Lyndalou
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Posts posted by Lyndalou
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it was soooooooooooo good!
not sure about how americanized it's suddenly become(i loves the fact it has strong welsh ties) - but as long as Gwen is being her awesome self I am sure we have nothing to worry about
Did you know everything bar the exterior shots was shot in LA? Americans lap it up! Bill Pullman makes a great creepy character - who'da thought?
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I think the reason why I've spent so much time and made so many posts challenging the fact that the broadening definitions bother you is because, from my own perspective, I found it disturbing.
I've spent my life fighting against the constraints which I felt stopped me living like other people. I had difficulty with all kinds of relationships. I was awkward in social situations (I've lost count of the times when I was young when I fled from a party - once through a window so no one would actually see me leave).
Over the years I learned to become more 'normal'. Elocution lessons stopped me talking in a monotone. I forced myself to make eye contact, I learned to smile at people and so many other things but it was all an act and an enormous strain, resulting I'm convinced in IBS and high blood-pressure.
I had no idea there were other people like me and all I knew about autism was that it was something children had and was often associated with learning problems. When I first came across Asperger's Syndrome in a character in a play I recognized many of my own traits but on investigation found that only males suffered from this. Later, when I read about three women who, at the end of the article, were revealed to have AS I felt that I possibly came into the category too. After research I asked my GP if I could be tested and after a great deal of effort on her part (because I have reached retirement age) I was seen by a Consultant Psychiatrist from the local psychiatric unit who confirmed that I am on the spectrum and reassured me that I have done exceptionally well in the light of my difficulties.
The relief I felt was like having a burden lifted and I found it disturbing to keep reading posts when you appeared dismissive of people life me obtaining a diagnosis. That's why I've gone into such detail here over why I kept challenging you on the subject of broadening definitions. That's really all I have to say.
Bravo
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Hi.
I feel very sad having read this.I have Ben who is 13 now and has AS.I know he has many of the difficulties you mention.However he has made huge progress in how he copes with relationships.I hope that if he wishes he may one day find someone with whom he can have a great relationship based on mutual acceptance and equality.I would not want him to end up with someone who feels the need to look after him neither would I expect him to believe that a partner should just accept that he can't manage relationships in any way other than what has been learned by rote learning.
Perhaps I have too higher expectations but then he has spent many years showing me that he can do things some people would say a person with ASD should not be able to do.
Karen.
Supposed to be with above post....
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Perhaps it's a moot point (or not - I may be a little unsure exactly what moot point means?!) but aren't people with AS prone to overanalysing or simply approach analysing situations/people/language etc from a slightly different angle at times from 'typical' people?
Speaking as a mum of a child with HFA and not as a person who will probably not have the opportunity to even get an assessment for AS, far less 'prove' I have the condition and as a person who has been accused of being 'overanalytical' of everything for as long as I can remember, I really hope my little lad will be loved and respected for the amazing person he will grow up to be. If he has to 'overanalyse' everything in order to become that person well so be it! End of.
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You don't even have to stare for people to know you are looking at them. If you just glance at someone, quite often they'll look straight back at you. It's how quickly you look away that counts then they'll look away too and get on with whatever they were doing. If people are completely unaware of their environment and the people within it then they are putting themselves in danger.
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OooooooHHHHhh! Brad v zombies = glorious combination
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So very sorry to hear of your family's sad loss.
Don't waste any energy on people who aren't worth it. Take Care, Lynda -
Ok whatever. Also for you Information I scored an A* on my English exams.
Hi Andrew
You are still very young and in time you will realise that qualifications, although important, are just a small part of what you learn in life. I am in no way saying that to put you down. It is just fact. Many of the people responding to your post are most likely a lot older than you, like me. We too were young once and in many cases maybe just as opinionated and single-minded as you are.
Whether or not a special needs school is the 'right' place for you to continue your schooling is something that you will have to work out with your parents etc but it may have little to do with your academic abilities that this decision was reached in the first place. In the work place you have to recognise the different rules and boundaries that apply (each work place may have similar working practice but there is more room for manouevre in some jobs than others) and you will have to decide yourself how much respect to give your boss/manager and colleagues. I would view school in some ways as 'practise' for the 'real world'. In the work place you are likely to come across managers (teachers) who you may think are less qualified/intelligent/not worthy of respect than you are but by virtue of their position you give them respect or you could find yourself out of a job pronto. The same goes for colleagues (other school pupils) who you could think should not be in the job. They applied, got accepted for interview and gained the position just like you so you try to work with them as best as you can. They could be bringing to the job skills you are unaware of or even the handy ability to work well in a team! The best way to lose a job is to be overly critical or disparaging of your colleagues.
Work hard (or not) but accept criticism. It's hard to do that but it's an important life skill which will serve you well.
