Jingo

Thought I should give a quick update for those who're interested. I've been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I have aspects of ADHD they want to investigate further and also want to look into another issue I forget the name of relating to converting thoughts to writen information. I've not really found what i was hoping for here so will likely try another avenue but i'll probably keep lurking and reading bits of interest. Thanks to those who gave their thoughts

good luck

Hi Meethos, I'm a payroll manager. my preference is to do project work, either on payroll process or implimentation projects. The fact i've been in this job 2 years is causing me some issues but that's for another time. I assumed most would find the idea of crisis management strange, maybe not. The simplest way i explain how i do it to other people is that while they think i am managing a crisis, i'm not actually, becuase for me there's no crisis, just a series of problems to be analysed and solved within a slightly shorter than usual timeframe. I have a lot of crisis is my life and nothing work related will ever get close to "crisis" level or be as much of a challenge to figure out (or the blunt version, i don't care enough to panic about work matters). I fully understand balancing everything out and going for the one that wins, regardless how slight. I do this all the time and it's my standard processing and decision making method. The issue is once i've analysed everything, i consider the information i don't have and consider that it would be best not to make a decision now, becuase in an hour/day/week i will have more info and be able to make a better decision. So the issue is that if i have to make a decision now i will do so, but if i don't i will put it off until the last moment. This is not always the best way to be and this is where my problem comes in. I would appreciate some more feedback if anyone as the time? I'm not sure why people aren't responding so feel free to post just that, i'm happy to post more info, or maybe there's too much info? or maybe people don't regognise the problem, or should this be in the adult section maybe? Do i need to be a little politer and not so direct? Now i'm typing out my thoughts and making the post even longer, but yes if you're not responding becuase of X please let me know, even that info will help with my overall knowlege (ie i'd know if it's not something most people struggle with etc). Thanks oh god i sound like when i'm talking to someone and they aren't getting it and i keep talking and talking to try to make them understand...

Hi all, I've just read a couple of comments here regarding routines, timetables and such which made me decide to post one of the major conflicts i have and sources of frustration. I have two seperate issues - 1 - I have a need for routine and control. My need for routine isn't as strong as many and i can cope quite well in general, but i need to know ahead of time what is coming, what is expected, what order things will happen or need to be done. I struggle to make decisions without exact and full details and get frustrated when i lack that information or when others are either refusing or unable to give me the information i require or trying to "drip feed" me info. I also can't follow things well if i'm getting the information in the wrong order, i have to work in a linear fashion and struggle to store irelevent information until it's relevent. I will plan every single item i have to work on or complete or achieve or consider and ensure i know how long it may take, what may go wrong, what may effect these things and a whole bunch of other things, so can plan exactly what needs to be done when. I don't plan too far ahead, but i do know exactly what needs to be done and consistantly check against it so i know i'm in complete control. If someone cancels a meeting at the last minute or suddenly changes what they wanted without telling me it can cause me real upset and confusion as i have to reevaluate every single thing that needs to be done incase it is impacted. 2 - I hate to be commited. I feel like becuase of how I am, how i can struggle one day or hour and be fine the next and i'm never sure how well i will handle something or when i will have a problem, I don't want to comit to things or have expectations i have to meet. I want to be able to do what i want when i want it by my own decisions. I don't even want to make my own plan then tell anyone else about it, becuase even tho it's my plan i then feel restricted by it. For example I manage my department at work, my staff wanted to know when i would be in and when my holidays were. I was happy to give an indication (i'm planning to come in at some point over christmas) but i didn't want to comit to a specific day or number of days, i certainly didn't want them planning things on the basis that i would be in (they didn't NEED me to be there or i would have worked something out. I think a large part of the reason i want to keep my options open is my struggle to make decisions without the full information. We don't know what will happen between now and when X needs to be done so there's no point saying when we're going to do it, other things will happen that we need to consider also. There's no need to comit now so we shouldn't, we should comit later when it is required and we will have more information. I understand that this theory is somewhat flawed as it doesn't allow others around me to plan out their own routines and directly conflicts with the fact that i want other people to comit so i can plan my own time. I always struggle to make decisions or decide which side of an argument i'm on due to my exceptional ability to see every single aspect of an issue and make a completely detatched and unbias assessment. Unfortunately this means i can agree and disagree with both sides and struggle to pick a side or make a decision. This makes me a great problem solver and (this may seem strange for someone with an ASD without explaination) a crisis manager which is what i've based my career on, but when it comes to making a decision with no clear right and wrong, i refuse to comit. So that's the two issues and they contradict each other and cause me great confusion multiple times a day. Obviously the need for routine is an ASD trait, but i'm not sure about the feeling trapped by comitment and inability/refusal to make decisions. In many ways i see it as related due to my detatched over analysis and need for complete information in all situations, but i also wonder if that's just who I am as such, with AS causing the conflict with my need for routine. My overwhelming need for control is also a large factor in both of these i think (and everything else i do). If anyone is aware of Myers Briggs, i am (as you would expect) hugely off the scale I and T but i score strongly for both J and P and have never really worked out if I am ISTJ or ISTP, basically meaning at the same time as needing routine, timetables and plans, i want to remain uncomited and go with the flow making last minute decisions. I feel like i WANT to be P (last minute decisions, juggling things and leaving things until they need to be done) but i NEED to be J (timetables, plan ahead, structure) especially when under pressure or busy, but then i feel trapped by these things. I usually say i'm ISTP as my preference is to work to P and myers brigs describes how people revert to oposite type when under stress. Does anyone recognise any of this and/or have any ideas with dealing with it? Thanks

