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About JoanneH

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    Norfolk Broads
  1. JoanneH

    Hi New

    Hi Not posted for long time but have looked online many times over the last few years. An update on our situation: B did move schools and I can honestly say despite us being absolutely petrified for him they were absolutely fantastic so supportive of him and our whole family, it was a rocky start but were so patient and supportive, seemed horrified at his previous treatment and were so inclusive at times it was hard to believe a mainstream school could be so good with a child with Bailey's difficulties. We cannot fault a single member of staff from the headteacher down and especially his beloved (& long suffering) TA who had many ups and downs with B but remained dedicated to to him throughout. He achieved fantastic scores in his SATS (all 5's and 3 points off a level 6 in maths!!!) and managed to have a few friendships in school which to us meant as much if not more than his academic results. Still struggled to maintain friendships out of school but was so much happier all round it had major impact on the whole family and we could all go off to work not waitng on pins for the dreaded phone call from school. We all cried buckets when he left in July but felt all of us B included we were well prepared for the challenges ahead at secondary school. He still has a full statement and we fought for lunch time support to be continued which we were told always stops when they move to high school and is now provisionally in place until end of first term. He had many visits to his new school and we had several meetings with the team at his new school and were so optimistic that they would continue with the brilliant work done by the hard working and caring staff at his primary school........................................................and here we are 3 1/2 weeks into the new school year and B has been excluded for bullying behaviour!!!!!!!!!!! I want to cry for him and his mum. The first inkling things were not quite going to go so well came when he went with the rest of his classmates for the induction day where they would meet the rest of his form and their teacher. We had been assured that the most careful deliberations would be made who to place him with, he was asked to fill a preference of 3 people he would like to be with and assured that he would be with at the very least one of them and yes.... you've guessed!!!! not only was he not a single one of his 3, he is not with a single child from his primary school. Yes we have had had serious word with the sen manager and apologies were given and he could move but they had carefully chosen form teacher and yes it shouldn't have happened oh we are so sorry but B decided he liked form teacher and decided to stay!! He has several TA's but we only have contact wth the team leader they will give us their names in case they change and we have to go through the team leader anyway so why do we want to know anyway. He was excluded last week for incident when he got i fight with a child out of school but this had repercussions in school and mum was summoned and was internally excluded - he hated it but has worked out if he gets put in Learner support or inclusion he doesn't get homework!! Mum was rung again today to be told he has been removed from lessons again today for calling some girls names, his TA witnessed it and reported him to her manager who reported him to the year head who decided to remove him. His behaviour was unacceptable but where was TA that is why she/he is there, to support him and try to prevent these incidents and stop them from escalating and to guide him as to why he shouldn't, he does not need help academically with his work he is more than capable of doing it it but struggles to stay on task and either be distracted or distract others. We have been waiting for the bubble to burst as we knew he was struggling holding himself together with the stress of all the changes, his behaviour at home had been awful and he had picked off all his finger and toes nails so we did warn school it was coming but we had hoped that when it did they would handle things much better. He does need a very strong firm TA or he will try to manipulate them to his advantage. Parents evening tomorrow so we are hoping we get a better insight into what is going on, we have had his IEP yet so are going to request that too. Feel desperate for daughter she is so fearful for him and feels like the clock is turning back to what things were like at his old primary school, we have lots of questions to ask tomorrow and will hopefully feel a bit more positive - just can't shake off this feeling of dread :-(
  2. Hi Probably coincidence or does there seem to be an escaltion of "bad" behaviour when they hit 7???? We are having a nightmare with B both at home and school at the moment with rude and aggressive behaviour - we do try our best have rigid & consistent boundaries at home but don't think they apply at school. We are having a particular nightmare at school and are in the process of looking for a new school for B as his current school have finally admitted that they cannot (or will not!) meet his needs. We are trying our best not to show how negative we are about his current school but I'm sure regardless of how hard we are trying some of this must be being picked up by him. He is supposed to have full time one to one but yet again today his TA said an incident occured when she was out of the room - someone else was incharge of B and he got in trouble for climbing on the tables. She told B's mum he was not the only one doing it but he was the only one properly caught and therefore the only one in trouble - she wasn't sure of the details the deputy head had dealt with him (This usually involves him shouting at B and a sanction being put in place ). She then turned to B and said "you'll have to be quicker next time so you don't get caught" What kind of comment was that when we are trying get through to him what is acceptable behaviour - tell him its OK so long as he doesn't get caught!!!!! B has a real sense of justice - not necessarily for himself but certainly like to see that others punished for their wrongdoing so why was he the only one punished when they knew others were doing it too? It confuses me so god knows how confused he ends up.
  3. JoanneH

