Confused

[Wicce]

I recently went to a 'work focussed interview' at the job centre. The first one I went to a year ago was fine - I told them about my son (they had no idea) and explained that I wasn't ready to look for paid work, and they were fine with it.

 

This second one was different. The woman who interviewed me was cold. The first thing she asked was where my son is on the spectrum. I told her he was high functioning. She asked what was stopping me working. I said mostly a lack of suitable childcare. She waved the details of a playscheme at me. I'd already investigated the playscheme - it's so over subscribed that you're lucky if you can get a couple of weeks in the summer and it's also very expensive. Obviously this is no use when faced with 7 weeks in summer, 2 in October, 3 at Xmas, 1 in Febuary and another 2/3 weeks at Easter.

 

I tried to explain that but she clearly thought I was making up excuses.

 

I told her I was using the time when my son's at school to study (I'm doing Learning for Living), so that when I can look for work I'll have a better chance of getting it - she wanted to know what next, what next, what next! I don't know what next.

 

She admitted that financially I'd be worse off if I was working and that at the next interview in 6 months time she'd be able to show me on the computer how much better off I'd be (???). I couldn't defend myself properly, barely said a word to her and I left the interview feeling like a scrounger.

 

I just want to do right by my son. And I don't think that putting him in childcare from 8am untill 6pm - if that's even available - is right for him. How do you tell them that though when you're living on handouts?

 

My mum recommended I approach an advocasy service before the next interview, which I did. The first thing they did was refer to me as unemployed, and then they asked why full time child care wasn't suitable for my son when it is for other autistic children. It wasn't a negative meeting by any means, and they're willing to help, but that really shook me. Why is going out to clean toilets more valuable than raising my son?

 

I want to work - part time, while my son is at school, so that I can be there after school for him. Is that so dreadful? If I was working full time I'd be getting grief about that too. You can't win. I want to get off of income support. I want to stop feeling like dirt.

 

The thing is, every job I've ever had in the past, I've lost. I've been 'let go' or paid off because I don't fit in, because I'm not a team player. I'm never sure what it is I've done wrong - maybe I just haven't found the right kind of job for me? I'm really worried that even if I find one and suitable childcare, and come off of income support, that I'll lose it. It was one thing to lose work and lose my room in a flat when it was just me, but it's very different now there's the kiddo to think about.

 

Maybe I could find a job where I could work alone for the most part, and not get everything wrong. I don't know. I'm not stupid, I just don't understand the politics involved in keeping a job. How does everybody else manage?

 

I'm really sorry, I'm not even sure any of this makes sence. I just needed to write it all down.

[dolly]

Hi Wicce

Im in the same boat as you although my work focused meeting went better than yours, I pointed out that some days i was so tired i did even no my own name ,she replied she had been looking after a ill relation for a few weeks and knew it was hard , I told her to times that by 7 years then she'd know were i was coming from . Then she went on to ask if i had thought about a job in a school!

I would love to work but suitable child care is hard to find . SS recomended who they call an experienced child minder . She met Ds for 1/2 an hour then rang SS saying she wouldn't be able to cope . So what options have i got .

 

Dolly

[elun1]

<'> Hi

Don't know if it's of any help but here are some of the ways we 'manage' though it is very hit and miss at times. Firstly I work part time - I'm a primary school teacher so to be full time with the amount of planning marking etc would not work out as when my children (like all children) are at home they need someone with them. As far as childcare is concerned I use 2 different After school clubs which took LOADS of arranging but got there in the end. My youngest ds is 6 and has severe autism, SLD and a whole load else too! So he needs a 1 to 1 at after school club and I really had to persevere to get that but it's sorted now. With lots of pre planning if your child has a disability they can also get 1 to 1 at playschemes in the holidays which I do use sometimes as have lots of work to get ready for going back to school and my classroom to get ready. I do my school work and any autism letters and phone calls on my 2 days 'off' and housework at odd times, whenever I can fit it in really. Ds2 hardly sleeps and so when we're up early I do the ironing and his physio before I go to work. On a Sunday I make a big plan for the week and allocate the jobs into the diary so that in theory everything is covered. I also do schoolwork for 2hrs each nighr. My dh is in police so works shifts so I can't rely on him (not his fault!) as he isn't usually around. I would love to be fulltime in a way but this is a kind of compromise. Sometimes I do feel very tired and I question if I'm doing the right thing but the way I see it (only my opinion) is that there are no children in this house for 5 days of the week. Therefore there's no reason for me to be here and I wouldn't feel right with it any other way. Yes it is a real real struggle to find proper care for the hours where we need childcare but after hundreds of phone calls to school, social services, and loads of others we have sorted it. For me it was a case of I AM going to work - I'm entitled to, it isn't a crime! so that's what kept me going to find the care.