Hi Kerry, I don't think you're depressed, if you are them i am too! I'm not going to be much help as i can't really fix any of your problems, but i recognise all 3 of your points in myself. I hate going back to work after christmas new year for exactly the reason you state. I have a couple of fixed greetings i use to deal with the morning welcome from everyone, so i don't offend or come across too rude. But on 4th jan everyone is asking way more questions than usual and they're all doing slightly different things and asking slightly different questions and i'm not prepared enough to answer them. I will never fully understand people asking questions that don't mean anything and they don't really want an answer to. Unfortunately "fine thanks" works for the weekend but not christmas I tried to remember it only happens once a year, get through it without offending anyone and i can go back to "fine thanks" or "not too bad thanks" for every monday. oh i also hate sending an email to someone then getting "happy new year" at the start of the reply, meaning i should have put that on my email to them and didnt... sigh. I didn't realise we were friendly enough to do that. With the snow i'm telling myself this is the worst since 1960 something and it won't happen again! I'm fortunate that my wife does most of the cleaning and i don't have to get dirty. I help when i feel able but that's all, so can't really offer much support there. Congratulations on your job house and boyfriend they'll be around longer than the snow!

I have trouble understanding anyone who isn't speaking as i consider clearly, either due to strong accent, 2nd language, children, learning difficaulties etc. I also have issues with understanding speach with background noises. My hearing has been tested and there's no specific issues, so it appears to be processing rather than hearing, but i have no idea if it's ASD related.

Hi Meethoss People have joked now and then about be being autistic and over the years i've looked at it now and then, watched the odd documentary etc but never really gone much further, mostly i think becuase you only ever see the extreme, documentaries or press articles pick on the extreme and so you don't regognise yourself as much, or know you're nothing like that bad. My GP had heard of AS but admited she didn't know enough about it, we chatted for a while and she asked if i could give her a week to do some research, she also said she was going to include it in her annual review (some kind of continuous learning assessment i assume). She got back to me and said she'd found someone to refer me too and organised it, which was great I went to see the clinical psychologist who to be honest didn't seem that great, he was marking against criteria and not that interested in trying to understand my very confusing and rambling replies. At the end he said i have definite traits and am on the spectum but as i have a family and job and there's no cure and i don't have any major issues that would require medication/treatment he could refer me on again but only if i want to becuase there's probably no point for me. I said i want to, so he did Sometimes it's great feeling little social pressure, i know for a fact if he said that to my wife with such a inferance she would have said no and then regretted it when she got home. So now i'm waiting for thursday, hoping to get some better understanding, hoping to get a diagnosis but not too worried about it, then i plan to go to the next step i was planning of trying to go to some groups and meet other people to again give me some more understanding and help me develop more ways to improve my coping mechanisms. A large part of the diagnosis for me is so i don't feel like a fraud when the superficial impression of me when i walk into a group is an articulate well dressed professional looking married man going "hi i have aspergers!"

