alexmum2
-
Content Count
96 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by alexmum2
-
-
My son did not return to his school in September due to bullying which was not address by the school to our satisfaction; my ds was so traumatized he was hearing voices and was put on anti depressants.
I have since been looking for another school where he feels he would fit in and able to learn again; altogether we have looked at 9 schools in total MLD schools as well as main stream. We chose a main stream school which has family connections ( father went there) it is a lot smaller than his present school and he was comfortable walking down the corridors, the children also seemed a lot more quieter than most of the schools we had visited these are not the only reason there are several more. However the only draw back was the attitude of the head when he showed us around the school; he basically said that he was over subscribed in my ds year group and he would contest my request should i choose the school as our named school he was trying his level best to put us off saying things like: they would not make concession for my ds in any way shape or form even though he had a statement!
I contacted my LEA and asked for this school to be the named school on his statement as I wasn't going to be brow beaten by this man; the 15 days was up today when the school had to get back to the LEA; when I contacted my named officer to get some feed back re; our request ;I was told she was on leave but that education officer was dealing with the matter and in a meeting.
My question is what is the criteria the school could use to refuse my ds admittance? the school is over subscribed by 20 pupils in his year.
I have read on the web that they cannot use this as a reason for non admittence however they can use this criteria 1.The school is unsuitable to the child's age, ability or aptitude or to his special educational needs
2.The attendance of the child at the school would be incompatible with the provision of efficient education for the children with whom he would be educated, or the efficient use of resources.
Has anyone else had this problem?
-
I am in a similar position to you; my dx 12yr old refused to go back to school in sept this year; he was traumatized by bullies so much that he was hearing voices! and put on anti depressants! (which he no longer takes as they didn't do any good) I may not have the answers but have you contacted the school I think they should be providing the minimum 5 hours home tuition a week.
They can also put you in touch with CAMH services which are psychiatrists that I think she is entitled to see she could also get cognitive therapy through them.
Could you explain what you mean by Twilight? My son is willing to try another school but I am worried that we will go down this road again, as schools these days don't appear to do anything about bullies even though they have policies in place, but to me they are not worth the appear they are written on.
-
Sorry Portia I meant to say I wouldn't have said where the info came from, just that i had concerns.
-
Hi Portia,
This hits a nerve with me as my son was diagnosed at having aspergers at around year 1, but due to a lack of communication it was realize he had difficulties long before but no members of staff mentioned this to me. (I was just ostracized in the playground by other parents)
I know there would be may on this site who will disagree with what i am going to say but from my experiences i would have appreciated a TA learning support assistant or who ever was involved with my son ; to have come to me privately and spoken about their concerns, i can hear everyone screaming that this is unprofessional every thing should go by the book; but I would have made the head listen to me when it came to extra support I would ofcourse had said where the info came from; so perhaps having a private word with the parent of the child that needs extra support either by letter or other, but unless we parents know we cant help i beleive me if i thought that my son would improve by better intervention I would do everything in my powere to get it.
Keep up the good work and good luck
-
Thanks Pearl i will make a note to listen to this program too; I've thought that i may have ASD ever since my son was diagnosed, things about my child hood seemed to fit in place. So it would be interesting to hear what they have to say.
-
Thanks Mike. Here's a link to an article on the BBC site.http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8264251.stm
Anything that makes schools more accountable is a good thing. As you say, some schools are getting it right, but there should be minimum requirements in place which all schools must adhere to. I've experienced good and bad practice with each of my children - at the same schools, strangely enough. So good luck with this.
Can any law ever be strong enough to completely eradicate bullying, given that there is such a wide variation in bullying tactics and in perceptions of it? Not every child is beaten up by gangs with weapons: a lot of bullying, as Tally says, is much more covert. It can be as subtle as just not including someone in a group, for exaple. And in many cases the school's response depends on the "victim's" willingness to first speak out - which they are often reluctant to do, even where there is a strong anti bullying policy in place.
K x
I stonglly agree with this; covert bullying is what has happened to my ds all through his school life; if the teachers TA's dinner supervisor's don't witness it then to the school it's not happening.
My son is constantly verbally bullied at school and when he did tell his TA he was told that he had made a mistake as the child who was doing it was very nice and it wasn't in their nature! My son has refused to go back to this school! and a few days ago his TA phoned me to ask how he was and i told her that he was upset with the constant name calling by this perticular child and to my amazment she said that this child had been reported as bullying another child! to which i said NOW DO YOU BELIEVE MY DS!
-
Hi Marion i agree with what everyone has said you do need to have a statement to get the help your son clearly needs as the school don't appear to be doing what they said they would to support your son; it's only a thought and i know some on this site may disagree with me, but it might be worth a try going to speak to a solicitor regarding going back to your LEA to get reassested for statementing.; i know this can be costly but i was going to go down this road to get my son statemented if our LEA turned him down.
