lisa2701

Hi mumble Thanks for your reply. I agree with you that these haven't been a meltdown and as such when i speak to someone about them i will not refer to them as such. I haven been keeping a diary of everything going on lately anyway so i have logged these in. Although i have never tried to waken him during the night, i have went in to turn off his light and tuck him in etc at night and accidentally woken him by making too much noise. He's never reacted this way in that instance. I was thinking that when it happens again i might try not waking him and see how it plays out, i wonder if he'd settle back down into a more relaxed sleep again without me interfering? Lisa xx

It happened again tonight. That being said, although the behaviours were similar it didn't seem as intense tonight. Still had trouble getting him to wake though.

Hi, Mumble - i totally get what your saying about not classing it as a meltdown. Whatever it was that happened presented itself very very similar to my sons meltdowns, except he seemed to be asleep, hence it was the easiest way for me to describe what happened. I'll try be a bit clearer of what happened... I heard him crying so i went through to see if he was ok, he was thrashing about in his bed, as though fighting something in his dreams, naturally i tried to wake him, very gently at first, but his only response was to start directing his punches and kicks at me. SO i took a slightly firmer stand on trying to wake him, but he was still crying, breathing through his teeth and kicking and punching me. So i finally sat him upright thinking that would do the trick of waking him... but it didn't. After a few minutes of this going on, he got out of bed..seemingly still asleep, and started to, what seemed like deliberately, direct him punches and kicks at me. Eventually he ran for the toilet, where i knew he was going to lock himself in, so i made a dash for it and managed to stop him closing the door. i threw a towel over the door to stop him closing it so i could back off and let him calm down without me in the toilet. So obviously at this point i couldn't' see him as he'd shut the door as much as it would go, I could hear him growling (hate to use the word but that's what its like) and then suddenly he seemed to calm down and started sobbing. That when i went in and discovered he'd pulled everything down off shelves etc (which i cold hear him doing but there was nothing to himself with) and he was awake and upset. usually in the comedown of a meltdown he's still very much no contact kind of thing, but he was more than willing for a hug when i offered it. He then spent a wee while trying to get back to sleep but crying saying he was sad and not allowing me to let him go. I don't think melatonin would've caused the inability to waken him. This may or may not have made things clearer but if it had i'd love your opinions on what was going on. he has been showing signs of being in a great deal of stress lately. It all started during the summer holidays, where he experienced a meltdown in which he became violent for the first time. He was just out of sorts kind of thing for the holidays, wanting to eat more than usual, not wanting to leave the house (even to go to familiar places etc). Once the schools went back things just got much worse. He now wets himself regularly at school (very unheard of for him), he is refusing to put pen to paper, he is refusing to go into class, he shuts down completely unable to communicate in any shape or form. I was called to school one day when he wet himself and then shut down, in the end i had to carry him to the toilets, where he lay completely unresponsive while i changed him like you would a tiny baby(much harder to do to a 6 year old who is the size of an 8 year old). At home we've had several incidents where he's went into meltdown becoming extremely violent, I am currently covered in bruises all over one arm as his last one (last Tuesday)he repeatedly bite, throw things at me, punch and kick me. He still doesn't want to leave the house unless completely necessary. He's taken a dislike to my gran, who he see's regularly and used to be close to, he now refuses to look at her or talk to her. He completely ignores her if she speak to him. His whole personality has changed. Its like... 90% of the time we used to have a happy, very loving, well mannered, content, relaxed little boy with slight glimpses of the anger or stress. Now its like a complete reversal, we get 90% of him angry, stressed and unhappy with regular violent meltdowns and only glimpses of happiness and loving. I have already had an appointment with the school but nothing major has come of it. i have another one booked for the 4th of november and this time his autism outreach worker is coming as is his SALT to make opinions known, which is really that the class is unsuitable for him, very cluttered, cramped, noisy, unorginised. Plus the school have agreed to strategies to help him with the hustle and bustle of getting down stairs at break etc, but then made a fleeting comment to me about how, schools being schools they don't always mange to do it. I was furious. So thats when i contacted his outreach worker who agreed with me that it was unacceptable that they were able to do it some days but not others, so she is coming with me to the meeting. Lisa xx

