Annea

Thanks all, It is only at night, although I myself have alwyas been scared of the dark so there is always a lamp on on the landing. Infact she always insists her door is closed as she cant fall to sleep if its light. I am at a loss to be honest, she did wet the bed for many years but this behaviour stopped about 18 months ago, she also dribbled in the day too but doesnt any longer. She has had a problem with menstruation, as she is incredibly heavy, and has just started on the pill to help, I do sometimes step on used pads where she has forgotten to put it in the nappy bin (what we use for disposal) but this is soemthing we have chatted about, ie changing her pad only in the bathroom where the nappy bin is. I do think she is unaware of the smell, as I sometimes have to tell her to wash her hands as she smells and she seems surprised. last week we were on holiday and there were no incidents at all so i defintely think it is a habit, it was just frustrating... as five minutes before we left for holiday i found a towel under her bed so had to strip her bed, pull of the matress soak everything in febreze and put the washing on so that we wouldn't come back to the smell and within two days I am back to square one. i lso feel very guilty as it really repulses me and whilst she is amazing, this behaviour alters my behaviour to her. She never cuddles me usually and when she does this is a precious moment for me, but recently i have found myself flinching becaue of the smell.... Does this make me a bad mum?? She already has very few friends and I am really worried about her getting called more names.

can i ask you all about somethign I have no idea how to deal with.... My 14yr old daughter diagnosed ASD has developed a very disturbing habit... Recently, there was a terrible smell coming from my daighters room,,, it was worse than bed wetting 100 x.... took me ages to find the source as my daighter will not let me have muc access to her room... basically i found urine soaked towels shoved under her matress... it was like she had peed into them they were sodden.... I am talking two or three bath towels... it took me ages to get the room clean and the smell to go but this happens now about twice a week... I now check each day when she is not in her room. thing is she will not tell me why.... she say she doesnt have any stinging or anything when she goes to pee so i dont think she has an infection but she refuses to tell me why she does it... she is fairly high functioning and whilst she has had episodes of smearing faeces in the past, she really hasnt had any similar problems. i just dont know wht to do.. as she smells and wont always shower, and i am worried that when she goes back to school she will become the focus of even more ridicule than she has now. Has anyone else exerienced this or similar? any ideas of hat i should do? I have tried gently gently and each time she promises me it wont happen but this morning i got really mad as i could smell pee all through the house as soon as i got up. Thing is her room is really warm and so even one night under her bed the urine is stinking really bad. sigh...

ah let me clarify there is no specialist primary or secondary specialist A/s provision in wales. An advocate form education advocacy put me on touch with a priory school in frome, my daighter visited and then we fought harder than we have ever fought anyone to combat our local LEA at tribunal to get her into this school.... as said the specialist was against her going and told me it would potentially harm her! My daughter lost 9 months of school when she had a near break down in year 9, she became a school refuser. Everyone tried to egt my daighter into special schools that were generic and filled with children who had severe learning or behavioural problems.... neither of which my daughter had, they then tried to get her into A/S untis attached to local schools but for me (just a personal opinion) ihave heard a lot of horror stories about them and i knew in my heart they would make matters worse. My daughter is now almost 18 and has just decided to take an extra year to do her remaining A2's at college... she is still within the priory group of schools and will go to uni next year. it sickens me that during my journey with my childrens autism which has so far lasted over 15yrs that all of us are stll fighting the same issues.... How can so many who make decisions on our children have such a gross misunderstanding about what is truly needed. The Welsh Assembley are very good at words but nothing worthwhile ever comes to fruition and our children suffer every day. (sorry for the rant... its been a tough day)

Thanks for that, I chatted with Ed advocate today, and got a name for a solicitor who might be able to help me with assessment. As I am also long term ill I am on benefits so this would be much better if I could get some help toward the cost of diagnosis. It's funny how people change, this consultant is totally different now than when I first met her, she was very against my eldest daughter going into private AS schooling, but this schooling saved her life literally and she is now an amazing young woman nearing end of college and getting ready for uni. South wales is totally dire for support, and the welsh assembley apparently pours lots and lots of money into ASD provision!

