Paula
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Posts posted by Paula
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Were still of the mind set though that if come september he says he doesnt want to go or if he gets fixed up via the connexsions office ........hes an appointment with his helper their in the may holiday then he wont attend college...........Ive also said if he does start college and finds he hates it then hes to just say it isnt like school and i wouldnt force him to go.I think its important he knows this especialy after all his upset before xmas when he was so worried about college he ran away from home.
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Son went to visit the college todday with the leavers group from school and he is going to go for another interview for the correct course next week...........so its all sorted thank god.............
The speceial needs co ordinator at the college said theyd been a ###### up and he wasnt suitable for the more advanced course.hes none the wiser and just thinks hes special and important and gets to go and meet with the nice lady againe........
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Nope i stand by what i say unless you actually have a condition youre basically sumiseing how you think the person should be able to behave and react you havent a clue unless youve walked in their shoes.
I dont want to get into an arguemnt about Bp or autistic behaviour each as ive often said to his own.
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I dont have aspergers syndrome but i am a diagnosed Bi polar sufferer and i too can "meltdown" loose it many a time.
Its not something im able to controll not when in the midst of a manic episode.......its like a switch flicking and suddenly youre in the zone of irrationality..........
Sometimes it starts to happen slowely and in cases like that i will remove myself from the situation and go do somehting else untill the fealings pass but sometimes its like a big woosh and there isnt time to do anything about it.
Its easy for someone who doesnt have aspergers syndrome or say other disorders like BI polar to say. oh all you have to do is controll yourself take youreself away from that situation but with all due respect you havent a clue what its like to suffer from these types of things.
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It is such a big big change especialy when youre going from a special school into basically a mainstream enviroment..his special school only has 80 pupils at them most going from age 5 to 16 its a very safe enviorment with loads of support.......the kids dont even move up into different classes yearly like most schools kids of say 13 are taught alongside kids of 8 if thats the ability there at.............hes traveled with the same group of seven kids on the school bus with the same driver and escort for the past 11 years its a big big wrench .......sounds naff but ive shed a few tears at the fact i wont be dealing with the school anymore after the 25th June.
Ive bought loads of boxes of chocalates and nice tins of biscuites to send in for the staff room for all the teachers and support staff.....got the head a bottle of whiskey and written a letter saying just what a great place its been and how thankfull we are as a family for everything theyve done for our son over the past 11 years..........its realy sad hes to leave i wish he could stay.........
And baddad.....please dont mention bowel movements...........it brings back horrid memories of my son and the war and peace saga of his bowel movements .........lol.............
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Oh shut up baddad................. lol
I just didnt want you useing youre buzz phrase.............enableing againe...............hahaha.
School has just phoned me and they agree theyve messed up and are going to sort it all out and get him onto the correct course...........Apparenly they thought that because he was capable of doing stuff at school all be it with loads of support hed be ok at college on this course and they hadnt realised what the course involved.........its a new course aparently.......its going to be all sorted out now they know.
Nowt ever runs smoothly i guess..................
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baddad
I wasnt invovled in the aplication.
id visited the college and spoken to the special needs coordinator agout the foundation lifeskills course and this is the course that i wanted my son to go on.
I informed the school and then my son said that all the forms had been filled in at school for the college courses.......i said who by........ and he said his teacher had sorted it out.We then got a letter invoteing him for an interview and along we went and when i got to the interview and she stared to talk about the course and what it invovled i thought hold on a minute this isnt the course i discussed with the special needs co ordinator and talked to the school about ....alarm bells rang but i couldnt say anything because my son has a tendancie to kick of if he thinks youre interfearing......but sometimes interfear you must......but not in front of other more able pupils.......i know they were more able because theyd attended the interview alone and they were all talking togetrher like "normal " kids of that age do my son was like a thumb in a finger factory.
yes my son can read and can do basic maths and can tell the time and pay for things in a shop...........when i say he can write ,what i mean is he is able to use a computer ...he is unable to use a pen....havent a clue why he just finds the comination of thinking what to write and then holding a pen and putting it onto paper a nightmare....his writing is illegible because of this .............at his special school he does everything via a computer key board.......he also sits so called exams with a support worker who reads the question to him,he then gives the answer if he knows it and they fill in the answer thats how they do it at his school........so you see a course that is based on doing asignments written is totally unsuitable, a course that expects him to go unaided to Leeds on fact finding missions is beyond him.......
I dont totally blame the teacher but somewhere along the r oad he should have called me and said what was happening.......and before you start on at me baddad saying why didnt i get in touch with the school ive been in touch with the school every single week sometimes twice a week since xmas........talking about all this ,about college suitable courses whats needed ect,i also spent almost two hours at the college meeting with all the teacher s and pupils discussing stuff,ive also been in constant contact with my sons case worker discussing stuff so id better not be hearing anything dissing my parenting skills ........i know what youre like.