Hi, thanks for all your replies. I already keep a note of all incidents at the moment as we are having problems with DS. He's having such a hard time at school (in mainstream) and whats happening is he's keeping himself collected (as much as he can, although he does shut down at school regularly) but then he is falling apart when he comes home. i am in the midst of trying to arrange an appointment with the school and his autism outreach worker so we can discuss further support, as currently he receives VERY little. Recently his melt downs have become a LOT more regular, and more worryingly, very very violent. Currently i am covered in bruises all over my arms from him biting me during these episodes. Last night was just a total shock as he is on melatonin to help him sleep so he normally sleeps fairly sound. Could the melatonin add to the fact i couldn't get DS to waken do you think? Melowmeldrew - i think it is ridiculous the way you were treated at hospital. How can they say having a child in that state of mind for so long is not something they have to worry about? i am glad the Social worker, and MH Dr came to your defence but i think its just a joke. As you say, we're in 2010, people are meant to be more aware and understanding.....particularly Dr's!!! hope he is feeling better now. i find meltdowns so hard, i desperately want to help but sometimes there is nothing you can do but give them time and space, in my DS case anyway. The meltdown my DS had on tuesday was pretty heartbreaking, he was angry and VERy aggressive, but he was also sobbing, a real pain felt sob, and all i wanted to do was comfort him, but there was no way i could look at him let alone touch him without it making him worse. I was enemy number one at that point in his mind. So sad to see them in such distress and be helpless. Last night was particularity hard as i felt as though if i could only wake him up he'd calm down, and of course he did, but it took for him to wake on his own, i couldn't seem to get through to him enough to wake him. As for seizures, its something i will keep an eye on, if it happens again i will probably contact his paediatric Dr who specialises in ASD, and see what she thinks as she knows everything thats been going on lately. Lisa xx

Thank you bid. i tend to agree with the night terror. He was dreaming something that was setting him off, that was for sure. I don't think it was a seizure as he wasn't just punching and kicking into the air and catching me, he was directing them at me and he was clearly angry. I think he was maybe between asleep and awake, he was maybe aware of me there, on some level, but still dreaming about whatever was going on in his head. If that makes any kind of sense? you know that way where you dream your alarms going off and then wake to realise that it actually is going off? that's what i think was happening. Hope that makes sense LOL. he's cried since but settled very quickly, so he's obviously still not very settled in his dreams. xx

Hi everyone, I have a son who is 6. He is dx with ASD. He's been having a rough time of it lately. Schools been really tough for him this year (we're in the midst of trying to sort that out) and its having a knock on effect at home. His meltdowns have became SO much more frequent but also VERY violent. To the point I have bruises all over my arms from him biting me. Although he is only 6 is about the size of an 8 year old ish and has the strength of an Ox while in meltdown. Well.... I have just went through to him as i could hear him crying. I went over to his bed and he instantly started kicking and punching me. He was VERY much asleep. So i decided to try wake him up, i tried the nice and gentle approach....still sleeping and kicking off, tried being more firm in waking him.... still sleeping and kicking off, I sat him up, and he was STILL hitting kicking etc and sleeping. Then he very quickly jumped out of bed and continued to attack me, and i seriously do think he was asleep at this point too. After fighting with him for a few minutes, i was just about to restrain him when he ran for the toilet, trying to lock the door behind him, which i managed to stop. He trashed the toilet in less than 30 seconds. But then, he seemed to suddenly become aware of what was going on, as though he woke up properly, and he just sobbed his wee heart out, wanting cuddled. I had to cuddle him back to sleep with him crying saying he was sad because of the bad dream. This is the first time this has ever happened to us, and i must say i'm completely caught off guard with it. i am 99% sure he was sleeping the whole time until he started sobbing in the toilet. his normal reaction after a meltdown is to hate the person who was with him at the point of meltdown for the rest of the day...yesterday , that was me. But tonight it was different, he instantly looked for comfort. My heart breaks for him. I was wondering if this is common? Suppose i now have images of midnight meltdowns from now on. It only lasted a total of 10 minutes ( a fraction of the norm) but its left me slightly shocked. Lisa xx

