Lyndalou
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Posts posted by Lyndalou
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The thought of juggling with chainsaws sends chills through me I must admit Alain
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Hi Alain and welcome to the forum
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To all members
It has been flagged up that there are times when people are writing posts but when they are trying to put them onto the forum they are being lost. Understandably, this will be upsetting and frustrating if people have spent some time formulating their posts.
It is thought that a server problem could cause this to happen. The forum co-hosts have requested that if this happens, in order to investigate what has happened they would need the exact date and time the problem occurred, the name of the topic and the member's name.
If you have this problem and would like it investigated, could you contact one of the moderators with this information and we will pass this on.
Many Thanks
The Moderating Team
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Hi Chickengirl
Linnet is right - there are a lot of us out there. 16 was definitely a difficult age for me so I can get where you are coming from but you have described yourself as an intelligent and interesting young lady who has a lot to offer the world.
Perhaps you haven't heard of Temple Grandin. She is a very well known high functioning autistic person who has made a dazzling career out of her 'obsessive interest' which is cattle. She is one of the world's foremost experts in humane cattle slaughtering practices. So, don't 'down' yourself for what you are interested in.
However, if you really struggle to talk to people about everyday things then you might be able to access a social training type course locally - could you get in touch with a local autism group (not necessarily NAS but they run SocialEyes,a social skills training course in my area) and they could give you advice on coping with your anxiety too. You might neverfind it easy but it can definitely get easier to get on with others if you can learn some basic skills and techniques for 'small talk' and have some idea of what people mean when you are meant to 'read between the lines' of what they are saying then you will probably not feel quite so anxious.
I also understand the 'boy' thing and these feelings are very difficult to cope with. I used to shake uncontrollably and cry in toilets whenever I saw a boy I had a brief relationship with at your age and this went on for a long time. No-one knew how badly affected I was by our breakup - I was convinced we were meant to be together forever. However, try to employ your logic in the situation you are in. Has he been nice to you and is the main reason you have fallen for him so badly? The thing is, this is NOT the basis for a relationship (and I'm only saying this to you because at your age I thought this was enough) and your worth should not be based on the interest or lack of interest in you of a boy. I know it's easy for me to say but if you are spending lots of time on your own you are feeding this obsession (and this is what it is) so try to find something else to do that can take your mind off of this.
Again, as Linnet says, you will get there...it just takes time.
Take care
Lynda
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Hi Jazzy'sMum. Hope you enjoy your time here - welcome to the forum
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Sometimes the smallest things you remember the best. Comments from little people can be so honest and pure
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That's lovely Smiley
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Hi Echo
Are you trying to contact your local branch of the NAS or the National Helpline number? I can understand your frustration - nothing worse than being kept on hold or worse still getting through and then getting the annoying message that tells you to phone back another time and then you get cut off! Also, 14 days seems like a heck of a long time. Fingers crossed you got through....
Lynda
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No time right now to comment on the post but really sorry you've had so much trouble trying to post (and losing everything!). I know the feeling - it's happened to me more than once. I'm not sure if it's my computer or a glitch on the forum. I'll report it and see if there's some problem needing fixed. You could also pop a little something in the techie support bit as someone may be able to shed some light.
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Hi Juls77x
Hi and welcome to the forum. I live in the Aberdeen area but my son is quite a lot younger than yours so he doesn't attend support groups within the age range you need. However, there are a few groups in the area which might be suitable that you and/or your son could access.
Last year, there was a lot of focus on asking parents of children and teenagers with ASD and also adults with ASD what they wanted regards to services and support in the area. They are looking to create a One Stop Shop for people to go to to get information and advice but I don't know how far this has got in getting set up. However, if you've never had contact as yet with NAS Aberdeen branch it might be worthwhile contacting them to be put on the mailing list for monthly updates about what is happening in the area - Margaret.Clark@nas.org.uk
I'm happy for you to pm me if you'd like.
Lynda
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Hi Ebichu64
I've been on Citalopram a couple of times and for me it definitely helped to even my moods out. You do have to be pretty on top of taking them at regular times or there can be side-effects. If I forgot to take mine then I would be dizzy and 'spaced' and if I forgot to refill my presciption and went without for a couple of days then I had strange feelings like my head was floating above my body! So, I would suggest sticking with the medication to see if it takes the 'edge' off your panic attacks until you can get them under control and especially since you are getting yourself into such a state even anticipating speaking to your boss.
