Could this be Asperger's

[lollypocket]

Hi,

 

I have not been on this board for a while and would like some opinions on something.

 

I have a niece who is 5 and she is in the same class at school as my son. My son is high functioning ASD, and to anyone who knows what to look for it is quite clear. To anyone else he would be 'naughty' and all the usual misleading ideas that people have.

 

My niece and he have always fought. They ask for each other but cannot last very long in each others company. As they are in the same class and I live next door to my sister they see a lot of each other.

 

My niece has never slept well (unlike my son) she still doesn't spend most nights in her own bed and often doesn't do a full night there when she does. She was very quick to talk and has always been extremely bossy and talks to adults like she is on the same level (parents, teachers). She is sociable, but from what I have observed it is okay as long as she is in control, but she is not too keen when she is not and has been known to throw massive wobblers over stuff like that. She wanted to be picked up and held constantly as a baby then would want to be put down again. She wouldn't go in her buggy from early on and wanted to walk, but refused to hold hands. She has major issues with clothing and seams/labels/shoes. She is very single minded and dogged when she has something she wants to do or have. She thought nothing of going out if she wanted to. She has escaped the house through a window with my sisters car keys and started the car. She did it again and put her car seat in the drivers seat too!! The house was on lockdown for ages and they had relaxed a little when the car seat incident took place She always wants what you have and keeps on and on until you relent or her mother intervenes - yes I know all kids do that to an extent but she is relentless.

 

Does this sound like she may have Asperger's - what should I be looking for in a girl with Asperger's? Sometimes I think that she may be and other times I think she is just NT if a little extreme at times

 

Lollypocket.

[aro]

Hi LP,, mwaaahaha no escape!

 

Well it certain sounds worth your sis getting her assessed. Alot of what you describe sounds like lil bat, but she can't do the physical things, (though does try and escape is theres an opportunity!)

 

The fussy baby and speaking to adults on her terms are spot on. What does your sis think?

 

A x

[lollypocket]

She has jokingly said a few times that there may be something there - but I don't think she would accept it - certainly not when her overbearing other half is around. The reason I asked on here is that she doesn't know about this board and I didn't want her reading this and getting upset/angry

 

KW

[aro]

Uuum "overbearing"? maybe an ASD control thing too? Or could your niece be taking her cue from him in social areas. Still think the other parts might warrant looking into, how does she cope in school?

 

A x

Edited June 21, 2007 by aro

[lollypocket]

To be honest her dad shows signs himself - he is a sock seam freak, and drove my sister mad until she had her daughter and found that it wasn't just socks. He is very controlling but in lots of very surreptitious ways. He is outwardly bubbly and fun loving, but says some very inappropriate things and doesn't seem to have regard for others feelings. He is very worried about what people think of him, but presents outwardly as someone who is very laid back. He had a breakdown when my sister had her daughter. Their relationship is so bad that they no longer sleep in the same room and my sister asked him to leave last year, but relented as she felt sorry for him. My niece is like me in lots of ways (although I have never been highly sociable and she is) and I am sure that I would have been diagnosed with Asperger's as a child. I have lots of things that stress me and I avoid lots of things - those are 37 years of coping mechanisms I think I am worried that if she does have Asperger's she will be a very unhappy girl when she grows. From my experience I hit the age of 8 (became more self aware) and suddenly was not a happy bunny for no apparent reason - thought it was my family life, but my brother and sisters didn't seem to be affected. Have spent most of my life feeling odd and outside, and have been depressed since childhood. Think maybe there was more to the fact that I was in a dream world as a child and was late to speak. Would hate for her to go through that sort of thing too

 

So busy waffling forgot to answer your question about school - there have been a few times when the school have commented on her dislike of being told what to do, the refusal to hold someone's hand and other issues. On the whole the school have not really said too much to my sister, and my sister's reaction when they have has been very much that they just dislike her child. She has stood up for her child and lied too. When out on a field trip her daughter refused to hold the CT's hand so in the end the CT took her hand. Her daughter immediately said "you are hurting me!!". This then made the CT call in my sister to clarify the matter and ask whether she ever reacted this way at home - my sister said no, only if she is genuinely hurt (not true!!) as she felt that they only called her in as they thought she may take action against the school for hurting her child.

 

Probably just looking for things that aren't there

 

KW

Edited June 21, 2007 by lollypocket

[aro]

My niece is like me in lots of ways (although I have never been highly sociable and she is) and I am sure that I would have been diagnosed with Asperger's as a child. I have lots of things that stress me and I avoid lots of things - those are 37 years of coping mechanisms I think I am worried that if she does have Asperger's she will be a very unhappy girl when she grows. From my experience I hit the age of 8 (became more self aware) and suddenly was not a happy bunny for no apparent reason - thought it was my family life, but my brother and sisters didn't seem to be affected. Have spent most of my life feeling odd and outside, and have been depressed since childhood. Think maybe there was more to the fact that I was in a dream world as a child and was late to speak. Would hate for her to go through that sort of thing too

 

good to get it of you chest huh! I can think of worse people she could take after LP, you've not turned out too bad Just watch out for her and try to let her know that you are there for her if she needs to talk/cry etc.

 

there have been a few times when the school have commented on her dislike of being told what to do, the refusal to hold someone's hand and other issues. On the whole the school have not really said too much to my sister, and my sister's reaction when they have has been very much that they just dislike her child. She has stood up for her child and lied too. When out on a field trip her daughter refused to hold the CT's hand so in the end the CT took her hand.

 

She certainly may have some sensory issues there, if you and your sister are close it might be worth discussing what you see and the similarities between you and your niece, if she doesn't like her hubby she wont want her daughter ending up like him, best to get support and help early. I think reading Tony Attwood was an eye opener for me, could you lend her a copy or similar text?

 

Good luck,

 

A x

[lollypocket]

I have lent my sister a couple of books and we have both had some little comments about how her daughter is, but they have been more jokey than serious. I have said to her, and her to me, that her daughter is a lot like me as a child. Maybe I do need to try a different tack, or just be watchful over time. I think my sister has so much on her plate that she doesn't have time to take this onboard unless it jumps up and bites her on the bum If her daughter is anything like me it won't happen it will just slow burn over time

 

KW

[madme]

My DD,6, was dx last month. She is a lot like me as a child. Having read Martian in the Playground and the book Pretending to be Normal , I'm now convinced that I too have AS. These books are about girls with Aspergers and so may be more appropriate.If you could get hold of either of these books and perhaps read it yourself then leave it around for your sister that might help. Unfortunately it is v difficult to tell someone that you think their child has some difficulty unless they are seeking info themselves and then they may suddenly recoil and stick their head back into the sand. I did this with our son- eventually I realized that I had to seek out info for his sake. Your niece is still young. The signs may become more obvious as she gets older.

Edited June 22, 2007 by madme