oxgirl
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Posts posted by oxgirl
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I'd be quite interested but I'm also a bit wary of giving my details to people I don't know.
~ Mel ~
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When my lad was a bit younger his 'thing' was snails, particularly aquatic snails. He still has a couple in his tank. He also had an African Land Snail and adored him but he became ill, which really upset him. We have a pond in the garden and when he was younger he would spend every single spare second lying by the pond staring at the snails, he was fascinated by them. He had a couple of apple snails and two trapdoor snails and would sit and watch them for hours. Now he has a spotty and a stripey snail, they've lived for several years.
Welcome by the way!
~ Mel ~
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Good luck, hope it works out well for you.
~ Mel ~
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I think our advocate doesn't like HE and I know it's not ideal but she says things like - you can't be mum and a teacher which I actually disagree with.
A child's first teacher is his mum, we teach them so much in those four or five years before they get to school, we never stop teaching them.
~ Mel ~
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All the qualifications in the world are useless if you don't have the social skills to enable you to get a job in the first place to actually USE them.
~ Mel ~
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Hi Speedbird and welcome,
Sorry, no really advice to offer, just some empathy. My lad is 19 and sounds quite similar. Although he does have a diagnosis, it doesn't really help him with his day-to-day life now. He has no friends and wouldn't leave the house if it was up to him. I'm quite lucky, though, in that he is very passive and will go along with what I say so he will come out for a walk when I ask him to or come off the computer when asked to, etc.
Would it be possible to set up a kind of timetable or schedule for your son for him to stick to, if you insisted, would he stick to it? I'm just thinking if you could get him into a daily routine, it could give him a sense of purpose and a reason to get out and about. What about chores? Would he go to the shops for you if you asked him to, if you laid down rules for things that he must do in order to get things done for him? Maybe a contract between you, where he helps you and then you help him, i.e. by providing meals, cleaning his clothes, etc. Maybe he could wash the car in exchange or hang out washing, etc? How would he react if you removed his computer at night time? Does he have his own in his room. We only have the one family computer, and wouldn't allow him access to it at night, but I understand that if your lad is in the habit of having it whenever he wants then he will most likely protest about this.
It does sound as if he is down. I know my lad says he isn't depressed also, but he certainly seems very unhappy to me.
Hope some of that might be helpful, sorry if it isn't.
~ Mel ~
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Certainly my son used to not respond to his name. I even had his ears tested when he was little because I was worried he couldn't hear me, turned out he was just ignoring me!
Does he respond to simple commands, like 'put the cup on the table', that kind of thing?
~ Mel ~
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That's really positive news, Jeanne, you must be very relieved to hear it's going so well. Early days, obviously, but sounds like he's got off to a really good start. Hope things go from strength to strength.
~ Mel ~
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What do family members think, Vicky? Are they supportive of your worries? I hope you don't have to wait too long to get the answers you need. If it does turn out to be autism, at least you are getting help and support when he is still very young, which should help a lot.
All the best.
~ Mel ~
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My lad didn't like to be cuddled either but when he was sitting on the floor playing with his trains I would sit down next to him and he would lean his head against me and allow me to stroke his hair, which was lovely. He used to sit on my lap for me to read to him as well and to watch Sesame Street every day after his lunch. So you can find other ways other than cuddles to feel close and cosy which can be just as meaningful, if not more so.
~ Mel ~
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Hi Vicky and welcome, good luck with your assessment, hope it goes well. It's a worrying time for you, so be kind to yourself.
~ Mel ~
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Best of luck with the appointment, hope it helps. I know what you mean about him wanting to be left alone, my son is the same. I know what it's like, you're torn between leaving them in peace but, at the same time, knowing it isn't good for them to just be sitting on their own doing nothing, it does nothing for their self-esteem or development. Does he need to review his medication maybe if it isn't being effective at the moment? Maybe he needs to try a different one or a slightly stronger dose. Does he have to go to the GP for regular reviews, maybe you could go with him if he'll allow it?
~ Mel ~
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Yes, it is very frightening for you. What are the things that he wants you to give in to when he threatens to hurt himself, what does he want you to do that you have to back down to? Maybe instead of backing down and giving in to him you could try just reassuring him that you love him but that you are not responsible for what he does, only he can be responsible. It's good that you are going to get some advice about how to handle this, though.
~ Mel ~
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Hi soraya, sorry to hear about this situation. I also have a 19 year old who is very depressed, so I understand some of your difficulties. From what you say, it does sound as if your son is using threats in order to get you to do what he wants, but it is very worrying nevertheless. Has he been to the doctor or would he consider antidepessants to help him? What about mental health support, does he have any? I know it's hard, because when they are under 16 you can do all of this for them but once they're are deemed 'adults' parents are no longer involved and if they won't seek assistance themselves then it's very hard to make them. Do you have any support for yourself, it can't be easy having to face all of this if you are having to do so alone.
