Kazzen161
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Posts posted by Kazzen161
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Well I filled in the questionnaire (almost identical to the first one) and got a letter today to say he has been put into the work related activity group (which he was already in). There was no need for another medical and we won't have to do another questionnaire til Dec 2011 - hurray!
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I presume he has a Statement, in which case he should have been having transition reviews (as part of the annual review) since Yr 9. 16+ options should have been discussed at each review. Connexions should have been coming to these reviews and talking to your son (and school and you) about what he wanted to do 16+.
I cannot understand why the school did not keep you informed about the 16+ process.
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MLD is for moderate learning difficulties (as opposed to severe LD). You need to check what GSCEs are on offer (often only things like art) and what grades the children get (often only Ds). Also ask what their Yr 11 children go on to do (often stay in MLD provision or do a special needs course at college). Check what levels their KS3/4 children are working at (my son was already working at a much higher level than their Yr 11 pupils).
If they have expertise in ASD and you are not too worried about GCSEs, then it might be OK, but I have seen many MLD schools and they do vary (even within the same LA).
It may be better to look at more specialist schools that have expertise in ASD and can offer an appropriate level of education.
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I lent him £260 two weeks ago and I havent heard from him since sunday so just texted him asking for him to give it back by JulyWe went through a stage of the phone being passed directly to the kids but then he starts talking to me about something and worms his way back in,so to speak.
I really appreciate the advice,I wish I was a much stronger person,I just give in to him cause I feel if I dont I am doing wrong by my kids,I dont do it for him its them,but now I just feel like a mug
I feel much better for coming on here,thank you all for listening
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It is not easy to work out how to be divorced from someone (I always joke that if I am thinking about marrying again, I will check if he is also someone I wouldn't mind being divorced from!). You can't be responsible for his relationship with the children - it is up to him - they will soon work out how interested he is in them (my ex no longer calls them mid-week and has just gone on holiday without them and not seen or called them for three weeks, even though they are doing their AS level exams).
You also need to show the children that it is not acceptable to treat women badly. A lot of his behaviour suggests he is not willing to let you go/move on - you need to make this clear, and distance yourself from him emotionally.
As to lending him money when he gives nothing towards the children - I find that hard to understand (and it now means you have to keep calling him to ask for it back).
I know it is not easy, and we all go through a period of working out a new relationship with our exes. It took me several years to get to where I had the strength and resolve to change my behaviour around him. They always say you can't change someone else's behaviour towards you, without changing your own.
I am still looking forward to the day when I don't have to have anything to do with my ex anymore.
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If she does not yet have a statement, she will probably not be able to get a place in a unit.
Your LA should be able to give you a list of all their special schools (or it may be on their web-site). Once she has a Statement, then you would be able to look at independent schools also.
Local support groups are the best place to find out which schools are most ASD friendly.
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I have given him petrol money to come and get Dan,this is all cause he makes me feel bad for the fact I moved out of county.I always phone him,he doesnt have a lhome phone so mobile and its very expensive,to let him know how they are and what they have been doing.I tell him when they are ill.And with Sams diagnosis gave him all the paper and said,even though he doesnt agree with the diagnosis,that he can come to the next appt.So I do try.
I had similar problems with my ex. Although he left me, we still behaved as we had always done - he threatened me (with not paying money or not picking the kids up, etc) and I would give in. After a few years, I just changed my response - I just said "whatever" and once he realised he no longer had any power over me, he stopped the threats. Time for you to stop feeling guilty.
It might be good for you to back off a bit - there is no need for you to call him - he could call the kids if he wants to (we arranged that my ex would call every wed at 6pm), and the kids can answer the phone and there is no need for you to talk to him. If the kids don't want to talk to him, then they can tell him. He could buy them a mobile that he could call them on, on the same network as him, as he is bound to get some free calls/texts. There is no need to make a special effort to tell him what they are doing or when they are ill - just update him when he comes to see them. We also had regular visits arranged - so every 6 months we would sort out the dates, and then that was it. You could ask the school to invite him to any meetings - again it takes the onus away from you.
It took my ex many years to accept that my son does have AS - I think he saw it as a reflection on him (not having a perfect child), and it really made no difference to him, as he was not the one getting called in to school several times a week!
My boys have now worked out for themselves what their Dad is like.
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If they claim in their own right, it can affect the parents' benefits (eg child tax credit) and I think Child Benefit ceases.
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If she did get a Statement it would open up the option of a specialist placement at 16+. Will she cope with a mainstream college?
If you try to get her a Statement and don't suceed, at least you will know that you tried.
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You may well get into trouble for recording the medical, especially if you don't tell them you are doing so.
I went with my son to his medical and it was better than I thought it would be, BUT I had written LOTS on the questionnaire (10 extra A4 typed sheets), and had had to get my MP involved earlier on + stressed that my son needed to be seen by someone who understood AS.
She asked my son questions, but it soon became apparent that he did not want to answer them (he wouldn't even tell her we came by car, until I pushed him to). She said that it was OK, I could answer for him. She had already read the info on the questionnaire (I didn't think they did that), and asked questions around that.
He was put in the WRA group, which I thought was right.
We have just had to fill in another questionnaire and I am hoping we don't have to go to another medical (ours was nearly 20 miles away, in a busy town that I don't know).
Make a note of your mileage/transport costs, as you can claim them back.
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Are the school aware of the swapping? Most schools ban swapping IN school, because of these sorts of problems. Even when swapping same price items, children often change their minds later.
A checklist for hte end of hte day can work well.
I used to "fine" my (NT) sons 10p for every item they forgot to bring home from Junior school - they soon started remembering!
