bothered
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Posts posted by bothered
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Good morning everyone !
My son kept shouting out in his sleep last night (something he does when anxious or excited) they were happy noises though and this morning he is so overjoyed and happy it is making me feel better about him going !
I only told him the school had received the letter so it should be soon ! He had been getting very low and depressed the last few days so its a quick turn around.
I have found though that this time out of school with the pressure off has helped him in alot of ways. Alot of life skills stuff and he is beginning to express his feelings or at least voice them. Even if it is "I feel really odd, like something is wrong, like I might die, like something is missing but I dont know what. " !!!! At least its a start, something he never did before as he was such an enormous bundle of hightened everything !
Of course what he is describing is boredom, dissapointment, not knowing what is happening etc. It is interesting how they describe themselves so literally.
On the school visit front. I visited the school in May. My son and his eldest brother visited in July for a day. First half looking round with us and the second half we left and he spent the afternoon with his peer group, on the house, going to a lesson (DT his favourite) having something to eat. The deputy head visited us at home in July also and saw him in every mood possible ! I guess we have done the preparation, I m just nervous !
Thanks again
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Thank you
phoned the school and they have a letter of intent from the LEA but it seems they are trying to delay the start until the completed new statement is issued in five weeks. We all know why, it will save them half a terms fees, which are considerable.
However solicitors have written to dispute that this is not necessary and actually unlawful as no provision is in place in the mean while.
So perhaps they are just trying it on to save some money this half term. They are however getting a clear message via the school and the solicitor this is not on.
So we wait and see. The school are telling me tomorrow what date they will insert in the contract to the LEA which will be some help.
My son is now bouncing off the walls with a mixture of excitement and anxiety.
Any tips on how to reintegrate would be gladly received from others personal experiences. Whether to make a few visits or just go in straight off. Its a residential school so will be a massive change to the last ten months. For both of us. I am afraid that if he does visits something may happen to put him off and scupper things but am also worried that dropping him off to start full time is so daunting to me.
I know it is what is best for him this school but it will be a massive adjustment which I am looking forward to and dreading.
Any tips would be welcome. Of course I will do the usual preparation stuff our kids need but any comments would be welcome.
Thank you again
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I rang the tribunal people to see about the possibility of asking for a date to be inserted forschool start but it was pretty fuitless, decisions already made etc.
Phoned DFES and they put me through to someone who put me through to someone and an hour later I am no further forward.
Basically the rules simply state how long the LEA have to change statements, but there does not seem to be any obligation on our situation.
The LEA has to produce a new statement within 5 weeks for me to sign and then when I have they will issue it. Until the statement is in force it does not have to do a thing it seems.
However if he was at school and the only change was the school then he would have to move to that school as soon as the statement was changed, i.e., two weeks.
I now have another number to phone but am getting dizzy from going round in circles. Perhaps if I just bang my head against the wall several times it will stop the dizziness and I will pass out.
Perhaps the school has some news but sadly they are not there til tomorrow. Well there is always tomorrow, who knows, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps !!!
Ipsea are busy but I might try them tomorrow.
xx thanks
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Thanks one and all, yes the solicitor does know this and is pointing and threatening them today.
We are of the opinion that they are so p*****d off that they are trying to salvage some thing by pointing out they found errors that had been overlooked.
We are not making waves just now as we have found the LEA solicitor completely stupid to say the least and though we have looked carefully and are not concerned any points of law have been overlooked we dont want to give the LEA any ideas.
My plan is to wait and gather as much knowledge as I can until the 28 days have passed.
If no action has happened til then then I will blast forth !!!!
we have until the 19th to play it gently which is necessary, we dont want to help the LEA after all.
Once the 28 days is passed then they have to abide by every decision made and have no right to appeal.
The tribunal said the school placement should be made immediately. One of the reasons for their finding in our favour was that he had been off school for so long and needed immediate placement.
I have been told by Sendist and all that its 2 weeks and on the websit one of you suggested it says the same.
Anyone else says as this has been dealt with by solicitor and is in the hands of the lea solicitor they cannot get involved. Same happened when the MP tried to help.
The LEA have told the solicitor that the case officer will contact the school. But they have not ! surprise !
Thanks for the support,
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Thanks I will look it up.
Just phoned the solicitor, he says that the LEA have written to him stating they have found a number of items needing clarifying and that they assume we are happy to wait for the answers to these and the issuing of a new statement towards the end of Jan beginning of Feb.
He has told me that what amouns to typing errors are all in Parts 2 and 3 of the statement and as they have no queries regarding Part 4 where the school is named they have no right to ask us to wait for the whole statement before doing anything.
