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ridvan

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Posts posted by ridvan

  1. Posted · Report reply

    <!--quoteo(post=291957:date=Jul 14 2010, 10:37 PM:name=ridvan)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (ridvan @ Jul 14 2010, 10:37 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=291957"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Hi, I do hope you don't have to wait too long for the assessment. Although there's some comfort in not knowing either way whether you'll be diagnosed, it's such a relief to get it out of the way. I dare not say how much I paid to get myself diagnosed - quite frankly it does seems quite ironic that you pay a tidy some just to get what has to be not the best news in the world! I'm pretty sure two of my brothers in north Wales have the condition. Good luck.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

     

    Thank you. I have an appointment on the 3rd August but I don't actually know who with. I intend to go armed with a book I have recently read (Aspergirls Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome) which sets out some of the differences encountered by females with AS and which describes me to a T. I know it doesn't really matter whether I have a formal diagnosis or not, but somehow I feel it will just make me feel better. <img src="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":)" border="0" alt="smile.gif" />

     

     

    Hi there - It's been a while since I've been on here. I was wondering how your appointment went and whether you are any where nearer a diagnosis?

     

    Best wishes

  2. Posted · Report reply

    What a wonderful inspiration you are :)

     

    My son was 20 when he was finally diagnosed but we do believe my husband who is 49 also has AS and he has been wondering about getting tested too. After reading what you said, he said he would go for it:)

     

    Now I know a little about AS so many things in my marriage make so much sense.

     

    Now I know him not talking is not him being in a mood :)

     

     

    Hi, I hope you don't mind, but I read your post out to my wife and she says she completely empathises with you! What does that say about the condition?!? LOL

  4. Posted · Report reply

    I have, at the age of 54, just started on the road towards a formal diagnosis. I have been referred for assessment by my GP but I have no idea how long the process will take. I have only recently come to the realisation that many of my difficulties over the years have been due to AS. At the moment I am finding it all a bit confusing. On the one hand I feel enormous relief that finally I know what it is that makes me different (or difficult, or both!). But on the other hand I am struggling to accept it. I believe that my mother also has AS.

     

    Interestingly none of the few people I have confided in have expressed any surprise at all. One even said, 'but I have always know that about you'. She hadn't felt I was ready to hear it though and I guess she is right.

     

    I am glad that you feel so good about the diagnosis and it gives me hope that I will feel the same if or when I also get confirmation of what I already know!

     

     

    Hi, I do hope you don't have to wait too long for the assessment. Although there's some comfort in not knowing either way whether you'll be diagnosed, it's such a relief to get it out of the way. I dare not say how much I paid to get myself diagnosed - quite frankly it does seems quite ironic that you pay a tidy some just to get what has to be not the best news in the world! I'm pretty sure two of my brothers in north Wales have the condition. Good luck.

     

  5. Posted · Report reply

    Thank you, everyone, for all your comments - really helpful indeed.

     

    However, when I said I've outed myself, I didn't actually mean that I've made a big declaration at work! I've decided that I'll keep it to myself unless specifically asked, simply that I initiated the process all on my lonesome, and have emerged at the other end with some kind of explanation for all the difficulties I previously experienced. I agree that making a declaration at work can be fraught with problems, and I wouldn't actually want people to make allowances for me. However, I have decided to get out of child protection social work, and to explore other opportunities that would satisfy my need for predictability but also to allow me to use my hugely analytical mind - I really have to get cracking at the job hunting business.

     

    On the home front, my wife has kindly told her mother in Essex, so that means that the entire population of that county know about me! I've told my brother in north Wales, and he wasn't surprised - we both agreed that he is Neuro-typical but that maybe my two other brothers have AS. Amongst friends in my own immediate vicinity, my dx shouldn't be an issue.

     

    I'm so glad that I've got the dx, there's certainly no going back, but I already find myself swinging from a little anger to a little relief, then some momentary denial. I guess I'll plateau at some point by which time I'll find myself in a better position all-round.

     

     

     

     

  6. Posted · Report reply

    Well, here goes! I was yesterday diagnosed as having AS - what a surprise. . . . . NOT! And I paid a good wack for the privilege of having label attached to me to explain my alternative thought processes! There I was, trundling west on the M4 with my wife, coming back home after the diagnosis, when we cast our minds back to when we were making a similar return journey after Professor Fraser diagnosed our son some thirteen years previously!