I'm glad you are finding ways to relax and that your partner got home safe and sound.
Lynda
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Hi Echo and welcome to the forum
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I found 'Asperger's Syndrome and Anxiety - A guide to successful stress management' by Nick Dubin to be easy to read and helpful for me. It describes many reasons as to why anxiety is a common problem for people with Aspergers and suggests different strategies to manage anxiety. The author advocates CBT but also getting to know/understand and put in place good personal strategies to 'self help'.
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Full time mum
Getting paid for a job well done is very satisfying
No
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Hi Alibird
It must be very difficult for you to be stuck in the middle of your son and husband when they are arguing. It isn't an inevitable part of having AS although being strongly opinionated and wanting the last word can be very much an AS thing. Learning compromise and accepting that other people have their own opinions and needs are key skills (in my opinion) that are central to learning to get on with other people. If this doesn't come naturally then it has to be a conscious effort to do which is not an easy thing but can be achieved.
How long ago was your husband diagnosed? Has he had any contact with support services or has he been offered any life skills training? He might not think that at his age he requires to do this type of thing but he is one half of the example your son has of what acceptable behaviour is. I know that last year locally, the NAS rolled out a course for adults with AS called 'Social Eyes' which was all about learning key social skills. It might be worth looking into whether something similar would be available for your husband. This type of thing can be quite thin on the ground for adults so it is worth looking. Does your husband accept his diagnosis and does he understand what his own issues are?
There will be reasons that your son and husband clash and it's finding out what they are and heading them off at the pass or learning to deal with the argument and apologising for any poor behaviour. Do you know the signs that something is about to kick off? Do they know? You are right - this arguing needs nipped in the bud now before it gets out of hand. Your son and husband will get into a cycle of this negative behaviour and it will be hard to break it. Your son will see this as 'normal' behaviour and it could escalate - after all, dad does it doesn't he so why should he control his own outbursts?
On days that I am feeling low or very anxious I have a lot less patience with both my children and my husband. I am very aware that I am my children's example and I really can't complain if my son or daughter copy me. We can't always get it right all the time but we do have to be aware of our actions on our children. If your husband is under pressure, if there are sensory issues or obsessive thoughts he is thinking then if your son is making a noise/jumping about/asking questions etc then he might have a shorter fuse to deal with this. At the same time, your son will be contending with his own problems and if he can't recognise what they are he is going to have to have adult guidance to help him negotiate those problems.
Can you talk about these problems with your husband or does he refuse to acknowledge that the arguing is upsetting you and making home life difficult? I know there is also counselling for partners/families on the spectrum but I don't know if this is offered on the NHS or if you have to access it privately. However, I think certainly from my own experience that your husband just has to face up to the difficulties his AS causes (and this can be very difficult and painful) to himself and others and then he will be in a better position to make adaptations which will make his life (and ultimately yours and your son's life) less volatile.
When I buy books, I tend to go to Jessica Kingsley Publishers. They publish a number of books about Aspergers Syndrome. Some books are written by professionals and some by parents who are on or off the spectrum about family life and AS issues or about living with an AS partner.
Lynda
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Best of Luck for your venture Gary
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Hi Liz
You are going through a heck of a lot at the moment and it's little wonder your head is all over the place. You have just moved premises, you've obviously been struggling with certain colleagues and your boss and now your workload has doubled.
What is the reason for your trip into work on Monday? Are you going to be speaking to your boss about your job and the pressure you are under? You obviously are extremely stressed and worried about this visit so is your therapist providing moral support and helping you put over what you want to say? I totally understand as I've been extremely stressed in the workplace and sometimes the anticipation of something happening is worse than the reality and then sometimes the reality just has to happen so you can get it over with and go on.
Is there any possibility that you can get signed off work (probably best after you have made your visit) so you can try to get your head straight? Would you even consider looking for another job if your relationship with your boss is so difficult? I absolutely know how tough it is to look for another job when your confidence and self-esteem has nosedived but I found myself in a situation a few years ago where I was being bullied on the job, being refused training that I sorely needed and was given no support from my manager and I had to look for another job because it was breaking me. I was very fortunate that I found another job after a number of months of searching myself - I know in this climate there is no guarantee of getting what you want or need - but it would give you something else to focus on doing at least!