I hope you can find the answers as you should be able to work if that's what you want. What about LSA/dinnerlady/cleaning jobs? Would they fit in? Also Civil service jobs can be quite child friendly as they work on flexi time

All the best Elun xxx

[kazemporium]

I think it's terrible that they expect you to work, I know people who are stay at home mums and dads and i didn't realise that they put pressure on parents to get jobs.

I have not claimed income support for about 10yrs so obviously things have changed alot. These people really don't understand your situation. Do you claim carers allowance ? as if you are a carer surely you can not be expected to work.

 

I work full time but work from home during the day and away from home at wkends which works really well for me, as i get me time at work and am home during hols and to do school runs etc.

 

My friend is a single mum and works part time, she is no worse or better off now she works and recieves tax credits.

 

If you wan to work part time then the schools are the best route as you get hols off too

good luck Karen

[elun1]

From what I remember when looking into Carer's allowance it's fine to be a stay at home parent as long as you can afford to but the way I.S see it (used to work for them but doesn't mean I agree with all legislation!) is that if your child is out at school then when they are not in the house you are able to do some kind of work to get off benefit.

Elun xx

[mossgrove]

There is also the likelihood that the person who interviewed you has very poor interpersonal skills, and the problem is her and not you.

 

Simon

[Bagpuss]

Wicce, I think Simon may be right, this lady seems to be lacking in some skills. Sounds like she made you feel quite humiliated and degraded. I've always been intrigued why such an importance is placed on encouraging parents back to work, and childcare seen as the ultimate solution. Wasn't there some proposal at some point that Grandparents could be "paid" to childmind their grandchildren Just seems a bizarre state of affairs There doesn't seem to be any importance placed upon being a stay at home parent anymore, and I often feel, when I read posts like yours, and how you have been made to feel by this lady, that it is somehow seen as less worthwhile. I can appreciate that your child is at school during the day, but the school holidays would be a huge issue, unless you worked within a school, although jobs there are few and far between. Would society benefit by your child being in full time childcare for many weeks of the year? I think it should be purely a personal decision. I fully support and respect those parents who wish to work, be it part time or full time, and use childcare, but I also feel that being a stay at home parent should also be seen as just as valuable. I'm a stay at home mum. All three of my children are at school, but I would only ever consider a college course or similar, as I would personally feel very unhappy with my children being in childcare for long periods of time during the hols. We have no support around us, other than my mum, and I certainly wouldn't burden her with the responsiblity of caring for my children on a daily basis, paid or unpaid. DH works full time, and we make compromises to allow me to stay at home. We never have to worry about the children being ill, hospital appts (which there are many of), the holidays, teacher training days, bad weather closing school, etc etc. As I've said, this has been our decision, and we do live a more moderate life, but that is our preference, and our choice. No one would convince me that putting my children into full time childcare is in their best interests, or mine or DH's. Don't feel so down on yourself. Take things slowly and don't feel pressurised. Do what you feel is best for yourself and your child....that may be a part time job, or it may mean waiting till he is older, maybe training for a new career or doing a college course to gain more qualifications....who knows, but don't beat yourself up. Everyone should be respected for the choices they make <'> <'> <'>

[Wicce]

I did wonder about the interviewer - at the end of the day it's about getting the numbers of people on income support down, not what's best for the people, I guess.

 

I do claim Carer's Allowance, but I see the point about me being at home while he's at school - I could be working, at least in theory.

 

I've been told by the advocate to keep a diary of events to do with my son which back up my view that I need to be here for him after school. I'm not sure what kind of thing that would be. Does anyone have any ideas?