Therefore he is writing to them requesting them to get the school place sorted out as they should do this within 2 weeks of the decision (which has now passed). Telling them that my son should start school immediately and the statement can be worked on over the next few weeks. Bearing in mind that EOTAS have now withdrawn any home education as the decision has been made they are now also breaking the law as they have not arranged the school placement and have withdrawn EOTAS leaving my son with no schooling. !!!!
So now we wait, again......
Just thought I would let you know the above so other people know. Its very handy having a solicitor as they very quickly get to the nub of the problem and take action. But you have to be aware that they are very costly, the phone call probably cost me ?75 and the two letters ?25 each !! To give an idea to anyone who may want to takes things to tribunal when there is already a statement issued, so basically challenging by issuing an appeal against it it was this,
It took 8 months from issuing the appeal to getting a date for the tribunal
Got private EP, OT, S&L and PSCH reports (each well worth as provided on average 30 page reports)
Solicitor found fault in statement so could make an appeal (otherwise it would have taken alot longer)
Solicitor contacted LEA EOTAS on my behalf to get home ed (we had to threaten them with the High Court)
Solicitor collated reports and general information
LEA made no attempt to resolve during this time and two weeks before the tribunal started making offers of alternatives which were all inappropriate. These offers became grander up to the day of tribunal. None were suitable and indeed the tribunal found them to be wildly misjudging the situation.
Total bundle of papers over 500
Barrister attended tribunal along with deputy head from chosen school, private EP
Whole day in tribunal
total cost so far approximately ?12,000
the look on the LEA faces at tribunal ? priceless
We did get the right outcome and its now a case of forcing the LEA to act on it.
I would say the solicitor, barrister and private reports were very very dynamic so though this was expensive it did feel like it was worth it when the reports came through. I would imagine it could be done for less but am not sure.
When we first got the statement several years ago we did the same thing and used a solicitor and barrister to get the statement. The LEA backed down the day before the tribunal which they often do. They wait to see if the parents back down and when they dont they often back down themselves.
Its very tough to go through but I would recommend it if at all possible.
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Just a quick question
Does anyone know how long the LEA has to carry out what is set out in the new statement after being informed of the decisions on this by the Tribunal panel.
Briefly !!!
Tribunal found much of the statement needed changing and noted this in their decision, they also noted in the end page a list of changes etc. They named a change of school to a special school in the decision and the statement, however not in the list of changes to be made.
Anyone with half a brain would easily work out what the statement should say but the LEA being the LEA they have gone back to the tribunal chair woman and queried about ten points which amount to typing errors and things written in decision and statement but not in the list.
The school have not heard from the LEA
The solicitor has advised not to contact the LEA
I have phoned tribunal offices and been told they have no authority to chase action on decision but dont think LEA will get reply til end of Jan.
I was under the impression that the LEA had to put new school place into action within two weeks of decision but when I spoke to tribunal office they waffled on about new statements being given five weeks and did not make much sence.
So I just wondered if anyone knew what the time frames were and what I should do next.
I will ring my solicitor but money is tight to say the least.
Anyone know what the rule is here, my son is getting so anxious now about this, having been told to tell him the decision in order to prepare him he of course is getting pretty p ***** d off that it is not happening.
I was under the illusion that the decisions were final and had to be enforced immediately - it seems perhaps not ?
Appreciate any knowledge on this, thanks
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I maybe new here but am certainly not new to the subject. I have received alot of positive feedback and only feel slightly sad at the numbers of warnings of how things will not work.
I do not dismiss or belittle anything anyone else does or says.
I am in favour greatly in rewarding and recognising those on "stateside" who have done well in supporting myself or others. I am not on a personal crusade and out to get revenge. I simply believe that we must stop being put off by so many warnings by many to not do anything.
As I said before I am simply trying to reach people who are interested in letting me know a few details and in no way wish to jeopordise anyones personal progress or support.
I have a child with Asperges who has been ignored and disregarded.
I have worked in a special needs school and helped many parents and students alike. I have seen the progress that the right education brings not only to the student but the whole family. I have also seen what happens when that falls apart. Often not because of the student or the family but the professionals involved.
I do not dispute that many peoples hands are tied as they are at the mercy of government policies but I do not accept that SOME of these people have acted entirely within their job descriptions.
I have taken alot of what has been said as good and helpful advice but I do feel that some comments were negative. This of course could be my perception and I am prepared to leave this to others judgement.
We all work in our own ways and as time marches on all our children grow older. By the time they are 16 it is no longer law to educate our kids. I have been battling for ten years and have yet to see results. If this continues and I play it the normal way it will be less time than that that I missed the window of opportunity.