Lynda
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hi folks, i wondered what books have kept your mind off your troubles, i am terribly busy now that idont get a chance to read, any suggestions will be welcomed xx
It would probably have to be something you can get into and is easy to read but isn't too deep or intellectual! I find any good detective novel works for me. However, recently I read Cecilia Ahern's 'The Gift' - it's classed as chick-lit but I thought it was a very thought-provoking book and some years ago I read 'Life of Pi' by Yann Martel which really stuck in my head for ages!
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Best of luck! Sounds like a good job x
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Just a thought...is there anyone who can go with you when you see the GP again? If your mind is likely to go blank then they might be able to prompt you. I'm big on lists myself but the GP may not take the time to read a whole list of 'symptoms' unless you are very succinct and just put down the main problems you have day-to-day. You could maybe use those bullet points as a way to underline what you are saying. Unfortunately, my GP took one look at me and diagnosed me herself when I went to the surgery to request an assessment so I do sympathise with you!
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As an adult seeking diagnosis myself, I would agree with Philipo re the physical exercise. We now have a climbing frame and a trampoline in the garden and I try to take my son to playparks as often as possible too. That way you combine the exercise with being around other children. The playpark we go to is quite large with a lot of different apparatus to play on which means that if Stru can't deal with the amount of kids around him on one thing, he can go onto something else. I think it's really important that he gets the opportunity to be around other children as much as possible and going to the playpark is a nice unstructured way to do it. The flipside is however that it can be so much good fun that it can be hard to persuade him to leave!
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Hi Sharon
Have you been offered any advice from the professionals you are in touch with in order to help understand your little boy's behaviour? At the moment, myself and my husband are doing a course called the 'Cygnet' course which provides a broad overview to ASD. Our little boy is 3 1/2 and every child is different but generally frustration can manifest itself as anger and other things like sensory issues can cause frustration and upset and therefore as a result possibly anger too. How does he get on at the nursery and pre-school and do they see the same things there or is it more evident at home? Just wondering about how structured those environments are. My little boy gets very focused on his passion of writing/looking at/balancing letters and numbers and it can cause problems if he gets fixated for too long, ie. it is difficult to persuade him to do something else which can, especially if he is tired lead to tantrums and lashing out. However, at Playschool and his Special Needs nursery he is encouraged to follow the set curriculum of the particular setting which means he is never able to get too fixated on certain activities (or too unfocused) and is encouraged to interact and communicate with the other children even though it can be difficult at times for him to do this.
Hope this helps a little
Lynda
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There was an article on the BBC Website about a week ago something along the lines of 'Who is the most polite? The British or the Germans?' which discussed the differing viewpoints of the 2 cultures and why we misunderstand each other...anyone else read it?
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Hi lindylou - I no nothing of Nick Dubin whatsoever so it wasn't a comment on his book /advice - just a general observation that because someone has AS doesn't mean their advice will necessarily be 'good' (or bad!)...
Trying to think of another example - just because someone grew up in the med it wouldn't necessarily make them an expert on med cuisine / lifestyle - they could have lived their whole life above a British run fish and chip shop and never ventured beyond their deep fat friers for food!
L&P
BD
Fair Comment. I take your point and I thought I got it the first time but my reply probably didn't convey that. I maybe should elaborate a little. The author does have AS but he also has a Psychology background and he backs up his guidance and suggestions with a number of references. I know that still doesn't mean it's necessarily any good in anyone else's opinion or anyone else's cup of tea but I think it's worth a look. It appeals to me as I'm dragging a ton of baggage behind me!
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So Nick Dubin has a very subjective knowledge of stress management that might work for him, but little in the way of more generalised knowledge that might apply for others.
Some (but not I) would offer that as Nick Dubin has AS himself he would lack the kind of empathy skills necessary to see the 'bigger picture'.
Personally, I think there are just two kinds of advice, irrelevant and relevant (or good and bad / helpful unhelpful - pretty much variations on the same theme) and you takes the good stuff where you can find it.
L&P
BD
It is true that I do find he comes over a little pompous at times but on the whole the book to me is much more helpful than unhelpful.
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By the way, Nick Dubin has AS himself and knows what he's talking about from experience, not just from 'studying' people and texts.
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I really don't have any advice re the diagnosis because it sounds like we're at the same junction on that one.
However, like Katherine has suggested I'm reading, reading, reading and trying to make sense of it all. Currently, 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome' by Tony Attwood which is extremely painful reading but very enlightening. I am also dipping in and out of 'Asperger's Syndrome - A Guide to Successful Stress Management' by Nick Dubin. It may not be helpful in the short-term but it is easy to read and informative with regards to all the things that people believe about themselves when they are continuously exposed to criticism/bullying/being ostracised etc and how it affects their spirit and psyche and suggestions on how to combat those beliefs and feelings.