Is he willing or able to look for work or to help out in a charity shop or something similar to boost his self-esteem and does he have any friends or groups to attend where he can mix?
~ Mel ~
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I BuntyB, I sympathise. My son is 19 and hasn't any friends and no social life. He would prefer to spend hours alone on the computer if I let him, but I don't like to leave him for too long before insisting he comes off. My husband thinks I should just leave him alone, but I don't think it's healthy for him to be sitting at the computer for 8 hours alone playing moronic games or whatever, so I do limit it. If I were you I would insist that your daughter come down for meals. At the very least, it is common courtesy. I think that sitting on your own can become a habit which is hard to break, which is why I insist my lad comes out for a walk at least or to town, even if I have to bribe him with a visit to the bakers for a sausage roll! I personally wouldn't allow him to eat alone because if that became a habit I would worry it would be a pattern that could not be broken and that he would withdraw from people completely.
I know what you mean about meeting people, I wonder how on earth my son will ever make friends, he just doesn't have the opportunity to meet people as he has little experience of the outside world really. He does go to college, but doesn't mix with the other kids as far as I know. It is a worry.
~ Mel ~
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Thanks Kazzen, that's helpful.
~ Mel ~
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When my lad leaves college I probably won't bother to try to get any benefits for him; if he goes for JSA they will expect him to go for interviews and try out for jobs suggested by them and this would be too stressful for him, but I don't think he'd be eligible for ESA because he is 'capable' of work, in some ways, in that he is able-bodied. I don't want anyone putting pressure on him to take or go for particular jobs that would mean him having to trapse across the county going for interviews for jobs he won't get. We'll do without the money.
~ Mel ~
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A good start for Glen. Hope it's put your mind a rest a little, at least it is under way now and the waiting is over. Hope things get better and better for you all.
~ Mel ~
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Oh dear, hope you haven't wasted too much time fretting today and hope you don't fret too much tomorrow as well!
~ Mel ~
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Hi girlracer76,
Your son's problems sound a lot like my own son's when he was his age. As others have said, he may have problems with coordination and find it physically exhausting to write. He could try a triangular pencil and school could use a tilted surface to put under his book while he is writing, both of which would help. For my son it was also a question of being a perfectionist. He could see that his writing was terrible and wasn't acceptable to him and so he became more and more reluctant to try, to the point where he would scream the place down if asked to write at school. The stress and pressure of the classroom and the time constraints also don't help!
School could offer a quiet area for him to write and give him plenty of time with no pressure to rush. They should also lower their expectations and ask only that he writes a small amount, a couple of sentances, praising him when he has completed this so that he can feel like he has succeeded in finishing his task rather than continually rushing to catch up with the other children and failing. Taking the pressure off him will allow him to relax more and they will get more out of him.
~ Mel ~
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Hi Suzanne, and welcome to the forum.
Glad you managed to get a diagnosis for your lad so early so that he can get all the help he needs when he's still very young.
It is a good sign that he has several words now and it's likely that he will build on these, but no-one can say for sure at this early stage how his speech will develop in the long-term. Just keep doing as you're doing, talking to him, explaining, giving him other ways to communicate what he needs. I think it will also be helpful for him having a brother of such close age, hopefully he will learn a lot from him.
Good luck with the new school.
~ Mel ~
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Has he already met the staff at the new care home? I'm sure you'll be anxious, but hopefully he will settle in time and be happy there. Not easy to be patient, but try not to fret too much.
~ Mel ~
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This is interesting. My son is completely incapable of lying. He did experiment once and told one lie to me, which I saw through immediately. I asked him, "are you lying to me", to which he quite matter-of-factly answered "yes".
I think it takes quite a lot of imagination to lie. You have to believe that the other person does not know that what you are saying isn't true, I think in my son's case, he just assumed that people will know what he knows and so know if he is lying so he had no reason or desire to lie.
I'm not sure how I'd approach it if I were you. I would maybe totally ignore the small, insignificant lies and just challenge the larger ones that could be damaging. In those cases, I might come up with some kind of punishment for having told a lie maybe.
~ Mel ~
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Good luck with the move tomorrow, hope all goes well and you can have a happier visit with Glen soon.
Did the staff store the bike outside? Maybe there wasn't room to store it inside.
~ Mel ~
Glen update
in General Discussion
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Sounds really positive, Jeanne. Hope you have a lovely visit. It's lovely that they are really catering to what makes Glen happy and it must be very reassuring that they care so much about him. Hope he can start enjoying his swing soon.
~ Mel ~