Aww Lizzie, sounds very similar. At least this time round you have better knowledge of the school system like you said, its a bit of a mind field really isn't it. Its just awful. Like i've said before my son has autism outreach come into school to see him, turns out they were only meant to come in once a month this year but after seeing how bad things have gotten she's decided she needs to come in every week now. So i spoke to his outreach worker today about what his Dr said, and how i feel the classroom environment is too busy and cluttered and disorganised (she totally agrees), the school agreed to allow S to go down stairs before the rest of the children but have done it some days and not others , that kind of thing going on. So she is going to set up a meeting with the school where she will come with me and tell the school that they need to sort out the classroom environment, that they MUST have someone take S down stairs before the rest of the other children at breaks and home time, she's going to arrange for S to have more frequent breaks to allow him to calm down and de-stress, individual work station put into place etc. There will no doubt be a lot more discussed at this meeting(such as the fact i want an IEP)but I was so relieved to hear she agreed with me about how stressed he is and that something has to be done and it sounds as though she will be good at making sure whatever the school agree to they actually follow through on. It sounds very much like it is a case of, we just need to him through this year by using whatever strategies we can and then next year when the school can apply for funding then they can get him good solid support, better class room (not so dark and small) maybe a support worker in class for him that kind of thing. A lot will depend on the outcome of this meeting, which will no doubt be after the october holidays now as to if i'm happy about the situation or not, but it does sound very much like she is on my side and will do most of the arguing for me (i'm not overly assertive) so this takes a lot of the anxieties regarding meetings off me. She obviously has a lot of knowledge and experience with children on the spectrum so i'm hoping she will be able to suggest things that the school and i maybe hadn't thought of. Now looking forward to having this meeting and seeing what she manages to get in place for him. Lisa xx

Hi everyone, thanks again for all your replies. Justine - I will definitely have a look through the SEN Scotland on here, thanks for drawing my attention to that. Sinai- We use a system like this at home to try encourage him to do homework without arguing about it, unfortunately, it doesn't work, and what we offer him is computer time (computers is his "special interest" so if this doesn't work nothing will!!! Coolblue - Its not a dietary thing as S's diet hasn't changed, he is a good eater and eats a balanced varied diet, but he always has. I totally agree that this is psychological but my gut feeling is that he didn't cope with the summer holidays, I was really hoping once we got back to school things would settle back down, unfortunately things have just spiralled even more out of control since the school started back. Instantly S made us aware that he did not like the fact his class was up stairs this year, he said the class was VERY noisy, and there were too many people making it very busy. Turned out his class size had increased by about 7 children and the teacher admitted it was a particularly noisy class . There is definitely a huge stress related to school in his mind. There hasn't been any changes at home that i can think of that would've upset him to this degree and for this long. I know why you might have come to this opinion though as his behaviour started changing over the summer holidays, but it didn't get this bad until school started back. xx

Hi, Thanks for your replies. I live in Scotland so i believe that we do not have statementing? He is not on any school action or action plus. The school don't even think he needs an IEP, I have told them that I disagree and that i want one done, but waiting on a decision. I think they probably will give him one to be honest, but they won't be overly happy about it (they say i'm being premature in asking for one?). The school say that other than in the morning and last thing (both busy noisy periods) he is happy enough ....generally speaking. Then on the other hand they say they can't get him to do any work and if they push the matter he has an episode. So in other words he is happy as long as he doesn't do any work other than reading? But also, they had to call me into school twice last week due to him not going into class and completely shutting down. I am going to arrange a meeting with his autism outreach worker this week hopefully, and put to her that both myself and his specialist Dr believe that the complete change in his personality (both at school and at home) is a direct result of stress due to school. I am hoping that now i have the back up of the Autism specialist in my area that his outreach worker will be more active in getting him support and i believe if it comes from her the school will not argue about it. Failing that i think i may have to get some advice from an independent source who can maybe attend meetings etc with me. Not sure how that works but heard there are people out there that can help. I was really hoping to get the school working with me rather than start fighting the school but it might not be that easy. once again, thanks for the replies. xx