This applies to everyone and as a parent and teacher I find it saddening that so many young people will end up labelled as trouble makers, in care, in special units etc because nothing changed quickly enough.
I am not saying my thoughts are unique, far from it, it is warming to see, though sad, that I am far from alone. Something from my work I knew anyway.
I will march on no matter what, why ? because through the years after one suicide, one child put in a secure unit, one family torn apart, and one person suffering a third mental breakdown and knowing that these were each just one of many many more makes me want to continue finding a way.
These situations are not uncommon I know but when you actually know they are the result of the wrong care its hard to turn away.
Luckily for me, though still trying to achieve for my son, we may finally be getting somewhere, this will not be our story. What I cannot escape from is that that is not the norm and more does need to be done.
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I do understand that parents are exhausted and find it hard to take on anything further. I myself am in the same situation.
However, perhaps it would be interesting to go the extra mile.
As I keep saying, this is completely up to the individual and judging by the big response to my private offer of my own e mail some do wish to go a little further.
I would only encourage anyone to contact me privately as this seems to allow everyone to feel its not to do with the site here.
Thank you for your responces.
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I am not an activist and I do know what I am talking about. If we were all succeeding following the usual routes none of us would be having problems.
I dont know who you are and you dont know who I am. If you feel you cannot trust me then you are not under any pressure to tell me anything. That of course is your choice.
Like I said and I will say again. I am trying to find another way and simply gather some basic information.
Maybe I am a fool and a wishful thinker but if no one wants to respond or join me in this then I will have learnt that there is no need and no one else agrees with me.
If that is the case then, job done, I will not bother persuing it. Perhaps if there is little response I will realise that everyone is quite happy letting this take its time and happy with things jogging along.
I have had to keep going through alot of rough stuff and simply hoped to help others. I am only sorry it has caused such negative viewpoints.
I watch the news, read the papers, my son is still out of school after 10 months. It does not seem to me like much is happening and by the look of what I have read here and other similar websites so far there is little evidence that much is likely to change.
This is obviously a great place to chat and mull over things and should not be spoilt by anyone but as it would appear so many Asperges parents are house bound its not exactly easy to meet them any other way.
If anyone would like to correspond with me they can send me private e mail to my e mail outside of this site.
It would appear that that may be better received.
cmagic@ntlworld.com
Apologies for the offense and disgust this seems to have caused but I will not apologise for at least trying.
Hey ho !
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Hello Tez
I felt very moved by your answers. You sound quite remarkable and still able to see fairness and appreciate those who have tried to help.
Thank you very much for the reply, I am very grateful.
x
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What sort of trouble ?
When I really pushed things to the wire, I found I became more and more intimidated by those involved. I had to, it seemed to me, prove my innocence and my sons diagnosis. Social workers spent two weeks in my house trying to get my son to school. This because they were trying to help education prove there was not a problem. Needless to say it failed miserably which simply reinforced my little angels idea that he was in control and invincible. Not helped by the fact that they told him they could not wait all day to get him to school, so he thought, "right then, I will just last out til you have to leave" Once they realised they could do no better they finally admitted that they did not know what to do. It was laughable yet not funny !!!
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Thank you,
Nellie is worried this may harm the forum etc.
I have assured her and again assure you that this information will be completely anonymus (sorry cant spell that!)
I am simply trying to see how bad this really is and find a genuinely peaceful but important and significant way of highlighting the real problems for our kids and our families.
I do not wish in any way to cause any conflict or problem for anyone.
I am simply trying to get some information to back up my argument.
It will only be used in the manner of for example
x number of children are out of school
x number of 9 years olds experience x
x number of parents have lost their jobs
I believe the numbers will shock alot of people and I think also that many of us will be warmed by the genuine support that can be offered by those not currently affected.
I have no intention of entering more agro but I would like to highlight this in a way that people will understand and perhaps also in a way that they can relate to and with information they understand.
Because the general public do not really know what asperges is they have no concept of the affect it has on everyone involved. I think if they did they would help and if nothing else when bumping into our children in their lives they might be supportive instead of assuming our kids are naughty and badly parented.
Hopefully this has reassured those who may be concerned, I mean no harm !!! I come in peace !!!!
xx
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Thank you,
Hopefully lots of people will respond. I am genuinely interested in finding out this information. Due to my son's problems I had to leave my job working at a special needs school which was not only a wonderful experience but deeply frustrating - and I just got to work with the lucky ones!! I did not meet one parent who had an easy time getting their children educated. It is frankly disgusting.
