latmaz

thanks for the further comments. i got further info today from the boy who was with ds. apparently ds had gone to the till to pay for his things and before he spoke the man said whats that in your pocket, ds said was about to ask u if i had enough for that. which is when the man said dont lie to me u were going to steal etc etc. ds said no i wasnt and here is the money for it. which is when the man locked the door on them. he didnt actually call the police til ds lost it the other boy said he was scared of the man who was quite strident and did ask the shopkeeper to back off a bit cos ds had problems. afterwards when the man was sent into the back room by his wife the other boy was terrified that the man would start on him good point about asking for a psych report via solicitor. am going to ring a couple tomorrow and find out the position re legal aid etc glad to have the support of people who have been thru this altho of course i am sorry any has

yes it helps a lot thankyou from what u said the theft part is debatable as he hadnt even left the shop. the criminal damage yes he did damage things but only after he had been locked in and yelled at for over 15mins. he admits to calling the shopkeeper a racial name but only after he had been locked in etc, in no way was it either cos of his race or cos ds doesnt like indians, it was because he had lost it and said anything that came into his head, he has called me the same name sometimes when angry. the police have offered a caution if he admits all the charges but i am not sure he should. are people allowed to lock children in their shops because they 'believe' they were stealing? i am not sure we are eligible for legal aid unfortunately as we own our house so not sure we could afford to get a defense such as u suggest, reparation isnt possible either as the shopkeeper is on about hundreds of pounds of damage and there is no way we could afford to pay that thanks again for your input

polly thankyou for that , thats less than i thought too. i am going to ring the NAs today myself didnt realise i could approach the ED myself. as ilive in a rural area the whole school is only allocated something like 4 visits a year!!!!! can u imagine that its unbelievable isnt it. karen i read up on the ACE stuff and to be honest i think i could have appealed his exclusion and i did consider it at the time but felt if we went thru with it they would be forced to put some help in place (seems i was wrong about that!) thanks again everyone. sorry i didnt get back yesterday but ended up at the drs myself with a UTI so didnt feel up to much. stll dont but at least i can sit in bed and ring everyone !!

thankyou karen yes i emailed somewhere there who covers our area lets hope i get some response tomorrow after the suspension was when they put the report in place. he has been on it 4 weeks and it was due to be reviewed then but they have decided to leave him on report as they feel its helping - maybe it is i dont know. it seems to me he can cope with about 3-4 weeks of school then it gets too much and the meltdowns start behaviour support has been mentioned as has seeing an ed psych. note i say mentioned cos neither has been followed up despite mypushing. we have a new head and i have asked her to help. i suspect i have severely peeved off his PSM but i will keep pushing have pretty much decided to take a solicitor with us on wed even if its the duty one. i wish it was monday rather than sunday so i could actually speak to some people

my thoughts exactly about CAHMS nurse dismissing it i couldnt believe what she said!! he has been charge with theft, criminal damage and we have to go back wed evening for formal interview. i shall raise concerns regarding him being locked in etc then, he went thru a brief phase of taking money from home the odd pound here and there but that stopped. he has been suspended twice from school, has had numerous 'blow ups' and is on report at school now. he has walked out of class a few times, thrown a chair in another class, we have had to restrain him at home a few times etc etc but at other times is completely calm am waiting hearing from dr who has jus referred us to another place, i chased this on friday. dont know how long that will take to come thru of course but i did tell them how urgent this situation now was have emailed the youth justice team today after the earlier suggestion had never heard of them before i have looked at the criteria for AS and i THINK he fits a lot of the criteria, i even did the recent test thing that was on the one show site, i tried to err on the side of good(?) but he still scored over 40 on it. things like u have to be exact in what u say, cant stand sudden noises, takes against certain clothes, has no empathy, cannot read situations, he cant bear to think anything is 'unfair' and often says but he/she wasnt being fair mum, he does not know how to behave in social situations, talks very loud etc i could go on. he is VERY bright and has good vocabulary hence i think they thnk hes ok i also emailed a solicitor i found on the NAS site today and am thinking we should take someone with us next week your advice is just brilliant and its helping me see things i might not have as i flit all over the place in my head forgot to say TASCC stands for TEam around the school child and community. we saw a man there in october who also would not refer ds on as he didnt see there was a 'developmental' problem. no one seems to see a problem but then no one sees behind the scenes, tho sometimes i wonder if it is me

