lucyemma

Hi all, I apologise now but I just need a rant!!! Ds got his diagnosis last month (AS, semantic pragmatic disorder and dyspraxia). Now we went privately BUT this was recommended by our paediatrician. She said if we had private cover then to see what provision it would cover as it would be a big help to try and speed up the process. Our GP recommended a child psychiatrist and our paediatrician was happy to forward her notes to this psychiatrist. Anyway after spending afternoon with psychiatrist she gave us some paperwork to pass onto the school for them to complete which we did. Had a call from psychiatrists secretary yesterday as apparently the secretary had been trying for 2 weeks to speak to ht to get forms back but ht was not returning calls. Anyway, the ht had rang her yesterday and was very rude. She had wanted to speak to psychiatrist who wasn't in because "I don't see why I have to fill these forms out because there are two autistic children in my school and A does not have Aspergers he's just a badly behaved boy." Not only that but she told the secretary that the reason she hadn't filled the forms out is because she thought we had put the paperwork together ourselves on the computer in order to gain an insight into what was happening in school. To say I was shocked is putting it mildly!!! Anyway had parents evening last night and saw his teacher who is really nice and who we get on well with. Then ht popped her head round the door and asked for a word. OMG I wish we hadn't bothered. Luckily dh and I are very calm reasonable people because if we weren't I think there would have been trouble!! She took us in her office and said "what do you think you are trying to acheive by doing this? He's clearly a boy who hasn't been shown any boundaries and needs to understand this, that's why I suggested you go on a parenting course." We said we had done a course about a year ago and had been praised about our discipline and the person we did the course with suggested there must be something else going on and we should see our GP. We explained that there is not much point dealing solely with the bad behaviour because the root cause of the bad behaviour also needs to be addressed. This did not go down too well and she started going on about...well I know all about autism we have 2 children in the school already and I know he hasn't got it. Her final comment was "well if you're going to pay to go privately then you're bound to get your diagnosis" I was so upset when we got home. Anyway have contacted our outreach service today and we see the paediatrician next week so hopefully we'll have some further info to take to ht after the half term break. Am trying to see the funny side of things now....would have been kind of funny if she had spoken to psychiatrist and attempted to tell her how to do her job!!!

Sending you lots of these <'> <'> <'> . Can't say I've ever lost anyone that I've been really close to but I agree with Meethoss don't bottle things up, just telling people how you're feeling really does help. If no-one knows how much you are struggling then no-one can do anything to help. If you're not sure where to start just show someone this thread that'll give them a good idea as to how you're feeling. Hope things start getting better for you soon Take care Lucy

Thank you so much for all your great advice sally44 I really appreciate it. The psychiatrist did say she would try and refer us to an OT for his dyspraxia to help his coordination (his handwriting is also pretty bad). Will certainly start reading up on the SEN information as school are really dragging their heels with this and ds seems to be slowly losing interest with this school (he only started their in November). I'm feeling a lot more positive about things now. Hopefully we should be able to get ds some sort of support. Looks like I'd better go and start reading up on things!!

ball

Thank you all for your advice. ds is 6 and in year 2 and is currently on SA. I mentioned to his teacher on Friday about his diagnosis and got the reply of "of right" before she walked off to talk to another parent. Just guess I'll have to wait until the report comes through and start waving it under their noses. The psychiatrist said she would write a letter to try and speed up the SALT process as ds will need to see someone who specialises in semantic pragmatic disorder. I suppose thats some progress. Lucy

Hi everyone, At long last we have managed to get a diagnosis for ds. Our GP made a referral to a psychiatrist who today spent over 2 hours with him and said he clearly has Aspergers, Semantic Pragmatic Disorder and Dyspraxia. We were pretty sure he had Aspergers after reading up about it but really weren't expecting the other two. In one way it feels such a relief but on the other hand we feel mortified. Now he has a diagnosis can anyone advise me whether or not the school/Local Authority will be obliged to provide any sort of help for him? Thanks Lucy