     

    In all seriousness, though, the diagnoses is hugely significant for me, for it means I can focus what I'm good at, less at what I'm not good at, and I know I can get help/advice to overcome my deficits - if I choose to. I can now come to terms with who and what I am. Diagnosis comes as a great relief, and now I can plan for my future, and become less tense about myself.

     

    For all you parents of children with ASD or AS diagnoses, have you thought about whether yourself or your partner/spouse has any symptoms of AS?

     

    For all you late diagnosed AS people, how important has the diagnosis been and what difference has it made?

     

    Well, I've now 'outed' myself, and I FEEL GREAT about it!"

     

     

  12. Posted · Report reply

    Hi - I hope the paroxetine works well for you. I'm taking Mirtazapine for anxiety, 50mg, but taking half a tablet per day. Mirtazapine's working really well and I don't feel any anxiety as I did before, but the fatigue, boy, it takes most of the morning the following day to stop feeling tired! Maybe I'll research paroxetine to see what the possible side effects are.

  14. Posted · Report reply

    Hi - I was wondering whether anyone on the forum has experience of attending medicals for Employment Support Allowance or Incapacity Benefit? I am appointee for my son who as ASD. I will be attending his medical next week, and wonder whether I should keep my mouth shut so that the doctor can get a true picture as to my son's difficulties. I had considered using the recorder on my mobile phone to record the interview because I just don't trust these people, like they have any idea of ASD etc.

     

    If anyone has any experience as to what I can expect, please would you let me know? Many thanks. Worried Dad in south Wales.

  16. Posted · Report reply

    Hi Kerry

     

    I concur with all the replies to your posting. If that therapist puts avoidance of eye contact as the major contributory factor towards a diagnosis of Autism, my son wouldn't have that diagnosis, which he does. My son's eye contact is great with people he knows well, although less so with unfamiliar people, almost fleeting glances if you like. I believe that my son has learnt to make eye contact as he understands that's what people expect him to do to show he's paying attention, rather than it coming naturally or comfortable to him. As for me, as someone who is also awaiting a diagnosis of AS, I make good eye contact, but you know, it just don't feel comfortable nor does it come naturally! It's as if you have to make a special effort to show people you are engaging in conversation, rather it takes a deliberate effort which perhaps neuro-typicals don't need to.

     

    What gets me is, that you almost doubt yourself when someone not qualified, yet some kind of therapist, confidentally suggests that you couldn't probably have AS, as they say that you come across as 'normal' when you certainly don't feel it! Please, don't feel you're a fraud, and get an assessment! Best wishes.

     

     

  17. Posted · Report reply

    Was you GP unable to find a local psychiatrist or was it that he was unable to find one who had sufficient knowledge of ASD. If you are seeing a psychiatrist to be assessed, then it might be a good idea to contact the NAS for a list of consultants in your area, who who would have the relevant background in autistic disorders, before you part with your money.

     

    My GP agreed that all the experts locally dealt specifically with children's developmental problems. Thanks for the suggestion about a list of consultants from the NAS, I'll contact them straight away before I part with my dosh!

  18. Posted · Report reply

    Yes, completely! I'm nearly 40 with a daughter recently diagnosed with AS. Going through her diagnosis has made me realise a lot about myself which makes sense at last.

     

    I'm with you completely on making our wives' lives hell. We seem to have constant running petty arguments which revolve around me pedantically quoting back to her what she's said. This comes across to her as point scoring but I'm just trying to understand what she means! I've finally realised after being together for more than 20 years that I just can't "read" her, so instead I constantly ask her "what's the matter?" - if she's not smiling I assume there must be a problem. I'm trying to re-program myself to assume everythings OK unless she tells me otherwise but it's not easy!

     

    And Jannih, what you said about over-compensation rings true too. I'm actually cripplingly shy in social situations, even with members of my own family. Over the years I've overcompensated and often projected a "larger than life" personality who just isn't me. But as a result lots of people, again including many in my own family, think I'm full of confidence. This just makes it harder for them to accept the "real me". If I'm fine standing on a stage playing guitar and singing, everyday conversation must be a doddle, right?

