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justine1

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Posts posted by justine1

  1. Posted · Report reply

    now P uses school toilets,he can stay in school for lunch, every second week they have chips,which he will eat and nothing else.every other week he takes a pack lunch of things he will eat,hula hoops,yogut,a chocolate biscuit and a juice. on the outside he appears to be coping,but on the inside he is vey anxious,the other days he comes home for lunch,this friday exercise is to assimulate him more into the social side of school. today he says i don't want to go to school, i ask your staying for chips you will enjoy that,but the look on his face was one of anxiety,so i feel anxious for him and wish to be a fly on the wall to see how he is doing,i so wish i could be with him to reassure him.i am glad the food police haven't got to him,his diet is rubbish and eats the most unpc food going. :whistle:

    hi I have the same problem with SAM the thing is he says he eats but its usually just a small amount of food.he isalways starving when he gets home.I had to sign up for school diners because with two at school it is expensive to do packed luch and both of them never ate much packed luch.The other problem is Sam loves peanut butter sanwiches he eats them sometimes three times a day,but because of other kids nut allergies he could nott have these.Both my boys say the meals are disguisting and they only have raost dinner once a week and chips once a week so thats when they will eat.It is bad that they are not eating all day and both my boys suffer headaches as a result of this.When I mentioned this to the headteacher she said "oh he loves roast dinner" but like I said thats once a week :wacko: I love it when they at home because I am happy to make three different meals for my kids and make sure they eat well.

  2. Posted · Report reply

    Hi my son (6 AS) seems to have a problem with scaring,his wounds always seem to take longer to heal and his face is covered in scars.His brothers do not seem to have this problem at all.I have used vitamin E and butternut and coconut creams nothing seems to work.At the mo I just use E45 and take time to massage it in,he hates it because he doesnt like his face being touched.Just wondered what else is available?

  4. Posted · Report reply

    Hi joybed

    You are in almost the exact same situation as myself.My son is six and I also feel the school are not doing enough,he to was excluded from an activity because of "bad" behaviour but has not been so since I told the school it was unacceptable.He is also seen as aggressive and a "bully" apparently he hits girls alot becasue they "annoy" him and there is one boy in particular(he used to be his friend) that he just does not get along with EVERYDAY my son hurts/pushes this boy,it is horrible to hear all this,my other son was bullied twice at two separate schools so of course I hate the fact that my son is harming others,but what am I supposed to do???He has not got a statement yet and with the school taking an often laid back approach I often feel we getting nowhere fast,they have only just requested help for him,he has been seen by the ed-physche now all I can do is wait.It is frustruting cause the other mums seem to want my son out of the school and see me as a bad parent,they dont realise the struggle and the fact that he is actually unhappy himself.As for the academic side I do feel that my sons work is not progressing well at all but they keep telling me he is doing "fine" and that he is on target,but when I see his horrible writting and he doesnt even know basic addition I just fear for him,he is in yr 2 now and is going to do SATS soon!I really feel for you!

  5. Posted · Report reply

    Hi all

    I have been having trouble with one mother at my sons school she has approached me on three occasions to "talk" about my sons behaviour towards her son.Today I was very upset over it, I remained calm and listened to her concerns then at the end she said "what are you going to do about it?" I got so mad!!! I told her he is not my legal responsibilty while at school and that they punish him accordingly when he has done something wrong,she mentioned I should punish him at home and said "cant you remove something from him"I wanted to say why should I punish him twice,but decided to leave it . after I told her I will not remove my son from school and deny him an education she started saying my son is bullied then later in the conversation I said my son is not bad or a bully he just cant communicate his frustrations and lashes out.Well I want to give her some info to read so she can understand better,do you think it will help?If so which are the best websites for this?Thank you,moan over!

  6. Posted · Report reply

    Hi,

     

    I would be really really grateful for your help and advice… I am feeling pretty confused and unhappy.

     

    My son is 10 and Aspergers was first mentioned when he was back in Year 1. I have been worried about it ever since but teachers/SENCOs/Heads have said that he doesn’t have it – “he’s very engaging” is what his last SENCO told me.

     

    At first, he seemed very very bright, he learnt his numbers and alphabet quickly and was a very precocious talker. He could recite passages from books at a very early age and used to call out the isle numbers in supermarkets. It came as a great shock to see in his Yr 2 SATS results that he was behind in everything – a whole year behind in his writing. His spelling is terrible and yet he can write the most creative, imaginative stuff. He has invented several games.

