Hi
I joined this forum because I need somewhere to just vent really! lol, so sorry if i go on a bit. :/
Basically i'm 16 i was diagnosed with AS at 14, my life has been a very bumpy and complicated ride. In my eyes i lived an entirely normal life until i was 13, but obviously i was young and did not realise what i had been doing as a child was not ''normal'' it's always just been me and my mum, I've never met my dad, i know who he is, but we've never had contact. Me and my mum have never really got on well, as a child i was a handful to say the least lol. constant tantrums if i did not get what i wanted, or if my mum was going to leave me with someone i did not like, and various other stuff. I was taken to a psychologist when i was 6 but nothing came of it, although i'd always had autistic traits, as a child i'd always had very good social skills, very outgoing, lots of friends ect.. Which i think was the reason i never got diagnosed at an earlier point in my life.
My life totally changed for the worst 2 years into highschool, there wasn't really a specific reason but i just stopped going to school, and following that i stopped going out because i was afraid of getting asked questions by people as to why i was not in school. This remained for around a year and slowly my confidence dripped away, and avoiding going out, turned into a fear of going out. My cofidence and social skills were just gone :/ I could still talk to people, but i would never make the first move and just remain silent. Durning my time off school people got involved psychologists ect.. and i was diagnosed with AS, I was then given help to get back into school, and given a shorter timetable, and shorter hours. I went back to school and my 4 best friends, all left on the same day for college (as they were a year ahead of me) I was pretty down after that, but thankfully quickly got in with a new croud of friends, i've always found without friends school is just awful. I could never go to school if i did not have any friends, without them i feel exposed and like people are looking at me and thinking ''loner'' and to me that's the worst thing in the world, i hate being alone. ;(
Although i've always managed to keep friends and have friendships, in a classroom situation, i'm like the invisible boy, i'll only talk to the person beside me (if i know them) and i will never raise my hand to ask a question, unless i feel confident enough. I hate that feeling when everyone looks at you while you asking a question. My biggest prolem at the moment is i'm a nervous wreck Going to school or somewhere i've never been leaves me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, also while i'm in school, i've noticed in some classes i shake, and if asked something infronts of lots of people my mouth goes dry and i often say something really stupid like if the teacher has asked me a question about a book, i'll just say ''yes'' the world around me just goes blank! but somehow on the outside i always look like i'm totally brain dead half the time. My friend said something to me one time, they were talking about being stressed, and how they were worried about doing a speech i said i was aswell, and she said ''whatever.. you never get stressed'' but she could not be more wrong, i have told one of my friends i have AS, but that's backfired as we are no longer really friend, but we still talk now and again.
My biggest problem is anxiety/stress, but *fingers crossed* this will be resolved soon, as i have an appointment about getting medication for it, so i'm praying, this will be the one thing that can go right and give me a kick start in life.
At the moment i'm in and out of school, planning to leave in December 08, and hopefully go to college. I think my family has not faith in me, but they say they do. I'm very on my own with this, i don't have any support, except a family psychologist who visits once a month. My mum doesn't really treat me any diffrent from what she has always done, but in a way i like that! I hate being treated diffrently or being excluded or being given exceptions. I'm just an average 16 year old with a twist! I would love to say i'm really clever like most people with AS are stereotyped to be, but i'm not.
Anyway it's late 01:00 ;| i have school tomorrow! so i need some sleep, lol.
Reply's/advice would be appreciated : )