Hi everyone, 0) i have a 6 year old son with ASD. He is mainstream school (p2). Let me give you a bit of whats going on first.... S was dx just over a year ago with ASD, however he was a happy relaxed loving little boy who was thriving (way ahead of his peers in maths and reading) in a mainstream setting with no support needed. Then came summer holidays... My once loving, happy child turned into an angry, uncooperative child. We now have regular meltdown, where he either shuts down and becomes non responsive or becomes extremely violet. He seems to be in a constant state of stress and irritation. He's not been happy at school either. He's been refusing to communicate with his teacher, refusing to go into class, and sometimes even refusing to go into school in the morning, he's coming out of school stressed and very angry every single day,and he's wet himself a few times(which really isn't like him). I've had a meeting with the school and they were going to put an o.t. referral in for him as there are a lot of sensory things upsetting him, noise, class size etc, but of course its taking forever. I had parents evening the other night where i was told that he's been refusing point blank to put pen to paper, and the teacher can't put any pressure on him to do it or he has an episode (stops responding, closes eyes, won't walk or talk). His school work is obviously suffering as is his state of mind. I had an appointment with the paediatric consultant i see for his autism, and she believes everything that's going on, even at home, is a result of him being so stressed out about school. His class is very cluttered and cramped, and he now has to manage stairs, which he hates, and there are more children in this class than there was last year etc etc. I am going to get an appointment with his outreach worker to discuss what we can do within the mainstream setting to help him, but I am really starting to wonder if its worth looking the the few autism units around me. I was told that because he is a bright boy that we won't be able to get him into a unit like this? Suppose I'm looking for any advice, similar stories, and your experiences of autism units as supposed to main stream? Really at my wits end, worried sick about him and the state of mind he is obviously in, but kinda feel that (on the short term) i'm helpless to help him. Any advice would be great. Lisa xxx

Hi everyone, thought i'd let you know how things went today at school. Long story short... they going to make an o.t. referral for DS sensory issues. They hoping they can get him something to muffle the noise in the class and a cubicle to go round his desk to help cut out any visual distractions as he's said the class has too many people in it and he can't concentrate (in a round about way). They have now put all visuals into place, and supplied him with an individual timetable. His outreach worker is going to do some training with the classroom assistants so that they can help with him more and communicate with him better. Going to have a classroom assistant greet him in the morning and help him with hanging jacket up etc as he's been a bit lost in amongst the hustle of all the children in the mornings trying to hang up jackets etc, and do the same at the end of the day, take him down before the other children and let him get ready and out the way of the other children before they come down and things get manic. And in future they said they may have to look at a laptop for him as his "special interest" is computers, so it might help him with his English, as he struggles to write. They said that they do have him on some kind of list that mean they are keeping a special eye on his progress and discussing any needs with the learning support teachers. They do not feel that we are at the stage of requiring an IEP but if things deteriorate any then they are more than happy to have one written up at that time. I'm sure there is some other things, but i haven't got my notes on me just now so they are some of the main ones. Although I came out without an IEP i did get the impression that they were taking things seriously, and assuming that the things discussed get put in place in a reasonable time frame then i am happy about what they are putting into place will help they key issues at this moment in time. Also, in my son's school there is an "autism annex", however, although it is within DS school, it is not a part of his school, the special needs school in our area wasn't big enough to accommodate all children so they have 2 rooms in DS school that is for them. But his head teacher did say that despite it not being part of there school the specialized staff have been good for helping them with idea's and any advice. And they took us into the autism annex class to show us the cubicle they plan on getting for DS, so that was good to be able to visualize it and how it can help. Not sure how long to expect an O.T. referral to take, i'm hoping not too long, but suspect it may take some time. Anyone have any idea on average how long a referral takes? If anyone has any thoughts etc then as always i'm more than welcoming of them. Lisa x

Thanks all who gave advice, definitely going to push for an IEP. My meeting soon (half an hour from now), so wish me luck and i'll let you know how i get on. Lisa x