Just signed!! Good luck with it. Lucy

Thank you all so much for your advice. The school have been very concerned about his behaviour. Just 3 days after starting at the school his teacher said that he "clearly had a big problem with social skills". After 3 weeks I was called in and spent 45 mins with teacher as they were at a loss as to what to try next with him. In the end they rang the paediatrician to ask for her advice. Had a letter in the post from paediatrician this morning....it gets worse!! She has sent letters to the ed psych several times requesting his involvement but now (after talking to the school) she has decided that this his involvement is only required if the school sees fit at some later date. Her request for a speech and language assessment has been put on hold again....ONLY if the school thinks it necessary it could be done in the spring term. She will not go and see him in school unless...yep you guessed it....the school feel it is necessary at a later date. We have another appt with her in Feb and by that time all she will have done in 10 months is a few blood tests (all ok) and a GARS and Connors questionnaire filled in by us and his previous school. Apparently it was the paediatrician who suggested this parenting course. Will try and speak to her on Monday. Thanks Sally44 I had not thought of contacting NAS about getting an assessment elsewhere.

Not sure where to start really....ds1 who's 6 started a new school beginning of Nov as his progress was going backwards at his other school where he had been since Jan (we had moved house and he had to change schools). New school has an excellent record and less than 100 kids altogether. We knew that he would be unsettled when he started which proved to be the case, but he has been a lot calmer in the last 2-3 weeks. Ds's problems are mainly interacting with other people especially his peers. He wants to have friends and seems to understand what he has to do but can't put it into practise. He has never had a friend. He seems to get obsessed by a person who he wants to be friends with and then won't leave them alone. He knows people don't want to be his friend so he just annoys people all the time and says "even if I annoy them and they say nasty thngs back, then at least someones talking to me". He has never understood imaginative play and would rather build things, listen to music or watch anything with lights. He has no understanding of jokes other than slapstick humour. He flaps his hands when he gets excited. He can't read expressions or understand tone of voice very well. He is really bright and reads books for 10 year olds easily. He loves learning about science and his current fave subject is particle physics and he can correctly explain all about E=mc2 etc. Ds1 has not been diagnosed yet we saw paed firstly in June and then again in October...next appt Feb. Paed spent 1 hour taking his history on first appt and spent about 5 mins with ds. Second appt she examined him and then sent him to play with nurse...again about 10 mins with him. At the end of the second appt she said she thought his problem was probably autistic and she would chase ed psyc to make a school visit, get a speech and language assessment done and paed would also assess him at school. Headteacher has now contacted paed and between them they have decided that paed does not need to make a school visit because things have calmed down (thats fine by us) but that my husband and I should seriously consider attending a parenting course. Headteacher gave me the form to fill in and a brief cover sheet of what it was all about. It's a course run by social services and on this 1 page of info about the course it clearly states 3 times that "this course is NOT suitable for children who have or in the process of being diagnosed with an ASD". It's a 12 week course where someone comes to your home and teaches you how to deal with your childs behaviour. I feel utterly mortified, do they think his behaviour is all our fault and we are bad parents? Son was really distressed at his other school (long long story) and his anger and tantrums were awful so we contacted Parentline Plus (March) and did a 6 week 1-1 telephone course with them. They guy we dealt was a lifesaver - a retired headteacher of an autistic school and on our first session he said "he sounds just like the kids in my school" and told us to take him to our GP. He gave us tips based on what he used for the boys at his school and they were really good. Every conversation he would comment that we were clearly good parents who put a lot of hard work into dealing with his behaviour. He advised using 123Magic to deal with his behaviour and it works a good deal of the time. Because son does not play imaginatively he always wants me to play games or do things with him. We struggle to do anything when he's around as he requires so much attention, how can we be considered to be bad parents. You'd think we neglected him and never did anything for him. Now, we're going to discuss with paed what the heck is going on but I'm worried that if we don't agree to this is it going to look bad on us? I'm very concerned that the headteacher will be less willing to help out with his social skills at school if we don't do this. Moreover, I've read through loads of stuff on ASD's and he fits the bill perfectly, is it just me or does his behaviour sound normal to anyone else?!?! Just feel really upset at the moment, any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

Thank you all for your advice it's certainly made us think long and hard about what to do. Things are just getting worse at my sons current school, they really haven't got a clue. Because the other school is one of the best in the county and always difficult to get into we have decided to apply for the place. I would hate to leave it a few months and find out there is no place available for him. We've looked at other schools in the area and there aren't any others that would be suitable. It feels like a now or never situation. Will have one last chat to ht first though.....hopefully she'll be a bit more positive this time!!

