paulathomson
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Posts posted by paulathomson
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once again my child has similar problems with break and lunchtimes. at the moment he has no support because he has no dx and until then he will continue to no support and the problem gets worse.
if he does get a dx and the support is used for lessons and no support for these difficult times then im going to tell school that i will be in every lunchtime to supervise him...lets see what they say to that...
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well done im really pleased for you. most other people will not understand how you feel and how happy you are because they are not faced with the same difficulties that your child is and cant they appreciate the long hard battle to get the help your child deserves.
never them.. i think you have done well. you deserve a big glass of wine tonight.
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im new to it too, but i think a meltdown is like a tantrum but 100 times worse..
someone who has more experience will describe it better than me.
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it is a disgrace.. not just for me but also for everyone who has to fight every inch..they dont realise the impact it has not only for the child/ren in question but also the siblings and parents. i am currently struggling to keep my own mental health on an even keel.. going to docs on fri to see if i can get a sicky for a few weeks because of chronic anxiety.
i am now not so angry and have gone through the letter and highlighted all the points that i feel are lies. lucky for me i kept a diary so i have been able to add dates to the events.
i think the main problem i have is that my son can read really well... he just doesnt understand what he reads..also the fact that he doesnt have a formal dx yet complicates things.. until then i dont think the school will take much notice.
i went to a link that was on this forum and found ''how to define whether a child has sen''. out of the 7 points my son has 5..so he definitely needs some help. i have copied this and will take to meeting..
as i said in another post.. im seriously considering taking a dictaphone with me so there can be no mistake on what was said.
thank you everyone fro all the advice and just general support..
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<'> Paula <'> I don't blame you for being so angry. When we involved our MP, we had the same thing lies, lies and more lies, all in writing! I was amazed
. Please keep your MP in the picture on what is going on and what the school are up to. The MP needs to be made aware of really goes on.Try and keep any communication with the school/LEA in writing, we had proof of the lies in letters. I think our school/LEA thought we were daft and put everything in the bin
, instead everything was neatly filed ready to dig up when needed 
.Annie
xx
fortunately for me i have been keeping a diary since last jan so have all the major things written anyhow. all paperwork about him has been kep and duplicated to go to relevant people.. even his homework i photocopy and the list of teachers remarks in his school books-- that i wrote when i went to parents evening last year
i will be drafting an email to mp later but i will have to wait until a- i have calmed down and b- gathered all the evidence..... plus i will photocopy for consulatnat at hospital to see her efforts talking to school are wasted and also a copy to take to school when i have meeting next week.
this meeting that has been set up has about 10 people including myself attending...3 people on my side..yipee..should be fun but i hope i can keep a grip on my mouth...
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this morning i received a letter from my mp who is helping resolve the issues i have with my son's school. there was a copy of a letter that his school had sent to him.
the letter was all lies lies and lies and stated that my son was an attention-seeker. it said that he had a good relationship with his former teacher and was identifies as having mild difficulties with literacy. they stated that at beginning of last year- yr3 that my son was at reading age equivalent of 6yrs1month- and he was age 8. by the end of the year he was at reading age 6yr11months and he was almost 9. -they said that he was 'flagged' for additional support...
well i cant believe the lies they will tell to save their own skin...he was not flagged for any support despite my asking over and over and over. the teacher was head of language and literacy and she says he didnt need help and has never had an iep in school life.
it also says that he school welcome any documents i have from camhs... which is lies becuase i have given them copies of documents throughout last year and they were just 'filed'. a few weeks after speech and language report was given to them i spoke with senco and she knew nothing about it...
they say that he has mild diffculites... 2years behind with reading is not mild in my opinion... and 4 years behind in expressive and receptive language...
oh im sorry to rant but im so furious that they have called him an attention seeker...i was so angry that i was shaking this morning when i read it..my blood is still boiling...
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have you tried looking on the british psychological society website? you can put in your postcode and find one near to you. thats where i looked when i was looking for private assessment for my son.
