Jordasmum12

My son is 13 years old now and organisational skills are non existent! He has finally finished his assessment process and has now got his statement. Fortunately everything I had said has been agreed with. They agreed he does need help and support at school and have planned a meeting for the beginning of the new term. I had hoped to have this meeting before the end of this term but apparently there wont be enough time to get it organised now. My son is supposed to fill in his school diary with the purpose of each lesson once that lesson is finished so I am encouraging him to do that. One of the things I will be asking for at that meeting is that he be reminded at the end of each lesson to fill in his diary. I am hoping that eventually he will learn to do this automatically. Eventually I hope to have him write in all important stuff like appointments and things he has to remember so that every time he opens his diary to complete his lesson entry he will be reminded about what is happening that day and the next day. Thats the plan anyway!!! Im hoping that if he gets used to this eventually as he gets older he will be able to keep a diary of events (most adults keep a diary, notes on a phone, blackberry or laptop) which will remind him of things he has to do that day but wont look out of place with his peers.

My son hates the feeling of the cut hair on his skin and goes hysterical if the clippers are used. The hairdresser knows this and makes sure that his skin is completely covered with towels before she gets the scissors out. She always cuts his hair with him facing the mirror so he can see whats happening, this way he copes with it.

It was interesting reading this thread as I have come to believe without any doubt at all that my son's AS was triggered by the MMR vaccination. I also believe that there is a genetic element. I think that my son had the 'seed' (for want of a better word) of AS from birth, having concluded that from behaviours and traits I saw in his father (though less evidently in his father) but I think this was triggered by the MMR. Like one of the writers above, my son was doing everything he should have by the time he had his MMR, he was for want of again of a better word, perfectly 'normal'. He had the MMR and had such a violent temperature that he was taken into hospital with it. Following his recovery from that it was obvious to absolutely everyone that he had changed. He was no longer responsive to me, members of the family, favourite tv programmes, songs he used to love to dance to etc. He is 12 now and I have also been told he is dyspraxic. He has real social interaction and social communication difficulties and cannot seem to empathize or understand other peoples feelings. I have no doubt at all that the MMR triggered my sons AS, I will believe that til the day I die as I actually witnessed it for myself. The government can tell me til the cows come home that its not the case that MMR causes AS but I can only go by what I see with my own eyes. As parents we should have the right to chose what we feel is best for our children, the MMR should be offered singly. If that had been an option at the time I would have taken it. My grandmother expressed her concern when I told her he was having the MMR, Im only sorry I didnt listen to her concerns.

My son was turned 1 year old when he had the MMR, and yes he was walking and talking. I stand by what I said, he changed after the jab. Whatever the why's or wherefore's, I still think that whilst there is even the slightest question mark over the safety of the MMR, parents should be offered the vaccines singly.

I dont know about whether the research he did or did not do was right or whatever all I do know for sure is that my son had the MMR vaccination and from that time I had a different child. Up till then he was developing normally, happy, bubby, loved singing along to the Teletubbies, ran to people (anyone!) for cuddles, was always cuddling me and saying 'love you'. He had the MMR because I wanted him to have it. I was sure it was the right thing to do. For a week after he had a raging temperature and was admitted to hospital. When he came home he was listless and not at all himself though I put this change down the the temperature and the horrible time he had just gone through. However eventually I had to face the facts that six months later he was not back to the little boy I had before. Everyone and I do mean everyone who knew him said the same thing, "whats the matter with Jordan?" was the question that we all wanted the answer to. I dont know if MMR cause d his Aspergers or if it awakened a seed that was there. I dont know.... Ive wracked my brains on this.... Im sure as parents we have all asked ourselves if we did something wrong.... I did what I thought was best at the time and to be honest, if I had known then what I know now I would never have let him have the jab... single vaccines should be offered.... I dont think anyone has the right to take chances with our children... while there is the slightest doubt an alternative should be offered. Incidentally, my sister is a Health Visitor who has given the MMR to thousands of children but she acquired single vaccines for her own children because she didnt trust the MMR, I only wish I had done the same.

