Paula
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Posts posted by Paula
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Thankyou for youre replies. I kinda knew i wouldnt be alone in this.
My son doesnt like going out because he dosent like crowds.So normally if we go to the shops we hit them at opening when there empty he can cope with that.He hates too much noise also and will often cover his ears up.He also likes to know exactly what were going to do and which shops were going into.If i deviate from the plan then he gets upset and like many of the posters on here he starts chanting when are we going home.
His grandmas a paine.And not very understanding.My son picks up on this and 9 times outta 10 hell refuse to go with her.
I did manage to go to the supermarket today alone.I left him in the house with his older sister taking care of him.I was gone an hour.And it wasnt much fun.
You cant force the issue ive learnt through bitter experiance it causes him too much distress and then i get all upset.
Hell be back at school soon.You learn to cope and adjust dont yer we have to because its easier for me to adjust than him.
I love the little terror and he cant help how he is.
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I have to get this of my chest i realy do.
Im totally totally fed up.My son will not leave the house.Wont go anywhere.result being that im stuck at home with him board out of my skull with nothing to do except wash the pots or push a vacum round!!!!!!!!!!!
Ive tried tempting him saying well have our lunch in KFc or anywhere you choose,ill buy you something but he refuses to budge.Says he wants to stay put and play PS2 games all day.
Yes i could force him drag him kicking and screaming out the house but i know from bitter experiance its not worth it.
So im trapped and tearing my haire out.Hes hardley the greatest converasationlist either ARGHHHHHH.
His sister managed to escape with her freind and go to town.His dad is at work and doesnt finish for the holidays till Friday so im stuck.
Why cant his bloomeing grandma look after him for half a day so i can get out before i go stark raveing loony.
I hate the holidays its always the same.
Im whingeing i know i hang my head in shame tommorrow is another day and maybe maybe i can ease him out the house to go to the asda.
Be still my heart the excitement is killing me.
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Id just like to say that my son has never actually been given the diagnosis of AS.No one would ever commit that that was the problem.Yes all the drs and stuff agreed he showed signs of AS but no body would ever rubber stamp that that was what was wrong with him.
Luckily though because he showed signs of a learning dissability which they could agree on he was statemented from a very early age.
The closest i ever got to a diagnosis of As was when i pushed the peadiatrician and he said that in his opinion he displayed all the signs but that he wasnt prepared to officially say that.
In the end i gave up.I just got totally fed up with going back and forth haveing my son observed for 30 minutes every 8/9 months in an alien enviroment.It was all too stressfull.Plus as he got older i didnt want him thinking that i was unhappy with who he was and was searching for a way to "fix" him.
Im lucky coz even without a diagnosis hes statemented and attends a special school and i receive DLA and care allowance.
I guess over the years i came to realise that a diagnosis changes nothing hes still the same person with all the same problems.And im the one haveing to deal with it.
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Everything we do for our daughter is cr*p or words to that effect.So youre not alone.Wed to paint our daughters bedroom black !!!!!! Every wall so that it would fit into her goth scheme. Took us all bloomeing day long did she say thanks did she heck as like.
Youre right like you our As son is so loveing and appreciative at everything we do however small.Full od thankyous and stuff and it just highlights the fact that i guess shes just a normal teen age girl and thats what there like.
She never wants to go any where with us,doesnt visit her grandmas coz thats a saaaad event unless of course theres money in it for her.
Just recently shes started going to an under 17 night club.Weve to pay for her to go take her and then leave our home at 10pm to collect her and bring her back.Againe not a word of thanks she looks at us like were cr*p under her shoe.
Her rooms a tip,she never puts her clothes away or makes her bed.
I could kill her at times.Im not perfect and she pushes me to the limit.Then she complaines that all we care about is her AS brother ect ect ect untill we give in to her and she gets her own way againe.
Its not easy staying calm it realy isnt sometimes i have to leave the house else id swing for her.But my mum says i was as bad and other mums especialy of teenage girls relay a similar story.
No doubt well all look back and laugh at it all someday.
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My daughters almost 14.Shes a right stroppy teenager who is totally self obsorbed and selfish.Want want want all the time.Only comes out of her room for money and food.
Shes also a Goth.And can be a right doom and gloom merchant to boot.
I dread to think what shell be like when shes say 16 or 17.
Only advice i can give is let it be i guess.Shell be back wednesday.Think what youd have wanted youre parents to behave like when you were her age how youd have liked them to react.
Its not easy i know.Oh boy do i know.My daughter has had a few boyfreinds some have been totally unsuitable but i gritted my teeth and welcomed them.And bingo she soon got fed up.Not the same i know as beggering of for a few days.
But come on weve all done it i have i bet you did too.
Im glad ive only one teenage daughtergive me my As son anyday.
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There is a book called liveing with mr spock i cant remember who wrote it.Its a true story about a woman who falls in love with an autistc man.
Might be worth a read.
I got the book from jessica kingsley publications they specialize in books to do with as adhd alsorts of stuff and cover all sorts of scenarios.
Take care.