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i got fed up off battering my head against brick wall at school. despite showing them speech and language docs that states my child has difficulty understanding what is said to him they still refused to give him any supprt at school nevermind application for statementing. they have been adamant for a whole 12months saying that there is nothing wrong with him.
funny that because they day after i got in touch with local mp.. who spoke to director of education for my area..the school have now offered me a meeting .. wtih ed pysch and senco and are going to look at requesting a statement..
im going to take minutes at that meeting.. and maybe a dictaphone...
they will not be fobbing me of this time...
its true that most parents dont know their rights... i didnt know until yesterday that i am able to request statement myself...so glad i found this forum or i would be none-the-wiser..
so thanks guys..
paula
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wow.. i think this is brilliant. i might just print it out and hand it out to my son's teachers.
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Weeell...don't quite have to sit through endless amounts of them on specific chanels, but I do have one that will word for word repeat to me which kitchen cleaning product 'cut's through grime' which washing up liqued is soft on yr hands, which loo roll is quilted ! etc etc
So I'll share a little of your pain with you
<'>mine keeps saying..."bang and the dirt is gone!"....drives me mad.
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thank you bid for the reply. its funny you should say about the mental helath team as i have suffered with severe anxiety since 19 and have never been given much help by doctors only pills which i wont take.
at the moment my anxiety attacks are getting bad and i am struggling to get out of the house to do school run and go to work. have made appointment to see doctor next fri and am going to ask for a referral to mental health team. am i in the right direction?
dont know how i will cope though if doctor says no and parms me off with pills...when i am 'ill' i am unable to take pills as specific phobia.
when CAHMS said my son has A/S i sadi no way .. not in a million years.. but since finding this forum and reading all the posts i have since thought that it explains who i am and its a bit of a mad thing to say but i feel comfortable knowing what makes me different. i finally feel like i belong somewhere instead of being an oddball. i think if i was assessed and dx i would feel relief.
thank you so much paula.x
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i am 32 and am convinced that i too am a/s.. sound very much like your daughter..curretnly i am having severe anxiety attacks again and agrophobia as a result. have been told my son has a/s waiting for the official dx. i always knew i was different... didnt have a clue why as i was very academically bright at school..now that im having difficulties within my life i would like to get checked..
the lady that is 41 and just diagnosed.. how did you get assessed?
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It was the same with my DS in Maths, the school always expected him to do work that he didn't know how to do. I struggled like you for years, teaching him the best I could, but he only got more confused. Now he has to prepare for his GCSEs and he still can't add without a calculator. He has special support in Maths because it's in his statement, but they still don't teach him how to improve his maths skills. Perhaps your son has dyscalculia, as I suspect mine has, but it's very hard to get support for it because it's not as recognized as dyslexia. Maths teachers usually think it's just a question of practising until you grasp a concept and learn an operation . For example timetables. Most children do learn them by repetition but my son couldn't. I even chanted them with him everyday when he was in primary school. He said he could "see" the words but not the numbers. He learned to tell the time when he was 12! You need to discuss your son's difficulties with the teacher and the Senco and ask them to use different teaching techniques with him. This is called differentiation and schools have to do it (but usually avoid because it implies more work). You can also ask the school to assess him first and then work out the strategies. There are special tests for this but I don't know what they are called. Perhaps someone who knows more about Maths can tell you. Giving him the same homework again just shows that they are treating his difficulties as lack of studying which is not the case of your son.Good luck!
Curra
thanks forthe advice. my son doesnt struggle with maths.. in fact numbers and counting is one of his obsessions, so i dont have to woryy too much. his difficulties lie within literacy.. he can read the words from the book but doesnt understand the underlying theme. consequently, because hes reading the books parrot-fashion and thus keeping up with the reading stages, the school will not give him any support.
however, this does impact on other subjects like maths because sometimes he cant understand what the question is asking him to do..once he knows what to do he can get on with it.
we are in the military and my son is registered with sce- service childrens education- as having sen..they are going to set up a meeting this week with the school and all relevant people to get it sorted. the headteacher knows i mean business as i spoke with mp and also took the advice from this forum and requested copies of his school records.