Hi Tally and thanks. Like most things when i comunicate i'm not giving the true story, just a breif overview or what i choose to put across. I already have a thousand different thought processes regarding accepting that i may actually not be "perfect" or that actually some of the time i may have been wrong in situations due to this, and that i'm going to be labeled and catagorised and officially have a problem etc etc, so everything seems hugely complex to me, i sometimes envy these people who walk around completely clueless about life making snapshot decisions with about 5% of the required knowlege. To try to explain my thought process in a way people still don't usually understand, if there's 100 aspects to this that i'm considering, and i give each of those aspects a weighting from -10 to +10 to give me a total, at the moment my score is positive, so while i'm constantly both looking forward to it and worried about it, it's enough to tell most people i'm glad to be doing it. In terms of disabling, i guess i'm using a personal judgement of the word rather than any official one. I am not a danger to myself or anyone else, i am not depressed, i can survive and function and get through life without the need for assistance. i don't have any major social issues that i can't hide or excuse at least until i can escape. That for me means i'm pretty much ok and it could be much worse. My concern is i'm getting worse at handling it all, can't keep up my pretence for as long and need longer to recover, so i'm trying to recognise it now before it gets worse, if it does. I am slightly concerned that i may not get a diagnosis becuase i don't have any of the major life changing problems. My compulsions are relatively minor things like the radio volume being on 20 or 25 (NOT 23, maybe 22 if i'm feeling ok), walking in efficient diagonals with pivots to change direction, jittering my leg when concentrating. None of these i can't just laugh off and non seriously impact my ability to function, i worry about leaving the house and not having evertything with me, but not to the extent that it takes me an hour to leave for example). I have learnt 2 or 3 fixed greetings, socially i take the safe route when i have to an understand enough to recognise potential problem areas so i can make sure i come across dull and boring, but won't cause myself a problem. In life i don't expose myself to any situation that i know may be a problem, i will walk out if someone is causing me a problem, i will quit a job if it's upsetting me, i won't travel without knowing exactly where i'm going, when i need to be there, who else is going, what the conditions will be and ensure i have great directions. So by controling everything, i manage to keep myself under control and don't experience any major problems. I should have mentoned in my first post that i'm married with a 1 year old daughter I do belive part of my struggle to cope recently is about increased expectation. I've always stayed on the edge of society, able to dip in and out as much as i want. Not long ago i was late 20's, single, no mortgage, no children and basically no comitments. Now i'm married and a dad with a mortgage that needs paying. I like these things but there's a lot more pressure on me and i can't pretend any more that i can opt out whenever i want.

Hi all, Just made my intro post so i thought i'd post something up here, just a couple of examples of how i get things wrong at times. We had some helium balloons for my daughters birthday a while ago and they are getting a bit past their best, my wife and I were standing looking at this balloon saying we should get rid of it and my wife says "how do we get it down tho?" to which i instinctively pulled on the string attached to it and down comes the balloon from the ceiling... while i'm doing this i'm already thinking that's a stupid question and my wife wouldn't ask that, so she must mean something else, thus she actually meant deflate the balloon, not get it down from the ceiling. Why can't people say what they mean?? lol. Fortunately she put her head in her hands and we both laughed about it. Another time my boss (who I have now told about my AS as we have a good relationship, but hadn't at the time) sent me an email asking about something, essentially she wrote "has this been actioned yet?". Becuase i'm overly aware of my limitations and how often i completely miss things, i always make an active attempt to consider what someone means as well as what they said, especially when the question isn't clear and it's not possible to answer correctly without guessing. Well i must have been trying especially hard this day as i decided to clarify exactly what information it was she was seeking. I knew i hadn't actioned it but wasn't sure if anyone else had, but wasn't sure if that was the question, plus actioning it could have meant a few things as it was possible to action it without actually completing the task or being successful, then i wasn't sure if she wanted more information about what had or hadn't happened or simply a status update. So by the time i'm finished considering and clarifying all the variables and covering all potential areas of interest i've writen a complete essay that took me maybe an hour to consider and write... within seconds of sending it i had a reply saying "i was only going to say don't bother, they don't need it any more" I did actually laugh, well smile on the inside.

Hi all, Not sure which parts of my life story to give here but to try to keep it breif. I'm early 30's, male and from yorkshire. After years of on and off considering i recently decided to do something about my issues, did some proper research, visited my gp, got refered to a psycologist and on thursday i have an appointment to the Aspergers centre at sheffield. Even without going there as far as i'm concerned, i have aspergers, it's pretty clear and since my first psycologist visit i've told my family etc and this is now how it is and what we need to work through. I have many of the major traits most people recognise, without any specifically disabling or major socially unacceptable ones. My main challenges are my constant need for control, over the top focus and thought process about every single thing and the need for long periods to relax. A very breif explaination is that becuase i get so much wrong and cause myself so many problems in life, i don't allow myself to act without thinking or planning ahead, which makes me very controling and is extremely hard work, resulting in issues when i'm unable to do this or exhausted from trying, plus is the reason for my need to recover with long periods of time on my own. my main aims in recognising this and seeking a diagnosis were legitimising it to myself so i don't feel like a fraud, defining it so i can narrow down my area of research and focus my thoughts more, and seeking someone(s) i can talk to who may understand who i can try to get more information from and help me to understand better, i have the standard "i think differently to everyone else and they don't understand me" issues. So that's me, hi I'm both a long time forum user in general and a classic obsessed then get over it type, so you'll probably see tons of me then i'll get bored one day and stop posting lol, but i'm hoping to find some good info and possibly