jlogan1
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Posts posted by jlogan1
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hi wondered if anyone has any ideas myy 13 year old dd has not been at school since july 2008 school not really been much help but eventually spoke to local home education officer who threw some ideas our way,one was distance learning and she gave me the details of a college saying dd was entitled to do 2 free courses a year in her situation,on speaking to the college she must be 16 and have standard grade exams to do this ( we are in highands scotland)obviously she hasnt got thses and isnt old enough,BUT it is the only thing that she seems interested in education wise,have tried to explain that it would not be much different from the school giving her work to do at home ,ie sticking to dead lines etc,but the home ed lady suggested largely forgetting the school subjects and moving onto to subjects that could help her careerwise in the future( she will be 14 in march so all other kids her age are picking subjects)so dd wants to do college work,has anyone got any ideas as to anywhere that does distance learning for younger children? i also have to be careful because dd cannot take any form of critasism for her work,she writes and draws plenty at home but wont let anyone see it especially the writing,not sure whether some thing has happened in primary school that we dont know about but she will write pages of 'stories' and then rip them out of the book and eventually just throws them away but hides them ,presumably so that no one can give her any constructive critasism,some times just dont know what goes on in her head!!
anyway if anyone can give me any ideas it would be great
many thanks
julia
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hi thanks for replies will try both suggestions,have tried a few sports ones but that was before i realised she wouldnt wear ones with seams,so will try to get sports ones that are seamless as thats what shes comfy in,again thanks regards julia
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hi sorry to change subject slightly but i have 13 year old dd who has problems with seams on bras,she will only wear seamless and they have to be racer back style,the problem was not too bad used to be able to get them from marks and sparks but now she has got bigger,( need a 38b) am having lots of trouble finding anything,if anyone has any suggestions would be appreciated as we are down to 1 bra!!!
and as others have said its not giving in to let them have it but at the end of the day we have to try and make their lives happy its not their fault!
regards julia
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well done funny how they react to change sometimes,but if more relaxed it must be helping everyone in house.i have spent the last 3 weeks trying to find out as much about home ed as can but have come to a dead end,have been trying to contact someone from LEA who deals with it but shes always out in meetings or phones when i'm out
have been trying for a week but still no joy and been told she is the only person that deals with it so thats more time being wasted,just trying to find out where is the place to get resources from ie workshets and reference books ,have tried shops and websites but cant find what i'm looking for.anyway glad all going to plan ,slowly does it <'> <'> julia
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congratulations
my dd has been sleeping nights for nearly a week too
perhaps its the time of year!how is home ed going?
regards julia x
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well have been told not any sort of phobia because she has no motivation to go to school,clinical pycologist said if she wanted to go but coulndt it would be but she doesnt want to go,a secondary school boy went to the primary school when she was in year7 and told the kids at academy they were all bullies ,smoked and did drugs ,so thats what she thinks,very black and white on it and unfortunatley doesnt matter what anyone says thats what she believes,even the fact that younger brother started they in august and gets on fine.have also been told shes not depressed which i totally agree with shes perfectly happy at home in her own world,and has said if everyone left her alone she would be fine,she is in total denial that it could be aspergers.its not so much the facing school its going anywhere and seeing anyone at all that she just cant deal with.and since we havent done school last term she does seem happier without the pressure of having to go.
the homework side is difficult she had really good grades at primary but just not motivated to do any school work,as well as twilight she heavily into ,ghosts ,asylums and anything like that ,funnily enough i have told her to do a project on asylums for me ,and when i say ed psycologist last week her response was'i dont think the school would want that' my thoughts being well if she researching writing and reading shes learning,and i was actually asking for their blessing.ok it may not be the most appropriate subjects but i can incorporate geography,history , a bit of art and english all in one.so to me its good,shes done research today and ive asked her to write some up tommorow.however saying that she does lots of writing but whether something has happened previously i dont know because she writes and then tears it out of the book and no-one is allowed to read it,she cant deal with any critisisum,so prefers no-one to see it
any way will plod on and see how we go thanks for all your thoughtsjulia
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hi elefan thanks so much for your mail nice to hear from someone who has a girl,so many seem to be boys and having read up so much on it lately ive found that girls present so much differently,as you have said ,my dd put on a very good show ,she was going to secondary school 3 x45 mins sessions last year( i'm in scotland and she would have been an s1 which i think is the same as your year 8)and according to the teacher ,she was 1-1,my dd seemed fine,little did she know,my dd openly admitted to me and the clinical psycologist that she was putting on an act,which makes things all the more difficult,she has also now only told me last week that when she was at primary school and had'friends 'it was only because she thought the teacher would tell her off if she was friends with the other girls.