Hi, I know of a secondary tacher with AS he is teaching main stream, and is very well liked by his pupils. He is a really good teacher, I doubt many of the pupils know his diagnosis many do think he is whacky... but his teaching methods work well.

Hi again everyone. Just to refresh, I have two daughters ont he spectrum one with A/S and one with ASD we have suspected my son age 10 is on the spectrum too and he was finally put on SA at school just before end of term because of his behaviour and some dyslexic type learning difficulties. he seems to be reaching puberty fast and his behaviour is becoming more bizzarre and less and less appropriate.... Lots of vocals and accents randomly coming form him.... he has always been ... quite old for his age... talks to people in very mature language etc... but he seems to be deteriorating fast. (but i think this is more he is struggling to hold in things he did before) He is also becoming very aggressive but this might be an age thing. Lastly he has had toiletting problems for years, with holding his bowle movements then soiling. this seems to be getting worse again and every night I have to brie him to sit on the toilet. I am now sure he is ont he spectrum and as he is going into year 6 I want him to be supported as much as possible. When my second daughter was diagnosed, the pyschiatrist Dr S (those local will know her) was very dissmissive not like with my first daughters diagnosis so I have decided to go down the private route for diagnosis because on the NHS locally the wait time can be a long time. Does anyone have a recommendation of a doctor who diagnosis in this area? I am happy to travel as far as bristol but not further due to my own ill health. Not sure if this is allowed to name docs on here so can people message me if necessary. Thanks x

I too believe I may have AS, I have never mentioned this to anyone but my ex husband did tell me he thought I had AS. The difficulty I have with this , is that I think most of us tick several of the boxes so to speak, but for me my biggest challenge has always been appropriate emotion or lack thereof. I often wonder about seeing a psychiatrist fro diagnosis but am not sure for me now there is any point. Life can be very hard but I am a single mum to 4 children so would be hard for anyone I am sure? x

Hello there, I really empathise with you as this has happened in my family over many years. My eldest daughter once threw her sister down stairs! For years we never got any help at all. Then two years ago I was asked by my autistc daughters social worker why we didnt see the carers social worker. They explained that the non autistic children are classed as carers to their siblings (as well as me as I have an illness) Since then my middle daughter and son(who is actually being assessed for ASD now) have been going to regular weekly meetings where they get to chill with other carers, they go on outings and sleep overs and generally do get some respite from it all. Your son is very impressionable and you have a right to help with this! Somtimes we have to get quite stroppy to get what we need as resources everywhere are so scarce. I wish you luck but would definitely ask social services if there is a similar help in your area. x

Hope this is in the right place and hope no one minds me putting this message in here. I have posted a lot over time and this forum has given me a lot of help.... things are going fairly well for us right now.... (i have two children with autism and a third is being assessed) I would like to ask a question if I may? There has been a few studies done to suggest that at least a form of Autism maybe caused by auto immunity... this is where the immune system in indivduals is faulty and depending on where the auto immunity attacks, various illnesses can result. The reason i am asking this question, is that I have a collection of auto immune diseases... (it is not uncommon for a person who has an auto immune disease to delvelp further illnesses as life progresses.) When look at my family tree, I see that on my dads side going back as far as my great grandparents, auto immune illnesses are present in many forms. Rheumatoid arthritis, Lupus, Ms, Psoriasis, auto immune hepatitis and PBC are some of these. There are also several Autistic individuals in my family all in mine or on my dads side. I am a volunteer for the charity which supports my illness and as such am in touch with a number of people with various Auto immune illnesses, many of these people also have Autistic children or autistic relatives, as well as having relatives with other Auto immune conditions. So my question is : would anyone be willing to share with me if they have any auto immune illnesses in their families, and if these members of the family are direct relations of the person with autism the conditions include, Diabetes type 1, Multiple sclerosis, Lupus, Psoriasis, thyroid issues, Auto immune hepatitis, primary Biliary chirrosis, ulcerative colitis, Crohns disease,celiac disease, sjogrens syndrome, and any other auto immune conditions i might have ommited, The reason I am asking, is that my doctor is presently doing research on how my conditiion is linked to other auto immune diseases, (ultimately looking for a cause) he is interested in the apparent link of people with my disease who also have ASD's in their immediate family or on the same side of the family that has multiple auto immune diseases. He has told me that if I can find a substantial ammount of others who seem to follow this pattern, then he might be prepared to look further in auto immune link with a friend of his who is a a specialist autism researcher. But for now, this is just an informal ask...... Please feel free to pm me if you would rather not post on the board. Thank you... and hope as many of you as possible are having a good week x