thankyou all once again. its funny some of the things u have brought up have been going thru my mind the last day or so. he hadnt left the shop and did offer to pay but the shopkeeper wouldnt accept it and kept yelling thereby provoking him. i cant make up my mind whether i get a solicitor to fight it or whether if ds 'got off' it would send a message to him sayng he can get away with stuff or whether to take the caution to teach him he cant. but i truly think as sallys son says he does not have the ability to control this volcano like temper. lil me i also wondered if we let it go to court whether it could be a good thing as they would HAVE to look into a dx more. its a dilemma we saw CAHMS 2yrs ago but it was just an ordinary nurse who said ds related well to her and she saw no problem or need to refer him further. we also saw TASCC team (now disbanded) and they said the same. but of course he was calm and just agreed with everything said. i truly want to thank you all for your suggestions and back up, i have no one i can talk to about this other than here so it helps me so much

stella thankyou so much for your reply it made me cry tho. i do so hope we dont have to go the road u did before we get somewhere., the smashng of holes in walls hit home as we have yet another hole in his door after the last blow out as we didnt get to restrain him quick enough didnt know about the youth justice but have to go see the police again on wed so will ask about that then . forgot to say ds is just 13. can i approach a NHS hospital myself? i have no idea how i would go about getting a psychiatrist and am worried in case i pick the wrong one nobby i do think thats what my ex thinks that we are just making excuses for him BUT if we had a DX then at least he would understand that it is not that easy for ds to just stop doing what he is doing. unfortunately comprimise is not a word my ex understands its his way or no way mummybird u sound like u are having the exact same problems as me, lets hope we can both get somewhere soon. when ds has spoken to other people they go on about how bright, well behaved and calm he is so there cant be an underlying problem. oh how i wish they could see him at the other times thank u all so much for your support and concern

thank you both so much for your replys, it does help sally i have considered a private diagnosis but not sure where to go or who to ask, let alone whether we could afford it. we live in a very rural part of essex will look into NAS and IPSEA as u suggest, i have written a couple of as u say strongly worded letters to both dr and the school and pleaded with them for some help. the dr said they have done a referral to someone in ingatestone but not sure who that is at the moment or how long its going to take my ex wont do anything as far as he is concerned hes just losing his temper and has to control it. i dont think the school have ever seen him as bad as he tends to just run out the class and hide somewhere to calm down. this is something i have taught him to do over the years but of course this wasnt an option yesterday as the shopkeeper locked him in did mention to the policeman yesterday about aspergers and he agreed that he thought ds could be aspergers or ADHD as the behaviour was out of all normality. not sure we have a lawcentre either but will look into that again thankyou both for your replies, it helped a little to write it down

just wanted to come here and vent i suppose as i feel people here may actually understand how i feel have been trying to get a dx for my son for over 3yrs now. i get pushed from dr to school to TASCC to CAHMS back to the school etc etc. whenever they see ds he is cool calm and collected so apparently he is fine not so fine tho that he has been excluded twice and has had a number of HUGE blowups in school. we have had incidents at home and we are now at the point of having to physcially restrain him at times to stop him hurting himself. us or the house today i went out for half hour.. yes a whole half hour (he was at a friends house). i get a call from her saying there had been an incident and he has been arrested!!! she had let them go to the shop (2mins away) i get home seems the shopkeeper accused him of stealing, he said no i was about to ask u how much this was, the shopkeeper then locked the door of the shop, called the police and followed ds round the shop yelling at him until they arrived. apparently the shopkeepers wife tried to calm ds down but her husband kept yelling do i have to tell u want happened next? he went into a blow up, threw things across the shop, kicked shelves, called the shopkeeper a few choice names (apparently some were racist) and gerneally went mad causing a fair amount of damage. so now hes been charged with theft and racially aggravated criminal damage. if he pleads guilty the police said he will get a caution if not it will have to go to court .... all i can do is sit here and cry right now. i have absolutely no idea what i am going to do. my ex, his dad, refuses to belive there is a problem with him other than hes playing up!!! he hasnt seen his dad for a month cos dad cant cope with his behaviour and their constant arguing was making it harder for everyone as ds was getting so stressed everytime he went there and i know none of u can help but just getting it down somewhere where people might have some inkling of what i am going thru helps .. so thanks for reading or should i say letting me write it out ok best shut up now

