Darren_T

I just did it, and this is the result: Well at least it's consistent with what I thought! Edit: Hmm, why won't the image work? Oh well. It says I'm 140/200 on AS and 65/200 for NT. I'm "very likely an Aspie" apparently.

Yes, completely! I'm nearly 40 with a daughter recently diagnosed with AS. Going through her diagnosis has made me realise a lot about myself which makes sense at last. I'm with you completely on making our wives' lives hell. We seem to have constant running petty arguments which revolve around me pedantically quoting back to her what she's said. This comes across to her as point scoring but I'm just trying to understand what she means! I've finally realised after being together for more than 20 years that I just can't "read" her, so instead I constantly ask her "what's the matter?" - if she's not smiling I assume there must be a problem. I'm trying to re-program myself to assume everythings OK unless she tells me otherwise but it's not easy! And Jannih, what you said about over-compensation rings true too. I'm actually cripplingly shy in social situations, even with members of my own family. Over the years I've overcompensated and often projected a "larger than life" personality who just isn't me. But as a result lots of people, again including many in my own family, think I'm full of confidence. This just makes it harder for them to accept the "real me". If I'm fine standing on a stage playing guitar and singing, everyday conversation must be a doddle, right?

Thanks for all the replies. This struck a chord with me: For my first thirty years I was very even-tempered and placid, apart from two situations, which were both caused by me feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope with particular subjects I was studying. The first was O-level English Lit aged 15: overwhelmed by David Copperfield, feeling I had to "learn" a 900-odd page book - which I eventually threw in the sea on holiday after sitting the exam! The second was in my third year at university, aged 20 - having sailed through school I suddenly realised that, unlike A-level maths and science, degree-level engineering was not something I could do instinctively, and I was faced with trying to learn loads of really complex maths which no longer made any logical sense to me. In both cases I sank into a kind of angry depression which I only vaguely remember. Both times my family helped me through it and my wife (who was then my girlfriend) tells me that I made her life a misery on the second - we'd been together two years and it was the closest we've ever been to splitting up, and I can hardly remember it! I was never violent but I think I took my frustration out on her verbally, probably over months. But apart from those two specific periods, I was always calm and basically happy-go-lucky. Until the kids came along. Since having children (specifically, since around the time the oldest was a toddler) I've turned into someone who is frequently angry when I am with them. I don't like being this way but I don't know how to deal with it or fix it. I love them all but I get irrationally angry with them and it's not their fault! If I get to their bedtime without having had a screaming fit at some point (often incoherent or even unable to form words) then it's been a good day. Again I've never been physically violent toward them but it has a physical aspect for me - often I will drop to my knees and squeeze whatever I'm holding until it breaks, or dig my nails into my palms. It's like I have to damage something but I don't want it to be them! I basically turn into the Hulk minus the green skin and muscles. In my own mind I call it impotent rage. Since looking into AS through my daughter's assessment, and recognising several AS characteristics in myself, I'm starting to think that this is one of them. I get irrationally angry at "nothing in particular" when I'm not in control of my life. And looking back, I've always felt in control apart from those two times when I was overwhelmed by studying, and ever since having kids who were old enough to decide to do what they wanted to do, rather than what I wanted them to do. I can't control the kids, nor do I want to, but subconsciously it drives me mad.

Lindy - it's probably a bit late now but it sounds like you should get your son properly assessed and diagnosed. Our limited experience is that once you get the diagnosis all the formal support mechanisms swing into action in the schools. Our worry was that our daughter would get thrown into the chaos of the new school without any special support and that she wouldn't cope very well, and that she would end up getting "marked down" and graded into a lower class/set than she ought to be in, which would just make her more bored and disengaged and make the whole thing worse in a vicious circle. As it is the school now has her formally identified as a special case, and they have official confirmation from her primary school that she's a brain box (they may have used different educational jargon) but doesn't always translate her ability into her written work and formal assessments. So we're happy now that she will be in the right class for her innate ability but with the support she needs to help her deal with any issues and focus on what she needs to be doing. Having said that, I think she is a mild AS case compared to many - she is fine with actually going to school, although lately she is getting bored with primary because it's not stretching her, despite her teacher's best efforts! So she is really looking forward to moving up in September, she's looking forward to the challenge. (Another characteristic that reminds me of me). Tally - thanks for that. I think I'm in exactly the quandry you describe. I feel like I'm on the verge of finally understanding something about myself, but I'm not sure what I'd do with that understanding! I'm part way through Tony Attwood's book and he says (I think) that something like 1/3 of AS children have a close relative with many of the symptoms if not necessarily enough to be fully diagnosed themselves. I suspect I probably fit into that category if not actually being AS. Part of my personal issue is that I have a good job and I'm the main family breadwinner. However for the last few years I've been becoming increasingly disengaged from my job. I'm utterly bored by it and like my daughter, I find it hard to concentrate and put in the effort because it just doesn't interest me. However, I'm too old now (and with too many family responsibilities) to switch career to something that does interest me - there's no way I could start a new job with no relevant experience and earn what I do now. So I have to stick with it to support the family even though it's driving me mad. I feel like a wage slave, and not even a very good one. So another worry is that even as I stick with it, my lack of enthusiasm will sooner or later lead to me getting the boot anyway. My options are to pull my socks up, jump ship, or wait to be pushed. The one that's best for the family is option one, but that's the worst one for me, and one that I'm finding more and more difficult. Sorry if this is a bit of a stream of consciousness ramble. I think there's a lot I need to get off my chest! I'm not sure whether this is AS related or I'm just having a typical mid life crisis. One thing's for sure, I'm more confused now than I ever was as a teenager.

Hello all, I'm a very nearly 40-year-old father of four children aged 7 (twins) to almost 11. I've found my way here because my daughter (the almost 11 year old) was recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. So we've been on the emotional rollercoaster with her over the last year or so, which I'm sure is familiar to many here. The short version of the story is my daughter's primary school teacher recognised characteristics in her she'd seen previously in other AS children and raised it with us, and helped us to start the ball rolling on getting her assessed and eventually diagnosed. The good news is that now she has the diagnosis in time for her moving to secondary school in September, and we've already had discussions with both schools about making sure she has the support she needs to help her to cope with the new school and with her own difficulties. It's also helped us at home to find better ways of dealing with what we previously thought of simply as her bad behaviour. This is all very positive for her and I'm really confident that she will be able to thrive. She is very bright but needs to be focused and if she loses interest she will just do her own thing rather than whatever she's supposed to be doing. She also gets stressed very easily over what seem like trivial, unexpected things. I don't suppose this sounds too surprising! The interesting thing for me is that when the teacher first raised it with us, my wife confessed that she'd had a suspicion that our daughter was somewhere on the spectrum (my wife is a nurse so she already knew about these things). I had no idea at all - I just thought she was a normal, if very clever, and rather highly strung, child. And as I started to learn about AS I realised that I thought she was normal because she was just like me! Or rather, an exaggerated version of what I was like at her age. And so in parallel with going through her diagnosis, and learning about how to help her and to improve things at home, I've been re-evaluating myself and my own life. I'm not sure I'd be classed as AS because my symptoms are milder than my daughter's (or I've learned to live with them), but I think I'm somewhere near. It explains a lot about a lot of things I've done over the years, and ways I've behaved especially in social situations, that I never really understood at the time, and regretted for years afterwards. I'm toying with the idea of trying to get myself formally assessed but my thoughts aren't really straight on that at all. I'll post more when I've got a bit more time - it is after midnight after all, and I've got work in the morning! - but as I've just registered I wanted to say hello and introduce myself.