but now the situation is no schooling what so ever ,my dd wouldnt entertain the home education teacher because her 1 friend that she has got mentioned something about him and that was it!!and have been told there is no other home ed for this area.but dd wont go out anywhere and wont meet anyone new,so feel rather stcuk on that one,have tried doing some work and did finaly get her to do bit of maths yesterday but gosh its hard work,because it always turns round to twilight
just cant get her to listen to me i am due to see paedriatrician at the end of this month to fill in an ADI-R and then will have to wait for dd to get assessment app.,agian thats if she will go
i think its a case of dd coped uptil couple of years ago then it has all come crashing down,saying that at home when doing her own thing she as happy as ever,also sleep is totally astray she has just gone to bed now we go round in a circle because she wants to be up all night so is not happy that she is now sleeping at this time of day,although she has been up since 11pm last night so shes done 19 hours awake.
sorry could go on for hours rambling
and twilight ugh!! she has even made me start reading the book and critisises that i am too slow at reading it,but by the time she wakes me between 2 and 6 times a night i've had it.
anyway best go younger daughter off to brownies,and hopefully a quiet night.
thanks for reply
regards julia
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hi know bit of what you are going through i too have dd of 13 ,as yet undiagnosed for aspergers,she has been off school for 18 months now ,she too got as far as secondary school but couldnt cope,she loves her own company and she too,( thers a lot in common here) spenda all day on computor and tv,although is very very obsessed with the twilight books.
i'm sorry really unable to offer much advise as going through it and all very new to this but can say know how you feel eggshells is an understatement sometimes
we too have been told things like social services may be able to offer some respite,we were then told she may not tick all the boxes
and we not be able to get any help,but the big problem with that is my dd will not see anyone,shes just not interested in meeting anyone ,she does have 1 friend whom she sees approx once a month,but wont go out anywhere or see anyone as said know what you are going through and very hard sometimes,but have also found this website great for getting advise and letting you know you are not alone
take care regards julia
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we found cooking up a piece of fresh salmon and then putting pills in that,also the vets nurse suggested heating up cat food, smells disgusting but that did the trick too eveidently it masks the smell of the pills.we foun dboth of these worked ,hope you find a way ,must be horrible putting the cat under even more stress,hope it works out.
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hi just wondering if there is anyone out there ,my dd is 13 waiting for dx,with daughter of same sort of age,from what i understand girls deal with it differently from boys,and just after other peoples experiences,because finding things very difficult at moment
shes not been at school for 18 months and presently trying to get her to do any school work is just horrendous,as soon as i mention work we go back to twilight,and then she goes on and on and on doesnt seem to matter what i try .ie taking things away ,rewarding her,even trying to explain she needs some sort of education,seem to have tried many different ways but just cant get through to her its twilight or nothing,have even tried incorporating that into work,english ,history,geography,but i want her to do maths and cant manage to combine it with twilight 
so if anyone got any ideas ,all gratefully accepted.regards julia
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talking of asda in elgin have you seen the extra large animated father christmas at the door saw it the other day,my dd would have a pink fit ,cant deal with small ones let alone 6ft santa!!!so glad she wasnt with me,not that she would be because she doesnt go out but the thought was there.
regards julia
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hi there is something called feliway spray can get online or sometimes from vets it is supposed to calm them down when things are stressful,quite expensive but worth it if it works,as another suggestion what if you were to put a radio on to try and mask the noise a bit?hope kitty ok.
regrads julia
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well done hope all goes well with home ed,still trying to get dd to do some work
shes into mental asylums at moment but cant find any books anywhere even library came up with nothing!have meeting with ed psycologist on wed and if get no-where will go down same route as yourselves as school is just simply not working,mind you nothing else is either
very difficult at mom cos didnt go to bed til 10 am this morning so by time she gets up i will be turning in which makes it even more difficult to push her to do any homework.hope the archery works as an incentive to sort out sleep.