All the best, Lynda
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* I totally agree it shaky battle ground and board game to get into as it boils down to is'outside people' who think they "know us" - our world we may reduce actual ASD level to outside world but our struggle within is another issue/matter! We 'hide' how it gets 'us' well as we've learn't to 'get on' not complain with difficulties just adapt and grown further within society's community! But don't mean we've been suddenly and rapidly cured overnight makes me feel angry and defensive towards my personal experiences I've come across and faced in my life looks like meaningless and pointless is how 'outside' see it as!
Don't worry about this with regards to yourself Smiley. It hasn't been long since your difficulties were recognised and you received your diagnosis so in terms of 'Optimal Outcome' (which is essentially 'losing' your diagnosis whether you had it in the first place or not!) this report is not referring to you or how you 'present' as such. In the eyes of the professionals your diagnosis is valid as are the problems associated with AS.
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Lovely tat Watergirl! Really like it. I've always been too much of a wuss to get a tattoo but I've always had it in mind to get a copy of a picture of a warrior on a horse which is depicted on a standing stone from my home town. Alongside the butterfly, it is a motif that is ingrained into my mind and depicts how I've always felt I've had to be...fighting my way through life. I used to go to the museum when I was a young teen and just stood looking at this stone!
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I read the ASAN statement about the recent Fein Report - www.autisticadvocacy.org. In it, they discuss the narrow parameters within which the researchers judged the study participants to be 'cured' of autism. Firstly, I believe some of the participants were judged to have only 'slight' social impairment to start with by the researchers. How did they decide upon what was 'slight' social impairment? Was it that they chose children who were actively seeking out social situations as opposed to children who kept themselves separate from other children? Doubtless the study would not have included children with the classic 'in their own world' symptomology. I would warrant a guess that those children were also therefore more motivated to learn appropriate social skills from a young age and that there was a certain amount of 'copying' behaviour in evidence also from the early years.
ASAN are very concerned about this report and I personally feel that it shows how little the scientific community really know about autism and how we learn and grow. One of the concerns which ASAN expresses is that there was no mention of differences in executive functioning, distress or mental health concerns, repetitive or restricted behaviours or interests within the autistics studied. The researchers based their decision that these 'former' autistics had lost their diagnosis based on the fact that they had made friends and 'appeared' to function within normal limits - much the same reason I was told that I could have been eligible for a diagnosis of ASD 10 years ago but not now. In my report there was no mention of my ongoing difficulties with friendships even though I have friends. There was also no mention of anxiety, depression and paranoia.
On a personal level, I think this report reinforces the gulf between what 'true' knowledge of what autism is and what it isn't , who autistics are and what autistics can achieve and it makes me feel very sad
. It gives hope of a 'cure' when the reality is that living with ASD can be very difficult every day even while at the same time we can achieve great things and are just as important in a different way to everone else....sorry - little bit of a soapbox moment . -
I think you have a fair point Canopus.
The Scottish Daily Record has a front page spread today about the absolute lack of funding in Scottish schools. By all accounts (and you have to take it with a pinch of salt - it's the Record after all), the teachers are buying some basic equipment out of their own pockets because there isn't an adequate amount delegated in the budget to items such as textbooks and jotters. If that is the case it is appalling!
I think that in this day and age computers are not just necessary, they are crucial. However, it's probably all within the '3 R's' ballcourt in that there is a huge reliance on computers (and calculators etc) now in order to source information and do work that there wasn't a generation ago and not so much emphasis on rote learning, the basics of reading, writing and spelling and memory skills. There has got to be something in it when Universities and employers are saying that young people today don't have certain skills that are seen as prerequisite to certain courses or careers.
So, I think that more staff and more basic life skills training, emphasis on teaching good nutrition and providing textbooks should be brought to the forefront and computers should provide a more ancillary role not a central role.
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I think I go through spurts of 'reinvention' - don't know if this is the same thing or something similar. Since my teens I have identified (if you like) with the image of the butterfly because of the metamorphisis it goes through. I used the butterfly motif in my art work at Art College and I always have a few butterflies in various forms around the house. I used to think that the reason I was drawn to them was because of their beauty and how delicate they were but some years ago it occured to me that it was simply that they could change and that they could fly away.
