Total nightmare

[Mother in Need]

To make a very long story short, my youngest hasn't been coping well at all lately, not at home nor at school, has been out school for a little now, but this was not enough and he tried to commit suicide last Saturday, with repeated attmepts to get out of the house through to Monday, going as far as holding a knife to my throat to force me to open the door so he could go down to the river to drown himself.............. needless to say, it was all very stressy.

Things are going a little better for the moment, though he still has moodswings and I keep a very close eye out on him. A friend is staying over to help me with him, for which I am very grateful.

 

I know that there are many contributing factors for him feeling the way he has, and ofcourse one of them is having a brother with AS and ODD; that's tough, he is often the victim of his violence, but also, as I have to give soo much of my time and attention to my middle one, the youngest feels left out. So does the eldest, who normally just locks himself in his room and stays put there.

Are there other siblings who have been this profoundly affected?

 

School is a big problem too, and I feel that one of the reasons for that (the other being bullying) is that he has autistic tendencies but these are not recognised! and he has specific learning difficulties which are also not taken seriously by school. So basically, school has no idea that he has needs, just sees a very bright boy that behaves badly . BUT the clinical psych says (and this is not from tests or an indepth check) that he simply has the wrong role model (AS brother) and picking those behaviours up from him. I don't think that is the whole of it, that his tendencies might be creating problems of their own for him, but what is other people's experiences of all this?

 

Third factor is that he has been having fits for a year now, and again we have not been taken seriously and hence no real tests have been done, but they are affecting his life; directly, by making him feel physically bad, and he tries to punish his body for letting him down by selfharming; and indirectly, by not being allowed to do things he loves, ie sailing.

 

I could use any help here, specific to how to deal with this, how to help my youngets, and how to keep my AS son of my back and not be so damn selfish about anything. Eg, The other night when we had to call an ambulance, when the psych asked him if that had been frightening for him, he replied no, it had been a real nuisance because he hadn't been allowed to go to bed at his usual time............

 

[pearl]

Hello MIN, what a stressful time your family is having. The one thing that really stands out to me in your post is that he's been having fits for a year but no proper tests have been done - that is something physical that should be investigated and may also be a way in to exploring his other problems. Its all very well for them to say he's picking up autistic behaviour from his brother but he cant be "picking up" fits can he?

[suzie-girl]

I feel for you <'> <'> <'>

my other 2 boy's have suffered too they never want to be in the house which is understandable but uppsetting for me.

my middle son is mostly at his dads and my eldest is alway's out doing his own thing(he's 17 next month)

or when my eldest is in he shuts himself in his room.

it's total mayhem here at all times'shouting,crying etc so why would they want to be here

It breaks my heart,wish i could go back to the days when they had a nice bath p.j's on all warm and cozy in front of the telly,but them days were gone long ago,I WANT THEM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hev]

i would def get the fits investigated,my doctors kept telling me my steve was just going through puberty when in fact he had epilepsy im not saying your boy has epilepsy but go with gut feeling and get him checked again.

 

i get v upset about my 3 year old with steve,its not a normal life here,constant stress,she picks up on it then plays up,i moan at her then feel guilty cos shes reacting to whats going on here.

 

youve got lot going on at mo,take care love hev <'>

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

<'> >< <'>

yes my son at times is soo angry with what goes on

can u find him a carers group, he may benifit from it?

thinkin of u

x

[Mother in Need]

Thanks all for your replies.

 

My eldest (16) also simply does his own thing, or is locked away in his room (he put a lock on his door so his AS brother couldn't come in and stab him, or even simply bother him).

 

I have pushed and pushed for these fits to be investigated, but they're all just saying 'oh he has a migraine' or that it is all psychological (so yes in a way they say he is picking up fits, as a way of getting attention) :wallbash: .

BUT I have created such a stink this time that I think they will finally get their act together (urgent referral has been ages already though), but again it is all the time it all takes and meanwhile he is suffering greatly. When he has his next appt with his normal paed for his stomach in a few weeks, a friend is coming along and we're planning to simply stay put till the guy agrees to all the tests; as my son's one of the first of the day, that could cause some interruption! And ofcourse, if I happen to be arrested, SS will have to step in now, wouldn't they...

 

Tried ages ago for a young carer's group, but the ones around here are all so oversubscribed they can ony deal with kids who are the sole carers, not with siblings.

 

GP and psych both told me to keep his anxiety level as low as possible, but that there was no reason he could not go to school.............. he can't cope at school at all, it sends his anxiety levels through the roof.......and how am I supposed to keep the levels down right now during half term, as his AS brother is home.............? Aaaaaagh. They really have no idea, do they...

[JsMum]

Hi MIN the situation sounds really intense and draining on the families stress, its really not good that the school, gp and the specialist isnt responding to the alarm bells here, why are they ignoring the fact that this child has been suicidle, and why are they not doing tests for the fits.

 

J has had a full tests done when he had absences and heart difficulties, and again just lately more blood tests and full physical due to the falls and bumps which have all been put down to the ASD and ADHD.

