question for adults with aspergers/asd

[keepingmesane]

over the last few months i have been questioning myself about how i am and wondering if i am on the spectrum. my son is asd and his twin sister may also be on the spectrum, i only found out last year and until then never knew anything about asd. ive always been odd compared to my peers and have found things difficult but got on with it. there is so much that has always been odd/weird/unusual about me

 

the problem i am finding now is that if i say to people that i am wondering if i am asd i get told i cant be as im normal and manage social situations etc so well, but a lot of it is learnt and put on as i ifind i get more attention if i dont try to fit in and i hate being looked at. or i get the reaction that i am making it up to fit my children and its a fad

i told my mum and dh a while ago and they just pretty much dismissed it as not important and i was daft to even consider it.. but after talking more with dh and telling him a lot of things ive kept quiet, he agrees i prob am asd. it took a lot but the other week my mum also agreed with me that im most likely asd. she has always said i was a nightmare child and very difficult and the professionals didnt know what to do with me, my mum got a lot of blame on her because of how i was.

 

im stuck between wanting to find out for definate to know that its not all in my head, or to just ignore it as usual and get on with life. i got my doc to refer me to a private hospital so i could see someone about whether i was or not (nhs is way too long wait) but got a letter back yesterday that they have set up appts for cognitive behavioural therapy which i know is no use to me as im generally a very positive person (ive had M.E since 2000 so know about CBT through that) im not paying �90 a session for a completely pointless task!

 

i guess what im asking is what reception did you get from people when you said you thought you may be asperger/asd? who did you see if you did go for official/unofficial diagnosis? what began your thoughts that you may be asd

 

any help would be appreciated. feeling quite at a loss

[bid]

Hi

 

It was my youngest son's paediatrician who first suggested I might have AS. She suggested I go to Elliot House, but I ended up being seen by my local mental health team, which was a nightmare (see various previous threads!). Anyway, I did get a report from them, saying I presented with traits of ASD and my GP referred me onto a specialist adult team for a proper assessment (haven't had it yet).

 

I think women present very differently from men, which is why fewer girls are diagnosed. My mother said that as a child I was just quiet, good and tidy! Somebody recently asked my husband if he had realised I was probably AS when we met...he said he just thought I was very quiet, rather tidy and I wasn't embarrassed by him!!

 

For myself, I have spent all of my life thinking my difficulties were because I was inadequate, dysfunctional and abnormal. They have adversely affected my relationships, my social life and my work life. So, for me, a proper assessment of why I am the way I am is very important.

 

Good luck <'>

 

Bid

Edited March 23, 2007 by bid

[keepingmesane]

thanks bid for answering and for being so honest i really appreciate it

[bikergal]

I don't ask anyone whether they think I have AS as most of the people I know don't believe it exists. My daughters psychiatrist suggested I go to Cambridge for an assessment but it was far too expensive. I'm going for a private assessment next month, so finally I'll know if there's a reason for being like I am or maybe I am just dysfunctional ! I have agonised over having an assessment or not having one and I believe I'd rather know either way now. I hope the specialist I'm seeing has experience of females on the spectrum...this is the only aspect that concerns me. After digging up my school reports the other day I made the mistake of reading them, they made me

 

Only you can decide if it's worth the potential turmoil, but if you do have AS it may provide you with a few answers. Good luck!

[Tally]

I have an 'informal' diagnosis from a psychologist not qualified to make a formal diagnosis. I'm trying to get a formal diagnosis privately, but it's proving difficult to persuede my GP to refer me. When I finally did get him to do it, I got a reply saying they are no longer taking patients from outside their area, so now I have to go and beg for another referral to somewhere else.

 

My reasons are much the same as Bid's. I have spent too long thinking I am horrible and unlikeable, and I need to understand what is the truth.

[JenRose]

i was dx,d 2 years ago by a psychiatrist.

it was a feeling of relief and i felt happy knowing that i am who i am and that im not some weirdo and its ok to count numbers up to 11 and start over again and need routines.

im so glad i did it because its helped to get everything straight in my head especially things from my childhood/adolescence.

 

whatever you decide to do i wish you the best.

jen

xx

[Flora]

My friend's friend's husband is a consultant psych and he unofficially confirmed I have AS....I'm currently trying to pluck up the courage to take this information to my GP but I'm too scared (don't ask me why!!).... possibly in case he wants to refer me to someone who needs to talk to my mum... She is quite aggresively against the idea that I have AS... it took her the best part of the past 4 years to accept Bill's dx and she still hasn't quite grasped the problems with Ben. I was on the verge of going to an adult assessment centre recently set up by a university, but I changed my mind when I discovered that they need information from an adult who can relate your history...no way would my mum do that... She's a huge support in every area of my life but this one! But I've lived with it for the past 21 years... I can live with that for ever.

 

There is no doubt in my mind that my 'unofficial offical dx' is the right one. I have a high IQ but have systematically underachieved all of my life... and I KNOW it's because I get distracted so easily by whatever obsession or compulsion?? I have at the time. I won't go into a whole list of 'me and AS'.... but I was recently asking the question (to myself).. how is it that Bill has all these difficulties and needs all this help when with the same 'impairments'... I've managed to get this far with no help? The answer was a bit of a revelation... I haven't managed at all! I've stumbled through my life from one huge error to another... making a right mess at times along the way.... I'm absolutely disastrous when it comes to relationships with men... totally useless... BUT.. I've also had some lucky breaks... Certain twists and turns I took or was carried down, along the way, mean that the big picture of my life is pretty good....I was lucky in a way that I had 3 children who have needed so much intensity.. .because that's what has kept me on the straight and narrow alot of the time... and given me an excuse to bow out of some aspects of life I found intollerable. On the other hand it means that I'm no good at pushing my boys.... when at times they probably need a big push along with the encouragement. If Bill doesn't want to do it, I don't make him. And maybe I should!? That's something I'm continuing to ponder.

 

Has confirmation helped me at all??? I have no idea... the jury is definately still out on that one.

 

Flora

[Bullet]

I had no problem explaining to my mum and older sister as they agreed they'd always known I was different, so they weren't surprised. I don't speak to my younger sister and though I get on with my dad we don't really talk much, so I don't know what he thinks of it (I presume my mum has told him).

[mrs phasmid]

but I changed my mind when I discovered that they need information from an adult who can relate your history...

 

just out of interest then, does anyone know how an adult goes about getting a dx if they were the eldest sibling, and all elder adults who could relate their history are deceased?

[Tally]

It's harder, but not impossible. Some diagnosticians are willing to diagnose without this information. You really would need to contact them on an individual basis.