I am seriously thinking of taking some action but until I get some responses I am not sure what it will be yet. It seems so many have and are still struggling. I would like to find a new way that will have more impact. I certainly dont intend writing thousands of letters and spending years waiting for action. so here is hoping that we think of something ....... Bob Geldoff comes to mind !!! Now I am laughing at the image of him with the so called professionals on "Stateside" now that would be fabulous.
x
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Its just a thought. Often we all spend our time battling alone. I frequently get bamboozled by people telling me my situation was so difficult for professionals to work out. They all had their own excuses etc. Seems to me that any attempts to seek support, help or action are met with the following situation developing:
Firstly we phone department concerned.
They say they will get back to us but dont.
We then write to them
They write back with excuses and waffle
We keep trying and all departments do all they can to minimise the importance of our problem and put us off with comments like ..." its very hard and its just the way it is. We sympathise but its not our role. You will find it hard to change anything. Unfortunately the school dont think there is a problem so we cant act. We dont have the money. We have been told by the authority we must not recomend any of the things you are saying. Its too expensive. Blah blah blah"
We then give up or we keep going.
If we give up then we find we go round the same circle a few months later
If we keep going we find the communications get more difficult or collapse with anyone who was helpful backing off.
We then become isolated and the authorities insinuated you are making things worse for your child or that its you that is the problem.
I find it amazing that this goes on and that so many of us are struggling.
It occurred to me that if we could get some kind of list together which showed the numbers involved, the frequency and repetative problems then someone might listen.
What I thought of, without giving names or anything, perhaps posting here a few details of your situation and see if we cannot get together some evidence.
Example:
Age of your child.
Mainstream or specialist school.
In or out of school.
Statement or not
How hard was it to get a statement
How hard was it to get a school suited to your childs needs
What professionals were involved and which ones were supportive, helpful, proactive etc
Whether your child has been out of school and how long for
Whether your child has become depressed, suicidal due to schooling problems
On medication
Whether behaviour has deteriorated towards you due to schooling problems
Have you had a successful outcome
How long did it take
If not how long since your first attempts to solve
How has this affected you. Family life, other children, friends, job, home etc
Location in the country
Anyone interested ?
If so post your stuff on here keeping it as brief as possible, just facts and perhaps we could collate something.
Make it all anonymous so you feel free to say exactly what the situation is.
x
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Its just a thought. Often we all spend our time battling alone. I frequently get bamboozled by people telling me my situation was so difficult for professionals to work out. They all had their own excuses etc. Seems to me that any attempts to seek support, help or action are met with the following situation developing:
Firstly we phone department concerned.
They say they will get back to us but dont.
We then write to them
They write back with excuses and waffle
We keep trying and all departments do all they can to minimise the importance of our problem and put us off with comments like ..." its very hard and its just the way it is. We sympathise but its not our role. You will find it hard to change anything. Unfortunately the school dont think there is a problem so we cant act. We dont have the money. We have been told by the authority we must not recomend any of the things you are saying. Its too expensive. Blah blah blah"
We then give up or we keep going.
If we give up then we find we go round the same circle a few months later
If we keep going we find the communications get more difficult or collapse with anyone who was helpful backing off.
We then become isolated and the authorities insinuated you are making things worse for your child or that its you that is the problem.
I find it amazing that this goes on and that so many of us are struggling.
It occurred to me that if we could get some kind of list together which showed the numbers involved, the frequency and repetative problems then someone might listen.
What I thought of, without giving names or anything, perhaps posting here a few details of your situation and see if we cannot get together some evidence.
Example:
Age of your child.
Mainstream or specialist school.
In or out of school.
Statement or not
How hard was it to get a statement
How hard was it to get a school suited to your childs needs
What professionals were involved and which ones were supportive, helpful, proactive etc
Whether your child has been out of school and how long for
Whether your child has become depressed, suicidal due to schooling problems
On medication
Whether behaviour has deteriorated towards you due to schooling problems
Have you had a successful outcome
How long did it take
If not how long since your first attempts to solve
How has this affected you. Family life, other children, friends, job, home etc
Location in the country
Anyone interested ?
If so post your stuff on here keeping it as brief as possible, just facts and perhaps we could collate something.
Make it all anonymous so you feel free to say exactly what the situation is.
x
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I would imagine they will ignore your requests in the hope you will give up.
You need to take control.
Write to the school giving them a date that they have to reply by. Copy this to the governors. Mention in your letter that you have already requested this. In your last paragraph tell them that if you do not receive this by this date you will be taking matters in hand to ensure that you have the response you requested according to your rights.