I never have a complete personality change. I simply copy bits of other people into my own personality or the way I look and I think I can trace this back to around the age of 10 when I started looking at the other girls and recognised that I wasn't as tidy or pretty, fashionable or popular. Up until this time it didn't bother me at all that I was mostly untidy and unkempt and that my nails were bitten to the quick. I had to wear specially made shoes all through Primary and it was only about this age that my mum allowed me to wear shoes like the other girls wore and I remember how happy I was to get the fashionable shoes the popular girls were wearing at the time although I didn't look fashionable at all in any other way so i still stuck out like a sore thumb!
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Hi Fleur
This sounds like a very difficult situation you are in and I hope that the Ed Psych will help your son manage his angry outbursts.
If you are on Facebook, have you heard of the Autism Discussion Page which is written by a man with 30 years of experience of working with children on all points of the spectrum? Just type in this into search and it should pop up straight away. To date, I have found most of his posts very useful. He writes very practical and succinct information about all sorts of problems which people on the spectrum can experience and there have been various pieces he has written regarding aggressive behaviour and the various triggers that can lead to aggressive outbursts.
I have been very pleased to see that he always says that ASD explains various negative behaviours but does not excuse them. This is also what you have to try to remember - there are reasons your son acts in this way but it is far from acceptable. He needs to learn to vent in more appropriate way although it sounds like his need to control everything and everyone around him in order to feel 'safe' is overwhelming. This will take a lot of time and effort if he has got into a pattern of doing this repeatedly.
I would also say that if much of his talk revolves around killing and violence then personally I would try to stop him absorbing as much of this type of material through his games and TV as possible. For instance, could he be encouraged to join a martial arts class where he could channel his aggression and learn self control?
Best Wishes
Lynda
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Well, I've been reading a bit more about 'Optical Outcome' or more to the point, the recent report which claims that a small percentage of children who have a diagnosis of ASD go on to lose it some time in their teens or early adult life and become indistinguishable from their typical peers (except for a residual problem with social functioning possibly). I know I 'should' be able to wrap my head around that one. In fact, I suppose I should jump up and down with excitement at the prospect that there are people out there who have all sorts of difficulties in childhood and then somehow, for some unquantifiable, not-quite-sure-how-it-happens kind of way....they just lose it. But only after years of intense intervention....hmmmm! Oh, and some of them have anxiety or depression instead of ASD.
Maybe it's just that I reckon I am one of these people who have achieved 'Optimal Outcome'. Mostly, I look normal and if I hide it well, I act normal. Therefore, I must be...normal. Not to worry, I just have chronic mental health problems instead. Officially, I am 'sometimes' autistic. I am only autistic during periods of stress or when I am in un ASD-friendly environments. Anyone care to explain to me how I KNOW I'm in an ASD-friendly environment? Or how does that work when I'm pretty much always stressed? I asked a therapist 'So, am I autistic 6 months out of the year and am I consistently autistic for those 6 months or am I autistic one day but not the next or autistic in the morning but not in the afternoon?'.
I guess this is 'Optimal Outcome' but who knows?
New to this forum but need help please...ASD son and living in Kuwait
in General Discussion
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Hi Concernedmammy
Really sorry to hear you've found yourself in such a terrible situation. I have no idea how things work in practice in Kuwait but if your husband's company has offered private education for your son, is there any way they can help with gaining a suitable school place? Are you able to go to the British Consulate to inform them of the despicable way your son has been treated and the obvious discrimination shown with regards to his needs if this is a British school? Do they have any proof that your son had the difficulties they say he has in maths if he needs to be of a certain academic ability to gain a place at the school? Not that it ought to matter if they are meant to provide places to children with special educational needs but...
I'm also wondering, does it have to be a British/English curriculum? Would your son be eligible to attend an international or American school even? He has already attended two schools and must be very confused and upset but would there be any harm in going somewhere he is simply accepted and supported?
Is there any way you could just take a 'break' with regards to schooling until something suitable can be found? Just to explore and discover what there is in Kuwait, incorporating 'teaching' in a subtle and informal way? Is this possible? I don't know if there are issues surrounding being an unaccompanied female etc...pardon me if I'm thinking out of turn. I'm thinking that it might diffuse the tension a bit and if you, your husband and your son are calmer then it might then be time to start reintroducing the idea of 'school' in whatever form it takes.
I also once read an article about home schooling and the parent said that the kids routinely met up with other homeschooled children to do 'projects' together. This was in the US so I have no idea if there are some kinds of homeschooling networks you could access in the area.
I know that one of the members on the forum knows a lot about 'alternative' schooling. If they don't see this thread, I could drop them a line if you'd like?
Lynda
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