    Hi New

    Hi I am Grandma to B. B age 7 was diagnosed in March this year with Aspergers and think although it was expected by the time the diagnosis was made we are still coming to terms with it. We have had/are still having an absolutely horrendous experience of school. To cut a long story as short as I can B is my daughters only child and she was quite young when he was born. She has done an amazing job and we are so proud of her, returning to college to resit/improve her GCSE's, then a two year college course, then obtaining and holding down a full time job. She has also managed to buy her home, learn to drive and buy and run a small car. She has a supportive family which has helped especially with childcare. (lives next door to us so we can/do give support as she needs she is really independant though it seems to include limitless access to our fridge!!!!) My younger children were just starting at primary school when B was born and were still there in years 5 & 6 when he started. Up to that point we had no issues surrounding the school but then E & L has no problems either so we had no reservations in sending B their when it came time for him to start school. We were already aware that he had problems and with that wonderful thing called "hindsight" it all makes sense with his diagnosis now. When his mum started work B's childcare moved to new setting and that is when we started to hit problems and after 18 months he was asked to leave as the nursery could not meet his needs (They also said they were not prepared to upgrade their security to prevent him from escaping onto the main road as he was he was the only child tall enough to reach the release buttons to escape) He was and still is very tall for his age and looks much older than he actually is - which raises people's expectations of his behaviour. He then moved to new setting which offered much better management of his problems and they involved ed psych. The local surestart senco also got involved and helped with his transition from nursery to reception class at school. They were forewarned of his problems and we were optimistic that his needs would be addressed. How wrong were we!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must add at this point we were acutely aware that B was handful but to be honest we were very gullibly being led by the school and no point did anyone mention the possibility of ASD. He stumbled through reception year and into year 1 - during which time he was rather protected from the bullying Headteacher and her puppets by very lovely teacher. She has since left the school and has since told B's mum she did suspect ASD but could not say anything??? no idea why?? Things came to a head as soon as B went into year 2 (coincidentally my youngest had just left at this point). At this point the relationship with the school started to deteriorate. There was of finger pointing and accusations of his home life being the cause of all B's problems - There was/is absolutley no evidence to support this and I feel that the Head just saw B's mum as an easy target, very young single mum. We had been trying to find ways to help & support B for years and of the people involved many came to access him at home and certainly found nothing at all that would indicate this the opposite even. The year 2 teacher took an instant dislike to Bailey - and we then found ourselves drowning in the world of exclusions, in school exclusion, 3 day home exclusion, illegal exclusion and the very real threat of permanent exclusion. During year one B's mum had an abortive attempt at getting help from Camhs -she requested referral from GP and was referred to see a psychologist had one brief appointment with a follow up arranged. This was cancelled as she arrived at the hospital for it and despite chasing for months she was eventually told case closed with no explanation. When very early in year 2 things deteriorated dreadfully school made a reluctant referral to camhs via the school nurse. At his point school Head was saying "you must start to make B behave in school or we will permanently exclude" What can I say your child is just "BAD" and does not warrant us spending any funding on him" "I have a psychology degree - I am sure B is not ASD" Why don't you move him to another school the only problem is learned bad behaviour he just needs fresh start" She even sent a report to CAMHS stating she thought B's problems were because he has attachment disorder - something she later denied ever suggesting but his consultant has the said report. She has told so many lies and has tried to totally destroy any confidence B's mum has as a parent (she is actually a wonderful and we try to tell her often - a child with AS is hard for anyone) For our part we set off on what has been and still is a very steep & rapid learning curve - no one explained about school action/plus, IEP's, statements etc. Eventually getting appointment at CAMHS this time round has turned out to the best thing ever, B is still having problems with school, we feel caused by their reluctance to accept his diagnosis - the consultant psychiatrist, aware of the problems we were encoutering with school went into school himself and told the head in person of his diagnosis, he then came out and rang B's mum to tell her of the most bizarre conversation he had with the head - He told her B's diagnosis of AS, she said "no he is not", then when he questioned her suggestion of "Attachment disorder" she denied ever suggesting it even when he told her had it in writing from her. She then went on to say she always suspected ASD???????? B is still having desperate problems in school partly due to the fact the he has been moved out of his correct year 2 and put into year 3 with what school allege is full time 1:1 support. He problems are with social interaction and communication which all reports state he shows great immaturity in so they have moved from his peer group and put him with older children - he is totally stressed, he has no friends and today we have had a meeting with the SEN Team Manager, the school & parent patnership. The school state they can no longer meet his needs!!!!!!!! To be honest we expected it, they have been desperate to offlaod him and were determined to do it before he recived a statement which would mean they would be stuck with him.. We had looked at other schools but were doing on our own with the only help from Inlcusion at the LEA after his exclusions - their help was to give us a list of schools in our town and say off you go let us know if you find one fancy. That turned into a very disheartening excercise and we could not be sure "out of the frying pan into the fire" however during todays meeting we were told by SEN Assessment Mgr B will def get a statement (full time support including lunch & breaks) they will also help us find a new school that can and will meet his needs and help arrange a smooth as possible transition. I'm sure its not the first time that they have had parents in tears at their meetings but even they seemed appalled at our treatment by B's current school. So after an emotional day we are resigned to the fact B will be moving schools - we know it will be traumatic and stressful for him and us but we also know that in the long term his current school has caused him untold harm & stress and hopefully fingers crossed it will be the best thing ever. Really we are lucky - B has a diagnosis & he is getting a full statement and I know lots of people are fighting for this (got refused DLA yesterday first attempt intend appealing = can't get everything) Feel like this post is just a long ramble and I have missed loads out but I hope it gives the gist of our journey so far Thanks Joanne (B's Grandma)
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