And please dont take too much to heart if he appears uncaring and unloveing.MY son says every day he cant stand me and hates my guts then the next minute he says im great.If i crumbled everytime he was hurtfull id nevr function.Hes got AS.
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I wish i didnt know what it fealt like to be in the middle of a busy shop with a screaming AS kid but i do been there many a time.
Its made all the worse by peoples ignorance and comments.
Maybe next time they see a child kicking of they might stop and think about what is behind the tantrum.
We can live in hope.
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Whilst potty training my As son he wet every single paire of underpants and trousers by dinner time.
But eventually it sunk in.I just had to put up with it hed to kinda learn the signal that his bladder was full and connect it with we we comeing i guess it rook about 2 months and a hell of a lot of washing powder!!!!!!!
Pooo poo was a whole different ball game though.
Good luck.
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I think its a good thing also it shows hes becomeing aware of what it is triggers the meltdowns.
My son often turns his back on us we call it shunning us and doesnt speak or he goes to his room to as he puts it chill when things get on top of him.
I used to be offended now i find its better he does this than goes nutts and starts taking it out on me.Which he has done often via punching and hitting.
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diabolicalspoon
I know we have to let them grow up and have independance.But i think youre being a little harsh.When youre a parent especially of a child with a disability i for one have been guilty of being over protective.But i think this is justified.My son has no road sence what so ever,he doesnt know his own adress or his telephone number.Not for want of trying to tell him.Hes a vulnerable member of society and yes im guilty of wanting to keep him safe.
I do try i realy do.But the fear of something happening to someone ive loved and cared for for almost 12 years is overwealming at times.Its small steps i have to take.But well get ther eventually.
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We sometimes leave our son in hes 12 in january and AS.At first it was just for a few minutes whilst i went to post a letter.Now i can leave him whilst i go to the local shop or hairdressers.
Normally his sister whoes 14 in january is with him.And if hes playing on the PS2 he doesnt move even if a bomb was under him.
But word of warning.I always lock the door and although there is another key hung i assumed hed never open the door.I was wrong.I went out to the shop 5 minutes away in the summer and left him in the house as he was playing on the ps2 and didnt want to come.His sister was out with a freind.I locked the door and said the usual dont open it dont answer phone ect ect.
When i came home the front door was swinging open and my son was kicking a football around in the park oposite to where we live!!!!!!!! Apparently he said hed got fed up and found the key let himself out and gone to the park.I tried to explaine what could have happened and that because of this i culdnt now trust him.He went wild and kicked off big time.It was a long time before i dare leave him againe and touch wood hes never left the house since.
Its so hard.There growing up they want independence of a sorts he sees all his sister gets but please remmeber as my story shows sometimes they like to escape.
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Can i just also say and againe i dont want to sound like im saying youre son is lieing because i dont think he is but like carole says my sons idea of being hurt and manhandled is also totally different to what id call being manhandled.
For example i regulary witness my daughter simply touching our son hes As and he immediatly starts screaming hes been hit and punched.If i wasnt in the room id beleive him but i am and so know that this isnt true.
But thats not to say that the process of his sister touching him doesnt actually feal to him like hes been hit and punched.Then i have to try to explaine to her that yes i realise shes not hurt him but to him the simpliest of touches can at times feal like a body blow.
I had a realy terrible argument once in the street with my sons school bus escort.He was insisting that shed pulled down his hood shouted and name called him.My automatic response was to beleive him and yell at her.Then later on she phoned me and explained that all shed done was request he removed his hyood because it was boiling hot on the bus and she was worried hed overheat.When i thought about it all calmley i realised maybe hed blown it upm outta proportion and misread her intentions.When i told him what she said he looked sheepish and didnt speak.I apologised to her and said i was sorry.
Its not easy and i dont envy the position youre in.
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Keeps happening to me also.
Mainly in the morning then i have to go do the washing up.
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My son constantly puts his hands into his mouth and bites his skin.
Ive tried and tried to say dont do that because hes made his hands sozr but to no avail.
I too come from the train of thought that even though to us they get nothing out of it for my son it must offer some comfort.He normally does this behaviour whilst relaxing on an evening.
I guess its not harming anyone
I did once try giveing him a babys teething ring even though at the time he was 8 years old but it didnt provide the same comfort.
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I think it is a mistake though to assume just because someone has As and a higher paine threshhold that theire not being hurt.They just might not show it.
Id keep an eye on the situation.Rough fighting can sometimes be a cover for one person to sneak in the odd nip and punch to cause harm to another.
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I cant stick the meither.And to be realy bitchy What has happened to Judys face it looks like its slipping of her bone structure!!!!!!!
I tell yer what i cant stick also when people flippently refer to stuff being manic if only they knew what being manic was actuallly like.I unfortunatley do as i have bi polar/Manic depression.
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Moan away.Ive done it many a time
Explaining to others is a nightmare.Grandparents i found in my own circumstances can be the worst.Maybe its coz there from a different generation one where kids were just plaine naughty and nobody tried to find out why they did this or that.