     

    He’s recently moved to a new school and has been looked at by an Ed Pysche for the second time. The first one didn’t think he had Aspergers. The new one obviously couldn’t diagnose but said that he certainly showed many of the characteristics of Aspergers. He is registered as having SEN and is getting help with spellings, handwriting and organising his work. The Ed Pysche said that school are doing all they can and that getting a diagnosis wouldn’t really change much other than perhaps getting advice from an Autistic specialist.

     

    I am now torn between going down the route of diagnosis or just waiting to see how things develop. I kind of feel happier thinking of his as being a bit eccentric and creative and am scared of him being labelled. But then I read that children who had had an earlier diagnosis did better in the long run. I can see that it could help us train him to be more socially aware if necessary, to understand more and of course he has secondary school looming.

     

    He doesn’t have any extreme or problem behaviours that are not being managed. He is ok with abstract thought, has good eye contact, is ok with routine changes and understands other people’s emotions, he doesn’t have tantrums BUT, he can talk incessantly, other kids have called him weird, he can make a lot of silly, loud noises and makes strange physical movements and facial expressions, he can sometimes take things literally, has problems with loud noises, has a limited diet and has found appropriate friendships difficult. I fear that there is low level bullying going on at school – he came home yesterday with marks on his face that had been made by the board rubber. His first obsession was trains but he never ever lined them up but he did make train noises all the time. He is incredibly smiley and friendly and will talk to anyone.

     

    I am spending hours trawling through websites, answering questionnaires and coming up with Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No. Perhaps he is borderline if that’s possible? I keep asking him test questions to try and find an answer. I am worrying 24 hours a day. I think I need to prepare myself for them actually saying that he does have it if I go down the diagnosis route.

     

    Please can anyone give me some wisdom and advice.

     

    Thank you,

     

    Nora X

     

    Hi there welcome to the forum.My son is six with Aspergers.First of all at least you have got your son some help with his work at school and I do hope it is helping him.I am quite new to all this myself (three months to be honest) so hopefully those with more experience will come and give you more advice.What I have read on here and other sites is that children can all be at different levels on the spectrum so although your son may not have Aspergers (which from what you say I personally would say he does not)he may still have ASD and along with that some other problems which he will need help for. Have you seen your GP?You need to speak to them about your concerns and you must insist on a referrel for an assesment,I think you need to do this immediatley,because assesment appt. can take up to 6 mths to come through,given his age he will be due to start high school in a couple yrs and so he need help before he gets there.In the long run a diagnosis is important so that when he questions why he is different you can explain why.I know its hard and as you mention dont want to put a label on him but it makes a hugs difference by having a diagnosis,just be prepared to fight hard for your son,people dont really listen and its all down to you as a parent to make sure he gets everything he needs.Good luck I do hope you find answers soon.

  7. Posted · Report reply

    In my travels I have found that every country is racist. It is part of the human condition to want to group yourself with the majority. I have been openly discriminated against in shops, looking for apartments. Been turned down to apartments because I was 'british'. And I did find it very hard to deal with when my first job was as a 'domestic', and in the morning I was travelling on the bus into the 'burbs' with the other 'foreign workers', whilst the indigenous population headed into the city. And that is a very general picture of how every country is. I met an Albanian woman who worked as a teacher in her country, but was working as a cleaner because that was the only work she could get.

    But back to humour, I think that whatever country you are born in, if you are on the spectrum you will have some language and social communication difficulties that are going to impact on your ability to understsand such things as sayings, jokes, etc. I think in many ways someone with autism is a 'foreigner' in their own country. And I think it is similar to someone is actually is a foreigner. They may both have similar difficulties with language, cultural sayings, jokes, processing language in real time, body posture and gestures (they are different in other countries).

    With hindsight, looking back on when I first moved abroad, I can honestly say that alot of my 'behaviour' if observed, could have been considered 'autistic'. And that was simply down to not understanding the language or culture sufficiently. It causes all types of behaviours, such as keeping to routines, having a fear of going somewhere new, avoiding groups of people because of lack of language, not understanding and saying/doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, not understanding cultural facial expressions, gestures and body posture etc. And frequently being misunderstood by others.