Money was very tight for us but in the preliminary discussion we did have with the solicitor, she said what ever the bill came to we could pay it back on a weekly basis; luckily he did get his statement and we didn't have to go down this path.
Just like you I have been where you are now; my DS has refused to go back to his secondary school and is at home at the moment! he has been at his secondary school only a year, however the stress it has caused him has resulted in him hearing voices, he is now on antidepressents, and not in school.
I am in the process of getting an annual reveiw done so it can go to panel to request he be given a place in a MLD school, as he clearly cannot cope with main stream; there are 1,400 pupils in DS school.
Like your son he has average learning ability and can manage the curiculum, he loves to learn, however this is being hampered by the fact he is isolated by the rest of his form and the rest of kids in the school come to that. the only time they speak to him is when they are calling him names or asking to borrow his stuff! he was told by his TA to share his pens ruler glue ect and when he did they were never returned!
Anyway just to let you know you are not on your own! Hope you get the proper suport for your son and things get better for you both. x
-
Gift or curse depends how you look at it; it is a spectrum! for me with our ds, it was a learning curve that I will always be greatful for, but will always worry for!
My ds has ;hearing smell sound, and sight so profound that he can hardly discribe; hence spectrum, what he lacks in social skills seems to me are made up for (not his choice) in this way. What some of our children lack in some skills they are burdened withn others.
-
Kazzanne161 yes i know this however if LEA say that there is only one place avalible in the counthat does not if fell meets ds needs) then where do I go from here?
-
Kathryn Hi,
I believe that the school my son wishes to go to is over subscribed therefore I know i will have difficulties in getting him a place; it's my job to convince the LEA that main stream is not the place for him ; I know his mental state will only get worse if they give us no choice but to keep him in mainstream, I cannot afford to let this happen.
It's saddens me to think that there maybe other children out there like ds who suffer like him, everyday because they can't cope in a main stream situation, and that they are only there because of the money issue.
-
Yes DaisyDot Bid
I intend to take him to our GP when we return we also have an appointment with the Nero Physiology dept at our local hospital this was asked for by our physiologist from CAHMS, as i know he will not be able continue as he is; the saddest thing is that he wants to learn he enjoys most of his lessons it's just the other kids in his class and some staff that he has a really serious problems with.
-
Hi all,
tried several times to contact ds mainstream school today without success; in the end i wrote a short letter addressing it to the new SENCO explaining that Alex will not be back in school on thursday as due to his stress and anxiety we as a family were taking a break away and would be in contact with her on our return.
Explained that it was a decision only made recently, thats way the school was not infromed earlier.
Went to the school to deliver this by hand,there were several members of the reception staff around so i handed it to one of them; however I did ask if i could speak to the SENCO if she was available. Unfortunately she couldn't be found.
Made a call to Ed Wefare asking what the criteria was and how I would stand legaly if my son (due to metal strees ect) could not return to school; he was very helpful and gave me a contact number for an Ed welfare officer who was attached to the school, needless to say i called this number and left a message as there was no one around to take my call.
Also contacted SEN school no reply so again dropped a letter to the head requesting appointment, contact another SEN school (which i have heard several good things about) spoke to secretary who gave me her email to contact her on our return to arrange appointment she was very helpful and sounded concerned. Thats all i can do for the present. Also contacted Parent Partnership for advise no one available left message. Senco from ds mainstream school did not get back to me. Thanks will try to enjoy our break but this hanging over us will not help.
-
Kazzen 161 Last reveiw was in July bfore end of term; yes there are records of some of the bullying my ds has made a statement about one particular incedent where he was hurt. i have been around the SEN school several times and my son knows a couple of kids that go there, also he went to a birthday party for one of them recently and there were several of this boys class mates there my son was amazed to see that they were just the same as he was.
i am at my wits end as i have to phone the school tomorrow. the unfortunate thing is that the SENCO from last year has retired and a new one will be taking over on Wednesday. She no dought will have repotrs on my ds and his TA will have filled her in but this doesn't help our case. I know my GP will support the move as will the psychiatrist for CAMHS, but i am still sick with worry as he is quite adament he will not go back.
-
Hi i have a question does anyone know the criteria for moving my ds(who is statmented for25hours) from a main stream school to a SEN school?
I have been told that it is not straight forward, and that they will not probably take him if they have no spaces; also what help and support can I expect to get from the school he is at. My DS has announced that he canot got back to his old school as the bullying is more that he can take; have spoken to the school several times re: this but they say that they have not witnessed any bullying; ds also has only one friend at the school and is on anti depressents at the moment for his anxiety.
-
Just read the things people have written on this subject; it seems to me that the americans want to make a scape goat of some one; and if you don't have any financial clout or political clout you don't stand a chance.
I don't recall reading that he has made millions from selling info on how to hack into NASA? or that he intended too! May be he should be working for them! Cos clearly they can't do a very good job themselves.