Hi Js mum and Kathryn, This daughter hasnt got a statement she was turned down. I then went to speak to a senior inclusion officer att he LEA he asked why she had not been assessed by the SPLD team or an Ed Psych. I told him that that i had repeatedly asked for an assessment but to no avail. He then arranged for her to be seen by ed psych and SPLD team. For a long time she has had very specific learning difficulties but at primary school the head repeatedly called me a liar. When I told her my daughter in year 6 couldnt even count in 2's etc. she told me my daughter knew upto her 6 times tables. Everything i said, she lied about. When she went to secondary she was therfore unsupported. It took a few months before the SENCO at the secondary sat up and took notice. The teachers still give her marks that are the higher end of average but when i looked at the marking criterior, their was no correlation between the work she was doing and the marks she receives. I was told by the head, the ultimate mark is down to some teacher discretion. When she was diagnosed with ASD the psychologist did all the tests etc... she spent some time looking at her English capabilty and whilst her reading came out very high, her spelling etc came out on the 7 centile. She also has a very poor working memory. When seen by the SPLD for her literacy she came out advanced???? I questioned this and showed her work to the assessor who was baffled. I never got an official report from numeracy assessor as I am still waiting, but she is now withdrawn for numeracy support so I presume the results wernt good. The problem is my daughter says that when the teacher teachers her maths, she feels like a baby. She say's she understands exactly hpw to do the work. So she understands everything they say. However, when it comes down to doing the work, something changes and she cant use that knowledge. I just dont understand it. But she is getting angrier and angrier. She is up for a review week after next so I am waiting to see what is said. If no sense is made I need to start the application for stat assessment again. It is so difficult as with my illness I have so little energy to fight. I did the long fight with my eldest daughter and it went to an 8 hr tribunal after a couple of years of battle. I feel like a failure as I just don't think I can do it again. Social services are comign back in next Tuesday to see if they can come with a "package that suits my family and their budget!!! " The thing is they want people to come in and help with mornign routine etc, whereas they just don't understand that to have strangers in the house would be a nightmare for everyone. I feel if they increased the amount of direct payments they offered from 3 hrs, then I could get more rest in the day not having to worry about housework etc which would give me more energy when they get in from school, today for instance, I fell asleep straight after I got home from taking my son to school. Got up at 12 and can already feel myself flagging again. I am not always like this but I am for at least half a week. so I just feel everything is on top of me.

I just dont seem to be able to get any help for my 15 yr old though. How could NAS help? She just feels over whelmed by everything. As I am ill too. It just gets too much for her. I have 4 children one who is 16 who has AS, she is at specialist college. I have one 15 yr old who is NT and my 13 yr old is ASD My 8 yr old son is possibly on the spectrum too although havent even begin looking for diagnosis yet. Yes that is so. I jsut had social services on phone and they tell me as I am in crisis they will come out and see me next Tuesday.... at the moment i cant even see tomorrow never mind a week away!