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Hi, my 6 year old son is currently being assessed for Aspergers which in his paeds opinion is definate that thats the diagnosis.Anyway, we have had various problems during the last 3 yrs but Dan has tried really hard and has received more support from school which has helped him alot.
The problem is, since he broke up the school has merged with the junior school and a lot of change has come about.
All this change has of course had an effect on Dan in a negative way.
Daniel explained to one of his teachers (who has taught him on and off for 2 years) that he wasn't happy with the changes and he didn't like the new group he was put into.
She said to him "well you know what my answer to that is- tough".
I want to kill her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think it was totally inopropriate to talk to Dan like this and now he says she has been horrible to him. I really want to complain.
Dan's anger and agression has been worse over the holiday and when he has a meltdown he is uncontrollable so I knew I would have problems, but today Dan was aggrressive and violent in the playground and we were told that if his behaviour doesn't improve then we have to go and speak to the head master!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am totally peed off!!!
Dan had a meltdown because other kids were violent towards him-but thats ok isn't it??
Where are his support groups gone, why is he being kept back at lunch to do his hand-writing? His fine motor skills are poor so he hates writing because he knows he is not good at it- wheres his support???
I just don't know where to start- I really want to write a letter to complain and express my concerns for Dan's future at the school, is there anything I can demand such as support in the playground, with writng etc, should I push for a statement??
Right now I could do with a huge
but I CAN'T because im almost 6 months pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!If anyone could help me on what I should write, i'd be so so grateful.
thanks
caroline
this sounds much like my battle with my sons school and at present they talk to him in a formal tone which he doesnt like and everyday he says they have been mean to him. also the other kids wont let him play and they pick on him because he is soft.. one kids last year was punching on a weekly basis and in the last few weeks my ds hit him back and he got a bleeding nose.. of course my son was the bully and he was in trouble with the head. i complained.
i still have no support at school for the time being.. spent the whole of last year trying to no avail. i am not going to spend this year doing the same. his paed says he needs it so i have got in touvh with local mp and they got in touch with director of education at lea... who in turn got in touch with local councillor.. who then spoke to school head.. who has spoken to me and couldnt do enough to help..
i have said that i want to set up a multi-ageny meeting at school to get my son the help he needs..but without having to do separately.. i think finally they know that im not going to go away.. i mean business.
my advice.. which is probably not great advise... write down all your concerns.. keep a diary of what your child says has happened at school each day.. and then get in touch with your local mp.
hope this helps.
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Hi, I am a 30year old mother of three who is disabled with a bad back and painful hands. I am awaiting opps to fix all three and I have dyslexia. I have a daughter that is 9 who has aspergers and dyslexia and 20month old twins (one has high functioning autism) and a 38 year old partner who has aspergers and depression. I have lived with my partner for 14 years and the hardest thing in my life is my relationship. He doesn't want to understand his aspergers and just thinks I am to blame for everything. I am always very careful about what I say or do encase he takes it can be taken the wrong way as this can cause a bad situation. I try to not get emotional but sometimes I end up getting angry with him as I don't get much help at all as he has an obsession with computers and reacts badly if I ask for help. He is very very sensitive and I can NEVER show anger even in a mild form even if there is a good reason for it. If I do then he walks out and leaves me even if there is no way of me coping physically. He has smashed many things in the house, spends lots of money every time he walks out , shouts and swears at me, drink drives, takes overdoses, lets the kids down and since the babies arrived he wants to leave us. Even though he knows that social services have said they will not support me, they will keep taking the children every time I don't cope. It feels like I put up with so much and if I put a step wrong I am punished for days and I can't say anything as I always have the threat of my children being taken if he leaves. I am always hiding my purse and keys and I just feel tired.We have been on courses for aspergers and I think I understand it very well, but he doesn't seem to.
