Bard
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Posts posted by Bard
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We used the milkman for ages, then I moved areas and was leaving for work about 7.30 before he arrived.
It was a tough area, so the milk was either nicked or smashed when I got home. Supermarket it is, we still get through 4 or 5 pints a day, and we recycle the containers.
I remember the Parus caeruleus (blue ######) stealing the cream when I was a child, and that we drank the milk afterwards! Probably gave me the amazing immune system I have.
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I'm plucking up the courage to take B back to Derbyshire, he was far too excited by all those caves. Especially all the tiny, twisting tunnels that you can't go into without being a proper caver with all the gear.
Maybe if I got one of those extendable dog leads, so that I could reel him in when he disappears down a side shaft?
Have fun, we are very careful about which games we play as a family!
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I taught a nine year old boy with SM, and he was becoming a school refuser as well. When he was stressed, he would become rigid, and his fingers would freeze onto his pencil. He would vibrate with the tension.
Certain music calmed him down, and after a track he'd relax. He had a lot of other things going on in his life, he found eating and swallowing a challenge from being a baby.
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Tinned food hoards better than frozen, my grandparents had a year's supply of almost everything in their cellar.
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selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder. It causes the larynx to tighten and the person very much wants to speak but can't. It is not a refusal to speak and the person is not choosing not to speak-that is a common misconception. Selective Mutism can occur on the AS combined with aspergers.People who have SM are not mute all the time just in certain situations or with certain people-when they feel comfortable they usually feel relaxed enough to speak
Professionals don't know a lot about SM-treatment is speech therapy, CBT and in more severe cases Prozac can be used as part of the overall treatment plan.
It affects adults and children and the key factor is an inability to initiate conversation. Someone with SM maybe able to respond quietly in a few words but not be able to initiate conversation as well which adds to the complexity of misunderstanding this condition. The name is misleading and people just think that the affected person is refusing to speak which they are not and they are feeling equally as frustrated as the person they cannot speak to if not more so.
I would agree with this, in particular that it is usually not under the individual's control, and that the fact a child can say a quiet word or two on one occasion doesn't mean that it will happen in another, identical situation. It's a very complex and frustrating condition and little is known about it in mainstream SEN.
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My OH can go for hours or entire evenings without talking.
I used to chat to fill in the gaps, but there's a limit to that even for me.
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Instant mashed potato is still the only form of the spud that B will eat, several times a week.
Daughter has a tin a week of alphabetti spaghetti, or the new one numberetti spaghetti.
Do you remember the slogan for Mighty White bread "Mightier Than The Average White'?
I used to work in a community school in the 80s, 100% Asian in a very poor area. This was the slogan that the weight-lifting group chose for their T shirt, and no one argued.
The main thing that I remember about food from the 1970s was how very bright and dayglo the colours were, almost fluorescent. And how things never seemed to go off, because of the huge amounts of preservatives.
Dehydrated food, especially soups, where the peas never really rehydrated and felt like chewing gravel, which my mother always insisted was just as delicious as real vegetables.
Can I also mention that being a vegetarian in the 70s and 80s was why I ate a lot of ethnic food, otherwise the choices were cheese sandwich or a cheese omelette.
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It's a splendid coconut palm, all you need is the island to match it.
Not big enough to use as a scratching post yet?
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I was just thinking what a lovely foot you have. I'm assuming the other one has similar bone structure.
You could become a sparkly-toed aspie once you have a full set of nails...bid or mumble could give you tips.
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I agree with you Nobbynobbs.
This is an NT, very personal point of view from me.
Sometimes depression creeps up on you over a period of time, things keep going wrong; you feel like you're wading upstream...through treacle...with an 80lb backpack...and then someone keeps yelling at you to make a decision or a choice.
So at the worst point you sit down in your treacle stream with your hands over your ears and you can't think whether to go on or back. You can't make a conscious decision about anything anymore.
But if you get help, medication, counselling, support you can get out of the stream altogether and sit on the bank for a bit.