regards julia
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hi thanks again for further info which is interesting reading,with regards to OOTS,CSW and ISO ,the first i havent got a clue ISO i have now been told is intergrated services officer and CSW is some sort of family support,but still doesnt really mean anything to mean ,i was told well before summer hols that they would get CSW involved to help through summer hols but never heard anything from anyone,
whats new!with regards to LEA does that mean that as school are not really doing much that i should bring it to their attention,find it difficult because if school say they will put in place for dd to see someone on a 1-1 basis and she then refuses to go can the school just say they tried and its not working OR is it up to someone to find another way of educating her,ie at least sending work home for her to do,and if so who would be responsible for this?
also not sure whether SEN code of practise is same all over we are in scotland so would things be the same?i did speak to someone at an information centre and she said up here we dont do statementing,think its IEP instead but not really sure.
also just feel that dont want to step on anyones toes but ie ed phy as dont want to alienate her,saying that things are progressing so slow i feel that dd will be 16 and be able to leave school before they get anything sorted,as this has been 2 years since i brought it to the schools attention( when dd was at primary school)
will see how meeting goes next week,but cant see anychanges to where we are at moment.
thanks for all links will keep reading!!
<'> <'> and will hopefully get easier.julia
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hi thanks to both of you for replies,although starts getting rather complicated especialy as havent really got much of a clue as to how it all works.
in reply to Sally44 no i dont really know much about SEN all i know is ii have had various meetings at school with the relavent people but no-one mentions SEN or LEA or SALT.it feels as though they are trying to keep it between themselves,i have been told they will try and get help from ISO and CSW and also OOTS but they have been saying this for ages and nothing ever gets done,not that i know who all these people are
my dd has not been at school since august2008,we did have a time where she was going for 3 x 45 minute sessions a week but these have since gone,the school put it down to 2 sessions this summer and dd only managed 1 session and has not been at school at all since then,but no one has mentioned anything more about other schooling methods ,the local home ed teacher did come round once before summer hols but due to my dd seeing everything so black and white ,she had heard something about him so had already made her mind up that she wouldnt see him
if this all makes sense.and i ahve been told there are no other home ed teachers in the area!!!so dd has never been to academy school properly at all ,she was fine at primary school ,well few problems but nothing that anyone took any notice of,ie she wouldnt collect housepoints becasue she knew this meant she would have to go up in assembly,wouldnt eat at lunch time ,or use toilets,all things that no-one really paid much attention to,then it all kicked off when a child from academy came to the school and said at academy they were all bullies,druggies and smoked,of course they arent but from that day forward she said she wouldnt go and that was that ,this was in nov2007.it was only when clinical phycologist started seeing her in feb 2009 that she spotted the very literal thinking and pointed to aspergers ,the school have been told this and am now waiting for the ADI-R at the end of november,thanks karena for your info on this was interesting to read and now at least know what i will be facing
but no-one has mentioned dd being signed off just seem to be carrying on as things are,ie no schooling no home education and took them til the last day of term to give me any homework for her. :wallbash:things made all the more difficult because she seems perfectly happy at home its only when school,work or going out arises that there is a problem
sometimes just feel like giving up and just saying stay at home be happy and forget school,sorry feeling bit fed up of it all at moment
just dont know what to do for best and everything just takes sooo long!many thanks again julia
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hi wonder if anyone can help i am due to see paediatrician at end of next month for my 13 year old undiagnosed dd,to look at a ADI-R,not sure what it is but something to do with getting a diagnosis,the paed has written saying she will get report from clinical phycologist and educational phycologist,the problem is the ed phy hasnt seen dd since summer 2008,when i spoke to her on phone and mentioned it she inferred she didnt neeed to see dd as she can get enough info from me and others,ie school teachers that dd doesnt see!!!
i have a meeting with ed phy next wednesday to go over things and to see if she can come up with any strategies to get her to school,wont work because she is school refusing and i am not adding to pressure.
