lancelot Report post Posted October 15, 2006 Hi all, Can I ramble for a bit? DH is away and rest of family just don't want to know... Secondary applications here have to be in on 10th November. It's a rural area, so the schools are miles apart and most can't be reached by public transport. C (yr 6, Aspergers) is adamant he wants to go with his friends to the local, rather seedy school about five minutes' bus ride away. Various other sources suggest that almost any other school is better for SEN -- a friend of ours pulled her rather similar boy out last year after he'd been endlessly bullied, and the head dismissed the whole thing with an airy 'We don't have a bullying problem in our school.' Hmmm. Added to this, the SENCO is of the 'I know best' persuasion, and couldn't tell me whether currently they had any kids with ASD or AS; and the school is starting major rebuilding shortly -- expected to take roughly the next 4-5 years. There's another (even bigger and more battered) comp about 5 miles the other way, which feels friendlier and was certainly more approachable -- small, fiery Scottish woman for head, who says, 'All schools have bullies, but in my school they get a VERY CROSS little Scottish woman dropping on them from a great height.' One of his friends MIGHT apply to that one, but it's not our catchment school, so no guarantees she would get in. No special facilities, and building works coming up next year. Then there's the huge, slightly less battered school about 20 miles away that's supposedly building a specialist resource for children with Asperger's, but hasn't actually done it yet. Specialist teacher on site, chill-out room to retreat to, specialist teaching assistants, music therapy, relaxation therapy, sailing (!) ... so what's the problem? Well, C has looked round the school and is determined to hate it! Nobody he knows would be going, as it's miles away and always oversubscribed. His AS status would probably get him in, but could we drag him there every day? When C hates a thing, he does it with gusto. Finally (I think?) there are two small schools in the nearest town, each with about 550 kids -- one is a very churchy Church school, though it does accept statemented kids as well; pretty drab, on looking round it, but it has certainly done well by some other AS children I know. The other school currently doesn't have a SENCO, but it does have an animation studio (C's idea of bliss!) and a pale blue uniform, which obviously is a big plus... It's all going round... and round... and round in my head. and I'm no nearer making the decision. Stick with the friends (which effectively means two rather shy girls, and one rather unreliable boy) and hope for the best? Go for facilities, and separate him from everyone he knows? Anyone who's read this far... HELP! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted October 15, 2006 Hi all, Can I ramble for a bit? DH is away and rest of family just don't want to know... Secondary applications here have to be in on 10th November. It's a rural area, so the schools are miles apart and most can't be reached by public transport. C (yr 6, Aspergers) is adamant he wants to go with his friends to the local, rather seedy school about five minutes' bus ride away. Various other sources suggest that almost any other school is better for SEN -- a friend of ours pulled her rather similar boy out last year after he'd been endlessly bullied, and the head dismissed the whole thing with an airy 'We don't have a bullying problem in our school.' Hmmm. Added to this, the SENCO is of the 'I know best' persuasion, and couldn't tell me whether currently they had any kids with ASD or AS; and the school is starting major rebuilding shortly -- expected to take roughly the next 4-5 years. There's another (even bigger and more battered) comp about 5 miles the other way, which feels friendlier and was certainly more approachable -- small, fiery Scottish woman for head, who says, 'All schools have bullies, but in my school they get a VERY CROSS little Scottish woman dropping on them from a great height.' One of his friends MIGHT apply to that one, but it's not our catchment school, so no guarantees she would get in. No special facilities, and building works coming up next year. Then there's the huge, slightly less battered school about 20 miles away that's supposedly building a specialist resource for children with Asperger's, but hasn't actually done it yet. Specialist teacher on site, chill-out room to retreat to, specialist teaching assistants, music therapy, relaxation therapy, sailing (!) ... so what's the problem? Well, C has looked round the school and is determined to hate it! Nobody he knows would be going, as it's miles away and always oversubscribed. His AS status would probably get him in, but could we drag him there every day? When C hates a thing, he does it with gusto. Finally (I think?) there are two small schools in the nearest town, each with about 550 kids -- one is a very churchy Church school, though it does accept statemented kids as well; pretty drab, on looking round it, but it has certainly done well by some other AS children I know. The other school currently doesn't have a SENCO, but it does have an animation studio (C's idea of bliss!) and a pale blue uniform, which obviously is a big plus... It's all going round... and round... and round in my head. and I'm no nearer making the decision. Stick with the friends (which effectively means two rather shy girls, and one rather unreliable boy) and hope for the best? Go for facilities, and separate him from everyone he knows? Anyone who's read this far... HELP! Wow, you certainly are 'spoiled' for choice aren't you!! No wonder your mind is racing with it all, it's such a difficult decision isn't it. All I'd advise really is that it has to 'feel' right, if you know what I mean. We sent our lad to a mainstream with an ASD Unit 15 miles away and it's a nightmare. The traffic is horrendous and it's taking us over an hour to get him there in the mornings and the facilities aren't even that great. If he had of had any friends (which unfortunately he didn't/doesn't) I would rather of sent him somewhere with them that is close by, or maybe the closer smaller churchy school, that sounds friendly. All I can say is, if you do consider the school that's 20 miles away, you might think that you can handle the journey as long as he is happy, but it's worth remembering that the reality could be a different matter. I bitterly regret sending my son all that way, I spend 2.5 hours driving every day and I don't even know if it's worth it! Very best of luck with your difficult decision. Hope you end up with one you are all happy with. ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BusyLizzie100 Report post Posted October 15, 2006 Can't tell you which school to go for, Lancelot, but bear in mind that the friends you are talking about may change their minds, or leave, or find other friends when they get to secondary. There's no guarantee. Perhaps it would be better to choose a school where friendships could be engendered - small, churchy school? especially if you know that other AS kids have fared well there. Will they definitely build the special unit at the 20-mile away school, in time for your son? Sometimes a decent head may be the right thing, like the feisty Scottish woman. Ultimately, it's your decision, but we all sympathise how hard these kind of decisions are!!! Got to dash, restless natives. Lizzie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lancelot Report post Posted October 15, 2006 Just to say thanks, Mel & Lizzie -- lots of good sense there. DH's take on it is, 'Oh God, you're not still stressed about the school thing, are you?' I know -- I'll let him decide!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BusyLizzie100 Report post Posted October 15, 2006 Just to say thanks, Mel & Lizzie -- lots of good sense there. DH's take on it is, 'Oh God, you're not still stressed about the school thing, are you?' I know -- I'll let him decide!! I'm in the process of trying to decide whether to send DS3 to the same primary school as his brothers (not particularly hot on SEN) or send him somewhere with a good reputation for SEN. My DH's take is: 'God, it's never-ending!' Well, he better get used to that!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bramblebrae Report post Posted October 15, 2006 I would feel if your son is giving his opinion it would be best to take it into account as the biggest plus must be that it's somewhere he wants to go at least initially it can always be changed in the future if he realises it's not what he needs. On saying that I see how the nearest one which he wants isn't ideal at all making it very difficult for you ie let him decide but it could be disaster or do the tough love protecting thing and tell him it's whats best for him..however i think the potential for things to go wrong at any school is too high and can see a future of I hate this school and it's all your fault etc etc...Anyway I'll get to my suggestion at last... I would include him in your thinking more or less go over what you say in your post and write down all the pros and cons ..tell him exactly why u think the local one is the worst really and about how friends change over time and they could still see each other out of school, you know the sort of thing. Ask him to think about it seriously and then without promising anything ask him to list them in order of preference and why. Mind you you've maybe done all that already in which case ignore me lol!! take care Lorraine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