My son is 12 and has a habit of bringing his quilt down with him. Ive tried to put a stop to this by getting him a big fluffy dressing gown and insisting that he wear that rather than bringing down his quilt. Ive been quite strict about it and it does seem to be working

Thanks for the replies. I do appreciate the advise though Im very unsure what to do. Ive spoken to him about French and he says he just doesnt get it. I think its safe to say that languages are not his forte! He says he doesnt want to be removed from the class (confused me!) but the reason he doesnt want to be removed is that he is afraid he will have to swap all his lessons to a different set. His French teacher still hasnt got back to me but he can run but he cant hide lol... anyway.. I do think that like all of us, he is going to have to learn that just because something bores you or you dont understand it doesnt mean you can disrupt all others around you. If I cant get any compromise from his French teacher then I will contact his head of year and see what can be sorted. Jordan excells at Maths and Science and wants to work in computers when he grows up so I think extra time in the computer class would be a better time spent. Thank you again for all the advice

My son is 12 and is in a mainstream Grammar school. I have been very proactive in ensuring he gets help and understanding at school which for the most part is working very well. The week in week outy problem is predominantly in one subject French. He hates the class. He says he is totally unengaged with it and every week is being removed from the class for disrupting the class. I have told the school (what feels like a million times!) that if he is not engaged in the class he will get distracted and with disrupt the class. I feel quite frustrated because for the rest of the subjects he is getting good results and the teachers are happy with him and his work. I am going to a meeting with his French teacher to try and see if we can work anything out to help but he is one of these teachers who isnt interested in any difficulties or excuses as he sees it. Ive even had the head of Jordans year speak to this teacher but he wont change his attitude. I think it is a waste of everyones time to force Jordan to sit through French when he is getting absolutely nothing from it. Im not sure they will be responsive to the idea of him withdrawing from French but I would appreciate any ideas to try and help my son cope with this class for the remaining time he has to do it. He will be opting out of French next year options.

Hi Teejay, Im new to the site myself and can understand how difficult things have been for you and your son as I have been through it all with my boy too. I agree with the advice given about being 'pushy' to get the help needed. As soon as my son started his new school I spoke to the head of his year and told him exactly what my son had difficulty with and what had been successful in previous schools and what had failed. I check with him once a fortnight to see if there has been any problems as my son wont tell me anything even if I ask him. He goes to a hostel from Monday to Friday as we live 25 miles from the school. I check in with the hostel twice a week to see how its going as my son finds staying at the hostel the most difficult. Be pushy, dont worry about making sure you are kept informed, push away.... My son finds all changes difficult to cope with. Each new year at school is a nightmare because the change of form teacher, new year, mix up of classes and teachers is traumatic for him. It really is a case of being as supportive as possible, extra hugs if your son allows it, my son will occassionally want cuddles but will quickly shy away from contact. I try to stock up on his comfort food, that sort of thing... I too used to try and get him to 'join in'... it inevitably ends up a disaster. Ive taken him to football, judo, theatre club, the scouts... it has all ended with him refusing to go after difficult behaviour whilst attending. I dont make him go to anything anymore. I no longer try to make him go out and join in with the local kids. He resents it as he prefers to be at home, and though most of the time he prefers to be in his own room he does spend time with us when he want to. Im learning to deal with the temper tantrums, the moodiness (he is 12 and has hit teens!). Teens and aspergers are an extremely difficult combination. Ive tried being just understanding and basically giving him his own way and to be honest, it just makes it worse. The more I give, the more he will take. Only his feelings and wants matter to him, he doesnt understand anyone else has feelings too. I have been firmer with him of late, setting and maintaining rules that I enforce without flexibility. Rules are rules and he seems to understand that... he can cope with that... its change he doesnt cope with. I would suggest you try the same thing... 'must be' rules that he can understand that do not change... also when my son is being moody I send him to his room to calm down. I give him as long as it takes then go and ask him if he wants to talk about it. Most often he says no... but I can usually tell if with a little patience and gentle talking he will talk to me and tell me what the problem is. More often than not Im finding that this is working. Its hard and frustrating as a parent, but I try to remember it is even harder for him. I wish you all the best with your son, oh and one more thing.... as Ive learned the hard way, be kind to yourself... your not perfect and you dont know everything about AS so dont beat yourself up if you get it wrong.... all any of us can do is to try our best...