    Sally44,I agree that there is racism in every country in the world,but NOT every country is racist how can you see every person in a country is racist?which is effectively what you saying!As for your experience that is not racism that is zenophobia,which again happens all over the world.Racism is to do with race ie.the colour of someones skin whereas zenophobia is the dislike of foreigners.I am white but as I was raised abroad I speak with an accent,so people here think I am stupid this is zenophobia.At least you did go back to the topic at hand which is about humour and ASD,but I think that the way in which this topic was posted(canopus)is a little racist,so I wont comment on the actual topic.

  8. Posted · Report reply

    My son cares not a jot what colour people are, I do find the term racism thrown about quite recklessly, people who watch too much TV I think ! I am a finalist in many ways if I don't like something I go with the feeling, so no I don't attempt to override that, I wouldn't confront, I would take the tried and well tested way of bleating cest le vie and avoid :whistle: a we all do ! My son seems quite averse to 'disabled' people, ? won't mix with them, it's not my teaching I can assure you. Clearly our LA stance of putting all disabled in one place has a point, but my son hasn't seen it, and neither do I frankly. It's just not a suitable environment for him. I go on 'gut' feelings, most of us do. The human race depends on them.

     

    I might thoroughly enjoy something you may take an instant dislike, we are both watching the same thing, but something tells us if it appeals or not, are you right, or am I ? It depends on if a consensus agrees with one side or another ? What if you do not care what anyone else thinks ? Society accepts that stance, a virtue even in many quarters, so we tell Autistics they must buck that trend ? while we go with it ? I think they would see through us straight away. I cannot 'educate' you to like something you don't. It's a matter of great debate you can 'educate' acceptances, I would like to think you can, but I'm pessimistic because so far I don't see it, and these boards are full of complaints many won't accept us or our children. If something upsets him, I am not then going to keep pushing the situation where it will keep doing that. I don't do it myself. A bit OTT to then suggest we might be 'racist' or suffer some other 'ist' or 'ism'... It's fair to say I have a definite mental block to people that use those, red flag top a bull really.

    WOW MelowMeldrew I think to be honest you are very misguided to think that people who use the term racism are somehow reckless,racists are the ones who are reckless,and I do not watch to much telly,my four boys are mixed race and two of them were racially abused for four months at a previous school and in fact by others in a village with a bunch of narrow minded people who have hardly left there street not to talk of exploring the world and gaining some culture!I do understand that at times people can be over the top with political correctness,but the laws on racism and the word racism is there for a reason before all that people could cause misery and pain to others and get away with it and why should they?I notice you mention Bernard Manning in an earlier post stating that although he made jokes at black peoples expense he had black people in the audience and in his clubs,this does not excuse his poor quality and abusive jokes,british people have invaded countrys and sat with other ethnic groups drinking tea and then stabbing them in the back later on,does this mean they were not racist?Of course not.There are footballers who end up being racially abused by spainish football fans,those footballers were invited to play there does it mean that they should then just accept that abuse?

  9. Posted · Report reply

    Thank you everyone,I just feel that we parents are on our own and have to fight so hard for everything.I am at least grateful that the school have now started the "ball rolling" so to speak after I did make a few complaints about their lack of support and they definatley dont deney that he has a problem.I am only just starting all this process but feel so worn out already my sons education is so important so definatley wont give up,anyway I will have to wait and see what happens when they eventually do the assesment.Thank you again.

  10. Posted · Report reply

    Hi all have you seen the film "Front of the Class" I watched it about a month ago and watching it again.Based on a true story of a man who has tourettes syndrome.I think it really shows the struggles we parents have with getting diagnosis etc.I know in this story it is set, I believe, in the 60's (when he was a child)when it was pretty much un-heard-of but I still think there is so much struggle we still have today.Also it is really inspiring that he managed to make his dream of becoming a teacher a reality.

  11. Posted · Report reply

    Hi

    Spent the whole morning getting form filled in (forgot the name but request for help) at the school so they can get my son help from CAMHS.Then as I left the headteacher who is also SENco said "I doubt he will get 1:1 help/support because he is a bright and intellingent boy." I was in a hurry cause my baby was tired and fed up,but I did say he need help now before its to late and he cant cope with school,he already has days where he is adamant he wont go and as I dont drive if he refuses to physically walk to school there is nothing I can do(this is rare though but they have noticed he misses more school than average child.)I just feel like they want to get him help but not very positive.