Then, when you've got your breath back, and your sense of emotional stability you can make some choices that enable you to move on, without all the burdens. Some of them maybe, but not all.
That bit takes a lot of time, effort and being gentle with yourself.
Later, you learn to recognise the signs of becoming stressed and you remember that it will lead to depression.
So you do something about it before it becomes a big problem. Whatever you need to do. In some cases, it's turning down a promotion, making space for a hobby, understanding that if you are in a family unit, not everything is always your responsibility. Letting other people help you. Asking other people for support.
Like knowing if you have anger management issues, you understand that a tendency to depression is a weakness that needs watching out for and taking precautions about. You don't let events or people or expectations or fear push you over the edge again, because once you've climbed back out, you know that you don't want to fall in again.
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It's got a silver lining, G is doing the washing up (don't have a dishwasher) and B wants to edge the lawn with the special tool thingy, and then mow it for me.
My typing is a lot slower now, using one hand, other still elevated. How addicted am I?
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I taught a child who was NT and dental phobic.
He was sedated at the local hospital for treatment, needle into the back of the left hand. Out about 20 minutes usually.
Seeing your own child undergo any invasive medical treatment is always terrifying, especially as you have to stay calm and keep your game face on. I watched B have two injections into a knee wound before they stitched it, and it upset me a great deal more than him. Hopefully, your local hospital will have someone ASD-friendly as well as child friendly.
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I used my small secateurs so much they have broken, so I swapped to the bigger, longer ones.
And I've managed to almost cut off the top of my left middle finger.
Much blood and many dressings and it hurts a lot.
Good thing I had a tetanus booster last week.
I really did go AAAARRRRGGGHHH!
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Well, just to strike an Aspie note.
When he kayaks, he's in his own defined space. The action of paddling is fairly uncomplicated to begin with, forwards or backwards. If he needs more space, he's in charge of the craft and can paddle away, within reason. When you capsize, it's not as scary.
Sailing on the other hand would involve multiple actions some simultaneous, another person in the craft and it's more complicated to change direction. There are a lot more shouted instructions.
I sailed a lot as a teen, and it suited me well because I don't like cold water much. So I've rarely capsized with all the sails, mast, ropes and stuff to deal with.
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Update...
He's joined their Saturday morning club, 2 hours of kayaking until Nov 1st. Then starting again at Easter.
And the staff are pleased to have him!
He's doing some of the skills very well indeed, and prepared to really try and try again on the more tricky bits.
He's so happy, he has a big grin on his face most of the time.
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One of the other websites that I use is a parenting one, and some of the whinges that parents make about their teens are real eye-openers.
They complain about rudeness, using the house like a hotel, being sworn at, treated like servants. Teenagers who eat everything in sight and fight with the younger children. Returning home drunk and noisy in the early hours of the morning.
And how do the parents solve the problem?
Whinging.
Many of them state that they can't wait to see the back of them when they return to Uni.
It amazes me that parents tolerate that sort of behaviour in a child, let alone an adult.
So Tally, you may be working with one of them. If he makes it to Uni, it will be a real learning curve for him. He sounds like a rather spoilt, rude boy who has never had to hold down a job other than part-time for pocket money.
Try not to take it too personally. I often think that when dealing with a stroppy child at work. It could be worse, we could be related. Grit your teeth and think of him living on baked beans and cold porridge, and being busted for not having a TV licence.
Think it, don't say it.
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I understand what you're saying too Baddad, and I know that my failing in living with an adult whom I am certain is AS is that I've got enough on my plate most days and weeks. So often I don't bother with the negotiating and coaxing and dialogue.
I just let him be himself, a sin of omission on occasion.
But truly, a lot of the time I can't be bothered to effect a change in the oil tanker's direction, it takes too much, and it's complicated by the fact that he's an adult and therefore an equal.
So I couldn't get into my bl**dy kitchen again today for over 4 hours, because of the photography. And when I asked him how long he'd be, because I needed to cook dinner by 7pm, he said that he needed the space.
