want to check this before continuing....It was 6 years and 3 boys ago, and the old memory's not what it was....
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Just a thought....
This letter has gone out to 'parents', which suggests a number of the books have been returned in an 'unusable' condition...
The only way to make a textbook 'unusable', really, is to break the spine and cause the pages to drop out ( we've all 'used' books that were written/drawn on/ dog eared, etc)...
If a number of these NEW books have fallen to bits after a year's use ( by Year 7s, not a group known for their reckless behaviour!
), has the school considered taking this up with the publisher and looking at the QUALITY of the books they purchased?I was Literacy co-ordinator for years, and regularly sent reps away with aflea in their ear (not literally
) after showing them that their books wouldn't stand the test of time (well, they always said they'd only stay 5 minutes, and then talk for ages and make me miss me dinner! 
).I'd definately ask to see my son's copy, and assess the damage myself. When you look at the book, look at the quality of the binding yourself...I really don't think all the year 7s would have been careless and distructive!
By the way, do 2ndary schools still use those labels for you to record 'name...form...year' ? We used to write 'prisoner...number...sentence'
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Just another thought on the bed thing....We often have little ones populating our bed & have to carry them up to their's when they're asleep. I think if it helps them to get to sleep, it's ok (so long as it's only one at once!!
).For our little one, who was really scared to be alone, we got an old cot mattress and made him a little bed on the floor for him (his 'nest').
We told him if he woke in the night, he was not to wake us up, but could climb into his 'nest'. Well, he did wake me up (to tell me he was getting into his nest!), but then he'd crawl into his nest and go to sleep, and we could all get back to sleep. Bliss!!! Also, because he was 'safe', he slept in in the mornings, as well, whereas before, he'd been getting up at 5am every morning as a matter of course!
In the morning, we could put his 'nest' away under the chest of drawers, and my bedroom didn't look like a dormatory!
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<'> <'> <'> Thanks everyone for understanding and making me feel better about everything!
I think my DH and I both knew my tantrum wasn't really going anywhere when I accused him of deliberately putting crumbs on my clean kitchen floor just to annoy me!
I've got used to it more now...I was expecting it, and I know it's for the best to have the diagnosis and the support that comes with it (however scant that may be!), so....I'm OK again!
Treatment against my will?
in Help and Advice
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What a relief for you, Mumble...
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<'> Get well soon. X