If anyone has advise let me know
Sara8478why would social services take your children if he leaves? i ask this because i am 31 and have 3 kids also but my partner is much the same as you describe yours.. only there is nothing wrong with him...and he walks out on me if we have a bust up. i try to keep my opinions to myself to save the peace but once or twice ayear we will have a bust up because i cant keep it bottled up any longer.
but when he does leave there is no suggestion at social services taking my kids...have social services told you specifically that they are going to take your children and why? they dont usually do this unless extreme cases.. they dont have the funding...
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j is now in yr6 and in sencos class. He came home with maths (his poorest subject) on monday for it to be in yesterday well it was to find 20 things with a bar code -simple enough, write down the last 3 digits- ok we can cope. then..................... x 5 by 100, divided 5 by 10 and 100 and i can remember what the other on was. now to me and you this is about moving the decimal point but could i get him to get the hang of it and 30 mins later he was panicing. He stuggles with adding double figure numbers ie 10+12 so knew he was out of his depth . so i wrote a polite note on the bottom saying j really struggled with this. I am confusing the confused.Last night j comes out with a help sheet and its the tenths hundreds thousands sheet and the same homework. Did senco not get the hint that j
cant cope with yr6 maths ive got a meeting with him and ed physc in october but i see me being up there before them i have a similar thing with my sons school. he struggles quite badly with writing- particularly if he has to think something up like a story.. but he also has difficulties with reading. he can read the words and can read the whole book but he doesnt understand the story.. he will be able to tell me specific things on last page but not what the story is about. i have put polite notices in his book bag for the teacher.. but will they take any notice.....no. even after speaking to the teacher they still dont get it... sometimes i wonder who exactly cant understand what is being said... my son or the teacher...argghhh
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you could try the kings college london.. institute of psychiatry http://www.iop.kcl.ac.uk/.. it has an article about anorexia on its homepage today.
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there are quite a few healthy snacks that you can try.. my kids are fussy too.
cheesy oatcakes, plain oatcakes, bread sticks- mini size- cold cocktail sausages, dried fruit, there are those fruit flakes.. which i think is bits of fruit with sweet coating..school bars..these i have found brilliant..they look like a sweetie bar but it is made from pureed fruit.
pitta breads cut in half are a fave especially when they can fill it with whatever they want. also put cucumber sticks in box..ds never used to eat them but over time hes just accepted they were in the box and decided to try and liked them.
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its wonderful that you have said this because since the specialist said she thinks my son has aspergers.. i have often wondered about my own behaviour. occassionally i have thought about my own obsessions as a teenager and early adult life.
at age 14- every lunch time i had to have a cheese roll,white bread, an apple and a pint of milk. this lasted for about a year and half.
at 16- i ate only cheese. nothing else. cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner and even a snack if i wanted one.
we have a healthy balanced diet but each day has a set menu
i make a million and one lists and have to tick the items off as i work through it.. and get stressed if i dont complete the list. i get stressed and angry if plans change without adequate notice. i have my own routine for the daytime and i get upset if something happens and i cant complete my routine in the day. im totally lost without my lists and routine and i feel like im drifting.
i can sit at the computer and keep checking for emails every 5 or 10 mins.. im the same with the post man.
i love to read and look at sewing and upholstery books.. thats a real fascination- but never actually do any of it..but still order loads of books from amazon. bizarre.
i dont generally start something i dont have time to finish because it gets me agitated.
i cant relax if the house needs a hoover or the washing basket is looking at me...
i love fluffy materials.
i hate cold.
i love lists and organisation.
i can get angry when people dont play fair.. i always play fair.. i can see things in black and white.
some music i can smell different smells... now that is very strange...and sometimes smells can have music attached to them.. oh im definitely from another planet...
i have friends but am better in 1-2-1 encounters.. in groups i tend to say nothing otherwise i always say something completely off the wall.experience has taught me this
i have suffered with severe anxiety attacks since age 19 and they can be very debilitating and destructive to a life. it took me 9 years to take my driving test and i passed first time but i have never driven since.. irrational fear that i cant explain. i think though it might have something to do with the fact that i cant concetrate on more than one thing at a time and with driving you need to be taking in everything all around..it makes me feel sick when i have to do this.