     

     

    Hi Darren - what you said about repeating to your wife what she had just said is something I've always been doing and I completely relate to you on that one! While she was always thinking I was nit-picking, I was trying to get clarity as to what she exactly meant! My latest learning about myself is that I'm very poor at relating what's going on in my headspace, feelings etc, whereas I also complain to my wife that I can't be expected to understand her emotions if she won't explain to me what she's thinking about! Talk about double standards! When she explains a problem to me, I just want to offer solutions, but she simply wants empathy and no solutions, so I simply can't win! Offering solutions is simply rational and logical, why oh why can't she accept my solutions!

     

    I also completely relate re your comments on social phobia; Like you I try to put out there a feeling of social self-confidence, but really I'm cringeing inside, and dreading being put in situation where I struggle to give a socially acceptable response!

     

    I did the Aspie test again, approached it with an attitude of visiting-for-the-first-time, and this time I scored 150/200. Although I really want an either-way diagnosis, the mere thinking of the possibility that I have AS is comforting, and helps me understand what I can and cannot do well. Cheers. Martin

     

     

     

     

     

  19. Posted · Report reply

    Hi Darren and welcome to the forum. I have a daughter who is 9 and was recently diagnosed although I had known for years there was 'something' and had come to the conclusion it was AS. Like your girl, mine is very clever but 'highly strung' but responds really well to the millions of strategies that are out there to support her with once we understand where the difficulties come through. Beth's teacher assessments put her well above average but she gets very stressed at the mental and physical processes of writing which puts way down the standard and quantity of work she is actually producing. School now let her use a laptop for some longer pieces of writing and have written daily time into her timetable for her to practice touch typing. This means for some pieces of work she is able to show what she is capable of with the stresses of handwriting taken away.

     

    We both feel incredibly relieved to have the diagnosis. As you've said, it opens up opportunities for our girls to access support to have a better time at school and achieve closer to their real academic levels. It's brilliant you've got sorted before the transition to Secondary school so now they can ensure there is a really good handover and support in place when she arrives. Good luck - this is all a bit new to me too and let us know how you get on :).

     

    Sam

     

    Hi. Why don't you do the Aspie Test online? Ok, it might not be 'definitive' or even scientifically 'valid', but it may help you determined to find out one way or another? I scored high on this test, whereas my wife had virtually opposite scores to mine! You'll need to do the test to see what I mean! Anyhow, I'm now awaiting a private consultation with an expert. Go to this link to do the test: www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

     

  20. Posted · Report reply

    Hi Jannih, thanks for your response - it's somewhat reassuring to know that I'm not the only one to be in this situation. Keep us posted, won't you, with your progress on the diagnosis trail, as I also will. I will be 'going private', so hopefully will get quick confirmation as to whether or not I have AS, and then I can definitely leave social work and think of an appropriate move to some other area of work where I will definitely thrive!

     

     

    Further info - I finally heard from my GP who made his own enquiries into possible assessments locally, to no avail I may add. He's now handed me a letter of referral for a private consultation with psychiatrist down the M4 in Newport. Private consultation and payment big bucks here I come! Knowledge of knowing either way and as soon as possible is essential for me.

  21. Posted · Report reply

    Hello all.

     

    My name's Mark. I'm a 41 yr old one-man train wreck from Salford who was given the official AS stamp of approval at the start of April but am now awaiting an assessment for ADHD after a follow-up AS meeting last week.

     

    A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I went to the doctor's with a bout of depression and, as I'm also type II diabetic, he referred me to be assessed by a psychologist. To cut a very long story short, getting on for three years later, here I am - most of that time spent awaiting appointments for one thing or another (the treatment has been, so far, flawless; I just wish it didn't take so bloomin' long between each step).

     

    The ironic thing is that I originally went to the GP's because I felt my life & I weren't working properly (I'll spare you the grisly details) and wanted to find a way to be able to function at some kind of non-destructive/semi-successful level. And now, without sounding too pessimistic, it turns out I have something permanent which can't be cured or eliminated, although I've been told, and realise for myself, that these things can be treated or dealt with to some degree. Fingers crossed, eh.