Lynda
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I am so wishing I didn't have to go anywhere or see anyone right now. It would be so much easier. Not only do I have to keep on pretending to hubby that I'm better than I really am, I've now got to the stage that everyone outside the front door knows that I'm avoiding them. I always used to quote the 'You're not actually paranoid if everyone IS speaking about you' and it's back now with a vengeance to bite me in the bum. It's the only way I can cope now but now I'm not just the neighbour who lost the plot through someone's letterbox last year (and that one got about pretty quick), I'm now the (normally chatty) neighbour who's gone all quiet and weird. It's even pretty ###### obvious that no-one's taking me on when I drop my son off for playgroup now. Oh God, I hate small towns. Just wish I was single again in a big city so that I can just be weird without anyone noticing. So had enough.
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I can't stop you feeling alone, but there are others who feel the same things, so in that way you aren't alone, i wish you luck.
Ditto. Good Luck
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I think it's the same everywhere Lynda - services are lacking for adults. I work for an ADHD & Autism Support Charity where I am now and we try our best to cover all ages. We primarily support parents of children with ASD, we run two coffee mornings per week, and put on training courses and offer support with DLA, statementing etc but we also try to provide something for older people too. We have a youth club for the younger teens, a film group for older teens and a book group for adults. It's not much but it's better than some areas.
Lynne
Hi Lynne
You sound pretty busy and it also sounds like a very positive Charity to work for!
I've come to recognise there is a gap in services for adults around here definitely but I suppose it takes a lot of time (plus money and energy) to ensure there are services put in place, like with your charity. I'm quite confident myself and my husband can get a certain amount of help with my wee boy and I think we've pretty much got the mechanisms in place for that now to build on. I just wish there was someone in the 'real world' who I could speak to about how I'm feeling about the whole shebang at the moment. I've had enough of my concerns being treated like it's just always been a minor inconvenience - without any kind of diagnosis as yet (and maybe never) I feel totally in limbo!
Hey-ho. I suppose that's what everyone feels who's been through it?Thanks
Lynda
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From looking at the NAS website there are branches in Aberdeen, Ellon and Westhill - maybe worth giving them a ring
Lynne
Thanks Lynne
There do seem to be good services provided for parents in these areas.
It's a little sparse where I am although the NAS RO tells me that the services reflect the needs of the parents who set up the support group - understandably I guess! So, in this area the only support group is for parents with children over the age of 7 meantime. As I said in the reply to aaspie, there don't appear to be any services for adults via the NAS, apart from the one I mentioned. Might check out Westhill further so I don't have to negotiate the Haudagain Roundabout in Aberdeen Lynda
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Hi Lyndalou I am a recently diagnosed (1 month ago) Female who has newly moved to Aberdeen, I havent found much support about here, in the forms of support groups or anything. If You find anything please let me know. Take care.
Hi there
How are you finding the granite city? Lived there for a lot of years before I moved to the sticks...it's compact but there is a lot going on...
I've met the NAS Regional Officer in person and she only knows of one support group for adults within Aberdeen and the shire - it's primarily for adults with high support needs, living with their parents. I've had more luck with getting support as a parent of a child wih ASD - the Regional Officer recently kindly facilitated a meeting with other mums. I also get sent information monthly from the Aberdeen NAS Admin Officer. Most of it is centred on children and the parents of children with ASD's but for instance, there was a day workshop 'Employing People on the Autistic Spectrum' back in April so although there doesn't seem to be much doing for adults via the NAS in the area, at least adults are on the radar I suppose!
There was an independent Adult Asperger's Support Group in Aberdeen up until last year. However, it still says on the site (can't remember how I found it now but I'm sure you would find it quite quickly if you looked) that there is still an e-mail address for questions. I didn't pursue it further.
At the meeting with the other mums, the Regional Officer told us about a comprehensive guide to disability services in paper format that has been compiled by a long-established Parent Group in Ellon which covers the whole of the shire (and possibly the city). It goes online soon and I plan to check it out to see if there is any crossover into adult services. There is also Grampian Autistic Society but I haven't asked if they provide anything for adults yet.
Good Luck!
'Gurgle' torture
in General Discussion
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This, I know sounds slightly curious and even funny (it is sometimes!)but I have a serious question...
Does anyone else have the problem that their baby's gurgling drives them BaNaNaS..ie. when you hear it you start getting apprehensive and if it continues or escalates to whinging then crying you escalate on up to bad temper or blowout if you can't get away?? I know this is partly because I am anticipating the whinging and crying and the lack of sleeping or whatever but the actual noise (perhaps it's the pitch - certainly the two-tone whinge is!) is what seems to set my teeth on edge. What tactics have you found to work to keep calm? These noises are meant to be ones people 'OOh and AAh' to (maybe not the crying?!) but I have found myself shutting myself in the utility room where the noise of the washing machine drowns it out or I escape to the garden. I put earplugs in this morning which dulled it a little. Give me a pneumatic drill outside my window any day!