 

Thankyou very much for the kind words.

[dooday24]

my mum and a friend of mine get careres allowance and wen they explained this wen they were called in about not working they were very understanding and said yr already working as a carer and didnt even have to goto the job centre

love donnaxxx

[Bagpuss]

I did wonder about the interviewer - at the end of the day it's about getting the numbers of people on income support down, not what's best for the people, I guess.

 

I do claim Carer's Allowance, but I see the point about me being at home while he's at school - I could be working, at least in theory.

 

I've been told by the advocate to keep a diary of events to do with my son which back up my view that I need to be here for him after school. I'm not sure what kind of thing that would be. Does anyone have any ideas?

 

Thankyou very much for the kind words.

 

I would think it would be similar to a Carers Assessement and involve you describing and listing what care you need to give your son after school, before school and during the holidays.

 

Have you considered some voluntary work? Although it's unpaid, it could be the first step you take to test the water, see how it goes. You would be able to work hours to suit you, and its something I've seriously considered. Or think about a college course, which would lead to employment involving school terms like LSA or self employment, like mobile hairdressing?

 

Good luck <'>

[JsMum]

I think you know what I am going to say about the lady who interviewed you, make an official compliant, she was grossly unprofessional, as your childs carer you have carer rights, she could be up for the chop with the discraceful disrespectful attitude,

 

I wouldnt even let her off with the understanding that it must be stressful to get thier numbers up with mums off income support, there is still an act called professionalism and they do training what kinds of questions to ask and what questions not to ask.

 

I think its in the best interest of other parents who care for children who are special needs and need extra provisions that you complain, cricky caring for our children while there off school is hard enough, but while there at school we are still doing stuff for them.

 

I was working voluntary until recently, as a support worker in a day hospital that provide lots of therapies to aid them throw recovery and I have had to take time out because of all the effort I had to use to do numberous of things like writing reports to support a special school, write letters to reinstate his transport, attend hospital peadatrition appointments, attend regular checks ups with the dietition and other urgent appointments.

 

I am exhausted with just the running around to get support in place by arranging meetings, contacting specific doctors, teaching staff, social workers it all takes time and you have to do it during school times due to opening hours.

 

So its not just the after school care times, its what we do in between.

 

I was due to go back in septemeber but the hospital is closing due to cut backs, these people are going to get their needs met within their own homes now?

 

I am going to be something else of course as I am part of a volunteers group but what I dont know and I know I cant always commit and often I have to let others down but J does come first and I have to be available for any incidents at school and the days where he refuses to even go to school.

 

The issues you said about loosing your jobs in the past I did a really great course via Relate and it was great as it looked at not only how we are as a person but how others are and why someone may behave the way they do, it was very enlighting and now I dont blame myself because what does stand out is by loosing you the only person who has really lost out is them because they had a great person with lots of interpersonal skills, its their loss.

 

So do check out this course as well and do consider making an official complaint, I have never had that attitude, only understanding and offers of further referrals and support, they log it all down and its stored on the computer so they will be able to see who interviewed you so do get them to check her out, and ask for another interviewer next time you go, and maybe a dictaphone just incase.

 

We tried kids club in the holidays and some of the staff where not able to manage him with understanding his special needs, so he left after two weeks into the summer holidays and it was a very drawn out holiday with no clubs anda less of a potential friend to meet, so we did lots of fun stuff together and he seemed to like that miles more. ( hard work though ! )

 

 

JsMum

Edited June 13, 2007 by JsMum

[Wicce]

Have you considered some voluntary work? Although it's unpaid, it could be the first step you take to test the water, see how it goes. You would be able to work hours to suit you, and its something I've seriously considered. Or think about a college course, which would lead to employment involving school terms like LSA or self employment, like mobile hairdressing?

 

Good luck <'>

 

The advocate I met actually said something about me considering becoming a volunteer advocate too - I would love to do it. I can speak up for other people no bother, I've been doing it for my son for a while now. I'm just coming to the end of the Learning for Living course, and would like to carry on studying. I'm not sure what though.

 

JsMum, I should complain, you're right. It didn't even occur to me at the time, I was too busy beating myself up for not working.

 

The Relate course sounds interesting, do you know what it's called?