Youve it all to come baddad and i tell you now it isnt easy and even the most invovled parent can get ignored and brushed aside by well meaning teachers in the process of prepareing youre kid for the next stage.
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Ive phoned the college this morning and spoken to someone and they agree it is the wrong course totally unsuitable.
he should have applied for the foundation lifeskills course at entry level..............no written work,all pratical stuff that he needs to learn for independant liveing or to help him with it.
Someone is going to call me later today and well take it from there.
Ive called the school and played hell over the teacher invovled.The school is great.........a special school.........this blasted teacher is a new teacher and hasnt known my son very long less than a year and its this idiot whos applied for this course for my son.......ive told the school he needs to research the courses before applying for them for the kids and that i dont want the school invovled any more after this balls up ill sort it all out.............
As ususal you end up doing there jobs for them.........
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Well my sons interview was a monumental disaster.
Not realy his fault.
The school he goes to had messed up big time and theyd applied for the course for him.The coure in question was utterly unsuitable and far beyond his capabilities.I smelt a rat when i was the only parent there with him and all these "normal" kids came in on theire own totally not like my son.Then the teacher at the interview started banging on about bad behaviour ect ect and it became apparent that this was a course aimed at kids whod been excluded from pervious education.Then he had to do a test and he hadnt a clue and i couldnt help him and his writeing was illegible.......then hed to have a formal interview where he refused to speak........then the lady goes will he be ok going to Leeds on his own to do asignments and the look fo horror that came over his face said it all and i pointed out he was unable to go to leeds without adult supervision and then she says oh has he got a statement for special education .she hadnt a clue...............and then hed to do a free style written piece of work and he refused to do it.
Dont think he made the grade somehow.
Afterwards i said what do you think and he just shook his head and said it was a disaster.............
Im going to phone the college mon day tell them theres been a ###### up and try and apply for the corrfect course.........if its too late then hell be leaving school on the 25th June well have to attend the connexsions place and waite untill he can apply for the correct course.
This mess up has happend because the bloomeing teacher at his school insisted the kids applied for courses themselves without parents interfearance and then when my son brought the form home he kicked of when i questioned him about the course and not realy knowing much about stuff its gone pear shaped.
Oh well ............start again..............
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Well he still chances his arm...........hell say things like ............ive had a wash...............meaning its rained on him so that will do.............he doesnt like showering or washing or deodarant but has started to realise its a necesarry evil.He was also told that if he wanted to go to the gym with me and his dad then he would have to jump in the shower ever time afterwards or else he wouldnt be allowed to go............
Theres bound to be set backs the roads never that smooth but thank god at the moment things are ticking along.Weird isnt it with aspergers you go mon ths and months with no apparent progress and then suddenly all of a sudden things click into place and loads of progress is made.
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If youve read any of my posts youll see i had and sometimes still have a similar problem with my son.My son will fly into a rage stomp around kick doors and did give me a kick also ,hell sometimes get right into my face towering over me ...........hes six foot 2 and raise a fist and shout and yell,he doesnt punch me............i do get a bit scared but think sod you i aint backing down and i stand my ground.
I do put it down to hormones and age and frustration and everything else
Sometimes though there can be a reason for it.I say this coz just before xmas my son was realy bad with his behaviour ranting screaming running away from home all hell was kicking of .......i even took him to see the child physcologist who suggested risperodene........i didnt give him the drugs.................because in the end i got to the route of the problem which was my son was terrified of change of leaving his special school and was realy worried.........once wed talked and i explained nothing he didnt want to happen would happen he was the decison maker and if he didnt want college than so be it the tantrums and rages stopped.............now he cant waite to go to college.....................so maybe theres something on youre sons mind that he cant express..........and its comeing out in a angry outburst.............
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Oh he still doesnt go anywhere near toilet paper or paper napkins ...............ive given up on trying to sort that out ive tried talking to him tried finding out what it is he doesnt like about it but you cant get any sence out of him ...........it just is......luckily though the fact his bowels sorted themselves out eventually with a bit of help in the dietery front he no longer gets into a mess and he showers more regulary and baths all be it under supervision that soap actually contacts his skin else hed just sit there.............its progress even if it does take time,you get there in the end.
It is a scarey time oxygirl ill be glad when his first week is over and then his first term once i know hes ok and settled and things are going pear shaped im determined to try and get a job even if its just a temperary one for xmas.Ive spent a long long time at home brining up the kids being a stay home mum and housewife 18 years in total.........ive had the odd part time job,used to escort on the buses takeing special need kids too and from schools but got fed up with ignorant drivers whod id to keep reporting for being rotton to the kids and then they made me life hell ,,the drivers, and i was branded a trouble causer so that was that too stressfull.
