Dadofask

Brilliant. Having experienced much of the NT view of life from friends, family and teachers in reference to our AS son (e.g. "All he needs is a kick up the ?$%^"), I can certainly relate to this. It also made me laugh, which is always good therapy....

He isn't at school at the moment - since half-term in Oct/Nov last year. We have been going through the process of making alternative arrangements for him, but it's going to take a long time to resolve. In the meantime, his stress and anxiety levels remain very high.

I'm definitely in the right place for advice and - pardon my naivete here - I was beginning to think that what we are facing is unusual. My biggest headache at the moment is that I have begun to so seriously dislike our son, that I am beginning to goad him into doing something drastic. That drastic step will then be one which will force the authorities to remove him from the house. I hate myself for doing this, but it just seems at times that this would be the best solution for all of us, including my wife and younger son. I haven't sat down and conciously planned that way of thinking, but during meltdowns its very difficult for me to consider otherwise. I realise how desparately poor and selfish that strategy is and I still hope that we will somehow get him into a place of safety and harmony, be it at home or elsewhere. Whatever happens, however, I realise that it has to be with his involvement and buy-in and not just because I am forcing the situation upon him as a reaction to the pain his condition is causing me. My thanks again for all of your feedback and advice.

My thanks to everyone who has responded to this thread - I'll take a look around the forum of couse, but I think the best advice I can take at this time is to lie low when these meltdowns occur, at least until I can get a better grip of whats happening. The trouble is that this puts all the onus on my wife to handle these situations... I think maybe someone needs to write a new book - "Aspergers Syndrome: A Father's Perspective" - I might even be able to contribute. Oh well, tomorrow's another day and maybe it'll be meltdown free.... thanks again!

I'm a new member of this forum - my wife has encouraged me to join and get more involved. I have a 13 year old Aspergers son and I seem to be in an ever worsening spiral of conflict with him. He's high-functioning, but increasingly abusive and violent towards me - some of these episodes I have brought on by my inability to cope with his tirades at either myself or his mother (more likely!). Unlike me, however, my wife is coping better and finding the power and stength within herself to stay calm more often than I can. So far over the 3 week Xmas break, I have been punched in the head twice, threatened countless times, stabbed in the stomach with a fork (we've hidden the knives!) and called so many colourful names I've lost count. I'm on anti-depressants and see a councillor weekly to try to get to grips with the situation, but its getting worse from where I sit. To top it all, my wife has now suggested that I consider leaving because she cannot trust me to be left alone with him. I'm pretty much worn down to a frazzle over this and wondered if anyone out there was aware of any resources for fathers who aren't able to cope with the problems being faced by their AS kids. I have read pretty widely on Asperger's and have a grasp of what the issues are - although I would say that most of what I have read does not pay enough attention on how to deal with the incoherent and illogical meltdowns that we encounter in our family. Dealing with the other aspects - literal and rigid thinking, obsessions, etc. are much easier in comparison for me.