I havent been on for a while, but please let me rant. My eldest daughtewr with AS is doing so well now, in an A/S college doing 4 a levels but my youngest daughter with ASD who is now 13 is almost uncontrollable. Everyday she goes into terrible rages calling me an F'ing cow, telling me to drop dead. She is aggressive and spends half her life angry, the other half upset. Before Christmas she almost electrocuted herself when she pulled her main bedroom light down and i contacted social services. On top of all this I have a chronic incurable illness and suffer constant pain and fatigue. Soicial services were uselss, i have three different teams coming in to assess, a child dissabiltiy one, one for me as I am ill and one for my other twpo children who are also carers, none of them talked to each other, it was a waste of time, they ended up offering me an asd supporter who came in and told me everything i was doing was wrong. She then went on to say she didnt have to live with it so it was easy for her to say. the carers team offered my two 1 hour a month at a community centre for respite. and we were offered direct payments for three hours a week to help with domestic help which as my daughter trashes everything daily and as I cant even do my own ironing or much hosuework, is not really worth the hasssle of sorting the payments out. Today my 15 year old came in sobbing telling me she wanted to be dead because she couldnt cope with her sister any more. She tells me the responsibility is too much and that my daughter with ASD had nearly got killed mucking about in the traffic. I have just rung social services again and demanded they take me seriously as i just cant do this anymore. I need a 24 hr educational placement for her but they keep saying me that foster care is the only option.... I dont want her to go and live with another family. I just want her to be safe and educated whilst learnign how to cope with her ASD. can anyone help or advise me at all?? Sorry if this is rambling... i'm sure big lots of it dint make much sense at all

This can be a difficult issue, but I have to agree that I have found it difficult twice now to get even adequate provision without a statement. My eldest daughter (Asperger Syndrome) who is very bright had great anxiety issues, but the school fought all the way to say they could school her satisfactorily. Eventually she had a near breakdown, and being a school refuser. We eventually won a statement at appeal and also won funding for a residential priory school. She is now at a priory college and is studying for 4 A levels. She would have deteriorated so much more had we not got the correct help for her. I am now fighting for help for my 13 yr old daughter who has unspecified ASD... she also appears on the surface to function well in school although the school have identified problems in certain areas of learning. I have been turned down for sta assessment for her, but when I went to speak to someone at the LEA he has told me she wont have a stat assessment but she will be assessed by the Ed psychologist and also by the SPLD which may mean she will need a statemnt. doesnt make sense to me. I do know however that as things are standing now, she will not fullfill her potential. It is all very frustrating. Good luck with your son...

Well this is from my point of view only but I would be a little dissapointed as she is studying for A levels and wants to go to university. We don't believe in abortion so that would not be an option so if she wanted to keep the baby and not put the baby up for adoption, we would ensure she/ they were supported in doing so. I would encourage her to continue her studies. This is a very personal response though and I am sure that all parents whether their children have AS or not would have totally different answers and expectations. x

I have absolutely discussed pregnancy and std's... We are actually a very open family. I just want her to be happy and not pressured either way. If she has as much info as she wants, then I am happy and will answer any questions she has.. x

Hi all.... Wonder how to feel about this subject.... My daughter with A/S who is now 16 has been seeing a boy for some time.. he is a little older and also has A/S... together they are lovely, he is kind, and caring, and I have no worries that he will take advantage of my daughter. He also has a supportive family. I talk openly to all my teens about sex etc, and have a feeling that this relationship may advance to one which is sexual. My worry is probably a strange one..... and it is that both of them are very shy.... I would hate for them to advance to this sort of relationship, only to be terribly dissapointed... I know that we all learn through practice etc but neither have really been exposed to peer chat about sex, or programmes / magazines etc which most people are, so they would be really in the dark apart from the anatomical / educational lessons on sex . So does anyone know of any good books, or websites which give good down to earth expanations about sexual exploration. I would like to make this availbe to my daughter should she want to read it. I believe that all of us have the right to a quality sex life but I think that just like in other areas of life, sometimes a bit more help is required to level the playing field.... I don't want any advice on making her wait.... if she is ready then I would never try to keep them seperate , I dont think that is healthy... I jsut want to make sure she has all the information she needs to ensure she has as satisfying life as she wishes... any ideas anyone?