One thing for certaine this time next year things are going to be realy different.
Its only when i read posts from parents whoes kids are younger than my son that i remember behaviours and problems he had that id forgotten about and then realise just how much progress hes made with the help of a great school and though i say it myself a not too bad mum.
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Oh i forgot.
Just recently our son announced he wanted to knock himself into shape and join the gym me and his dad go to....he went along and did the induction i explained to the young lad who was the instructor he had aspergers ect and he was brilliant with him.So now he goes three times a week and is realy enjoying it and the lads there make a point of saying hello to him and he was dead pleased when one shook his hand..................its the small things that make all the difference.
hes also started showering most evenings and even...............cant beleive im saying this.......even started to use deodarant on his own chooseing to use it normally wed have a struggle and have to try and spray him.I think hes thinking if he packs on some muscle and smells nice hell pull at college...............lol
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Brill stuff............its not easy but try to ignore the negative stuff its just people showing how ignorant they are.Youre son sounds as though hes got a good heart.
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Yes thats why i first searched out a support forum on autism because of my sons toileting issues............i was desperate for advice on what to do he was in a right old state with anal leakage and constapation and refuseing to use the loo ,i thought it would never end..............it did............this place made me realise i wasnt alone and it was quiete a common problem .........
The college has a special has numerous kids on the spectrum and ive been down there and met all the tutors and kids and had a good nosey round.........he will be invited to go in for a week in August to do a trial week to settle in and get to know the other students and meet the tutor ..............of course if he doesnt like it he can then pull out.Fingers crossed he does and it goes well...........
Good luck to all those kids moveing into a new phase of there lives its exciteing but scarey at the same time specialy for parents.
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Yes thats why i first searched out a support forum on autism because of my sons toileting issues............i was desperate for advice on what to do he was in a right old state with anal leakage and constapation and refuseing to use the loo ,i thought it would never end..............it did............this place made me realise i wasnt alone and it was quiete a common problem .........
The college has a special has numerous kids on the spectrum and ive been down there and met all the tutors and kids and had a good nosey round.........he will be invited to go in for a week in August to do a trial week to settle in and get to know the other students and meet the tutor ..............of course if he doesnt like it he can then pull out.Fingers crossed he does and it goes well...........
Good luck to all those kids moveing into a new phase of there lives its exciteing but scarey at the same time specialy for parents.
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My son has got his interview for college this friday.............fingers crossed.........hes hopeing to go in at a slightly higher level because he can read and write and do maths and knows how to tell the time and knows the money system........hes hopeing to get onto the skills for life and work course..............he should be ok.
After all the upset we had before xmas with him running away from home because he was scared of leaving his special school hes now all geard up to going to college he even bought a bag to put his stuff into............i just hope it works out for him and doesnt go pear shaped.........
Im hopeing to get myself a little pt job once i know hes settled in ok maybe after the first term say end of october.......fingers x
just cant beleive hes leaving school this time........dunt time fly when youre haveing fun.........
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I just wanted to add thet my son used to be like youre son with the soiling of the pants and the wriggleing around all crusty and uncomfortable we thought it would never ever end.It did.
I found that my sons bowels improved with age and dietery changes.I used to give him sugar free dilute pop but found that the sweetners in it made his bowels worse so i switched to narmal sugar type pop,i cut out fizz y drinks and processed foods and fed him all fresh products all the time.......it was realy difficult to implement but it did make a difference.
hes now 16 and has no problems at all with his bowels and marked underwear and constapatioan and anal leakage are thank god a thing of the past.
it will all work out in the end.
Good luck and i hope you sort something out with the school
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My son has been on numerous school trips with his school.........its a special school..............three times to outwood bound centres and he loved it,last year he went to france for 3 days .........againe loved it...............and in June of this year hes going againe for 3 days on a pgl weekend.First time he went he was around 8 years old and i was worried sick but he wanted to go so i let him and he was fine.
Every child is different if youre son wants to go then let him ............
My son gained loads of confidence and i leanrt that sometimes mum fussing around all the time like i tend to do isnt good for them .............my son said he was glad to be rid of me.............
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Baddad
A few weeks ago well before xmas when our son went awol and wed to call out the coppers we told him it was utterly unaceptable to do that...............he didnt give a stuff..........anyway the following week he was meant to go to his duke of edinburgh award thingy and we said no youre not going as a punishment for youre recent behaviour..........all hell kicked of he ranted he raved he booted doors he hurled abuse.............three blasted houres this went on for but we stood our ground and didnt give in he eventually shut up and sat down......we had told him at the time of the awoling that this would happen but he probably though nar you wont follow it through..............i can be a tough cookie sometimes and i dont always go with the aspie flow of things.....id taken me iron pills that day.............
