Hi,
I don't know if I can help... I always get nervous at that word because often in my experience people think they are helping and I feel worse because they're so busy helping me I dissappear and all I really want is to be with people.
I read your words and I feel close to you. Not only in that I share some of your feelings of confusion and fear about what all the diagnosis process is about and your parents involvement. It sounds very painful.
I think one of the things I really feel sad hearing you say is that you communicate poorly or something along those lines. To me you are loud and clear and articulate and I think that communication is always a two way thing - therefore I hyothesis that some of this is about you not being heard! I understand that as being that as 'we' as 'autistic' people communicate differently and sometimes it's easier not to hear us because our reality is challenging to others at times. I am more tuned into sensory experience rather than conceptual verbal constructs that make no sense without translation or clear examples. To me things are what they are or they are not.. also speaking takes up a lot of energy and feels exhausting, then I get angry and I want to run away from people because I feel tense (and that hurts physically!). I think what you need is company and confidence and people who are telling you that you're great.
I really appreciate hearing you and you sharing at this time for me just beginning the process of diagnosis is making it hard to hang on to any sense of my life and I hate being questioned as I have enough going on in my head without all that.
I can't help with the acronyms I just started doing this too and I don't know like it when people abbreviate things (only because I get lost and I like long words I enjoy the sound of words and it upsets me when they change). I think I'll stop now - other than to say, I don't think they'll lock you up and I think if that's a fear of yours then you need company of people who are really listening to you, where you are. Also I found it helpful reading books written by people on the spectrum - JPK publishing might be a place to look.
I am interested in all you say. I keep trying to find professional people who I can talk to and find support with about my life and I always feel alone, I want to work towards developing a more accessible and empowering support service for people who are struggling - for me too! I think we are great at relating when there's space allowed for the possibility that we can be ourselves and still care for others.
Anyway as for day to day difficulties, I think everyone needs help and support and I hope you are ok enough where you are. I better stop now as I'm getting away from where you were and I trust what I say is connected in someway since I see connections between everything. Also life is hard. You're not alone. I cry about all the same questions you have too.
I wish you well. And I would be glad to hear from you. Katherine