Thank you for all the links. As my meeting with school is tomorrow i have set myself the task today to research, learn, print etc anything i feel i need to argue my case for DS so all these links will hopefully save me a lot of time searching. Very much appreciated!! JsMum - thank you for assuring me i am not going crazy and asking for the impossible. I did have an awful time at school, i was severely bullied for four years resulting in a phobia of school and childhood depression, so yes i do believe this does play apart in how i'm feeling, because i know what its like to walk into school and see it as a hostile environment but have no option of being there or not, i remember the stress, panic, and feeling different from the other kids only too well. AS for DS, he does get SALT and has done since he was about 3, its only in the last year that he has started talking just to the sake of it, before that he would speak if asked a question, but he would not volunteer speech. Although is vocabulary is very good he struggles to find his words and when upset often refuses to communicate vocally. I am going to ask to the school to allow DS to come in 5 minutes late at the beginning of the day and leave 5 minutes early at the end. As for breaks i'm not sure how we could manage it as i can imagine that if they held DS back for a few minutes to let the other kids get down the stairs he'd feel as though he was being punished. As for school action or anything similar, no he has nothing like that. He coped very well in P1 and didn't need any support so no assessments, support is in place for him what so ever. I was going to request an IEP tomorrow, do you think this would be a good way to go? I do attend a parents support group, although to be fair its only in the last month i have found them, but have met one or two mums that i get on with very well. There is no special needs classes/units within DS school, but if it comes to that then there are a few schools in my area with such units that i have heard are fabulous. I am hoping that DS will be able to stay in mainstream as he is extremely academic, i have been told by several people that special needs units etc do not focus so much on academics? however i am very aware that his mental health comes before an education and if we must move him to a more suitable school then I won't hesitate to do so, but would like to see if he copes better with support in place before making that decision. Lisac - I would like to think that life is easier for families touched by autism today than it was 20 years ago, the internet is certainly a good source of information and a way to meet other parents. I think there is probably still a real lack of understanding from people about autism, I've had people tell me that my son's autism is a great thing because he's very gifted at reading and maths, which yes is a fabulous thing, and i am extremely grateful that he does not have a learning difficulty on top of things as a lot of autistic children have, so i count my blessings there, but people still fail to acknowledge that "most of" the challenging behaviors seen in my son is down to his ASD. But there are times where he is just being a typical 5 year old like any other and chancing his luck lol. Thanks again. Lisa x

Thanks for your replies everyone. I have DS an appointment at gp on Friday to discuss his excessive drinking habits anyway. we've already had his glucose checked and they came back ok. So i can see the doctor then about his behavior at the same time. Ds does have speech and can usually tell me if he feeling unwell or sore, although sometimes he unable to explain any further. My absolute gut feeling is that he's struggled with the school holidays and then he's went back to school and everything changed (school didn't prepare him in anyway shape or form, all he had was me telling him he was getting new teacher and new class etc) there too and he's just not able to cope with it. His class size has went from 14 to 21, and so the noise level in the class is upsetting him, they have put him in a class up stairs and he hates the stairs because 40-50 children funnel up and down then at morning/breaks/end of days so it can be chaotic, noisy and children bump into him etc. I have been keeping a brief diary of any situation and triggers as they arrive to see if i can find a common trigger etc but i have found nothing. As for the school, i was advised they were going to give him an individual timetable a week past Thursday, then he wet himself (which he NEVER does) at school the following Wednesday, and my worry overcame me and i ended up having a run in with the teacher about the fact the visuals were still not in place, and i was told that it was a time consuming task and i was being unrealistic to expect them in place by a week, the fact that they had more children was not going to change and they could do nothing about the fact he didn't like the stairs. Long story short, i ended up in the head teachers office sobbing my heart out, and she has made this appointment for us all to have a sit down on Monday and assured me that the visuals will be in place for him returning to school after this weekend. Everyone keeps telling me i'm being unrealistic to expect the school to have got visuals in place within a week and it makes me question myself. I don't know whether i'm coming or going, doing right or wrong. I'm only 25 and i still view teachers as an authoritative figure and find myself really intimidated by them, its silly i know, but if i at least knew i was doing right and my expectations weren't too high i could be a bit more assertive. Lisa xx