Yes, there was a heated monologue, but I couldn't make him move like B. In fact, B would have asked first, thereby enabling us both to negotiate.
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Reading what you have written, Mumble, the over-riding feeling I have had all my life is fear/anxiety, too
<'> Bid
So, returning to one of Cat's points, would it have been easier or better for you or Mumble to have had a dx earlier, as a child?
If you had always known that your brain was wired differently, and that certain things were not your fault or you being deliberately difficult or odd as perceived by others, would that have enabled you to worry and stress less?
I find this sort of debate immensely useful because I can't know what it is like to have an ASD, only how it appears in others.
B seems very happy and content with the scaffolding approach that we have worked out between us, but I do wonder if and how he will change as he gets older, and whether he will become more insecure and uncertain, or if he will remain content.
I loved meeting pearl's JP, he was a glimpse into a possible B of 18...still with some input from family but an increasingly independent and confident young man, tackling all sorts of new experiences and challenges.
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I often refer to myself (and constantly feel as if I am) as being in a constant state of alertness. I'm always aware of what might/could happen and what might/could happen as a result, planning what I will do if X happens and what will happen because of what I plan, whilst being still aware that Y could happen etc etc. It's exhausting and I'd rather not live like that but I don't make an active choice to live this way and I can't take it away - it's who I am.
It must be a perpetually exhausting way to live.
I wonder if B will change as he gets older? He never seems to worry about possibilities, or what may happen, he lives in the moment, sometimes in the 5 minutes! So he tends to react to situations and events rather than anticipating them.
Maybe it's having a personal fixer that he trusts to always get the best deal available, he expects me to know everything, assimilate it, analyse it and then explain it to him...don't know.
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That's the problem of tests that don't begin to cover the complexities of the whole child.
Mine got 5s at KS2 with no assistance, but that didn't begin to reflect his other needs in mainstream.
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The word pulpy, even typing it makes me feel
People who have very loud conversations with foul language and lewd details in public that disturb your train of thought and make me worry what G will say next.
Dogs with no training, manners or self-discipline and their stupid ignorant and self-centred owners.
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It may also be that 'I was joking' is a sort of 'learnt phrase' for getting out of socially tricky situations?Bid
That's exactly how B uses the expression, often if he knows he's gone too far with his sister and she's upset and angry.
He would definitely also use it in order to get himself out of a situation that he wasn't coping with, or where he'd had a change of heart when the reality of the situation dawned on him. " I was joking, I didn't really mean that I wanted to..." is often followed by relief when he's allowed to opt out, and then amnesia (face-saving) about ever having said something in the first place.
If I told him that the sequence of events was inevitable, he'd get very cross, then usually silent.
I always have something to distract him with, so he can focus on something he enjoys whilst enduring something we can't get out of.
For example, on the London Eye, with G and a friend, he wanted to back out but we couldn't. So he sat and drew warcraft figures in a little notepad and didn't look up once. And that was OK with everyone. Sometimes it's just too late to stop, or would impact very badly on others, so he has to compromise.
My OH never comes on visits to family, he can't drive and feels trapped if he can't leave when he wants to. He can cope if family visits us, but after a couple of hours he goes for a walk. For several hours.
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My willow tunnel is covered in blackfly, so now my lovely garden is full of wasps the size of hummingbirds and the children are too scared to go out. I've tried spray, but it's an industrial-sized job.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I'm sorry I'm late to this, but I hope your day went well. I'm too slow to do the braintraining stuff on DS, my age would end up around 150 and then I'd get depressed.
I really enjoyed meeting you and your mum at Greenwich, I'll bring more chocolate cake next time we meet.
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It sounds like a perfect team, even your choice of essential supplies matches. I keep thinking about that potholer that is still entombed somewhere behind Peak Cavern, because he got stuck.
Tricky stuff this parenting, I'm happier when he's playing with lego, and at least when kayaking I can tell which way up he is.