It's difficult as I am in the middle of a big fight to sort out Youngest daughter and now this. I just think if he is on the spectrum i know that my other two got much worse as they got older before they received help. It would be nice to get him some help before he is damaged too much by the system.. IYKWIM As for numbers of children, I have an incurable auto immune disease and know so many people that have my condition and also autistic children .. their seems to be a lonkl somewhere so maybe I shouldn't be surprised if he does turn out to have an ASD. Just need to find somewhere to get him assessed. i don't want to go to the same specialist who diagnosed my other team as her team are so sloppy and take such a long time to get reports out.. (18 weeks for my daughters following her assessment) Anyone know of a good specialist in the S.E wales area?

I would agree Baddad, and somethign we all need to do soemtimes is remember it is not Autism that is the person.. this is just a part of them and we have to be careful not blame every characteristic on Autistic traits. My daughter recently had her first boyfriend. He was all over her, texting her all the time, genuinley sweet and supportive to her.. (they are both just 16 and have A/S) Then all of a sudden he went cold... Even his closest 1-1 couldnt get to the bottom of his feelings... what was wrong and my daughter was distraught... To date he has never since really spoken to her... Yet he added her to his FB account! It was when she was looking through his news feed that she saw he put his relationship back to single many weeks before he went cold on her... And told someone he was keeping his options open! Just immature behaviour that can be found in many people not just someone with autism... I would say that no person should be unhappy for a large proportion of time in a relationship... regardless of diagnosis, personality types or whatever... yes of course there is give and take in a relationship but a relationship based on lack of trust will go nowhere.... and unless he has an underlying mental illness causing him to forget or be unaware of his actions at certain times, then he will know he is blocking you because it is a very active thing you have to do IMHO... as for him being 'special' we are all special.. we all deserve to have someone take care of us, look after us... I would say that for your own welfare you need to have a long chat with him and lay some ground rules. As otehrs have said, space is great, all of us need it, some more than others, but hoensty is paramount. Hope you find a happy ending...

I am reluctant lsiting symptoms as I am aware that in isolation they mean not a lot, but can anyone offer me opinions... I have a 16 yr old A/S daughter whose main symptoms surrond high anxiety. I have 12 yr old daughter who has ASD who has some learnign difficutlies and is very different than my eldest daughter. Now (missing my middle daughter who seems fine) my youngest son is beginning toc ause me problems. He has soiled his pants forever... never really been totally clean... he goes to the loo about once every 3-4 days and only after he is badly pooing himself and being forced to go. He constantly holds it in and pretends he doesnt need to go.. his tummy is alwyas huge! He has had a clear out a number of years ago which was horrendous.. I believe his problem is definitely psychological. When he goes, I literally have to chop it up to get it to flush (sorry tmi) but thats how it is... on top of this he has always been quite eccentric... "an old head on young shoulders" is what he was called and at 3 its quite endearing but at 8 it means he doesnt really have any friends. Also the last few months his temper has become awful! He will shout at me tell me to get lost, and say "whatever" all the time.. but when I shout at him... he jsut totally closes down.. his eyes fiull up and he totally retreats and sobs...as for lessons he still transposes all his letters.. as a lefty I was told this is very normal but comapred to his peers his writing is still completely illegible if he does free writing... However if he copies.. his hand writing is actually very lovely! On top of this he talks ALL thw time.. from the moment he gets up, to the moment he goes to bed... apart from when he breaks out into his operatic songs... I take another little girl to school with him and I often hear her calling him weird. Of course at school he is coping and aparently has a big peer group of friends (amazingly enough no party invites come his way!) and apparently he is average in his school work... But I am beginning to worry... is this just learnt behaviour or odd behaviour because of home stress with the others? Or do could he also have some sort of ASD? It's like 3 out of 4? Surely not???? Any advice?