shaz thanks so much for your kind words. weird u say about the reflux as ds had this when he was a baby (didnt know about asp connection) he still cant take tablets of any kind as he heaves he went back to school after his latest expulsion and their latest idea is that he is on report and has to achieve a certain amount of points . la la la well gosh why didnt i think of that duuuh (sorry for sarcasm but sure u know how i feel) the teacher said that as ds can 'choose' where to run and hide he must be able to choose whether to lose it or not . what can u say? anyway have been to dr and asked for him to be referred and approached his scout master as apparently the scouting association have access to people thanks everyone again for your input

thanks so much for the replies, sorry i havent been back on but have had ds at home due to the suspension we went thru cahms 3 yrs ago and just saw a nurse who who to be frank didnt say a great deal, then we saw someone else 2 yrs ago who spent most of the time trying to recruit me as i apparently had a good parenting skills and had learnt to deal so effectively with ds that she thought i could help others!!! since then we recently saw tier 2 cahms advisor who is the one who said he 'could' be on the scale the school promised behaviour support and an ed psych but this has not happened. i am due to see them again today and am going to push for this again. am also going to the dr later to ask for him to be referred and possibly to see if we can get an ADOS (?) assessment trekster thankyou will look into PALS shaz dont think a parenting course will help, all the people we have seen say how well i deal with ds and have things under control at home, of course thats wonderful isnt it? (sarcasm!) just cos i can keep him fairly calm at home doesnt really help in school when he explodes and then gets a suspension. aaah well onwards and upwards echelon sorry if i have taken over your post, maybe i should post this seperately? but i felt that are siutations are fairly similar

havent posted here for a long time as we have been going thru various channels to no avail like u echelon CAHMS have not been any real help and altho they say ds 'may' be in the austitic spectrum its very minor and therefore he wont be tested and they wont refer him on. once again hes been excluded at school due to him telling a teacher to 'f off' etc. i think they now just have him down as being 'naughty' and the school PSM told me maybe he 'needs a good talking to' umm do they think we havent talked to him am really at the end of my tether and have no idea where to go from here. maybe he is just naughty but the more i read the more i see asd tendencies so why can no one else? or am i just fooling myself anyways echelon just wanted to say i know how u feel

thanks everyone.. i am proud of him his problems really centre around sensory and socially and have got really bad this year,,, added to sever bullying so to achieve this despite all that is great

oh gosh i just realised how insensitive that may have been to those of you whose children are not achieveing academically.. i am sorry i didnt mean to be.. i am just so proud of my munchkin i didnt engage brain properly sorry hope i didnt upset anyone

well just wanted to update everyone saw his school record yesterday. nothin in there about my visits to SENCO, behaviour support, being taken out at lunchtimes NOTHING!! not one word, not even about the times he walked out of school or class... i guess i pretty much expected it but it was a bit of a shock i spoke to the SENCO at the new school and he met DS he has suggests we get the first couple weeks out of the way and see how things are going and proceed from there, which seems like a good plan to me on a positive note he got all level 5's in his SAT's... OMGGG i was so proud of him i could of screamed it from the windows, after all the rubbish he has had this year to achieve that is just phenomenal thanks everyone for their supoort and i will continue reading all the helpful advice here

not got any suggestions but i do know how u feel. same sort of thing here, its so frustrating isnt it!!! hope u get yr diagnosis soon

oh its ok karen u didnt make me feel guilty but did make me realise i made it easy for them thanks for your story jsmum, my ds has no trust in any of his teachers now, he just says well they dont listen or they arent interested or i have told them and they do nothing etc etc... its very hard listening to a child feeling that no one listens or will take note of what he says someone told me i could get an appointment with a private paediatrician at a private hospital near me and i am considering whether that may be worth doing before he goes to his next school why do they have to make it so difficult for you, i feel so let down by his primary but still thats almost over and i must be positive about his new school and i think u are right if they support him a bit more he will feel have more faith and trust in them which will help him feel more secure i do appreciate being able to witter on here as i said i dont talk to many people about all this in real life