I would also include a comment along the lines of
...It would appear to me that this matter has been disregarded as unimportant and I would like to express my deep concern that this in itself shows a lack of understanding of the matter. I do hope this is not an indication that you are unable to meet the needs of individual children no matter what their circumstances are.....
.... Whilst writing please forward to me a copy of your policy on special needs children and their associated difficulties.....
This may well make them mad but only if they are guilty of someting. I found it very hard to deal with this kind of situation and spent much of my time worrying about the feelings of those involved and wanting to appear to be a nice mum, person etc. Its tough trying to battle and mean it whilst looking cute !!!!!
At the end of the day I suddenly realised that these people I cared about what they thought did not give a dot of thought to me. When you doubt what you are doing and whose feelings you are treading on, remember your child and decide who matters most. That usually does it for me !!!!
Good luck.
x
Sorry !!!!!!
Just learning how to use this and see you sorted this out already. Derrr !!
Congratulations
x
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Hi Bothered. Welcome to the forum. Your story has left me numb with anger. You really have been given the runaround with provision. I'll suggest what I can to help - though it isn't much. I would like to know what LEA we are talking about. Please don't post it up here though. If you click on my name (to the left of my post) you can send me the name via a personal message. The reason for this is comparing their SEN policy to their provision can often make all the difference.The problem is where to begin!
I'll try.
There does seem to be a problem where people get a private diagnosis. The argument runs, it appears, that you get what you pay for, which is pretty much the reaction you say you got. I tend to disagree with that as I believe that professional integrity of anyone doing this would be compromised very quickly. I am also shocked that you have had to supply resources, even though I know this happens far more then is publicy acknowledged.
With regards to the statement you got can you tell me (us) what it actually gave by way of detailed provision: 1-1 support for 'x' hours, use of 'x', 'y' or 'z' stratergies etc. Then can you tell us what the 'real' support your son got was. I know this may seem a waste of time but it may help others who (god forbid) find themselves facing the same problems.
I know there are huge, huge problems for our kids during breaktimes. Schools seem to be very slow at reacting to this. Your son has been hugely let down here. I/we/you cannot say for certain that these accidents were nothing more than that, but...
All I can say is thank god you had the strength to take it this far. Many don't and I'm afraid that it seems LEAs rely on this. It makes me so ###### angry.
INCREDIBLE!! Have they forgotten their is a child involved here? If they are really just arguing over typing errors I am gobsmacked. What are they playing at?
PLEASE - if you haven't done so already talk to your mortgage lender, tell them the difficulty you are having and why. 99% of them don't ever want to go down the route of eviction (mine didn't, but they had to - but thats a different story for another time).
Have you talked to IPSEA or any one else who can suggest how to help? If not I suggest you do so ASAP - I know that may mean waiting till the begining/middle of next week now but they may be able to offer more than just suggestions on a computer screen. There is a link to them somewhere on the forum.
No, it isn't ever enough. We all get this, or a version of it thrown at us - and it hurts, like hell. The problem is we know deep down they really don't understand that there is more to life then their games system or pokemon cards etc. I think we've all had the dream of going somewhere miles and miles away from it all, but the problems wouldn't go away, they, as you say, would still be there when we looked back.
WE KNOW. We can see it from what you have told us. You have given everything you've got for him. Perhaps it is just as well he doesn't know.
I bet it has left you numb.
What to suggest?
Are you still up for a fight? I think it is time you played the game the LEA way...DIRTY. I am sure the press would be interested in your story on a local level and then quite possibly on a national one. You don't have to be prepared to actually do this (unless you want to!)...just make the LEA think you are! Threaten to talk to the press, TV, radio...anyone who'll listen. Have a letter to this effect sitting on the heads, head's desks for first thing in the new year. Quite frankly I am disgusted at what you have both been put through. I hope the powers that be in your LEA will hang their heads in shame over this. Have you thought of raising this with your MP? They may be able to help put pressure on these arrogant gits. I really don't know what else to suggest to you. Others on here will have been where you are I am sure. They may be better placed to offer suggestions than me. You have just got to steal yourself for the last leg.
Are there any support groups local to you who could offer support and perhaps some respite for you? It sounds like you need it desperately. Even a few hours can make a difference. Lastly, and above all else you are not alone anymore. You have us. We may not have all the answers (I certainly haven't in your case - you have gone all the way with this and are still fighting) but we are always here to listen and try to offer moral support. Please don't give up now. You have earnt your son his placement - you make sure that they give it to him. You deserve this final victory. This website and it's members will be with you for as long as you need us. This place really is something else for helping each other, I just hope we can help you, if only by being here when you need to offload.