Hi everyone, I have known about this site for a while and often pop in to have a read but have rarely posted. My ds (ages 5, almost 6) got dx with Autism just over a year ago. I have always thought myself so lucky when I met other mums of AS children who were having such a rough time of it as DS was usually just a "quirky" little boy who liked to do things a certain way, has sensitive hearing, smell and touch etc, but on the whole happy, loving, very well mannered and coped extremely well at school (mainstream), rarely had a meltdown (although it happened) etc. Unfortunately i was unable to get him into a play scheme over the summer holidays, but didn't think much of it. So we got half way through the summer holidays with very little troubles, then all of a sudden it seemed like over night ( in the time of a week at most) my DS changed completely, he became emotional, angry, aggressive, defiant, sensory issues are ten times harder for him than they used to be, he was never a good sleeper but he stopped sleeping almost completely, we have meltdowns on a daily basis, sometimes taking half a day or more to bring him out of completely, he started smearing, bolting, and yesterday even threatened to throw himself under a car. I have pulled every string i have with regards to contacting his doctor who dx him, making the autism outreach and his school aware of the situation, all the visuals we use have been stepped up, so we now have a visual timetable, flashcards, emotion cards and traffic light behavior rewards system. None of it seems to be helping, we've had days at school where he refused to open his eyes or communicate with anyone, days where he spent the entire day emptying and filling his pencil case, and a day where's he's wet himself (which he NEVER does). The school have recognized that there is a problem, and say they will put visuals in place for him, but that was 2 weeks ago and there still not in place, i know the school has a lot to do, and other children to see to but when they have a child falling apart in front of there eyes surely there should be an urgency put on these things? or am I being unreasonable? I have meeting on Monday with his teacher and head teacher to discuss things, as DS gets absolutely no support in class at all. His Doctor has prescribed him Melatonin to help him sleep which he started last night and they seem to have worked last night, and tonight, so i'm hoping that getting a better sleep will help. Suppose i'm just looking for a sympathetic ear to be honest, its so hard, my sons falling apart in front of my eyes, getting worse everyday, and i feel helpless to help him. I have mothers of other AS children telling me to be firm and push the school to get him proper support (something i struggle with as i'm not very assertive)and i have my own mum (who's opinion is usually valued) telling me i'm being unfair on the school by expecting them to get visuals done so quickly (even offered to go to school and laminate the blooming things myself LOL ), my head is a total mess. Thanks for listening, or reading should i say, and any advice or similar stories would be more than welcomed. Lisa xx

Thank you so much to everyone who has replied. NobbyNobbs i have had a look at hanes however it appears that the US site doesn't deliver out with the US and the uk site doesn't do kids clothes . I have searched the internet to see what i can find and came up with nothing. He doesn't seem to bother about his socks, more his underware (will try M&S) and tops. He used to be bad with waist bands (especially those that are adjustable) but since i started buying normal waist bands and belts he seems to be much better with them. more if labels annoy him more than anything but i usually cut them out. I definately do find the sensory issues harder to deal with than the autism its self - it hard to imagine how his senses are working (not having any issues myself with things) so its a difficult one to predict, and as a few of you's say it can change from day to day depending on tiredness/stress/mood etc. He hasn't had any OT but i have been told to contact my local social work and ask for an OT to do a bathroom assesment for him as we only have a shower in the house and he hates the shower, saying that it scratches him, also can never get the temperature right for him(he always feels like i'm burning him ) , where as with a bath i could use a thermometer to get the exact tempertaure he likes ...once i work it out lol. I bought a couple of soft white t-shirts yesterday with the plan of turning then inside out and putting them under his clothes to see if this helps. Fingers crossed. Lisa <'>

baddad - i do think your comment is rather flippant. I think if you knew us, you would know that my son already knows that he can't get things the way he wants them all the time. I feel there is a big difference in "spoiling" your child and giving into there every whim, and not wanting your child to be in discomfort/distress all day every day, especially when school is involved as such things could be very distracting and hinder school work. Mandapanda and tally - I have searched the internet for seamless clothes but not had much luck, i am sure somewhere out there they must exist. Socks doesn't seem to be an issue for him thankfully, mainly his tops and the wasit band of his trousers to be honest. I am going to buy some plain t-shirts/ long sleeve vest or whatever i can find that i can turn inside out and put under his clothes and i pray if he will let me do it once he will see the benefits of wearing things inside out and allow me to do that. Just hope he doesn't get too warm, will have to think of something better (perhaps ribbon as you suggested Mandapanda) for the summer time?? <'> Lisa <'>