     

    Anyroadup, posting something in a place like this is close to the bottom of the list of things I'd: a) ever think of doing myself, and b ) willingly or comfortably volunteer for. However, I've been advised (by professionals & friends, all wiser than me) that this might be of some benefit to me. And, as my life to this point has proved, all the things I think I know (including all of my beloved coping mechanisms I've blissfully ignorantly developed over the past four decades) haven't really worked in my favour. So here I am.

     

    I've also started a blog about my AS adventures. There are only two entries so far - I find it as un-me to do that as writing here is. Here's the link for those of you with way too much time on your hands:

     

    Damn....links aren't allowed after all. Ah well, nevermind.

     

    (There might be a little bit of profanity included in it...can't remember to be honest but, knowing me, it's more than likely. You have been warned. And sorry if links aren't allowed.)

     

    OK, that's my lot. Not sure how much I'll participate, or if I'll even post again, in future but.....it's done.

     

    Be good.

     

    M

     

     

     

    Hi Mark - Good to hear about your experience leading to and following your AS diagnosis. I am particularly interested in adults' experiences of AS diagnostic assessment, and I imagine that a separate subject on the forum would be useful. I am so glad that I'm now on this forum, as, until now, I've actually felt alone with my struggle to appear 'normal'. Great that you're on here! All the best. Martin

  22. Posted · Report reply

    Welcome to the ASD forum, Ridvan.

     

    I'm 56 years old and have struggled with life in general. I have been living independently and I work, so I have just about managed to survive and keep my head above water. I always used to say to friends that I was a mild version of my younger sister, who has very severe problems with social anxiety.

     

    A few years ago my older sister took in a foster child who was autistic. She read up on autism, thoroughly, so she could effectively manage his condition. In doing so she discovered that my younger sister ticked all the boxes. She was also concerned about our 3yr old great niece who has also displayed autistic traits. Naturally, I was curious, as I always felt I had the same problems as younger sister, albeit in a milder form. Like you, I have tried to mask the problems and have over compensated in some areas in order to appear "normal". I haven't always made a good job of it and sometimes ended up alienating people.

     

    I am now going for a formal diagnosis, at my age !!!

     

     

    Hi Jannih, thanks for your response - it's somewhat reassuring to know that I'm not the only one to be in this situation. Keep us posted, won't you, with your progress on the diagnosis trail, as I also will. I will be 'going private', so hopefully will get quick confirmation as to whether or not I have AS, and then I can definitely leave social work and think of an appropriate move to some other area of work where I will definitely thrive!

  23. Posted · Report reply

    This is my first posting, so Hi there people!

     

    I don't exactly know what led me to 'stumbling' on to a website with an Aspie questionnaire, but I did, and it gave me 'Very likely to a be an Aspie' score of 145 out of 200! Maybe it was reading an article in a national newspaper about the story of a 50-odd year old dad of a boy with Autism being diagnosed that did it. After years of slowly coming to terms with my son's Autism, I now know where he got it from! Talk about an 'Aha!' moment when I made the connection between my continuous struggle to appear and behave normal and Asperger's!

     

    But at 52 years, come on! I now kick myself that I've spent all this time struggling with life, and being in a stressful and chaotic job as a child protection social worker simply hasn't helped! I guess I must have successfully kept it 'under the carpet' and coped as best as I could all these years. I'm also already feeling sad and grieving about this poor individual who has battled all his life to feel accepted and acceptable. And what my wife has had to put up with!!!!!! E.g's compulsively buying new technology; pedantic about use of English and grammar; social phobia; simply not being able to understand jokes, to name just a few from the tip of the iceberg!

     

    Due to my heightened anxiety (have seemingly been struggling to cope with anxiety for years, and I thought it was just my job!) over this issue, I've arranged an urgent appointment with my GP with a referral for a private consultation with my nearest Aspie expert in Newport, Gwent - I simply need to know one way or another and as soon as possible, i.e. not prepared to wait several months to be told what I already know. Part of me feels a sense of inevitability, but on the other hand, I'm also frightened of a diagnosis and speculate that if it's not AS, I'm just plainly mal-adjusted! My wife is quite comfortable/satisfied with the idea of my having AS it makes so much sense, when you put 2 and 2 together re all my quirky behaviours and thought processes.

     

    This is perhaps a silly question, but does anyone out there have a similar story? Thanks.

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