i feel sick and dizzy whne there is too much noise, too many people, too many cars or i have too much to do. as a result i can get palpitations..anxiety.
i cant have two things going on at once.. so i cant have tv on when listening to the children read because i cant concentrate. i have to be able to focus attention on a single thing.
thinki have tendancy to ramble too....haha
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This is probably just a ramble so please feel free to ignore but every now and then I hit a really rough patch with everything and can't seem to see a way forward. Main issues are coping/juggling managing 2 boys and a job and trying to have any sort of marriage. I can't see a way out though. My boys are 6 and 7. Little one is at the severe end of the spectrum with severe learning difficulties too. I am just so worried about his future in every way at the moment - I think my eldest is AS and is being assessed by ed psych as a starting point in September. The thing is though I feel there'd be hope as I can do things to help him and teach/support him to find his niche and work with his strengths. I just feel though that with severe autism I can't make sure that O will be OK when we are too old to care for him. This worry is just eating me up. Also I am sick with nerves about going back to school in September (I'm a part time primary teacher) I pretend to cope and I'm so good at acting 'fine and happy' I actually can't stop now. DH works shifts and we are clinging on to our relationship by skin of our teeth. And here is the biggest new worry - think may be pg again - I really don't know how that can have happened! Maybe false alarm but too scared to take test to be honestThanks for listening Elun xx
i dont think you have rambled at all.. everyone needs to let of steam now and then and i think its perfectly normal to feel down when things are a bit rough. thats human nature.. and i think most people would agree that when you have children with special needs that these rough times may be a bit more frequent.
im not very good at giving advice. but i just wanted to say that i have listened if nothing else. personally i think that sometimes not knowing something can make matters a whole lot worse and at least 'knowing' gives me the option of finding a resolve or dealing with problem.
you seem to be in that frame of mind as you are thinking about what you can do for your older child for the future.
why are you nervous about going back to work? is it a new job?
well im sorry i havent been much help, but i expect that there will be lots of wise people who will give some sound advice. take care and i hope things get better for you. paula.
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Hi PaulaLogan is only 4, but we got DLA at 2 before he was formally diagnosed with autism. We just filled in the forms detailing the extra care he needed compared to a child his age, and included all the reports from everyone who had been involved with him so far.
The forms are a nightmare though so good luck! I'm another who found the cerebra guide very useful though.
Lynne x
thanks to everyone who has offered me advice. the dentist issue i will deal with by getting in touch with specialist he sees at cahms. we are going camping tomorrow so i will have to do it when we get back. the camping will be an experience as we havent done it before and my son keeps going on about thunder and lightning.
as far as dla goes i might wait for while i only have two health professionals involved at the moment..that is speech and language therapist- although now they have done two language assessments.. they cannot offer him any therapy as he is at junior school and is not statemented.
we are military family and we have service children's education who are an advisory service . they liase with schools. they have become involved just before the summer hols. they have requested a meeting with school in sept. hopefully with s.c.e's help and also the specialist's contact with the school.. the school might finally see what ive been trying to tell them for 18months.
we have our own social workers. i dont even know who the health visitor is. when we see a gp.. we see whoever is on duty for families at the time..
i have found cerebra website and downloaded their guide. it was very useful.
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i am battering down the door for help at school for my son and thanks to gp's referral to cahms we are finally getting somewhere. but when is the right time to ask for other help... i mean i dont want to upset the applecart.. he needs 2 teeth taking out and wont go to the dentist.. as i mentioned in another post.. should phone the doctor who is seeing him at cahms for help regarding this? also he doesnt like me leaving him with anyone.. he's happiest when im at home with him.
i have got dla forms but am uncertain whether to apply because even though he's been seen by cahms twice and adhd specialist once, it is unclear at this stage what exactly his problems are.. that is no formal diagnosis. the school will not back me up at all as it has taken me months to get this far.. without their help.
can anyone give me any advice..i feel totally lost in all this.. its quite emotionally draining already..i take my hat off to all of those who have battled for a long long time...
many thanks paula
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My dd is due to have 2 teeth extracted next Tuesday (eeek!) and I was wondering if anyone had experience of the aftermath??She has to be knocked out in hospital (more eeeeks!) and have 2 teeth removed (even though only 1 needs removing. Balancing or something they call it!) and I am really scared for her. She's only 5....