Thanks Mumble, I have tried buying larger pants for him but he still doesn't like them. haven't tried boxers so i plan on getting some for him tomorrow to see if they help. I will see if i can sorce seamless childrens wicking tops, i don't mind paying for things if it will help him to be more comfortable, i don't have sensory issue's and yet there are a few materials/lables etc that i can't stand so i understand to a degree how upsetting this can get and hate the thought of my son dealing with that everyday. His school uniform is becoming one of the biggest issues we're having, the seams in his school tops seem to drive him crazy. I know its a fairly common problem so i just thought that there would be a company out there that would sell thin, seamless under clothing for this type of situation. ? Many thanks Lisa xx

Hi everyone, I have a 5 year old son who is dx with asd. About 3 months ago he started getting upset over tags in his clothes, so i started cutting them out, problem solved. However in the last month he is becoming increasingly upset with seams in his clothes, and i am lost as to what the solution could be? I have been thinking about buying him boxers (instead of pants) to see if that could help, and then buying plain t-shirts and turning them inside out and putting them on under his clothes but i suspect my DS will refuse to wear inside out clothes as we tried this with his pants and he couldn't understand why on earth i wanted him to wear his pants inside out, so i was wondering if there is anywhere i can just buy seamless clothes or seamless under garments? Many thanks Lisa x

Thanks mygifts and Nikkih, Times have been hard recently as we (DH and i) are curretnly in a legal battle with my mother in law . She is a very difficult woman who often let DS down, changed plans at the last moment, went agaisnt our wishes etc. After DS got his DX we sat down and tried to explain to her why she couldn't do this anymore and what his dx ment for us all. She made no attempt to learn, understand or accomidate his autism. In september she turned up 4 hours late to pick him up (throwing out his bedtime routine) and then took massive offense when i politely told her if i knew she'd be so late i'd have asked her not to take him so that he could have atleast got his bedtime routine. So we ended up having a massive fall out. A few weeks later i text her to try to make arrangements so she could see my DS and she was met with a very agressive personal attack against myself and my DH and our parenting! She even threatened to fight for custody! Obviously realsising she'd not stand a hope in hell of getting custody she is now taking us to court for access. I am at my witz end with this woman who has caused nothing but problems for me and my family since the day i met her, even my DH can't stand her and its his mother! So yeah i'm pretty stressed with that. On the plus side, DS has been moved from the bottom to the top reading and language group in school in only 2 weeks! I'm super proud of him! Also DS got granted DLA - top care rate. so very pleased about that too. thanks for listening again Lisa xx

Hi, Thanks again for all the support and concern, but i really do feel as though i am coping ok with things just now, just had a bad on friday. Have to assume that one bad day out of a couple of months is normal. I really don't feel the need to be treated for depression or have to bring in any outside help as yet. But you can be sure that i am not too proud or stubborn to ask for help when i need it, i had done it in june/july when i was having troubles and recieved a lot of support from my local health visitor, which i am sure i could get again if i required it, certainly she could point me in the right direction if needed. Thanks again for all your support and kind words Lisa xxx

Hi i'd just like to thank everyone for there support, it really has helped. I have been treated with depression on and off since i was 15 and right now i actually feel the best i have in years, i do not think currently i am suffering depression, but i am normally fairly good at recognising when i do need help so yeah i'll keep a close eye on myself for a bit. I think i just had a particulary hard day yestersay. I had a bit of an incident with ds while visiting a family member and they weren't very sypatheitc about things and it upset me. I really just needed to be thicker skinned tbh. But it kinda set the mood for the rest of the day, Ds was extremely stresses and rebelious and I was stressed and upset. I'm just putting it down to a bad day tbh as generally speaking i cope really well. As stated before my ds's relationship with my dh isn't the best, but my relationship with ds is as close as can be. I sometimes wonder if its just the case that i am at home with ds 24/7 and he is an only child so he has my undevided attention every minute of the day, and dh works a lot of hours so doesnt' get to see ds as often as he'd like (sometimes can go a couple of days of only seeing him an hour in the morning) and wondered if perhaps.... ds seen it as, i am always here/ daddy is there some days not the others and also takes away from the attention he gets from me? Hope that makes sense. LOL. Anyway i'm rambling on but i hope i've made sense Lisa xx