  12. Posted · Report reply

    I dont really know what to say about this.Apart of me wants to say it is border line racism but I also get that there is a British humour and its part of British culture.I was brought up in SA but was exposed to British comedy from a young age,my ancestry is British and I do find I enjoy British comedy more enjoyable than american comedy.I love Faulty Towers and Black Adder(esp Rowan Atkinson) More recently Dawn French and Lenny Henry.But like I say I do think it is border line racism,firstly because some of the "traditional" British acts were incridably racist,but were not seen as such at that time.Secondly there are many black and Asian Brits that are really funny but prehaps people do not see them as British Comics cause of their race,which is completely wrong cause most of their material is based on both British history and current affairs.Another thing is of course everyone is different and I dont think British humour is what it used to be it has evolved into something else.If you talk of comedy sitcoms do you really think The Royale Family and Shameless represents all British people?It may be funny but these shows are viewed all over the world.

  13. Posted · Report reply

    If there is advanced verbal speech ability with Social Communication Difficulties as described then the most likely diagnosis would be Asperger's Syndrome.Asperger's Syndrome is a disorder of Social Communication which is a language disorder.

    Any suggestion that in some way ASD is a language disorder but Asperger's Syndrome is not is in my opinion completely unhelpful.It is the type of theory which leads LAs to think that individuals with ASD require SALT input but those with AS do not.

     

    I have spent the last week attempting to explain why my extremely intelligent but clearly autistic son might find spending christmas in a travel lodge difficult to an extended familly who appear to think that there should be no problem.At this moment in time I do not think whether I describe Ben as having AS or HFA or being on the Autism Spectrum his difficulties would be any different.However we have resorted to using the phrase autistic because it appears to be the only one that bring any hope of the familly understanding. :tearful::tearful::tearful:

     

    Oh sorry Karen A I know this is off the topic but noticed you mentioning christmas and family.I am having the same problem right now.It is the first time in years my brother and I can spend a christmas together,combination of him travelling and my ex's possesiveness,anyway he is putting loads of pressure on me to come but I am worried.First of all it is rare we go to their house cause he has lots of expensive things (42" telly,new carpets etc.) and my four boys keep touching and I hate people getting angry with them.their one and only son is two and he is rough and a little selfish with his toys (I do love him so) which has cause problems when I go with my three yr old.There is also going to be four other adults who they dont really know so with my brother,his family,the guests and my family there will be a total of 13 people,and it will be noisy.If we need to leave if things get out of control I cant do so quickly cause I dont drive and will be relying on my in law to do this.I have explained everything but they just dont get it.I think more than anything else,even though I wont be cooking and can sit down for once,my stress levels will be so HIGH cause I need to make sure they dont break nothing,its so hard! :tearful:

  15. Posted · Report reply

    Hi it is also about where the house is situated(which is the same really to do with house price ie.more sought after=more expensive) Where I used to live the house I rented privatley was in avery expensive area,my kids school was in a less desirable area even though it was just a 10 min walk across a field the council tax difference, based on the same size accomadation incl.driveway etc,was about £30 p/m.Obviousley I dont know if thats the case in your /your friend situation but I do think it may be owrth getting advice from the council.

  16. Posted · Report reply

    Hi

     

    I have just recevied a report from the CAHMS team regarding J's assessment and I am devastated. They are telling me that although J displays difficulties in social interaction, difficulties with anxieties and dyspraxic type difficulties they feel it would "not be useful at this time, to explain J's difficulties with a diagnosis of Aspergers" :huh: and "we will review in a year".

     

    The report details the assessment but it does not seem to me that they are describing J's behaviour. The took a very detailed history from me which in part they got wrong and i had to ring them to make sure parts of it were corrected, they didnt seemed to pleased with this i have to admit. The assessment was carried out in March and we are only now receiving the final report!

     

    I had a meeting with the team who carried out the assessment and I fell to pieces. I dont know if anyone can relate to this but it is absoultely terrifying waiting to hear if your child has a disabiltiy that will affect the rest of his life but when you are told "mmmmm maybe, we'll look at him again in a year" was absoultely shattering. I know my son has this. He will not go outside because he has a fear of flying things. He opened the car door whilst we were travelling down the motorway because he thought he saw a fly. He has had to be taken out of school because he couldnt cope. He was wetting the bed and eating his clothes! He thinks he is going to travel back in time and that he sold his soul to the devil. He does not understand facial expressions (even though during the assessment they said he could) he constantly asks me, his dad and all the family is everything all right and stares at ou faces for ages to try and guage our reactions to things. The list is endless. I really thought if we had a diagnosis we would be able to get some help. But now it feels like they dont believe us because theyre one hour assessment said "mmmmmm maybe". :crying:

     

    We feel like we are going mad! I really dont want my son to have this but i know in my heart he does. Has anyone had a similar experience? Would it be useful to pursue a private diagnosis?