thanks karen and u are no doubt right i have made it easy for them but i was about at the end of my tether as they would say they would put things in place then not do it and he would have a meltdown and walk out so i would have to come rushing back to find him and it was all too stressful and easier for me to just have him at home will talk to the new school as its not going to be possible for him to ome home then as its too far... seeing them tuesday morning so will add that to list

thanks for the those comments it does make me feel a bit better about this transition, to be honet i couldnt feel worse about the primary schools attitude he is not excluded from 2 lunchtimes a week cos of he is disruptive, more that he cant cope with noisy lunctimes and becomes 'wound' up if he is forced to stay there every day of the week... having 2 lunchtimes at home a week seems to diffuse the situation, i guess he gets some quiet time twice a week at home and feels more able to cope the other days i am going to write to the school for a copy of their records to see what it says, my bet is that it will not mention the home lunches at all and will no doubt say it is my suggestion when it fact it was theirs and they specifically asked me to continue with it as hes 'was better' having been at home, tho that of course will also be denied thanks everyone.. u lot are great and so knowleadgeable

thanks i did say to the school just cos he was excelling there didnt mean he didnt have problems elsewhere. the SENCO at the secondary has said he will try and get him into see an Ed PSych as soon as he can YAAAAY, there is light at the end of the tunnel

aah all ok can see my post now thought i was going mad there lol thanks for the replies, spoke to the new school last night and they seem keen to look into it a bit more and are very suprised at primary schools attitude so have a meet with the SENCO there on tuesday YAAAY some light (hopefully) i forgot to add to my other post that i do think he may have some form of aspergers for lots of reasons, lack of social skills. meltdowns, sensory problems, lack of empathy etc etc... most of which i have read on here and is partly cos of what i have read here that i think thats what the problem is and that its not just me, which is what the primary have made me feel like no he hasnt seen an ed psych, again primary see no need cos he is academically achieving and the CFCS people say he relates well to adults so whats the problem (??!!!) i did think i might ask for his school record from primary to see what they have put in there or if there is any reference to the concerns i have raised over the years thanks for the replies x

for some reason i cant see this in the meet and greet section tho i can find it thru my history nor can i see replies unless i click to reply myself... HELPPP!!!

well i have been reading this forum for over a year now and it has helped me no end, so thought it was about time i posted .. i also wanted to ask for some advice hope thats ok i am pretty sure my son has some form of aspergers (tho compared to what some of you have to go thru i feel churlish even mentioning this) he is about to leave primary school (HOORAY!!),,, throughout his primary school refuse to accept there is any problem at all with him and i am continually having to fight with them about things that happen, him walking out of class, having meltdowns, he has even been suspended once for kicking a teacher when she cornered him for the last 6months or so i have been bringing him home for lunch twice a week which the school have asked me to continue to do as it seems to 'take the pressure off and he behaves better', altho they still refuse to accept there is anythinn wrong and he is not on any sort of plan.... when i told this to the secondary school SENCO he was quite shocked that they dont have him on any school action plan i should say i brought this up when he was about a year 3 and the then SENCO at the school said he could be on the edges of some sort of aspergers but its nothing to worry about!!!.. when i brought it up again in yr4/5 the SENCO jus said it was normal behaviour and i have been arguing with her since then, might as well talk to a wall tho!!!! he has been to CFCS whos reaction was well he relates well to adults and we dont see a problem and he is under TASCC who we saw but the lady theres comments were well yes theres maybe a problem but what would be gained if u had a diagnosis and didnt seem to want to take it further from there i am just to at the end of my tether with the junior school and these agencies and yes i know its near the end of term there but where do i go from here?.... he had the worst meltdown ever on friday and ended up punching me and me crying for the rest of the day wondering if i have failed him. gosh sorry jus realised how long this is getting but i dont feel able to talk to people around me about this cos i dont think a lot of them would understand and they would jus label him as 'naughty' as they have no conceptioon of aspergers thanks for listening and any comments would be appreciated