It moves me so much to hear everyones experiences and shocks me that there seems to be such ignorance that many children and their parents suffer so much. I thought about home ed many a time, but for me it isnt an option due to my chronic ill health. My children have to be in school because I couldn't teach them at home. But it tears me apart that often when we drop our children off, we never really know what happens behind closed doors. I am not of course talking about abuse or ill treatment, but it is so hard when we know our children need certain things and are struggling in certain areas but this never seems to get picked up in school. Today, my daughter came in from school, there is a little girl who has just started year 7, she has downs syndrome, and barely coped in main stream primary. Her parents (i know them) did not want her to go to the local special school because like us all they want her to achieve the best she can (and the school really is not all that!). Thing is, she has come in with a 1-1, a chaperone, and has an adapted timetable from the off and is basically not going to be left on her own as she won't cope. They know this because she has very physical dissabilities and very obvious learning difficulties. AT this school there are a half dozen children who are diagnosed ASD apart from my daughter, and yet only my daughter is known to the ASD outreach team. She is employed by the LEA and is supposed to be informed of every child undergoing a transition but of course even this doesnt happen. It is like children with ASD really are in many places left in the cold. In one of the earlier posts someone mentions that there are many children who don'#t cope in specialised provision, does anyone think this is maybe because they have already been damaged by the system by the time they get there? My eldest had 8 years of bullying, a year out of school and was near breakdown when she entered special education. In her school every child has been traumatized to a greater or lesser degree by life and by not coping in main stream ediucation. Is this not proof that our children need assessing really early on and given correct education from the off? This is a genuine question as I suppose I am in a really whimsical mood. My daughter whim I talked about in the first post started back today.... the SENCO didnt see her as promised... she was told to sit on the floor of her registration class because there were not enough chairs to go around and she was given no help or encouragment with her new timetable and change of classes. Did she cope? Yes she coped! Was she stressed.. yes as many of the students were. Will she bounce back the same? No... I get a horrible feeling in my stomach that she too will be let down and I feel I am letting it happen. It scares me.

Thanks again for replies... My daughter has only just been put on SA but she is being fast tracked... the first iep written at the end of term the second will be just as she goes back. This authority has a biazzrre system whereby a child has to have two iep's written before they can be moved to SA+ farcical as they are fast tracking it. It is frustrating because when she was in primary the head said she had no problems and time after time told everyone that I was trying to find fault to 'make her' like her elder sister! It is only now that we have a diagnosis that they are suddenly sitting up believing my story! As for specialist provision? There is NO suitable provision int his area! We have one ASD unit attached to a local school but this is a dreadful school and to be honest a ###### unit. I am not a fan of these units anyway (for reasons I won't go into) when my eldest daughter got her statement we asked for a priory school some 1.5 hrs away from us as this was the nearest. It changed her life. I don't know if this school would benefit this daughter in the same way as she is a very different personality but there is no other provision. They tried to get my eldest daughter into a special school where most children have downs syndrome. They fought hard for this, and it was only with the help of a really good pysciatrist and 9hrs at tribunal that we convinced them there was only one option. I am really just lost right now. I have done all this before but am just feeling deflated right now. as for SENCOS not understanding... it doesnt surprise me and I wont get into the area of teacher bashing but tonight I had a real eye opener.. I had all my children with me at the supermarket tonight... the only time my eldest daughter can manage... we bumped into the head teacher of the primary school my children went to and my son still did. As said above this was the head above who vehemently denies any child has any problems.. but tonight she was all over the girls... she turned to my eldest and told her she knew that she would be Ok.... When we walked away my daughter looked very upset... she said " doesnt that woman know that she was so responsible for thrre years of my life being runined? How can she take credit for my good exam results?" It was sad that she holds such animosity and it was an eye opener that whilst we fight for our childrens rights, our children make their own evaluations about those who affect their education... it';s not something I realised before...

Thanks Karen, My daughter was assessed for dyspraxia a few years ago and it came out borderline, we were told that this will change as she gets older as when a child gets older they improve at certain things whilst with dysraxia the gap would widen but as usual she has fallen out out of the system and not been assessed for 2 years. I have written the psychologist this morning to ask for clarification of the report and to ask what it actually means in education terms.