 

It sounds like there really needs to be a multi disaplinary team meeting where everyone gets together and works out what sort of support each party can offer you, school really needs to understand the kinds of behavioural difficulties he has had home and the attempted suicide so they can help monitor him and keep him safe, and maybe a part time timetable for the short term.

 

Youngminds are for families who are concerned about the mental health of young person, they may be able to offer you further advice.

 

Carers are really good in our area so if you have one then they could also offer you emotional support too.

 

 

Contact A Family have some really good publishications on behaviour and it has helplines at the back of the booklet.

 

 

The issue here is no one proffessionally who has influence is listening and what doc would really insist on a child returning back to school after an attempted suicide how far does this have to get before someone listens.

 

I can see you are trying your best, and resorting to pretty serious steps to ensure the safety of your child, in the mean time if you have real concerns of the mental stablilty of your child then do not hesitate to call the police who will assess the next step.

 

It really does sound like there is something triggering off the suicide attempts, fear, depression, stress, bullying, what ever it is, even if they want to class it as Attention Seeking it has to be taken seriously and cant be ignored like some are suggesting you do, many children have committed suicide and the number where this was the second, third attempt is rising because action was not taken because their opinion is oh there just kids messing about, but for some they actual succeed and the deverstation, the evidence is there well before the action.

 

I think you really do need to ensure that someone starts to actually listen and take some responsibilty because the gp is passing it to school and you, the school are suggesting everything is ok when clearly they are not, and you get the full blown show.

 

Please ring any of the above helplines and try and get some help for your son, but I also know you have done your best to get someone to listen and do something to support your child and your family.

 

JsMum.

[JsMum]

Helpines,

 

youngminds

 

http://www.youngminds.org.uk/pis/

 

Contact A Family

 

http://www.cafamily.org.uk/helpline.html

 

Carers UK

 

http://www.carersuk.org/Information/Findin...alOrganisations

 

JsMum

[Mother in Need]

Thank you JSMum, you so clearly understand so mcuh of this and that helps me feel a whole load better!

 

A multi disciplinary meeting.........this is Cornwall my dear, though officially these things are supposed to exist, the raw reality is...............

 

May I ask what blood tests and other tests were done for J, as my youngest sometimes has tachycardia as well, but again, only ever once the short ECG has been done, and no blood tests? The more I know, the more I know what to demand for.

 

I will follow those links now and see what I can get out of them. Thanks!

[JsMum]

Thank you JSMum, you so clearly understand so mcuh of this and that helps me feel a whole load better!

 

A multi disciplinary meeting.........this is Cornwall my dear, though officially these things are supposed to exist, the raw reality is...............

 

May I ask what blood tests and other tests were done for J, as my youngest sometimes has tachycardia as well, but again, only ever once the short ECG has been done, and no blood tests? The more I know, the more I know what to demand for.

 

I will follow those links now and see what I can get out of them. Thanks!

 

Hi J has had bloods tested when he had a spell in Hospital with Heart rate difficulties, and his body totally had become exhausted with all that running around he does and not eating enough, they tested for a certain protein difficiency, also Fragile X which they tested me, not J, and I am negative, they tested Js iron levels which are low but not requiring medication, they did a heart scan and that was all ok.

 

they placed wires all over his head for epilepsy and said that the absences where down to withdrawal, not epelepsy,

 

for his heart they traced it for a period of 24 hours so had to have wires attatched to his chest and back with a box around his back, that was when he was very week and poorly, the test came back as ok but they did register palpatations and that was recorded as Anxiety which the heart specialist said is due to Autistic spectrum/sensory issues.

 

Blood tests have also been done to cancel out over active thyriod and just to do an overall blood count.

 

The tests where around 18 months ago and has palpatation still, he sees a heart specialist and we put it down to the fact that J is a very prefound cave boy. (should of been born around 900 years ago)

 

your lad should be having at least further assessments for the fits and assessment for his mental health.

 

 

JsMum

[Mother in Need]

Thanks again! Those links were also very useful, will ring them all as soon as I have a moment of peace and quiet (well no, that would mean never, but I'll certainly try and do them at a not too hectic moment.)

[Mother in Need]

The Contact a Family lady has already emailed back, and she will come and see me next week!

 

We had another horrendous day on May 28th, he just totally lost it and I ended up having to wade into a river after him to get him back out, (although he was not feeling suicidal at that moment), but still trying to get him back to the car was a nightmare, and a bit later on, if a friend had not been there to grab him, he would have jumped off the wall straight down into the river, this time feeling it was the only way out..................... It took him 6 hours to calm down enough, after which wwe wee all physically hurt and emotionally exhausted...

 

He did see the psychologiest earlier on but ofcourse he wasnt cooperating too much and we both had quite a lot of stuff thrown at us, and the room was shall we say, a bit transformed... But I think it must have given her some of the picture, she said she had to discuss it with the rest of the team which she can't do till next week as the psychiatrist is on holiday...will then hear what (if anything) will happen next.....