Confused Traveller

I've just been put on the waiting list for an assessment, and phoned Carmarthenshire Adult Autism Advice to see if they could offer any support while I'm waiting. I had a great chat on the phone, and the person who runs it (it's part of Carmarthenshire County Council) said that she's tried to organise some local meetings, but hadn't got anywhere yet. But she knows a couple of people who do want to meet up with others, and she's going to try to arrange something. Hopefully she'll be phoning me next week. She's suggesting we meet with her for a coffee somewhere, maybe just for half an hour to see how it goes. That seems like a great start. She seems really keen to provide support. I don't know if other local authorities have similar arrangements.

It's interesting to read the lists of points, as I can identify with a lot of them. I've just been put on the waiting list for an assessment, so have about 10 months to wait to find out if I'm an Aspie. I've spent 59 years not quite fitting in. Until about 10 years ago I think I had adapted fairly well, but since then I've been using my different way of thinking to try to do my bit to change the world, without realising that most people don't really understand it. They love the idea, which has encouraged me to keep going, but don't actually get involved. It's taken me a long time to see that there must be a communication problem, but I'm still trying to make sense of exactly what it is. I thought that after my mid life crisis 10 years ago things had changed, and I could handle things that I couldn't before, but I now realise that nothing has changed, and my different lifestyle was fooling me into thinking it had. I think that thinking differently is great. It's the frustration of not knowing that I do for so long that's the problem. If I'd realised, maybe I could have done things differently, and might not be in such a stressful situation now. After all, it's thought that a lot of the people who have changed the world may have had Aspergers. As Einstein possibly said, "You can't solve a problem with the thinking that created it", and he may have been an Aspie. I don't think we can cut ourselves off from NT people, or anyone who thinks differently. They're the ones running, and screwing up, the world we have to live in, and we've either got to try to survive in their world, or find ways to use our different ways of seeing things to make it a better place for us, and hopefully for them too.

Thanks Tally. I've got no doubts about the depression. If Aspergers is the root cause though, it does make a big difference. I think I've adapted to cope with a lot of it over the years without realising it, but I've never understood why whatever is wrong hasn't gone away. How do you find someone private to do a diagnosis? I found a link to web site listing places, but they all seemed to be for children. Is there anything suitable in West Wales, or not too far away? I'm not sure if a diagnosis is really necessary, but it would be good to know the options. I'm self employed, so don't need to convince an employer, and don't imagine I'd get any benefits. It's really so I understand myself better, and can recognise behaviour that I need to deal with. If I could get a diagnosis tomorrow, it would help me to deal with the stuff I'm bogged down with at the moment, but I imagine anything will take some time, and I may have to take some big decisions very soon.

I've had depression for the last 40 years, but couldn't talk about it and didn't know what to do, so just got on with life the best I could. 5 years ago I suddenly started talking about it, had a mid life crisis, and have done various counselling and reading up on it. The main issues seem to be around my boundaries not functioning properly, and I've put up walls to protect myself from things I've never learned to cope with. I've missed out on relationships, find it hard to make close friends, and avoid or am very quiet in social situations. I put this down to the way I was brought up, in a nice family, but it seemed like I was brought up to live in a type of world that didn't exist. A couple of years ago, someone who I told a lot of my personal stuff to, and who has a friend with Aspergers, asked if I had Aspergers. I said that I didn't, and was just depressed. A week or so ago, I heard a trailer on Radio 4 for the programme on Aspergers, and some of the way they described it sounded familiar. So I started reading up on it on the internet, and did several online tests. The tests gave fairly low scores, but suggested that I have it. I talked to the friend who knows me best, and she said that I have some similarities to her father, who thinks he has it. She also said that a mutual friend, who knows people with Aspergers, thought I might have it. I had my last appointment with my NHS counsellor last week, and talked to him about it. He doesn't have much knowledge of Aspergers, but has worked with clients who have it, and he agreed. The more I think about things I've done in the past, the more it makes sense. It explains so much. I can see some signs of Aspergers in my late father, and in one of my two half brothers. I'm currently in a situation over a big project that has taken over my life, is causing a lot of stress, and has cost me a lot of money. It was something I was aware could go wrong, and I put provisions in place to deal with it. It has gone wrong, and the provisions I made haven't worked so far, resulting in many months of hassle with solicitors etc. I thought it out very carefully before starting on the project, and am sure I made the right decision based on the information I had available at the time. I'm now questioning whether the way I think had a major effect on getting into this situation, and whether most people would have decided against going ahead. I can see this in various other personal and business decisions I've made over the year, where I've done things that make sense to me, but seem unusual to other people. It seems like I can do things that other people think are brave, but I find things that other people think are normal too scary for me to do! It seems like I've found an answer to my problem. If I'm right, it makes a huge difference. I've been working on the assumption that I have depression that is curable, so have kept going thinking that one day everything will turn out ok, and I'll become "normal". If I've got Aspergers, that I understand isn't curable, I need to be adapting to deal with it (a lot of which I've done without realising it). So I could have wasted a lot of time and effort on going in the wrong direction. It's actually making me feel better about things at the moment! I asked my counsellor about seeing a GP to get a diagnosis, and he suggested it probably isn't worthwhile, as the doctor would probably be reluctant to refer me because of the cost. I think it would also take a long time, and if I'm going to do it I need to know quickly, because of what is going on in my life at the moment. I'd appreciate some views on if I should try to get a diagnosis, or what other actions I could take.