Thanks again for the replies.... to clarify the school and hostel situation. Jordan goes to school 25 miles away and it is the nearest one to where we live. He attends school then walks down the road 10 mins to get to the hostel. He goes to the hostel on Monday morning where he drops his suitcase in and then goes to school from there, he shares a room with 2 other boys then comes home on Friday evenings. Jordan is my only child. We are giving the hostel a go at the moment to see how he gets on.... to be honest in early December he was having a meltdown with the hostel and I could see he wasnt coping at all. The hostel expressed their concern and we all felt it was in Jordans best interests to commute from home for a week to give him a break from the hostel... he went back to the hostel for a week before xmas so he has had a good break now. If we cant find a way to make the hostel work for Jordan then he will have to commute, but it is such a trek everyday and as we live out in the sticks, the bus doesnt always turn up in bad weather. I am going to ask the hostel to go ahead and get someone to work with Jordan so he can get the time he needs to himself. I have been having a talk with hm without trying to come across as 'big momma'! I have told him that some of his behaviour cannot be allowed to continue and I expect him to try and make an effort to keep his room tidy and free from rubbish. food and plates. Ive also told him that I will not tolerate disrespect towards my partner who at the end of the day, is the one who is always there for him and does more for him than his own father ever did. Once again, thank you for the advice, it is all very much appreciated

Thank you to all those who have left a reply. It is a comfort to know that we are not alone in dealing with problems which others have also had. Jordan does have his dinner in our company and sits with us, he does seem to like to do that which is pleasing. Its one of the few times I can get him to tell me anything or talk to me. Ive been trying to show him that I understand and am trying to learn all I can so I can help him. I got a copy of Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers Syndrome which I found useful so has Jordan. I think the advice to take a step back and see how he settles is a good idea. At school Jordan seems to be coping well and has managed to make a couple of friends.... he even has his eye on a girl at school, though his is admiring her from afar at the moment! Im not sure a first girlfriend is the best thing for him at the moment. Jordan finds the hostel the most difficult to cope with... he says the noise and the chaos is a lot to deal with... I have spoken to the hostel manager and he has said that if necessary they will get the funding so that he can have his own worker at the hostel. The kids arent allowed in their room from 5-9.30pm so it is reallyhard for Jordan to get any quiet time while he is there. If they get another worker then he will get an escort up to his room and he will be able to have quiet time... we wil just have to see how it goes. I just hope for his sake he learns to cope with his difficulties as he is such a bright boy and could do so much with his life if he can only focus a little!

hi to everyone... Ive joined this site in the hopes of getting some answers to the world of questions that I have. My son is 12 years old and has aspergers syndrome. I first suspected that something wasnt quite 'right' when he was 4 years old but it was not until he was 10 that I decided to try and find out more. Last year he went to see CAHMS and was diagnosed with Aspergers. Ive tried to find out as much as possible about it and am at present going through what I suspect many other mums have gone through... all the guilt for all the times Ive told him to "look at me when Im talking to you" and trying to get him to socialize with other people and to put a halt to his obsessions. The list is endless! Im really trying to be more understanding and patient and as we moved a few months ago, Im having to go through the process of explaining to the school all about Jordan and his concentration issues. He gets distracted easily and then distracts others. He also starts talking and continues talking even when the teacher is trying to do his job. He has now gone up to high school which is a huge change for him... and to top it all off, because the school is 25 miles away, he has to stay at the school hostel 4 nights a week... all this for a child who reacts very badly to change. As I say, Im doing my best to cope and help him as much as possible, and i have to say, the school and hostel have been wonderful.... the things I need advice on is Jordan's temper ... he has gotten so stroppy (yes I know he is a teenager!), but he has become so disrespectful and seems to flare up in temper tantrums even when it seems so over the top... his room is like a toxic zone...he wont even put his empty plates or rubbish out of his room. He seems to have an eating obsession at the moment and will even sneak around and take out of the kitchen and take biscuits etc up to his room.... it drives me crazy! Mostly because it is so unnecessary, he only has to ask and he gets so why the sneaking around! He is spending so much time away from company and I do understand that his own space is important to him, time to himself is a need not just a want, but it seems impossible to get him to spend more than half an hour in our company. My partner is not his father but he does try very hard with Jordan though Jordan just treats him with contempt. I would appreciate any advise anyone has.... Im literally losng my hair with all the worry this has been causing me... thanks very much, annie