    Hi I dont really think I can give you much advice other than to hang in there and keep insisting on furthur assesment.My SON IS SIX AND WENT FOR AN ASSEsment similar to yours where basically I was asked loads of questions about him they also sent a report back to me,it was also an hour,the Paed said no way can she diagnosis without talking to him and interacting with him for a furthur hour so we will go back after Christmas,she has said she is convinced it is Aspergers and she has said he has serious social and behavioural and speech problems(although his vocab is good he cannot express himself properly) My point is I have heard so many stories of children been misdiagnosed or undiagnosed and it seems most have only been to one appt. I dont think the Paeds can see exactly what the child is like after just an hour esp. if their focus is on writing down what the parents are saying.I was fortunate in that I had my youngest with me when I went so she noticed how Sam did not interact with his his brother and she noticed other behaviour while we talked.I just think if you feel there is something you should persevere,I have to say I dont know about the things he says like "he sold his soul to the devil" my son doesnt do this but other AS kids may do so.But maybe in the meantime you couls get some help with councelling or something?You should talk to a GP about your concerns.I know it is frustrating but just carry on.Is he at school?Surely they would be giving reports to the paeds about your son?

  17. Posted · Report reply

    I know your frustration,I had a similar experience last year SS spelt all three of my kids names incorrectly and one of the SW's was so stupid its like he got his degree from a cereal box :wacko:

    Now to say something you wont like :unsure: I think healthcare proffessionals and SW's are under so much pressure,they are untimatley holding peoples lives in their hands.I believe the buck stops at the government.There was a documentry on Panarama on this very thing a few weeks back.There is an incredible amount of agency staff in SW,this is where some of the problems lie,these people dont know any of the families they are working for and often mix up paperwork etc.I think more money need to be put in these services,there are not enough SW and nurses and they are needed,like I say its government spending thats to blame.

    Saying that...there are always going to be incompetent workers in every sector including SW.My experience was awful and I dont trust SW at all now!!!!

    :(

  18. Posted · Report reply

    The things you listed sound exactly like my 6 yr old(AS) I must say I did search online before I took him to the Gp,and what I thought it was ADHD,or rather ADD,without the hyperactivity.When I went to the GP she could see straight away it was not the case.My 3 yr old is also possible AS,he has not got any of the things you mention on your list but has many of the things other people have mentioned with regards to their AS kids:

    Fussy eating

    Only eating with certain crockery and cutlery

    Hates dirt,gets upset when house is not vaccumed,and does not like messy play

    He talks to kids at preschool but only on Ben 10 doesnt play much at home or school seems to lie down on the floor alot and under the tables.

    He has poor communication,spits alot when he talks,most people dont understand him

    He will sing the same song every minute of the day for 2-3 days

    He does alot of imaginative play with lots of sound effects as opposed to talking(my AS son did not do that)

     

    Anyway not to make the list to long,of course the best thing is to see your GP.My sons preschool is not very helpful at all,I have gained most info on his school behaviour from my eldest son as his playground is next to the preschool playground.So really need to seek advice soon before he starts school and needs help.Good luck.

  19. Posted · Report reply

    My son's school is running their version of the 'X' factor. I'm not a fan of the programme.

    And I had/have serious concerns about this. Especially when so many children in the school are on the spectrum. This information was given to me via his home/school book the day before auditions!

    I said I was not happy with the idea of it and that my son could go either way. He might get very upset at not getting through, or if he does get through he might be terrified of having to perform infront of the school.

    Also, what is he going to do as his 'talent'!!!

     

    So I talked with my son about it. Firstly he wanted to play the harmonica. He only has a small plastic one given to him in school. He cannot play it in any way, shape or form. So I explained that that was not a good idea.

    So he told me he was going to do some magic instead. I don't know of any 'magic' tricks he knows. He would not show me what he was going to do.