I am very much at the point of wanting to take this public. I have resisted for so long and I have had enough.
I wondered about a full page ad in a paper, Photo of me and my son. Underneath a list of facts and at the end a question, Do any of you reading this have the same problem, know someone who does, think there is something wrong with this, or even care !
I have had enough and it firstly left me feeling exhausted and depressed. Now I just want to stand tall and face the lot of them and keep going until they are totally ashamed, embarassed or perhaps as they should have done long ago shown a little humility and say ...... Sorry. There is no excuse as far as I am concerned.
I have a real passion for this and I think its time that this country knew what was going on. I have worked in a college with special needs kids, all with many problems. But Autism is one of the worst for the mental impact it has on the person and everyone involved with them.
I have had experience both personally and professionally that given the wrong path it is very likely that these children can grow up to have their lives become tragedies. Perhaps it is due to this that I will not back down, I know how this can end.
x
I will start ringing people tomorrow. Thanks for your message. It is stunning how many people struggle for so long.
I have had enough of the personal battle and in an odd way though I want what is right for my son it is somehow not enough because I know thousands of others are not getting it and that so much will be brushed under the carpet until the next time.
I really dont think my one achievement is enough. We need to get this right for all our kids.
I have lots of ideas and sometimes wonder if anyone else would join me.
x
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Bothered,
<'> <'> A warm welcome to the forum. You have come to the right place for support and information from people who care and understand.
I truly wish your story wasn't so familiar. I have been through similar struggles, my son wasn't diagnosed until he was 19 and he was at a special school. At one point I had my son out of school for a year, his emotional, physical and mental health had left him at deaths door. I did take my case to the Local Government Ombudsman and won.
If you haven't already contacted IPSEA then I recommend you contact them ASAP, they are probably available after the school holidays. They will advise you what to do and also tell you if you have cause for complaint and who to make it to.
I hope you don't mind me asking, but is the special school named on the statement an ASD specialist school?
Is your GP supportive? He should be able to refer your son to CAMHS. (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service).
Thank you for writing, I requested CAMHS see my son when he was four via the GP, CAMMHS made the original and first diagnosis. I requested to go back to them last year and finally saw them in Nov 2005. We then had a run of four psychs all of whom would not get involved. Then finally one did and then he turned out to be a bit of a nut himself !!! Its a long story !!! Finally after they admitted inappropriate behaviour by the psych agreed for us to see the orignal psych who we finally saw last August (so this took a year !) she then wrote brilliant letters which all helped contribute at the tribunal. EWO claimed to make this referral, then social services did, basically trying to make themselves look like they did something. I kept mentioning this but it was ignored that it was me that did this. All these stupid details that they try to distract you with and then you dragged yourself out of the quibbling and get back to your sons real problems. GP was not supportive, would not write a report but spoke to EWO without permission, the EWO denied speaking to her !! all very bizzare. GP then said she was going to go to a meeting and provide a report. Requested she tell me what she would write and claimed she did not have to. However after several letters back and forth with me complaining to the head of the practice the GP admitted she thought my sons difficulties were due to school and that the aches and pains were related to stress. I also discovered that she was the Chief Medical Officer for Schools, something she ommitted to tell me. She refused to communicate with my solicitor and became another person on the "State side" as I call it. She just made things worsereally and was more of a hindrance.
I'm sure you will gets lots of advice from our members they are a wise bunch.
My thoughts are with you. Please keep us posted.
Nellie
<'> <'>Bothered,<'> <'> A warm welcome to the forum. You have come to the right place for support and information from people who care and understand.
I truly wish your story wasn't so familiar. I have been through similar struggles, my son wasn't diagnosed until he was 19 and he was at a special school. At one point I had my son out of school for a year, his emotional, physical and mental health had left him at deaths door. I did take my case to the Local Government Ombudsman and won.
If you haven't already contacted IPSEA then I recommend you contact them ASAP, they are probably available after the school holidays. They will advise you what to do and also tell you if you have cause for complaint and who to make it to.
I hope you don't mind me asking, but is the special school named on the statement an ASD specialist school?
Is your GP supportive? He should be able to refer your son to CAMHS. (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service).
Have tried to get through to IPSEA many times as I have heard there are excellent. Also constantly engaged !!! will keep trying.
Yes the school named is an Asperges specific school.
I'm sure you will gets lots of advice from our members they are a wise bunch.
My thoughts are with you. Please keep us posted.