Anyway, does anyone have any tales to tell of the recovery time or what I might be able to expect? I'm really dreading it as I know she's going to be upset, so any advice anyone can offer will be gratefully received.....(The hospital has given me an info sheet, but there is nothing like personal experience.....)
Thanks in advance....
i dont know of aftermath concerning child with asd, but my son who is 11 and NT had 6 teeth rmeoved at age 3- in hospital under general anaesth..
i was terrified for him, but actually it wasnt too bad. the bleeding from the extraction stopped fairly quickly and obviously he was groggy for a day. next day he was a right as rain.
having said that, i have my middle child who is possible asd asperger and he needs two beby teeth taking out and i cant get him to the dentist for love nor money.. might have to go down the hospital route too.
hope it goes well anyway. paula.
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ok.. my first time on this forum... have been engrossed in this website since last week. hoping someone might be able to comment on my son's case.
he is middle child and is 8, 9 next month. has had speech/lang problems since forever.. could only speak 1 word until age 4 when he did begin to speak he had very bad stammer. in reception class was on school action plus.
basically since then he has been given no salt and no support within school setting. in yr 1 i was in and out of school over friendship issues. he used to cry that he didnt want to go school and everyone was mean to him.. he had no-one to play with. school found no evidence of bullying.
this last academic year - yr 3- i decided i had to get something done and fought with school for another speech/language referal. got it eventually and also got him referred to camhs by gp for hyperactivity and poor attention. speech language say that his expressive speech is at age 4yrs and similar for receptive language. he also due to have dysfluency assessment in sept.
i was told that it was my parenting skills and our army life is cause etc. i went on webster-stratton and began to keep diary in jan this year of his behaviour to prove to whom ever we got to see eventually.
anyway, cahms at first thought adhd and he has been on medication for a couple of months. last week he saw the specialist for the first time and she shoked me with what she told me.
she thinks that he doesnt have adhd and doesnt meet all of the criteria for add either, but does have add difficulties and the meds are helping him with concentration etc.
but she also thinks that he has asd/aspergers. i wasnt at all sure about his and still dont know whether he has. but ive been keeping a diary of his behaviours to take back to specialist. at the moment he is still on meds for add.
he is bright child, is very very very affectionate.. sometimes too much affection. gives lots of eye contact.. i mean lots. he is naive and will go off with anyone who befriended him..he walks on his tip toes and at school occassionally refuses to co-operate with teacher and will not speak.
he talks constantly about anything.. just never shuts up except when cartoons are on and then he's in his own world. he repeats 3 different phrases but i thought this was a part of his stammer. he like to write lists and make labels and signs for his bedroom door and can sometimes correct peoples mistakes. he like fluffy materials and has on one occasion put his hands over his ears when audience was clapping at the theatre. he often syas that other kids give him a headache.
most days last year he would come out of school upset saying that his teacher has been mean to him.. the year before it was his dad and new wife who were being mean to him.
he likes to organise things into pile.. but his has only been noticeable lately. actually before he began medication he was so disorganised and sloppy.. so its quite a surprise for this to become apparent.
i dont know what he is like if his routine changes because i am a stickler for routine and i hate it being messed up.. i get stressed.
my sisters boy is currently being dx with aspergers too.
can anyone offer their opinion as to whether they think this specialist might be right...many thanks in advance. paula.
Recognising people - I know I'm strange but...
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i hate being hugged by anyone except my hubbie and kids. sometimes my few friends will try and hug me when they think im upset and i let them because i dont want to offend,, but its horrible..i feel like very nauseousand cant look at them when they are looking directly into my eyes...oooh my spine is cringing...
my son who is thought to be aspie.. it very very affectionate and will anyone in sight... doesnt take after me then ..