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I am not sure what you mean by good SEN provision, but I would not have said Hants is good. Some mainstream schools are good, but others are not - the same as anywhere.
If you move once you have the Statement, then any new county is likely to reassess and amend the statement.
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Have you asked her why? My son will only wear plain T-shirts, as he says the slogans make them uncomfortable. He likes comfortable clothes, and it was an effort to get him to put on smart trousers and a shirt for his end-of-year celebration.
Would she wear a trouser suit or black trousers with a smart top? Maybe dress it up with accessories - a shawl around her shoulders or tied around her waist?
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The only thing that worries me now is that the next set of DLA forms that comes to be filled out will have to be filled out by Jay and, firstly, he won't cope with that and also it will be devastating for him to see all of his 'problems' set out in black and white like that. I'm planning to get him to sign them first and then I'll fill them out so he won't have to see them.~ Mel ~
The problem is if they need to speak to him, they will only speak to him. If there are any problems, he will have to deal with them.
I explained to my son that he would have to fill in the forms and deal with any problems, and he was then very happy for me to be his appointee. It covers all dwp benefits, so when he claimed ESA I could do the forms for him. You can always ask to be his appointee again.
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I did several years ago, but we chose to go to the JobCentre+. It was a very brief conversation - they just wanted to make sure that T was OK with me dealing with things for him. He then had a chat with the man about their computer system - lol!
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My son has atypical dyslexia - he can read well, but his handwriting and spelling are poor. As his spelling improved, his handwriting also improved.
Infant schools usually do a dyslexia screening test on children who they think may have dyslexia - have they done one?
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If your son is permanently excluded, then the LA are supposed to provide full-time equivalent education (at a PRU, in your home or another agreed building). In practice it is unusual to get more than a few hours a week.
You need to find out if your son is going to be permanently excluded, and then get in touch with the EOTAS (Education other than at school or similar) department at the LA.
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I would be looking at other schools in the area. If you find a suitable, more expensive one, then you may find a place at the special school suddenly becomes available!
If they change the placement, I presume that you could go to Tribunal. If a LA school is really full, they are not allowed to take anymore children, but if the Tribunal tells them to, they can.
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You do not get a "choice" - you get to express a preference that the LA must go with as long as that school can meet your child's needs, is an efficient use of resources and does not harm the education of other children.
There is no guarantee that, if he did go to a mainstream school, the school closest your ex would take him (especially if it is also a different county), as he would have a statement they would have to fulfil (pay for).
I can't remember if you said there were places in the school you prefer (obviously the other county's children get priority), and whether they said it would be suitable for him. I am presuming it is not an independent school.
Do not tell the LA you will not ask for transport, unless it comes to be a deal breaker. He will be at the school for several years, and you might need transport later on. If the LA agree to name the school, then they should offer transport (but whether that could be from your ex's I don't know).
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You could send him to a childminder and the taxi could pick him up from there. I presume you would have to use a childminder if he just went to the local mainstream, as you would not be there to drop him off.
The LA might agree to collect him from your ex's house (as it would save them money on transport), but there might be other considerations (eg: lengthening the journey time of others in the taxi).
Where would he be dropped off? Sometimes the LA says it has to be the same place that he was collected from.
The LA will only be looking at sending him to the nearest suitable school (in their own county), they will not take into account how you will manage to get him in/off the taxi (I know, I had this issue for 9 years eg: I was supposed to collect my children from their school but also be at home at that time to recieve T).
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I can't see that it will work, as the LA must have your address on all the paperwork already. You don't give your address when you express your preferrence for a school - they already have your address - if you didn't live in that county, that LA woudl not be doing the statementing. I know they look very poorly on people who use other people's addresses to get into preferred mainstream schools, so I can't see how they will not comment.
If you use your ex h's address, the LA is more likely to say that you should apply for a Statement from that county instead. I am not sure if your county would pay for transport from a home in another county, but if they did someone wodul need to be there to hand him over and receive him - especially because the taxi may be late/not turn up.
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I am not sure whether you mean that the governors of the school are hearing the complaint or the LA. If you google "complaints panel governor" you will get several sources of information, such as:
http://www.cfbt.com/lincs/docs/B02%20-%20C...y%20Parents.doc
A governors complaints panel meeting should be minuted by the governing body's clerk.
I think it is important that you think what you want to achieve from the meeting. It is unlikely that they will give you full details of what happened to the teacher, but they should be able to apologise, explain why it happened (why he was restrained, and why by an untrained teacher) and explain what steps have been taken to ensure it does not happen again.
Have you got copies of the school's restraint and behaviour policies?
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The only thing I could find was:
"Team Teach Position Statements regarding support of TT Front Ground Recovery holds (Prone) and against the use of techniques using pain to gain control and compliance, can be found within the tutor protected area."
on the Team Teach web site. It suggests that the child is held lying on the ground.
Maybe oaasis.co.uk could advise.
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I have run social skills groups and I agree that it would affect the group if you were there. There is a also the issue of confidentiality for hte children.
However, I did send things home with the children (eg: a brief letter when we did anger management) and gave a lsit of what we had covered for reviews. I also met with a parent to talk through what we had been doing, because she requested it. So I don't see an issue with telling you what areas they are covering.
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Connexions workers can help with this if you ask. They can do a 139a (a form stating the help a child will need at college) for any child that has SEN (my son was not even on the SEN Register at secondary). I did have to organise some extra meetings with the SEN Dept at the college myself, but it was worth it.
Behavioural and emotional schools?
in Education
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Some EBD schools do do well with children with ASD, but lots do not. You could always go and look at the school, to see what you think, but also go and see a few ASD specialist schools, so you have something to compare them with.