KAY EF

Hi there Just wanted to say I know how you feel. I am a single mum of two, a girl and a boy. My dughter has Aspergers. My ex hardly sees the kids (usually every second saturday night) and my daughter doesn't like to go there and this sometimes causes a total meltdown. I have familiy but they live too far away and to be honest I doubt they would help me anyway. I just finished university last June, I got a first class honors. It was hard work and at times I felt like leaving but just keep focusing on what you want in the future. In your case I assume it is to be a nurse, mine was just to get a qualification and get a decent job in order to provide enough for us to have a nice life. I found at uni I managed OK with the reports and essays, I normally got myself as prepared as possible by researching and planning before I started writing. I was never late with a single piece of coursework, just try and keep ahead, even if it looks to others like you are starting too early. You will be fine if you go to uni, just think how great you will feel once its over. Your little boy sounds liker my daughter was and still is with me (I mean clingy, she has always been like this ever since the day she was born!!)She never used to eat well either when she was that age. Please dont take it personally, and he will definately not hate you. If he has got Aspergers you will have a lot of times when things get angry because they will always lash out at the ones closest to them. I went to my GP the other night becasue I too am feeling at the end of my tether. Just having a chat and a grumble about the lack of support helped me and I feel at this stage I can manage without any pills. But in saying that there is nothing wrong with having a little bit of help and Im not saying never. Dont feel bad on yourself if you do go for help, you are having to deal with a great deal more than the "normal" familiy. I wish I could help you more, but keep strong and take care. Big hug xx

Hi JsMum Thanks for that advice. I know it needs to be broken down it is just too big a problem when it is all lumped together. I went to the GP tonight and he basically said he has symathy for me and her but I need to go through the psychiatrist as she should be the one co-ordinating the help and who should be helping. No good when she works part time, and is never availabel. We have an appointment for later this week but that is 3 weeks after a major event which has really shook us all up. I am going to get a book of paper and start writing tonight. Im going to go to the meeting this week and have a wish list of what I want (not saying I'll get it!!). It's great being on this forum hearing other peoples experiences and how they coped when things got bad. Look forward to the time when I can be of help to others too. Thanks Kx

Dont worry about it, you have not caused me any more stress. I will have a closer look tomorrow at all the advice and links to books etc. I will keep fighting, it is hard but she is all I've got fighting her case. All your stories make me see it is worthwhile to persevere and become a total pest to some!! Thank you to everyone so much for the lovely welcome and I look forward to providing some advice in the future. I will keep in you informed as to how I get on this week. Its difficult becasue it is so many seperate issues being dealt with. This week is eductaion and hopefully the psychiatrist if she gets back to me!!!! Thanks everyone xxxxx

Hi Thanks for your advice but I think in Scotland the service provided is lacking and I have never been made aware of anything called a statement??? We have been going through hell for over a year, social work have been involved twice through the Childrens Reporter because she was not attending school. The twice they have been involved twice they have walked away saying they are not suitable for us. I wonder sometimes if they are waiting for something to happen like my daugher self harming, battering her brother or me turning to drink or drugs!!!!! I am going back to my GP tomorrow and we have a meeting at school this week, I will also be calling social work again as I expected a call last week from the disability social workers which suprisingly didnt arrive. It is so difficult to get help. Thanks Karen x

Hi Thank you very much for all the links. I find that in Scotland there is a bit less in way of resources but I will take a further look at the book to buy. It is such a shame for kids like my daughter, she is so bright yet she will without a doubt miss out on her full potential due to lack of assistance in education. As for her aggresive side I do think it is getting steadily worse and possibly due to puberty. But I have also said to the GP for years, even since she was around 5 years old, that I think she is depressed. I am going to see my GP tomorrow hopefully (for myself), I am finally at the end of my tether and I may mention again that I think she is very sad. She has very low self esteem and no confidence whatsoever but I have spoke about medication before to my GP but as usual it is handed back to someone else to deal with and in her case it is her psychiatrist. She is never around and in fact I we are still waiting to see her over two weeks after a terrifiying weekend which had the cops and an ambulance at my door!!!! Anyway I will kee you informed how I get on and thank yu very much for your help. I wish I had joined this ages ago!!! Karen x

Hi Everyone, Im a 41 year old single mum of two kids. My 13 year old daughter was recently diagnosed as Aspregers after her situation worsened when she could not go to high school. When I say her situation worsened I mean she has always been very withdrawn in the company of her peers and suffered from anxiety but when she went to High School it was too much for her with all the change, new teachers, many more children etc. It is now over a year since she was in school although she is trying to make small steps to get back before Christams to at least one class a week. My biggest problem is her meltdowns....she is becoming increasingly aggresive, at times attacking her younger brother with anything she can get her hands on to thrown at him. They tend to start from nothing, maybe something as simple as her brother switching a light on that she needs off! We feel like we are walking on eggshells all the time scared to do something to upset her or even say something as a suggestion or advice which will normally be taken as critisism by her and this is enough to start her off again. The help out there is rubbish! I have very little (at times zero!!) help from my family so therefore I need help from other areas but everything is so disjointed, different profesionals don't get together and talk about the whole picture. Education are trying to help get her back to school but the pressure that puts on us as a family is not understood by them, her anxiety levels are too high at the moment I think to attempt to go back to school but she knows as well as I do that if she does't go back she is getting nowhere fast in terms of learning. She has not a single friend and I think until this is tackled there is no way she can enter a mainsteam school with over 1,000 kids. The support is non existent from social work. I feel she would benifit from a befriender to at least get her out the house for a bit but as usual resourses are limited. Im hoping to find some advice out there how to help her find a friend? She has lost what little interest she had in anything. She just sits at home every day on the pc and doing maths and watching the same TV. I had hoped if social work got involved they could encourage her to join groups as she wont take advice from me. So difficult!!