but the question i am asking is is this right that she doesnt need to see her after all how can she do a report,her reasoning was she doesnt want to put pressure on dd,but still cant see how she can do report if she hasnt seen her for over a year?things have changed so much in the last year she cant possilbly get all the info from others.has anyone been in this situation before and does anyone know what ADI-R is? many thanks julia
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hi thanks for link for home ed,have joined and will see what is going on!we are hopefully on the move with work she has said tonight that she wants to do a project on asylums!!! ok so its a weird one but it brings in her twilight book and her ghosts( halloween and most haunted live on!) so i have said perhaps we can go to library to see if there is anything there,not sure she will come but said as long as she is doing some form of work its better thatn none
i also managed to get a latin dictionary from library and have put on order a beginners set for latin again from library.unfortunatley if she refuses to go to assesment dont know what will do but will cross that bridge when i get to it.
in the meantime have also told her she needs to do the history that school have sent.
but since she hasnt been going to school at all she does seem more relaxed so will just 'go with the flow'
julia
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thanks for replies,dd has noticed that i have been on website,and is in total denial ,its not me and thats the end of the conversation!!wont even discuss it,so at moment just trying to explain that unless she goes to assessments we dont know,trouble is her brother,whos 12 knows theres something going on so its like a big secret which would be so much easier if we could talk about it,but when she wont accept it its difficult to explain it to him.we will see what next weesk meeting throws up but not expecting much,have been told i will have 30-45 mins and thats it!!
am going to look into home ed as well and will google latin but being bit diffirent dont want to start spending lots of money on something that she will only do for 5 mins!even tried at whsmith but they have nothing on latin at all.
like your son she has 1 friend and i just hope she sticks by her she is only 12 so its difficult for her to understand as she feels dd has let her down by not being at school to be with her! kids!
can you believe shes just been running round garden with sparklers in pitch black but she loves it ,shes done her pumpkin and got that lit and it makes her happy so i cant complain if she has a good day so do i.
julia
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oh thanks i now feel as though not alone
<'> <'> seem to find it difficult to find anyone with girls of that sort of age .jb1964,hope you dont mind me asking how old your dd is now?am just finding things so hard,difficult to get head round the fact that shes happy as she is,but obviously being a mum i want more for her.as you said and tried have tried the bribary,bargaining etc ,she got new moblie the other week and gosh did she really want it but when it came to go collect she just couldnt go,went all flushed and weird with just the thought of leaving the house,so if that didnt get her out dont have much hope ,saying that she did come out with just me last week ,we are fairly close to an airbase and she wanted a look there is a nimrod parked at the front gate so she could get quite close to take photos,planes are quite big on the agenda
so it looks like i will just have to wait and go at her pace,whilst trying of couse but without any pressure.
thanks cat for your reply too school is really big issue have even had educational phy on phone to day and have meeting next wednesday,she says we need to talk through what strategies we can use,but she doesnt seem to hear that fact that it doesnt matter what strategies she comes up with dd wont budge and will just not go to school
the school need to accept this and help with work but they just keep rattling on about how to get her to school and forgetting the school side,luckily managed to have words with dd today and said after brother and sister go back to school on thursday we must sit down and she can pick some subjects she might like,she wants to learn Latin
any one have any ideas where i can get info?and thats only because its in twilight but i'll go along with it if it means she will do some work.and the missing out is like you say its only missing out if she wants to do it and she doesnt,its just a shame cos years ago she did go to cinema and she also learnt to swim at primary school and used to love going now but wont even go out door
and being 13 is when everything starts happening and if its that time of the month i stand even less chance she wont even let her friend come round but thanks for r
<'> replies at least i have hope that in the future things may change and i just need to be patient.julia
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hi biker 69
thanks for advise,well the problem is i dont really know what is happening,no one has said she has a SEN although up in scotland its called anIEP i think,but we have meetings at school and ed psycologist and clinical phycologist saying that ed phy hasnt seen her since summer 2008 and is due to do a report for paedriatrician,but how i dont know how
we do have a very helpful advise centre and when i mentioned to them about home ed they were a bit wary about de registering dd,so may just go down the route of trying to home ed and if the school bother to do anything then let them,although when its taken them 8 weeks to just give us some work to do at home i dont hold out much hope but the advise centre did give me some info on who i can contact at the council so after half term ( can you believe they get 3 weeks nearly up here)i will contact then to see what i can find out ,much like youself i think it would have to be mainly life skills etc because she is just not interested in school work
with regards to a diagnosis the ed phy has said she thinks on autistic spectrum and it was her that said aspergers because of her waying of thinking etc this was about 5 months ago and the more i read the more it is dd,so what im hopeing is if we can get diagnosis then we can go to get help from the people that deal with that becasue weve been told without it we are unable to go to aspergers clinics etc
but with regards to getting diagnosis ,how longs a piece of string?so have just got to battle through til then.we will see how things go after hols!!!