Helped out in school yesterday pm to be told by another kid in my sons class that he had been throwing rubbers and had been sent to see headteacher. Thought I'd be better asking son about it when we went home. At hometime teacher says son has had a "very productive day" (?!?!?!) At home I discover that he had been sent to time out for talking (loads of kids do this all the time in his class and just get told to be quiet), the rubber incident was true and his punishment was to sit outside ht office at lunch. Went to pick him up today and overhear a parent ranting about him (he had been calling the womans daughter names) and she mentioned he'd been to see ht for something again today. Now my sons teacher (also SENCO) wasn't in today so couldn't enquire about it. But son says he was told off 3 times for sitting next to a small muddy puddle at break time and stirring it with a stick. For this terrible crime he was sent to ht AGAIN and spent his lunch sat outside his office. Worse still....he tells me it's not the first time this has happened!!!!! Now my son is being assessed for ADHD and Aspergers and has big problems socially. He has no friends. The school are well aware of his problems as is ht and he is on special needs register. Since starting yr 2 last month the teacher/senco has done NOTHING for him. Only by overhearing parents conversations or the children coming up to me have I known of sons behaviour this term. Teacher always tells him off for everything without once looking at the reason why he behaves as he does. We have been to see teacher cos we weren't happy (son is bored in class as work is far too easy for him) and he says he won't do anyting else until son behaves himself. What makes me sooooooooooo mad is after spending so long talking to him today my son tells me that he's so unhappy with school because no-one will be his friend.He says "everyone else has got a friend to talk to and play with except me, they all just tell me to go away". It also turns out that on the occasions he teases the other children it's just "to get them to talk to me". With regards to the puddle incident he tells me "no-one plays with me so at lunch times I collect acorns and hazelnuts but as these had all gone the only think left to do was play with the puddle". He was so confused, no-one plays with him, he could only find one thing to do that wasn't bothering anybody and he ends up sent to ht for it. HOW THE HELL can they treat a 6 year old with social problems like this? My son says that when he's on his own the dinner ladies/teachers just ignore him until he does something they don't like. I'm so furious, the school moan all the time but it is in fact because they won't do anything that his behaviour is as bad as it is (before we moved house his behaviour had vastly improved due to the old school's efforts). Just feel like screaming at the senco tomorrow.........so sorry to moan so much, feeling really down at the moment.

hi sonj186, I'm not sure what the situation is with the other 2 children. I didn't ask because I assumed that the headteacher wouldn't be able to give me that kind of info due to confidentiality. How well does your son interact with the child with ADHD? I'm worried that if my son isn't given enough challenging work and they don't help him socially then he could start teasing the other kids in the class to get attention cos thats what he does now. If he works out that there are 2 other children (with asd) who are particularly easy to upset then I'm sure he'll target them and it'll end in meltdowns all round!!

