hello1

Hi, thanks for your advice. I have been thinking a lot about this, as I would really like to be able to fully understand what my situation is. I have taken many online tests to try to get an idea of whether or not I may have aspergers- scoring varies from 'may have an ASD' to definite, depending on the quiz. Does anyone know how I can get the best idea of this without going for a diagnosis? I have noticed that some websites vary in their definition of aspergers which confuses me further (there is also the male/female differences issue). Frances20, thanks for the message and link. I actually have had some support for anxiety in the past, however I am now able to cope with it. I think that it would help me most at the moment to understand if my inability to fit in is caused by an ASD, or another condition, or just being a bit rubbish socially (but again, I would like to understand why I am always the outsider even when I am nice and try to show interest in others). I have never really fitted into many social situations, and people just seem to look at me a bit strangely, or to exclude me despite my efforts to 'fit in', or to ask me why I am a bit 'slow' or 'quiet'. Like many on ASD websites, I identified with the feeling of being inadequate in some way but never knowing how (thinking I must just be a bad person in some way that is obvious to others). I think that I have found ways to cope with some sensory issues- like by cutting labels out of clothing, not wearing certain fabrics that make me uncomfortable etc. I identify with so many issues discussed on ASD forums (eg. can't socialise in a group, make small talk, respond to emotional problems of others. etc). To know that I have an ASD would explain a lot. I have 2 sisters who are both what i would describe as very 'normal' and I have always felt like the strange, unpopular one. So I think from the point of view of my own self esteem/identity it would help me to know what exactly has been 'wrong' with me (in the eyes of society). Anyway I realise that this is getting a bit long, it is just great to be able to discuss this with people who may understand some of my difficulties. I feel that once I know one way or the other, then I can find resources to work on certain social skills that I struggle with, and maybe disclose to close family and friends. Thank you.

Thanks for your reply. Some great advice there and thanks for sharing your experience. I think the main reason for me to seek a diagnosis would be to understand myself more fully- to find out if the reasons behind my difficulties really lies in this or not. You are right that I am very high functioning- I am able to function at work, with some difficulties (eg. understanding verbal instructions, attention, understanding non-verbal cues) that I work hard to overcome, and I have a small friendship group that I have had since childhood. I don't make new friendships easily though, and have been excluded many times (mainly at work), so as a result I am still very shy and anxious. I met meditation years ago, which has helped me a lot to calm down my negative feelings and to cope better. My concern at the moment is really in relation to having children- if I am likely to need a lot of support due to my difficulties (ie. in terms of fitting in at mother and baby groups etc., and would I need other support) and also how best to cope with this if I do have children. It might sound a bit silly but this is worrying me a lot and as I have always wanted children this recent prospect of having an asd is making me seriously reconsider this. My partner has suffered from mental illness and I think also shows some asd traits, although we are very happy together and our shared difficulties help us to understand each other. However having children is a big change and I just about manage to balance my emotions most of the time, so I worry about how I would do so if I were to have a baby. Anyway I feel that were I to have a diagnosis either way, it would help me to know how I would find being a mum in terms of meeting other mums etc. (my sister- who I would describe as very neurotypical- has met many other mums this way, and I think that meeting friends in her situation is an essential part of keeping her sane). Does anyone know of any forums that may offer advice on this? I will keep looking on the internet for info. Thanks very much in advance.

Hi, I am new to this forum, and actually it is only recently that I have become to realise that I may have an ASD. Throughout my life I have struggled with feeling different to everyone else, and it is only through researching ASDs for my work that I have come to realise that I may have aspergers. I identified with many of the female tendencies and characteristics, and realised that the 'female' profile is a fairly accurate picture of my difficulties in life. I never put my shyness/anxieties down to being unable to understand social cues etc. but it would make a lot of sense. I also recognise my sensory difficulties with noise, fabrics etc. However I am unsure as to whether I do have a 'full' ASD, and if I should get a diagnosis. On one hand it would be great to know for certain. On the other hand, I am worried that it may count against me if I need a medical check for any jobs (I work in education), and I have also read that some females don't get diagnosed correctly as the tests done are generally more tailored to the male 'profile' (which I don't fully fit). Does anyone have any advice on this? Thank you

Thanks very much for posting this- I identify with so many of the things that you mention and it is great to read a post that makes sense for me too (I have also struggled with the thoughts about why people separate themselves from me, even though I try in my own way to make a big effort to be friendly, nice etc). I haven't actually got a diagnosis of ASD, and actually only recently realised that I think I am; previously only knew about the typical male ASD profile, which I don't conform to, but recently have been reading up on the female ASD profile (for work actually, as I am in education) and realised how much that would explain. I identify with many of the thought processes and behaviours described, and have always been considered different although I could never understand why- someone once said they thought I might be 'slow' when they first met me (their words). I know that I am considered odd, and struggle with processing verbal communication, understanding people, when to speak and some jokes, organisation, sensory sensitivities and other areas, however have particular talents in some subjects. I am very lucky to have a small circle of longterm friends that appreciate my quirks, however I really struggle when in new situations as I have often been excluded, particularly in employment circles. This has resulted in me being anxious, which makes it hard for me to speak with people I am not comfortable with. Anyway to sum it up I have always been treated like (and felt like) a bit of an alien, and it's great to feel like maybe I can explain this. I'm so glad to read your post- as I am considering having children in the next few years. However I previously felt that maybe I would make new friends with other mums if I had children and it would be ok, but I now wonder if maybe an ASD would make having children more difficult that I first imagined. I love children, but I worry that I would need a lot of support were I to have children, and I am not sure that I would be able to cope. On the other hand, like your title says, it is important not to let it restrict my life. How do you think it is to be a mum with such difficulties? Also i am wondering if it is worth trying for a diagnosis. I don't really feel that this could have a great benefit for me at the moment, however part of me thinks that it would be good to know one way or the other. However I have read that women are often not considered to have an ASD if they don't conform to the male profile. Any advice would be appreciated. I have tried to imitate people as you mention cookiemonster, but not convincingly it seems! I have just begun to accept that I am just different, and actually now that I hope to have an explanation for how I am treated, I feel that I am able to just do what I want rather than trying to push myself into being someone else. Anyway it is great if you can modify your social skills and fit in- I hope it works out great for you, and any further tips on how you do this would be really appreciated (maybe I can try again!). It feels funny writing all this to strangers, but I don't really know if there is any other support out there, and it is just great to have this forum... so thanks for reading if you have got to the end