Ive had over the years that its all down to me,that he should never have been born,or get him locked away and get on with youre life.You get people staring and tutting and saying god that child needs disapline.
I dont know if this will help i hope it does but when my son was younger that was when i found it the worse.Perhaps if im honest part of me was ashamed that i was the mother with the child screaming shouting and kicking in a shopping centre whilst everyone looked on.The arguments i had as i let loose at on lookers telling them where to get off.
But over the years hes 12 in January the public meltdowns have got further and further apart,and if he does kick of i find it easier to handle and basically ignore onlookers stuff them i say.
If you get in touch with the National Autistic society they do little cards like business cards which say this person is autistic/aspergers and go on to breifly explaine in simple terms what that means and what behaviour to expect.Then if you carry them round with yer and people are staring hand them one of those it saves you explaining.They only cost about �2 for 100 and are well worth it when you havent the energy for another long drawn out explanation.
r
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My son As used to be the same also.Although like the other mum hes not as bad as hers got older hes now 11.
Unfortunatley though he cannot play anygames that may ivolve him looseing as he kicks of and goes nutts.He is the eternal winner and champion.But it means he cant play even a game of snap with his siter because she gets fed up of letting him either win or pretending to let him win.
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With you also on this so dont feel alone.
I do everything for my son always have done hes AS.Yet somedays when i say love you hell say i dont love you.I hate you and just carry on with his life!!!!!!
Most days i just laugh it of and say oh right thanks for them words of comfort because deep down we know dont we that they dont mean it but on other days days when im fealing sorry for myself and my lot it hurts and i kinda think does he realy mean it am i totally wasteing my time here.
On another point ive a 13 year old daughter.(Whoes not autistic) And she constantly yells im hated and she wishes id get lost.Mostley accompanied by slamming doors and huffing and puffing.I think its part of the course at times but it aint nice.
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I realy feel for you and can fully understand youre worries.Kids are in school a long time and you want him to be in the right place and to be happy.
My son hes 12 in January and is AS and statemented now attends a special school around 80 pupils rangeing from 5 years to 16.Hes to travel an hour on school transport with an escort to get there but it is well worth it.
He attended a special unit for nursery and then at the LEA say so had to go to mainstream school for 12 months.It was a nightmare.Mainly because the teachers hadnt a clue(not there fault) about Autism.
His behaviour went down hill,hed scream at home kick things yell it was awfull.Everyday id drop him of at school and cry once home knowing it wasnt the correct place for him.
Luckily i managed to get him into the special school.Im so so lucky and thank god everyday.
I too was worried about change but from the very first day he literaly was like a different child.Hes been there 5 years now.
Perhaps and im not sure but maybe even without a statement if he needs to be in a special school maybe theyd take him if hes in the process of being statemented.
Otherwise and i know this isnt always possible if hes really unhappy pull him out of the school until hes statemented and can go to the appropriate place.
I pulled my son out of mainstream for 2 months.Yes the teachers phoned up complaining but as i pointed out a child must be educated but they dont have to be educated in a school.They soon shut up then.
Take care.I hope it sorts out.It is a battle at times and so so worrying.But you know whats best for youre child do what suites you and him
Paula
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Thing is for me if i do kick of about stuff to my parents let ripp so to say.Because they know ive got a diagnosis of bi polar disorder (manic depression) all i get is oh heck youve gone loony on us againe bettr go to the drs.So i cant win.
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I like using a foot file on my feet thats theraputic.If a bit odd i guess i sit for 30 mins at a time scrubbing my feet.
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Brilliant.
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Tylers Mum.
You sound like youve been through a hell of a ringer too.You know its a good job us mums and dads are made of strong stuff.
I feal a bit guilty about whingeing on now because i think all of us have difficult stories to tell.
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Going round in my head today
in General Discussion
Posted · Edited by Paula · Report reply
No one knows what the future holds.
My son is As and hes 12 in January.When he was 2 or 3 the peadiatricain said hed never be able to read write hed never amount to much basically.The teachers at a mainstream school also wrote him of.
Well,he can read,write,ride a bike,swim,he goes to a special school and recently took a science sat and gained a grade 3 which is an average grade.He talks well we hold weird and wonderfully funny conversations.Hes loveing and careing he does show emotion and he will give me a hug.
Yes hes a stubborn begger yes he can be at times an imovable object.But boy oh boy has he exceeded our initial expectations.
Hes learnt to adjust and adapt to certaine things as hes got older,his tantrums are virtually none existant and if he feels under stress he can now reconise this and takes his own measures to eleviate the problem.
Near where i live theres a special sheltered house.Four adults live there with permanant round the clock carers. One of the adults is an Autistic man.Ive chatted to him and he leeds a full happy life.He has a pt job,drives a car and has a girlfreind.But needs help with sorting out the bills and making meals and stuff.
Its hard when you realise the child youve got insnt the child you imagined you had.Its kinda like a bereavement as all the hopes and dreams you initially had fade but they dont die you replace them with new ones.And take it from me the future is very birght and a totally amazeing place when youre a mum of an autistic child.
Have a cry we all do but please please dont take what a dr says as the gospel.