Aww thanks ever so much everyone. It is so nice to hear that i am not alone in all of this. Sometimes i feel like everyone else has forgotton and moved on and that i'm the only one left worrying about ds and his future etc. I am VERY close with my mother but she just wants to see the positives in EVERYTHING.... which i can admire ... but on the other hand it means she never just stops to listen, you can't tell her about a concern or a worry without her telling you why you shouldn't be concerned about it ... very frustrating at a time where you need to pour your heart out. None of my Friends have children yet so they don't really get how upsetting somthing like this could be, and i'm not particularly close with my other family members. My DH is not that good at "emotional things" as i'm sure a lot of people aren't, but it means i don't feel i can't really turn to him either. One thing i have really got a lot from is hearing how some DH are dealing with it. I have never told anyone that my DH really doesn't seem overly bothered by ds dx, and expects the same from him as before. I don't want people to think of him as a bad father ( because he's not) so i have just never mentioned to anyone about my frustrations at his lack of understanding! A BIG problem we are having between ds and dh is that the bond you would think a father and son might have just simply isn't there. DS refuses to listen (often ignoring completely, or more frsutrating doing the complete opposite of what he is asked) dh, it has even got so bad that ds has said on several occassions that he doesn't love my dh, i find it completely heartbreaking , and equally exhausting because what it means is that i have to do EVERYTHING, especially when it comes to disapline, or calming ds down after a melt down. I wonder if perhaps going on a NAS help! course would help dh understand things better, and myself of course. I like the idea of taking one subject a day to look into and only allowing yourself a set time to do it, i'll defaintely give that one a go. It just amazed me when we got the dx at the lack of support there is to parents. The only think i am aware of is a weekly meeting that is local to me on a tuesday morning, but i've never been brave enough to go to be honest lol. Maybe that has to be my next step? Thanks again to everyone who replied, and if anyone has any suggestions regarding DH and ds or similar stories i'd be greatful to hear about it. Lisa xx

Hi all, I am having a bad day and just needed to share with someone who might understand. My Ds got dx with autism in early july, he is 5. For the first few weeks i read every bit of information and spend countless hours reading on this forum, i didn't sleep at night for thinking about everything i had read that day... and i drove myself to emotional exhaustion. I didn't want to "grieve" the news as i felt if i did i was letting ds down or not accepting him for who he is (which i am fully aware is crazy as ds is the center of my universe and my love for him is overwhelming). I eventually decided one day that enough weas enough, he was still my little boy and no amount of books would make me feel any better, so i stopped reading. I now find i can't read anything without getting upset, even going onto the NAS website gets me going. I suppose as a result i have put my emotions to one side and just got on with things, although i am now FAR more aware of his daily struggles, and i do my absolute best to help him or accomidate him in anyway i can i never really think too deeply about what it all means. Unfortunately i've had one of the hardest days in a VERY VERY long time with ds (his behaviour is becoming increasingly difficult, and i think that now that he's getting older people expect him to behave better, or have better manners or whatever people think, and i just hate it, i know he's not a naughty kid, i just can't seem to get to the bottom of whats going on with him just now) and it has got me thinking about things on a much deeper level, and i just can't stop crying...even now as i write this i can't stop crying. DH dealt with things fairly quickly i think, and so i think he's confused as to why, 5 months down the line i'm sitting crying about it and i suppose in some senses so am i? Is it normal to just have days where it hurts like you were back at day of dx? Anyway thanks for listening i just needed to vent.

Hi JsMum, thank you so much for your reply. The first web site you gave me is exactly what i'm looking for. Thank you so much. Lisa xxx