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Baddad
Hats of to you well debated /argued
each to his own as this shows............ -
BADDAD
You are sounding like you are blameing inadequate parenting for childrens behaviour........... It kinda sounds like you saying if youve a probelm with youre autistic child refuseing to leave the home or haveing other difficulties then put youre foot down.......and if you wont then youre a bad parent and no wonder youre child wont do as you ask........Thats what its comeing across as like.
I remember my son haveing terrible days and he wouldnt even go to school...........hes attended a special school since he was 5.........the bus would arrive and me and the escort would be attempting to force him out the house with him screaming blue murder and kicking and shouting and clinging onto the drainpipe an utter nightmare ..........many a time when he was in one of those moods i would just keep him home..............id phone the school and say he was haveing a bad day............the next day hed be fine and go.What would i have acheived in forceing him out,in insisting the escort deal with him on a bus with 8 other asperger kids...........Does that make me a bad parent who hasnt a clue and cant take controll...........i dont beleive it does.
My son spent three years eating only sandwiches.........blankley refused to eat anything else should i have said tough luck you eat what i say or starve...........i would offer an alternative hed refuse to eat id give a sandwich...........he grew out of this also.
I know its each to his own parents like kids are all different..................but i beleive that theres no point trying to change the aspie mind set...........no amount of me saying you WILL DO THIS or THIS IS HOW YOU MUST BEHAVE.............is going to make him suddenly NT he is what he is and somewhere we meet a kinda of compromise and sometimes the NT way wins out depending on his mood and at other times you go with the aspie flow of things.
My son has all round moderate learning difficulties,he was born with bi lateral choanal atresia,and hes also asperger...........Things have not been easy from the second he was born and i for one take a little bit of a huff stropp at being told as a parent i take the easy way out because nothing so far in the 16 years ive parented him has been easy.
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if only it was that easy as to just insist youre going out and make the child go............none of us would ever of had a problem.
I used to desperately try to get my son out the door..............but it was too stressfull for him ...........why would you want to see youre child screaming and shouting and carrying on in obvious distress.............to us Nts we might think oh whats all the fuss about nothing to them its a big deal and it may not be about the weather K doesnt want to go out because maybe thats just something he uses to attempt to give reason to something he doesnt understand maybe he just feels utter fear at leaving the house and doesnt understand why or have the vocabulary to explaine.
My son hated things like traffic noise,hated busy places,hated the fact sometimes the pavement was tarmac and other times it was paveing stones hed refuse to move from one surface to another.........when he did go out there were that many rituals involved in the process of walking that hed to compleate a ten minute journey would take an hour at times everyone involved was desperate and unhappy...........just so not worth it.
he came round in the end in his own time............yes were the parents and shouldnt be dictated to but i for one dont think of it like that i think of it has respecting a difference i cant undertand and he cant explaine so i go with it.............
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been there done it many times for many weeks during the school holidays with my son especialy when he was younger........he would refuse to leave the house and if i forced the issue it wasnt worth the hassel because hed kick of go wild and it just made it hell so id sit in the home all day long going stir crazy with him controlling every aspect of my day and me conforming for fear of a meltdown.It drove me insane.
has hes got older things have greatly improved hes now 16 although sometimes he just refuses to leave and like one of youre kids he games all day long and refuses to get dressed........i just leave him to it and go out on my own........im lucky because he can be left to his own defices for short periods hooked up to xbox with a pile of sandwiches and a drink in the fridge..............i know it sounds like im a rotton mum but hes happy enough and i get out..........eventually he gets utterly fed up with his indoor lifestyle and gets dressed and anounces hes bored and i strike whilst the irons hot and out we go together where he proceeds to do me nutt in because all he wants to do his eat his favourite crisps visit the game shop and then go home...............
there was never any reason as to why my son didnt like leaving the homestead,i guess he just found it stressfull,i used to on occasions shove earplugs in his ears to minamise noise or we spent donkeys years with him carting round a favourite soft toy to help him.
My son also went through a stage when younger of being constapated with anal leakage and was on movicol constantly soiled his underwear ,refused to use the loo you name it he did it........take comfort in the fact he also grew out of this and now uses the toilet is no longer constapated and is in fact a regular toilet blocker............
Im just praying now for back to school on monday coz hes driveing me bloomeing nutts.............lol
One week to go
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cant beleive its finally here.
My son leaves school next wednesday.............hes on a school trip this weekend a pgl thing then basically hes 3 days left and thats it.............going to be a big big change no more special school no more bus picking him up...........hes due to start college in september but ive a fealing hell be that settled at home in the next 12 weeks he wont want to go..........