sorry to steal thread mandapanda and hope sleep is still going to plan,we are slowly going backwards it was 4 am this morning before she turned in
how are you doing? <'> <'> -
hi i'll be your friend
<'> <'> tommorows another day and things may be better have 3 kids eldest of 13 waiting for aspergers diagnosis,can be very lonely and isolating when you have no-one round you that knows what your going through,not been on forum long but it helps to realise your not alone <'> how old are children?and hey if the people you thought were your friends arent there when you need them
<'> they cant be true friends <'> hope you feel better tommorow
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well done hope it keeps working,suppose its finding all the right things to interest him,hope it carries on.
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i am still very new to all this but wondered if anyone has any advise or is going through the same thing,dd of 13 not yet dx with aspergers( who knows how long we will have to wait)hasnt been to school for 18 months,but one big issue is she wont go out full stop(although rather reluctantly went to her one friends yesterday) but finds it very overwhelming.
going back she wont go anywhere and wont see anyone,but shes as happy as can be ,but makes life very difficult ,have 2 siblings who do go out and its horrible to leave her at home,she enjoys it ,but what do i do long term?
i end up feeling guilty because she is missing out on so much,does anyone esle have children that just wont go out,we have spoken of going to stay at granparents next year for a holiday,but she has already said no way just leave me at home ,which at 14 cant be done ,but not fair on the other 2.
Or do i just leave it and hope she will eventually change,just worried that it could be like this forever ,pshycologist has said very hard to work with because she doesnt want to go out,if she did would make things whole lot easier,anyway enough, just wondered if anyone else in same situation,and yes have tried persuasion,but not a lot works.
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hi all ,my situation is slightly different as my dd is 13,but shes not been at school for 18 months and even trying to get her to do work at home is nigh on impossibe:wallbash: she is so wrapped in her own world,but we did have a big blow up a while back because things came to a head and she wouldnt do the work that a home ed teacher had set her,we took tv ,comp the things she loves away and it was awful ( there is a posting from me a while back re it) and the same as other people have experienced it doesnt work it makes no difference,so i came to the conclussion to punish her didnt help.but when we finally talked it was english she was to do ,and whilst at primary school we didnt think she had any problems and the teachers there never mentioned anything,my dd finally said she just couldnt do it because it was having to give her opinion and she said it was too confusing.
so weve spent ages going round in circles just to find she cant do it,she is bright and there is still hope i am now considering home education but have to look into it more,but punishing didnt work and she did seem to relax when i said forget it saying that boys are different to girls so this is just my opinion and as said she is older than your ds,but hope it sorts and also found i relaxed more so could be worth a try if only for your own sanity <'> <'>
Questions on dx
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hi not sure whether system is different up here( north scotland) i recently filled in an ADI-R
to get a diagnosis for my dd who is 13 this was a very long 3 hours form to fill in with the paediatrician,that went back to when she was a baby,(we didnt realise there where any problems til about 3 years ago.)but the transition to secondary school just didnt happen,she has been off school since july 2008!!
i filled in this form at end of nov and must admit although we had been told by clinical psycologist that she thought it was aspergers last may,and have been doing lots of research,when i got letter a couple of weesk ago saying dd was above the cut off score for the test and even if they gave her the benifit of the doubt over times when she was much younger and i couldnt remember the answers( ie did she lift her arms to be picked up out of her cot)she nearly 14 i couldnt remember that far back!! they have said she would still be above cut off score.we now have to try and get her to have an assessment called Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule ADOS modlue 4,the biggest problem being she doesnt go out anywhere and definatly doesnt like seeing people!!!!!!!!! but going back getting the letter was devastating ,in some ways we wanted the diagnosis and then when get letter saying it in black and white its very difficult to cope with,i just wanted to cry( well i did) but that was a cupole of weeks ago now im clearer and at the end of the day it doesnt change dd she is still the same as she was before i got letter and i can look forwards to dealing with it.
sorry been going on to long,just wanted to say what methods are used up here.
hope all goes well,
regards julia