anewor

Thanks for that Jericho - I think it's a bit too late to set up an insurance policy now, but definitely a fantastic idea for the future - when I get through my immediate problems! As to sorting out the LEA - I'm not sure where to start yet but A's Social Worker has contacted Parent Partnership to seek their advice and knows of a Solicitor who specialises in Educational issues and I'm still trolling the internet to see what info I can find!

Yes, I hear what you're saying. A's social worker is making enquiries with both Norsaca and PP to see if they can help, I am going to contact IPSEA and I've just sat back down at the computer after the school run to search out anything I can find on a discussion in government recently about education and ASD. I forgot to mention that home schooling wouldn't, I don't think, be an option for me as I have to work being a single mum with a mortgage! But I would be sad if Alex wasn't at school - he seems to be enjoying this school - he is learning the rules and has established his own routine before and after school (apart from when it thundered today and he had to sit in the school library for the entire French lesson because it was a bit more 'sound proof' room and therefore he couldn't hear the thunder so loudly!). The school are obviously dealing with his worries as they arise in a caring way and I'm confident that mixing with other children is the right thing for him. Time will tell. I thought "Snap" when you talked of the award. I often quote A's last Headteacher who said if there was an award going for the best behaved pupil, Alex would have won it hands down every year! But how sad, that his good behaviour is down to - to quote his year five teacher on his school report - "having to climb mountains each and every day" Thanks for taking the time to reply - it's going to be hard, if not impossible, but at least I feel I'm doing something and I value your thoughts and experience.

Hi My Asperger's son has just started year 7 in a small, Independent church school in September this year. although I can't predict the future, I can say that in the last couple of weeks he has astounded me every day. In his junior school (which was very caring, 350 kids in the school, 30 in a class) after every break (and most Monday mornings) it was a nightmare to get him back into school and his "worry book" was filled to overflowing with daily worries and anxieties. At this school, he has made regular visits - about 10 days in total since January of this year, and these visits have obviously paid off. He went on his first day, albeit crying and frightened to death, but came out smiling. We've had the usual "notes" to the teachers to explain his particular worries that day, but with only 60 teachers from nursery to Year 11, 120 pupils in the whole school, 8 in his year group, and a very quiet, relaxed and extremely friendly and caring environment, he has settled really well in less than a month - far better on a day to day basis than he was in junior school. I am convinced that I made the right decision for him. He did comment yesterday that all the children already know each other and therefore it was hard to make a friend - but this was a passing comment and I'm going to revisit the subject occasionally to see if things change. He only had two close friends at junior school (with whom he still has regular contact evenings and weekends) and I therefore felt the "bigger picture" was more of a consideration for him than making new friends. I stand to be proven wrong however! Hope this helps.

Thanks for that Tez. I have never considered home schooling - the problems at school are all emotional and apart from struggling with writing and having to have things explained to him very clearly and concisely he is a model pupil at school. Well behaved, polite, immediately does as he is told, works hard to finish every task set, never argues or answers back to anyone. His problem is that he is like this because of his severe anxieties at school. He DAREN'T not finish his work in case he gets told off (he has never been told off since he started school!), DAREN'T argue or answer back (etc, etc - quite the opposite at home in some departments though!) He was in therapy for four years for "Severe Anxiety" before I pushed for, and immediately got, a diagnosis of Asperger's, and it was because of his anxieties that I made the decision to send him to an Independent School. Our local LEA school can offer a 'safe haven' for Alex during break times and lunch times but apart from this, they appear to be unable to do anything else to meet his emotional needs. As you say, I've left the LEA and therefore can't look to them for help - or can I? I'm definitely going to ring IPSEA for their advice. Thanks for responding.

Aagh!!!! Is anyone out there, like me, completely exasperated with their local education authority's refusal to admit that although the local comprehensive school can meet all of my Asperger's son's educational needs - it can't possibly cater for his emotional needs - and therefore won't consider a Statement or a contribution towards school fees in a smaller school? I'm just so cross that although EVERYONE I speak to agrees, there seems to be little any of us can do about it. My son was diagnosed in 2004/05. I was then working 30 hours a week to fit around taking and fetching him from school each day and just making ends meet. As I'd managed without financial help for 9 years already - the DLA money was a bonus. I therefore chose to spend his DLA money on sending him to a local independent school when he started in Year 7 this September (with my fantastic mum and sister making up the �80 per month shortfall). I felt this particular school would not only meet his educational needs (he's now able to work to his full potential because of the smaller relaxed surroundings which will hopefully secure him an independent lifestyle when he's older) but his emotional needs too - smaller building, small class sizes, no bells! and fewer teachers to get used to. Four weeks in it is obvious it was the right decision as he is 'willing' to go to school every day and more relaxed at home and therefore not battering his younger brother quite as much as he did do at Junior School, He's like a different boy (at least where school is concerned!). But what do you do when you're made redundant and the DLA money would have been more useful to keep a roof over his head? It would be catastrophic for my son if I were to pull him out now - I won't do it. I feel in fight mode - has anybody tried and succeeded, or tried and failed to get their LEA to acknowledge emotional needs at school? I personally can't see how they can be separated as one affects the other, but I'd be interested to hear of anyone elses experience.

Thanks for all your replies - I didn't expect an instant cure - but it's nice to know others are in the same boat and are all struggling for an answer as I am. The levels of aggression change - sometimes fisticuffs and sometimes verbal - but it's distressing all the same. You don't know how important finding this site was to me - I attend a support group in Nottingham which is a help, but this is a much wider group of experience and advice. I have read a lot of the general discussion topics this afternoon and I can identify with most of them (especially the "bad mother" one which I was sure was posted by divine intervention to appease my guilt!!!). I could rant on for hours but then again I probably would be banned from the site!!! But I appreciate and welcome any comments and look forward to joining in the topics discussed on the site which I'm sure will be more useful than all the therapy in the world. (Book me a passage to the Island please!). Thanks

Hi Everyone I've just discovered this site - just what I need I think! I feel very isolated having very few people to talk to who understand my 10 year old son who is Asperger's. I too get labelled with "older mother" (I was 35 when I had my first child), "over-protective" and even "he gets his anxiety from mum". After fighting from the age of four I felt such relief (and so did he) that we have the diagnosis and now help will pour in - (WRONG! but that's another story!) My particular area of concern at the moment is the effect his temper has on his 7 year old brother. He seems to vent all his frustration and anxieties on him. Being a single mum means he looks to me for his security, and therefore his younger brother is the one who bears the brunt of his temper. Has anybody else experienced this, and how can I help both sons to get along? Any advice would be much appreciated.