Lizzie, No the school are not interpreting the reports... Basically what happened is this <quick history> My youn gest daughter has always been quiet... very placid and totally different to my A/S eldest daughter, but I have always felt that certain things wern't quite right. At times she has indeapth conversations with me regarding science and forensics (her true love) she loves history etc.. but ont he other hand in year 6 she was still making errors in spelling that my then 6 yr old wasnt making... BUT there was a definite difference in the outcome of a spelling depending if she was writing it down or saying it out loud.. this always seemed odd. Also she still struggles at 13 with her 2 x tables.. just cant retain the info... She also still wets herself at times and emotionally is often 'empty' It was always in ym head though, even when I was terrified that she has devloped a fascination for scissors and for cutting! Curtains, bed, the wall! and even my poor cats whiskers! The local psch nurse told me that she was epileptic but to me that was a ludicrous sugestion but she still had to go through all the testing! Eventually she was seen by a Pyschiatrist who diagnosed ASD and then another consultant pyschologist did an ADOS test and soem other tests... it is these tests that shows: 1. she has a very limited short term memory. her working memory on 13th percentile mark? 2, She has a spiky profile but the report says it is an unusual profile but it doesnt say why. 3. Her PSI is apprently 88 on the 22nd percentile but I havent managed to find out what this is. 4. She said that she flits between different problem strategies but gives up on all of them before moving on to try something else. 5, Her FISQ is 94 Basically one one hand this report says that she is average. But then says in some areas she is very poor and others very high .. hence the average I suppose! WHat I can't grasp is that at present the school havent seen sight of this report, they ahd a verbal partial report from the pyschologist. And so far her IEP targets.. are 1. Help Bxxxx to fill in her planner. Use of a school link book to assist form tutor and mum. Also form tutor is advised to look at other diaries to check they are the same. 2. Teachers are to subtly remind Bxxxx to stay on task. 3. Talk to Bxxxx about school and learning (identify how best Bethany learns). But overall they say it is all about her getting through school, coping etc... I want strategies to help fill the gaps she has, help in the areas that are stopping her learning and reaching her potential.. I am just worried sick that in a year I will be no further forward. That she will have just slipped further behind. On top of this, she has just hit puberty, has violent mood swings at home and is so destructive.... I am considering asking social services to come in and see if they can help but I don't want them to take her off me or something! Because I have a chronic illness I am worried that I will let her down and won't be able to give her what she needs. Sorry I know I am rambling A LOT here...

Well done and congratulations! What a weight off your shoudlers, I remember the day we were told our decision and it was an amazing day! Good luck with all the changes.xx

This has really opened my eyes... My eldest daughter, very much like your eldest son BusyLizzie, my daughter was very able academically, but one day was ahairbreadth away from a breakdown, she never went back into mainstream, she had various difficulties, sensory, as well as awful anxiety issues. At home she would often cry for hours everynight and couldn't be consoled. Due to her difficulties, she couldnt tell us what exactly had triggered off that specific meltdown. We were constantly told she was coping at school, but she never actually took part in any part of school life other than taking notes and writing off the blackboard. Her life realyl was miserab;le and so unlike the life of most children there. My youngest daughter diagnosed ASD this year, also 'copes' with her thigns are different at present, she recently had psychiatric assessment and her IQ came out at 90 with the comment that there was so much variety in the scores of subtests that this figure shouldn't be given much credence. My daughter has few if any real friends,and does very poorly in class. We now know this is because of certain problems that came up int he testing. The school have now told us, that as she 'copes' well enough, we should lower our academic expectations and just let her get along. To me, if a problem is identified which is causing a difficulty in certain learning skills, then action should be taken to alleveiate those particular difficulties. I agree that there are many children in schools that only jsut cope.... I was one of them... I was a child carer and as such basically just held my head above water. Int hose days nothing was done, but these days I would expect approprate help to be given to a child in any area of life that is causing such difficulties that they are miserable or not coping. Unfortunaetly I can only think about my own children and their particualr problems... I think my origina;l question was me wondering if my expectations re my childrens happiness are too high! SHould I expect more from school? From Teachers? It is difficult for me as I have had truly horrendous experiences both personally and for my children regarding education and thus it is really difficult to know where and when I should be fighting. Also having a chronic and incurable illness I find that my reserves are not limitless as once were so I would like to choose my battles more carefully fighting only those that are relevent and not made up in my head because of silly expectations... Does any of this make sense?