Cardamine

I loved 'born on a blue day'. At the moment i'm reading 'Solutions for adults with Aspergers Syndrome' by Jaunita Lovett. I'm finding it presents a really negetive view of aspergers and it's quite painful to read. It has lots of stories of long sufferering wives and parents who have to deal with unthinking and difficult AS people. It has some advice which may be useful, but i think this one should come with a health warning.

How did you stop doing it? I'd love to know. I only heard the term a couple of months ago when i read about a study done in America of a woman who spent hours pacing round the room while daydreaming. She otherwise had a normal life, but sought help because whe couldn't stop daydreaming and contentrate on work etc. The doctor who did the study is called Cynthia Shupak and she's trying to get the conditions more recognised. There's a couple of internet forums about it - http://wildminds.ning.com/ and http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/maladaptivedaydreamers/ I was stunned when i read about it because my family suffer badly from it and i've wanted to know what it is for years.

Yes - sleep problems for me throughout adulthood. I had really bad insomnia for many years, not so bad now, but i never wake up feeling refreshed and ready for the day. I have lots of problems with tiredness and concentration and i don't know if this is due to poor sleep or some other factor. There seems to be so many complications - anxiety, deppresion, insomnia, etc and sometimes it's hard to know what's cause and what's effect. I also have a thing called 'maladaptive daydreaming' which is when you compulsively daydream and can't switch it off - this isn't great for sleep, or relaxing generally. The last couple of weeks my sleep has been a little better. I've been taking calcium tablets with food in the evenings - this might be helping, not sure yet.

I had very similar experiences with my ex. He's loved by everybody and loves to entertain, so i was always seen as the boring one. This got me down quite a lot - i was jealous! It was only at home alone that things were more equal. I've learnt better social skills since we split up. I'm not advocating that solution..... but do you think it builds your social skills more if you socialise without your husband?

Ah, that's really hard. Hope you're not being too harsh or yourself. I should feel lucky then that it is a skill i have. You can write well though, so that's a positive you can focus on.

Yes - well done Hortus. The slow, careful approach has got to be right. Also, well done for opening up the discussion on the down-sides of diagnosis. I had no idea that you had to tell the DVLA. (Though it makes sense - i've passed my test, but i'm terrified to drive cos i know how bad i am.) Anyone know where there's a comprehensive list of who you do/don't have to tell?

So - lots of quiet AS women! That makes me feel much less alone. Also - i'm another one who can talk with confidence to an audience (can't sing though!), but struggle much more with everyday interaction. My Dad is like this in the very extreme. He can perform to large groups, but has never got to know his children. I've started the new thread on women - also under 'general discussion'

Thanks Beth and Fluffyblueberry. Good to hear your experiences, i can relate to a lot of them. I'll definately get a copy of the Rudy Simone book, and Beth - your aspie girl website looks great. I agree that Lianne holliday Willey does seem to manage incredibly well in 'pretending to be normal'. It sounds like she has a really good support system. This seems the case with other AS people that i've read about who are doing well eg Daniel Dammet. Shame we can't get a supportive partner on the NHS. I suffer from deppression and anxiety too which i think started at quite a young age. I just hid away being sad, rather than having temper outbursts - don't know if this is AS behavoir or not? With socialising i was always willing, but just did not have the opportunities. I wasn't really bullied, but was certainly not sought out as company. I had no understanding of the the kind of stuff teenage girls like - fashion, music etc so nothing to talk about. Instead i was concerned with issues like world hunger and the environment, but these weren't popular topics for kids in the eighties. I played the comedian a little bit which helped and as an adult have learned how to 'perform' which is useful in public speaking, teaching etc. I feel i'm rambling - probably because i'm not really sure on the specifics of what i need to know. Would love to hear from more women though.

I'm interested to hear from AS women and those who know AS women. I recognised myself a lot in the book 'pretending to be normal'. I'm fairly certain that i'm AS, but not absolutely sure - i think there may be some other factors in there for me eg attention deficit. But, reading about aspergers has made me make some sense of some of my traits. eg embarassingly poor sense of direction (i could get lost in a phone box), poor face recognition (prosopagnosia), problems understanding 'polite' language ie people not saying what they mean. But also i grew up thinking that i didn't want to be female - eg i've never been into fashion/make up etc and feel like a bloke in my attitude to it. But lately i've been thinking that may be i can identify with being an aspie female if it's common for us to be a little less girly? I've noticed that out of my friends/colleagues etc i notice men who seem like they have aspergers traits, but i never think to myself that a female friend/colleague could be AS. Are we less noticeable? (and is it bad to be aspergers-spotting? I can't help it) I have just added my avatar which i modelled out of plasticine (yes i have got better things to be doing, but i don't seem to be doing them). I'm not sure if the picture is good enough to even make it out? It was supposed to be at least reminiscent of me, which i think it is a bit, (or at least how i feel) - but it definatley looks like a bloke doesn't it? Any thoughts/experiences welcome.

Thanks for this reference - is a useful site. I think i need to know more about women and AS - think i'll start another thread on this.

I also was also going to print out the table of "female traits of women with Asperger's" which is on rudy simone's site help4aspergers.com because I relate to 90% of them. Thanks for this reference - is a useful site. I think i need to know more about traits of AS women - think i'll start another thread on this.

Interesting. I wonder if AS women are less likely to be diagnosed when young because many of us just quietly lived in our own worlds?

Yes - my reports always said that i was quiet and that i should participate more in class discussions. When i was about seven i was put in the remedial reading group. I remember it well because my Mum was upset. I could read absolutely fine, but i couldn't see the point in telling the teachers was the words on the cards were.

Thanks for those responses. It does shed some light on it. Having a parent involved would be a stumbling block for me. I have very little contact with mine, and they are quite elderly now. I have a sister who is four years older, but she always plays down my problems. She thinks that i stuggle because of lack of confidence and doesn't accept that i have social and other problems as well. However i have a friend with an AS diagnosed son who does recognise AS in me. I expressed concern to her that i might go for assessment and not get a diagnoses, and she fell about laughing.... She sees lots of similaities between me and her son, but i've only known her a couple of years. Trouble is, for me i wasn't really noticed as having problems as a child. I was extremely quiet, worked hard, passed my exams, so presented no difficulties to anyone. All the kids thought i was wierd, but i didn't attract any attention from teachers or parents while i sat quietly in the corner. I was an unhappy child, but nobody knew that. My problems really began when trying to make my way in the adult world, where it's social interactions that count more than exam results. And you need greater organisational skills to get through work, home life etc. Anyone else find that their problems emerged more when they reached adulthood?

Hi Hortus, I think the ramblings of an aspie are probably what other people would call quite concise. All made sense to me. I like facts and definates too, trouble is the people who we'll be dealing with in seeking a diagnoses are likely to be way more vague than us. Could your partner go with you to see the GP? Or, you could write a list of points you want to made beforehand and try to stick to it? If you don't get referred then i think it's possible to get an assessment privately - that's what the NAS told me, and they can give you a list of places. I've no idea how much it would cost though. So, if or when you get your diagnoses it's up to you who to tell. I don't think we have to wear an 'A' on our heads (though sometimes i feels like i already do). So, as i understand it, a diagnoses would tell us that we've understood ourselves properly, are not deluded and know what our problems are. Then the difficult bit will be trying to work to reduce the negetive impact of our AS. I don't see that anyone needs to know, unless it would be useful to us. I'd hope that they might just notice us becoming a little less difficult than we used to be - but not less interesting or with less integrity or humour. That's my hope.....