Husband has given up his job

[JenRose]

Dave has been very stressed. He recently went back to work after being off for nearly 6 months.

He was supposed to start his full time hours yesterday but i found him crying yesterday morning saying he couldnt cope with the stress of work and having 2 kids who are ASD.

We have an unbelievable (actually probably not to many on here) amount of hospital appontments with the 2 kids and he was getting stressed at having to ask for more time off.

 

He is going to be a carer for M and i will be a carer for R.

I dont know much about any benefits but i think he should get Income support and some rent paid, if anyone knows anything about this i would be really grateful.

 

Im just hoping that this will be the best move for all of us as a family.

[witsend]

Hi JR, I was just thinking about your school tribunal post - how's that going? Guess your hubs is doing the right thing bout work if he's feeling so down, I do hope the new plans work out for you all as a family. I think we'd all just drive each other madder if we didn't escape to work . Having said that though I too am really miserable in my job and find it stressfull having to ask for hours arranging around kids appointments etc, they are pretty good about it but i know lots of the others at work must say stuff behind my back like it's not fair and I get special privileges!! Suppose that should be funny but actually it's not it gets me down. Anyway sorry ranting on about me now eh?

I will read others posts with interest though as now it's becoming apparent little one is going to need more and more attention I don't know how much longer I can juggle the work family thing myself. Sorry don't know too much about benefits etc involved in all of this.

Take Care

Luv Witsend.

[Kathryn]

Hi JenRose,

 

I hope this decision works out for all of you and eases the pressure on you all.

 

Here's a link to the contact a family site. This page gives you information about benefits for carers. I hope it's useful.

 

K x

[smiley]

<'> <'> <'> I've PM'd you <'>

 

Quick edit to add this link.

 

http://www.entitledto.co.uk/

Edited February 27, 2007 by smiley

[Deedee]

Hi JenR I understand where you're coming from on this one..I had to pack up work too after suffering a breakdown after our 2nd son was DX with a disability.My whole world came crashing down and like you say just how do you juggle all the different appointments! My OH has just gone back to work after a month off with stress and he's still not right and we still have yet another round of MRI's and CT's to go yet with DS2 as well as all M's reassessments..

I wanted to post though to say good luck with your decision to concentrate on your kids and I have found in some ways we are actually better off without me working even though I was the main wage earner..just make sure you ask about any entitlements you are due now. Have a look on www.moneysavingexpert.com too as there are lots of kind people on there who may be able to help save you a few pennies on things and also advise on benefits etc Best wishes D XX

[pumpkinpie]

I am on a career break at the mom and we are better off after you take everything into account.

You could look at even earning up to 82.00 per week on top of highest rate dla and your benefits wont be affected.

 

Sometimes we have to get off the treadmill for a bit so we can take a breather. I would looka t seeing if your hubby has a case re tribunal because from what you have posted his employer is rubbish!

[JenRose]

i know pumpkinpie, they are rubbish.

I think they will let him work part time hours though, its getting him to phone and sort something out with them.

I dont know if they would speak to me but i would be prepared to phone and speak to his boss and just say "look, why cant he do part time hours"?

But i dont want to make Dave feel humiliated IYKWIM.

 

I will say this though, its day 3 of him being at home and its already kicked off big style between him and Mike, they dont get on, he doesnt understand mike and expects him to be like other boys and mike just gets angry with him, and im like the referee.

 

I really dont know what to do for the best AND we are moving house this weekend which is a whole load more of stress.

Oh well.........................

[annie]

<'> JenRose <'>

 

Would it be possible for Dave to be signed off work for a bit longer? You are both going through so much at the moment, it really sounds as though work is the last thing Dave needs to worry about. It would be far better for everybody (you as a family, Dave and his employers) to get things on an even keel before adding even more stress.

 

Annie

xx

[JenRose]

Dave got a letter from work this morning.

It said they were sorry to hear that he was feeling unwell and that they would like him to attend a meeting to see if there is anything that they can do/make adjustments that they can make for him to return to work as trouble-free as possible.

 

So he,s going to go to a meeting, just waiting to hear from his union rep what days he,s available.

 

The letter sounds good, he,s never had a letter from them before offering help, just when are you coming back in.

[pumpkinpie]

Its because they have been acting illellaly and if he took them to tribunal he would have a good case

[JenRose]

UPDATE-

 

Dave had his meeting in work with his boss,personnel manager and the union guy.

They basically said that they "hadnt realised before" that working weekends was making Dave anxious and depressed

 

They said can he not get help with the kids off SS or grandparents, and Dave said no.

They said they would be in touch with him to let him know what they are willing to do in his situation.

He wrote a letter saying that they have known that he has Anxiety/Depression for a long time and that they were contributing to it and that he considered they were discrimating against his disability.

 

Yesterday a letter came with an appointment asking him to see the company doctor at the end of March, so we are unsure what they are planning to do now.

They could be wanting their doctor to say that he doesnt suffer from depression/anxiety, or they could be planning to retire him, we just dont know.