-
I understand perfectly were Oxgirl is coming from; my ds has no cousins to hang out with so it's just me. we are going on a pinic tommorrow with a support group its only for 1 hour or so; bit of fresh air company for me, he can take is ipod ect; well he's locked himself in his room and wont speak to me!
-
Oxgirl It's getting like that now for me, at the moment he's happy to got into town (so long as it's where he wants togo) and ok going to the cinema and he will go bowling but if i mention inviting someone else he goes off on one! can't get him to go swimming any longer as he's put on weight and says the pool is too full of noisy idiots. So like you I'm stuck in.
-
I feel so sorry for him but so frustrated with him at the same time. It was SO much easier when he was younger.
~ Mel ~
Oxgirl yes thats just how i feel, it was so much easier when he was younger; for a start he had more friends we could contact, (even if it did meen that i was the one taking these other friends out with us then dropping them back home again!) and in some cases paying for them too. But it did meen he had company. Now he is at secondrary school all his old friends are at other schools and we don't have contact with them any longer; I did phone several at the start of the hols but they were all busy with their new friends, got the feeling that they no longer wanted to be aquainted with us.
-
Yes a day summer camp sounds realy good if i could find one in my area. I have been in touch with my local county council and all the charities for children with disabilities in my area but have come up with nothing. There are some activities that have been organised for the odd day here and there but they are miles away.
While i don't mind travelling it is a bit of a waste some times when they are perhaps only for the morning or afternoon.
He went on a school trip before he left junior school it was for 3 days; his teacher (who he liked) said she felt it would be good for him; his Ta was going too and his teacher so i thought everything would go swimmingly! how wrong i was; as they were boarding the coach i watched his TA go and sit with the rest of the staff hobnobbing while my son was left sat on his own at the back of the coach ( the journey was to take about 3 hours!) i was about to board the coach and ask her why she wasn't sitting with my ds when the coach pulled off. I can tell you i worried for the rest of the week wondering if this was the sign of things to come.
My fears were founded when on my ds return he said he hated every moment; his ta (who was only 19) spent all of the time doing the activities herself and left my ds to his own devises! After that he begged me never to send him to anything like this again.
-
hi MelowMeldrew my ds gets on well with other adults and older kids (teens) and younger kids; he finds it difficult with peer groups; but just being in the company of others rather than no one is better than what is happening at the moment. i understand where you ae coming from, and i suppose it looks like we are looking for a child minder, but there is a difference, mentor listen and teach and understand ( i hope) child minders just make sure that you don't hurt yourself or others ect. may have got yhis wrong, but some times i feel my ds likes being with other people other than me (god knows i don't like being with me some times) lol
-
hi MelowMeldrew my ds gets on well with other adults and older kids (teens) and younger kids; he finds it difficult with peer groups; but just being in the company of others rather than no one is better than what is happening at the moment. i understand where you ae coming from, and i suppose it looks like we are looking for a child minder, but there is a difference, mentor listen and teach and understand ( i hope) child minders just make sure that you don't hurt yourself or others ect. may have got yhis wrong, but some times i feel my ds likes being with other people other than me (god knows i don't like being with me some times) lol
-
Gee every thing every one is saying is so familiar. Scouts is a no go area stuck it for a year, each time he was do to leave the house he begged me not to take him! We have tried after school clubs through STRUT in the community, didn't work, I now am filling in an assessment form for carer's .
Hopefully if this does what it aims it should do, it will let the people who need to know what is lacking in our life put a plan into place to help make both our lives better. Yes a mentor would be a great thing for my son that way he would have the company of some one other than me and his dad and it would give us as a couple a break.
-
NobbyNobbs done this bought the tshirt, due to past experiencest this doesn't work for him. However if one or two of them came to our door he would be more inclined to go out or invite them in; so many knock backs in the past have happened to him by doing things this way.I am a member of several support groups in our area unfortunately they only organise a few outings and get togethers during the school holidays and these are usually to animal farms and such like which at 12yrs old he doesn't want to go to.
-
MelowMeldrew Hi my ds not a teen yet so I'm trying my best not to let him become the recluse i think he may become if i don't make him do things or go places with me; Like your ds probably, he's happy doing his own thing at home all day in doors if i let him.
My ds moans and complains about going anywhere but he will go, and is usually ok once we are there; Has to be his choice of thing to do though and hates it if I arrange for anyone else to join us (not that many want too!) I just hate being on my own all the time, I just wish he had friends he wanted to spend time with and they wanted to spend time with him; I'd love to have a house full! So long as he was happy.
No school wants my son!
in Education
Posted · Report reply
Bettywobble i know how you feel I too have had myd ds at home as he never went back to school in September. I too feel that no-one wants my ds the school we have applied for I think have turned us down which i nknew they would because the head was very adament that he had no place and would appeal our decision to send him ther ; but I was not goin to be put off. I still named this school as the one we felt would be best for him.
Keep trying you son has a right to an education; and they must provide one.