     

    Anyway, he has apparently performed two tricks infront of his class and was brilliant. He is now through to the school final and has to perform on stage infront of the whole school. I have no idea how it will go. He tells me he saw the tricks on TV!

     

    So i'm feeling a mixture of being proud that he did so well. But worried he might collapse infront of the school. Whilst also being amazed that our children can so often 'absorb' things and have skills that we never even know they have.

     

    Well done to him :D I know you are worried but I am sure he will be fine and you will be there for him regardless,I am sure he will surprise you one way or another as he has done so already.I know what you mean about the 'absorbing' thing I used to call Sam a sponge when he was little,he would see/hear something once and it would stick in his mind and then he would come out with things at the right moment always made me laugh.

  20. Posted · Report reply

    Hi sorry about your stressful experience I have been there many times with my six yr old.I know this may sound strnage but were you talking to your brother and his wife when she had the meltdown?I had discovered after four years of tantrams that my son often did this when he wanted me to watch him and be aware of what was going on,instead of him to say " mummy I am not getting my turn on the slide" or "mummy watch me on the slide" he would just throw a massive tantrum,funny enough it was usually when my brother was with me,I believe its all part off the control thing he can see I have a special bond with my brother and it makes him get insecure.I dont really know what to suggest,I had to change things alittle in that I would often have to be watching him while talking to my brother and I also learnt to see warning signs when he would get upset and diffuse the situation,this all has taken time and I can only say since the start of this year he has made huge improvements.There was a meltdown when we went to a farm during summer but it was because we were leaving and they were all tired,which happens to other parents.One thing I can say is dont feel you need to change your whole way of life because of the AS,of course we need to make adjustments,but by not taking your girls on outings it will only isolate you and them.I dont take my son shopping I do it all online,except if he wants clothes and we just go dirctly to that shop then home,he wonders off and I feel its stressful for both of us.He does like going for walks and we fortunate enough to live near some great parks where he can run around and make loads of noise.Anyway from my experience my son is learning everyday and I can see a huge difference in him now compared to four years or even a year ago,I think as parents we learn our own techniques to manage such behaviour what is good for me may not be good for you.

  21. Posted · Report reply

    Thank you Julie1 and Chris54.Chris 54,you are correct in that most of the middle schools are up to 120/150 in each yr group,the one we saw last night is slightly smaller with 60 (it is an average though,they can take more) another school which I will view on Saturday has an average of 120 per yr group. My kids used to go to a village school,it was much smaller but my kids were picked on alot even my NT son.Julie1 I think I agree with you but will wait for furthur comments.When the school is combined( age 4-13) it has more of a family atmosphere,the children will inevitably see their future teachers everyday and they wont have this transition three times!!!My children were going to a catholic school before we moved to this area it was combined and they loved it.I started at a three tier system myself but ended up at a combined I definatley loved the combined,when we were in a last year we were prefects and we looked after the little ones in the mornings some of the little ones were the siblings of my mates,so it was really nice.Also me and my two older brothers had the same yr6 teacher.I have seen a AS school which takes kids from 7 and Sam is 7 next year so I think I will try make plans towards that,so hard to decide!!!

  22. Posted · Report reply

    I have a question on this topic,do all of you eat more now you/or your kids are on the GF diet?My two boys eat very little and wondered if I change will they possibly eat more?My mother is on GF/DF/WF diet she has been so for 10 yrs now,before that she suffered extreme migraines colon pain and bad nights sleep,all of these problems have dissappeared,she does cheat now and again eating burgers when she visits us because of the kids,she always regrest it the next day!She is really thin and has always been but I feel she has lost way too much weight since the diet which is what I fear for my boys.I also wondered did you all get allergy testing? a gp recommended this last year said all my boys and myself need testing cause they all inherited my asthma.