Nellie
<'> <'> -
I am so cheesed off with the nonsense my local social services department has decided is an apprpiate care package for my son that I am considering seeing my local MP. She is new in the post and I have seen through our local paper that she has involvement with several AS involved charities.Has anyone had any dealings with MPs and has it helped? My local social services department need a huge wake up call. They will find themselves swamped with young adults with AS in the next few years and the services to help just dont exist.
Loraine
Hi there, I am stunned and yet not surprised to find my own story repeated in so many peoples own lives. Its our story and it is high time we all did something about it before our stories become our childrens tragedy.
MP's
I guess as we expect all to treat our children as individuals so it is only fair to say that MP's are individuals so there is no telling how one will behave based on another. But,
I contacted my MP early in 2005. He sent a reply which was sympathetic and assured me he would follow this through. When I wrote to him I was pretty down and sent quite a personal letter.
What he did was to forward my letter to the Director of Childrens Services to ask for an explanation and action.
The Director of Children Services oversees, Social Services, Edcuation, Special Needs Department, Education Welfare.
He did reply to the MP with a summary basically of what these departments told him had happened or what they had done.
Needless to say these details were not only inaccurate but confirmed to me that all were backing each other up and building a wall of some sort which was about protecting themselves.
The MP then passed these on to me.
I wrote back to him and responded highlighting to him all the inaccuracies.
He then wrote to the Director again.
Director then wrote backto MP again with similar fabricated details.
We then went through the process again.
At this point I had sought private help with assessments and a solicitor. At this point my son was out of school, signed off as unable to cope with mainstream until appropriate placement was found. We were still struggling to obtain home tuition.
When the MP received my next letter telling him what he was being told was inaccurate and that it was time someone looked at my sons situation and not file notes as the two did not make sence !! I then received a phone call from the MP secretary asking me if I wanted him to take this further and persue this. I said I did.
So he wrote again. A reply then came back with the Director of Childrens Services claiming that he could not respond any further with the MP as he had already stated what the situation was and that in any event because the childs mother had taken legal action he was no longer at liberty to discuss this. He also stated that because the childs mother had taken matters to tribunal there was no role for the services until after the hearing. (wildly inaccurate if not illegal)
The MP replied to me and told me he hoped that I did well at the tribunal for my son.
When the legal bundle arrived that was presented at the hearing my rather personal letters were included to the MP and provided as evidence against me at the tribunal.
So I would advise that it seems the MP seems to act as a post box more than anything else and when things did not seem to happen there was no interest or fighting instinct for one of his constituants.
Our MP is in our paper every week, opening things, running in races, being governor at our local school and claims he is a champion for the underdog and the vulnerable. He has a good reputation, is a family man and has experienced near tragedy in his personal life in the last two years. For our family he has been of no real benefit.
However I do remember one point that feathers were certainly rather ruffled when certain people knew he was asking questions. But in reality the only thing that that seemed to do was encourage more attendees at meetings and give all the impression they needed to be very careful to cover themselves.
So............... be careful what you say as your letters could just be copied to anyone
think of it as an extra pressure to the professionals (so called)
most of these people at the end of the day all work together and seem to have more interest in keeping things hunky dory between themselves and are unlikely to truly back you against people they have to continue working with.
For example, our MP meets with the Director every six weeks to generally discuss things. I cannot imagine he would really ever push things with him for one child. Unfortunately the world is just not like that.
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Just wondered if there was anyone with any advice on my problem. I know I am not the only one but here goes.
My son was diagnosed when he was 4, after two years of battling for a diagnosis. Apparently he baffles everyone and it is only those who have no qualifications that seem to see the problem. That is of course until you get to the real professionals which you end up paying for who diagnosse within minutes and tell you your son has classic asperges. I knew that >>>> Problem is that mainstream, GP, teachers, head teachers, paedeatricians, eps, social workers etc have no idea what they are looking at.
Anyway LEA turned down assessment, I employed a barrister and we got the assessment and then statement. By now he was 5. We then spent the next four years trying to get him to go to school, clearing up the mess the school made, providing the school with resources, etc etc. No one had a clue what they were dealing with. Mostly I think they felt that I had convinced someone to say he was asperges and were simply playing lip service to me. The fact that they could not get him to do stuff was imaterial. Everything it seemed to me according to everyone was my fault. If they could not manage or he behaved "badly" was also my fault.
Last year he broke his ankle at school, then three months later he broke his arm in two places. All at playtime, all at school. He was told he must be more careful. Then he went into year 5 and took a bit of a dislike to a teacher who tried to get results and approached him like an average boy. She no doubt was convinced he had been turned asperges by me and was out to prove me wrong.