Hi, Went to look at a new school for my 6 year old son (currently being assessed for Aspergers and ADHD). He was previously in a small school before we moved house and he did really well there. This new school looks really nice only 98 pupils. The big problem is that we very much got the impression at our meeting with the headteacher that our son wouldn't be particularly welcome at the school. She explained that the intake for each year group is 14 and in yr2 they currently have 13 kids 2 of which are autistic. I really don't think they want another one....which I can kind of understand as it might put a strain on the teacher especially as at this school they only have teaching assistants helping out in the mornings. She said it was our choice but couldn't help but keep mentioning other schools that would probably be better. I'm really at a loss as to what to do. There simply aren't any other schools for us to try, the ones she mentioned are miles away. If I keep my son at his current school I think he'll just get worse as they aren't interested in helping him. Does anyone else have experience of more than 1 autistic kid in a class? I don't know anyone other kids so all I can imagine is 3 lots of my son in one class (if I were the teacher I'd probably run a mile!!) I suppose with 2 other kids in the class then at least the teacher will be experienced and at least we'd get to know some other parents in the same boat. I think i'm just worried as the headteacher was so negative about taking him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Thank you everybody for your great advice. It makes a world of difference just knowing that I'm not the only one going through this. His current school are well aware of the situation, he is on the special needs register and they have a special reward chart in place for him (although have tried to explain that they don't work very well as he has a major tantrum if he doesn't get the reward). The best thing for him is being positive and upbeat and encouraging him in a way that makes him feel special. At his old school the teacher could read him perfectly, now all we get is "hello A I hope we are going to have a better day today", really sets him up for a good start!!!! My son doesn't have a statement yet but will certainly look into it. We look at the new school tomorrow and have a big list of questions poor headteacher isn't going to know what hit her!!!!! Thanks again everyone.

Hi, i'm new to this site and i apologise now but i think this first post might be a long one!! My 6 year old son is being assessed for ADHD and Aspergers. My husband and I are tearing our hair out with his behaviour since we moved house at the beginning of the year and he had to change schools. His old school had less than 50 pupils and initially he played up - was disruptive, didn't make friends, teased the other children, couldn't handle group work etc. Academically his reading and maths skills are way ahead of the other children just socially he is miles behind. Unbeknown to us after 7 months of this the headteacher let him do maths and literacy with years 2 and 3 in the afternoons. Guess what....after a month or so he starts to calm down. The other children are approaching him asking what he does in the other class and he feels so proud to tell them. The school found that by promoting what he could do made him feel good and the other children warmed to him a bit. Don't get me wrong he still had his moments but he was doing so much better. Then we moved..... His new school has over 50 in his year group so I think it was a bit of a shock for him. From the start I was called in several times a week as he had been disrespectful to staff, children. He had hit, kicked, rubbed mud in kids hair, been disruptive, punched kids, thrown things etc. etc. We thought he would settle but no. His teacher would come and inform me of his behaviour on the playground in front of the other parents to the point that I used to turn up late to avoid the embarassment. He is a regular in the headteachers office. It was at this point that we went to the drs. Son regularly complains work is to easy so went to see teacher and explained what other school had done....to be told "we don't do that here". Have since seen headteacher and his current teacher and been told the same. It's so frustrating when you know what will help improve his behavior cos it worked before but no-one will listen. My son has no friends at the school and often says"why does no-one play with me". I think it has reached the point where the only way he gets attention off the other kids is to tease them so it's a vicious circle. I've heard other parents tell their kids to keep away from him. He's in yr 2 now and no improvement, his teacher is the SENCO and is hopeless. I help out in his class 1 day a week and when son is clearly not paying attention and rocking himself on the mat for 5 mins teacher doesn't even notice. Had a meeting with him last week to be told that until son starts doing as he is told and following rules they won't be doing anything else for him. We feel our son is going backwards, his reading is on level 12 and they won't let him have yr5 books. Numeracy and literacy work he did a year ago at his other school. He's bored, no friends.....of course he's not going to follow rules and improve unless the school do something!!!! For me the final straw came when the school didn't bother to fix a 1.5m by 50cm hole in the playing field fence and guess who got out and had people searching for him one lunchtime?!? And the school (despite other children getting out the previous week!!) tore shreds off him, embarrased him in front of his class and then took 6 weeks to fix it. Now, people on this site seem to have a pretty good knowledge of how schools treat kids like this. So, my question is, is it worth fighting the school? I get the impression that because he's ahead of the other kinds (and I know that many kids in his class can't even read) that they're not bothered. Can we force the school to change their attitude or is it likely that the more pushy you get the more the school will push him to one side? We are looking at another school tomorrow (7 miles away only 100 pupils and an outstanding Ofsted report) but I'm scared of moving him in case we go from the frying pan into the fire?!?! Soooooooo sorry to waffle but can anyone give me advice.....no-one I know seems to understand what it's like having a child who plays with nothing, can't socialise and has massive meltdowns everyday. Thank you so much for reading this.