  23. Posted · Edited by justine1 · Report reply

    I still do not see myself as a carer, I am his father first, and whatever I can provide is part of being a father. I Often think that the term 'carer' is second hand a title, there is no glamour to it ! It seems a 'remote' title, it also does not identify the child is yours, and the care you provide is some sort of 'job'. Most correspondences I get are addressed to Mum, when they go to meetings they talk as if I am not there, how is mum coping ? they either do not read the notes they have which clearly id I do near all the caring, because MUm's health is a real issue, and I care for her too, or they choose to ignore it, and they are ALL women ! Anyway (!) I've been a 'carer' for many many years, looking after two terminally ill parents until they died, one with 3 forms of cancer, I've washed my mothers under-clothes, changed blood-soaked bed linen because she hemorrhaged a lot, cooked all the food, arranged and picked up all the medications, hospital visits, taken her shopping in wheelchairs, on short holidays....etc, and looked after my father with a wasting lung disease. Sons/Dad's we do our bit, and like others got no recognition whatever, I don't want blinkin fame, just an acceptance I am doing my bit. They would not even give me an allowance for caring when my parents were ill, they said "A man cannot be a carer, it is a woman's role...", my mother was a difficult person to care for and would not allow nurses into her home, or stay in hospitals, I lost many jobs as I had to take time off, the DWP harassed me to put my parents in a home, and I wouldn't do it, my sister offered to look after my mum when I had to go on a short course for my work, she got paid an allowance in 36 hours, and she only did it for 18 days, I did 12 years.... I was fighting the DWP for an allowance when I was unable to work.... I Met total opposition. Men were treated appalling, it is not that we don't care, we weren't allowed to, no wonder the situation is still men won't teach in schools, won't become nurses, won't become social workers, or paid carers, etc, it's too much hassle and suspicion thrown at us, then men can get called 'uncaring' and leaving women to do it all, we are never going to win. Role reversal doesn't really work because women often prefer to go their own way. It's a sign of the times, there is no desire for 'Mum and Dad' and for life anymore.

     

    Your post has really saddend me,not your fault but society.I just finished a care course which spoke of this very descrimination you talk of,its absolutley disgusting,it is more so in that people dont seem to realise carers like yourself save the government £56 million every year!!!Good on you for caring for your parents,I know that must be so hard and many people cant do this (nothing against them because it is hard when you have other commitments.)I realise you must have given up alot to do this. :thumbs: I also wanted to say about the residential care for AS kids,I also dont really like the idea,and cry at the thought of it,but now I am actually considering it,it is a place where my son could probably develop more as an individual instead of relying on me and his older brother,I also think it will be more routine and structure which he thrives on.He is six and I have seen a lovely residential school for 7-16 yr olds,I do fear it will look like I am throwing him away,or trying to make my life easier and worry how he will react later when he is older,like say why did you care for my brothers and left me,but I think whatever I chose to do it should be my choice and nobody should critisize it,I do feel for parents who have had to make the decision.Seems like your damned if you do damned if you dont! :wacko:

  24. Posted · Report reply

    Hi everyone,I just wanted to get peoples thoughts about three tier system.I live in a town where there is only a three tier system,I do quite like the idea because its like the middle schools prepare the kids well for secondary education its almost like a small jump as opposed to a giant leap.I went to view a middle school yesterday for Josh (NT) who is in yr.4,it is alovely school and Josh is really excited,aas there are more subjects,like art,drama and food&textiles.However while I walked around all I could think of was Sam (AS) while he is only six I just thought oh my Gosh the school is huge!!!Each yr group has 60 kids,I believe each split between three classes,but its still looks daunting,he will have to move to each class for different subjects and the whole change of school process is scary!He has had to change schools four times (but 3 schools) already and he only started school 2 yrs ago.It has been hard,he is settling in to school nicely now,but when his teacher is off sick he gets so angry and cant handle things,so it is a worry.I know he will probably get help etc. but just wanted to get some ideas of how others have coped with this transition???Thank you.

  25. Posted · Report reply

    Thank you Kathryn and Dana for these >:D<<'> and the kind words.I do feel better.I had my eldest 9 yrs ago and I have only been out to socialise twice since then,and both times was no longer than an hour.It makes me angry when I hear women complain when they "only" go out all night once a month because they are really previliaged!!!!! I think it was easier when I worked because even though I would work hard it was still a little break from the kids and gave me a chance to talk to adults! I wish my brother and father could help out but my father suffers from chest problems and my brother has his own child and he has a disability on top of that they both work,my father has helped out recently when I went to write an exam and he will help when I go for my uni interview,but dont think if I say I want to go to the shops that he will help out.Anyway my father is going abroad for four months so things will be even tougher,because at least when he visits I do let off some steam telling him all my problems and he does play with the boys so I can just relax for a minute.But I know all these problems are temporary next year things will get easier I am positive about that.Thank you all so very much.

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