Needless to say he began having illnesses that got him sent home from school over and over again, he refused to go. He began having nightmares. His behaviour dipped massively until he became a raging bull, abusive, aggressive, then depressed and suicidal.
I contacted the school, social workers, ewo, case officer, head of department in special needs, governors, head of the heads of everything. Psychiatrists, therapists etc. All said that unless school said there was a problem there simply was not one.
So I got extra locks on windows and doors so he could not kill him self or run away, all of which he tried to do to avoid school and me. Me because I was the one trying to get him there.
Meetings became many and useless. All ended up focusing on parenting skills and home life. The fact that the problems abated when weekend and holiday times were around was ignored.
Eventually by April 2005 he was out of school completely. The ewo finally paid us a visit in the middle of may. She tried to talk to him and he yeled at her and went for me. She later claimed to have had a detailed discussion with him. In her notes she made comments which were frankly lies and fabrications.
Everyone persisted in telling me we needed to have more meetings. I suggested seeking the advice of speech and language OT and ed psychs. This was apparently not necessary. Also what seemed to be unnecessary was the things in his statement that he has never received. I thought this was against the law. However, apparently this was me being too demanding and having high expectations. The school said they did their best and simply could not be perfect.
Social services sent someone to our house for two weeks to try and get him to go to school. They failed. They commented to me afterwards that now they had seen the problem they could believe me. However, they refused to pass this information on to anyone.
So I went down the barrister root again. I spent over ?12,000 on private reports and solicvitors fees. I lost my job as my son would not go to school or anyone else. No one else would help or have him. I now face losing my home. I frankly feel exhausted emotionally, physically and financially.
We appealed to SENDIST, now after 10 months of being off school we have received the tribunal decision.
They found in our favour on every count. The LEA were incompetant at the hearing and were told they had to alter the statement and send my son to a specialist school.
This seemed great. I hoped he would start at the special school this week or next. But........
The LEA have found the most miniscule criticisms with the decision. Mainly typing errors and really if they had a brain they could have worked it out for themselves.
This letter from them was sent to Sendist within the ten day allowance for requests for reviews etc. I have phoned Sendist and have been told it would be unlikely that the LEA would have a reply until at least the end of January.
Sendist cannot tell me anything about the timescale the school placement should be made in.
Suddenly and as usual the whole thing is up in the air again. All the people with the answers are having their christmas holidays. How nice for them.
My son is anxious and uptight, he is waking every night now and sometimes is up from 1.30 am. He cant sleep, he is worried. Worried cos I cant give him the answers.
I am worried, I cannot go back to work this month, I have missed the chance to return to my job because of it. I dont have enough money to pay the mortgage as I only had enough to last me to January.
I dont know if the LEA are simply being idiots so they can save a bit more money and drag this out so they get out of fees this term and are just going to make this drag on or if they are about to appeal against the decision.
You just get to the point where even when you do everything right, try your hardest you still get left in the dark, disregarded as though you matter so little. Your child is ignored and becoming more and more reclusive. As he becomes more reclusive so do you. He has no life, no education, no friends, I have no life, no work, no friends. Neither of us has a future and no one seems to give a dam.
That has left me feeling I dont give a dam anymore either.
Perhaps I should just sell up and take my son to new zealand and live in the land of lord of the rings, surrounded by water and sunshine. Its a nice dream and at least he would be happy.
Then I come back to reality and know I have to wait a bit longer, just in case, hold on, and on and on.
And just when I feel this low my son tells me I am selfish and cruel and dont want him to ever be happy because I would not buy him the PS2 game he wants. Even though he has had everything he wanted for christymas. Its never enough is it.
If only he knew.
How hard I have tried, how much I love him, how much I do care and how happy I do want him to be. What I have given up and the situation I am now in.
But he doesnt.
It all leaves me feeling so numb. There is no smiley face with no expression !!!!
The Ombudsman
in Education
Posted · Report reply
Hi again,
Just thought I would let you know as you had been kind enough to help me through the last week that the LEA got a rather strong letter from the Tribunal chair woman informing them they had to implement decision immediately and I got one via the solicitor from her apologising for the delay caused.
So now they have acted promptly after having their wrists slapped !! again !! Been in touch with the school who have phoned me and we now have a date. 25th January start, doing a visit this week for him to choose his room go over stuff etc.
I think I feel excited one minute and very sad the next !! Cant quite believe that the years of struggling to get help have come to something.
Suddenly its hard to believe we all have a brighter future.
I would still like to highlight this when we are sorted out. Especially after hearing a load of rot on the radio today from Ruth Kelly who may well be trying to improve things but does not seem to have much idea of what the problems are.
Thanks again.