exhausted and struggling

[allsetuk]

my 5 year old was formally diagnosed adhd and severe autistic spectrum high functioning in january but since i saw the hospital that first time they have done absolutly nothing in the way of help, via therapists or behavioural specialists... they said to go on an early birds course, its september im still waiting, i know nothing of respite, direct care, statements or anything and really im wondering where to go from here , im really struggling with my sons boistrous argumentative behaviour, either totally ignoring me on a degree ive never seen before or if i tried to talk about it he became so aggressive towards me i was in tears, the slightest thing i say he misinterpreted and retaliated too ...and shouted back at me saying i was saying something mean when i was just giving simple instruction, if he made any kind of game mistake or couldnt beat all the computer games he went berserk or if i told him to break from what he was expecting to do, he would attack me, repeated slapping, hiting , biting, i was taking myself away into another room trying to give him space to calm down but this just made him do it all the more. If i give him any kind of instruction he storms off saying i dont love him and im being mean??

 

he wouldnt listen to me at all this summer , nothing i said made any difference and he was obsessed with who was the boss and we had a sheet of holiday rules and everything i said he would just do back to me and the concept of me being in charge seemed to upset him so much, we had a star behaviour chart and i tried to make it fun and in return he just drew me a sad face chart saying he didnt like what i was saying ...i took away his leapster and tv , he did things back to me ....he took away my books and anything i liked .....we are back now but my goodness im so tired, and so sad we ended up fighting every day ..and i didnt have a computer so i couldnt ask advice from here but im completly knackered....and im running out of ideas. It feels like unless he is learning 20 hours a day he is lost....without school to occupy him he is lost, although he loves school becuase he has been going since he was 3.5 and knows everyone and what is expected of him and yet is also anxious about many aspects of it. im struggling to pay for it as i have to use his DLA to cover the costs of the school. im so worn out

[JsMum]

<'> it really does sound really tuff and it is not on that you have been left to get on with it without any support from the local services, I would ring your local social services department and ask for an urgent assessment due to your sons disability and the inability to cope with his behaviour as you are so exhausted and you have no support, you may be entitled to a social worker and then they can arrange a multi agency meeting to look at all the areas that could provide support from what resources like mental health, social services and education, so it does sound like there could be more done to support you as a family.

 

The National Autistic Society also could offer you some emotional support from parent to parent and help you further with the help programmes in our area we are starting another ADHD/ASD management course, to look at behaviours and how we can support them.

 

Contact a family are brilliant on sending you further information on agencies and there is a great book out that looks at educational funding, so do check out there website and support telephone helplines too, I am still reading throw the mountain of info they sent me.

 

Nas allso sent me further reading on ASD with ADHD and it has really supported me as I can deal with the behaviour and not give negative responces to the child, as it can be hard at times to see that this is a child and not the horrible monster we may be faced with at times, I have to say as well having a child with both ADHD and ASD it is real roller coaster because one part of there brain wants it kaos and the other side is screaming for it to be calmer./=

 

another great supportive service that has helped me is carers, there will be a local support group and they again have given me further details on what my sons rights are.

 

There does sound to be a lot of control and power issues here, him been the boss, I know this one very well and very demanding and mentally exhausting but the other one is the manipulation when we try to authourise our own authority, this issue needs careful and very detailed management, loads of energy and witt, books that look at challenging behaviour and children with special needs has really helped me take back the control but there is days where I just get so confused and I think its about keeping ahead of there behaviour and there goal what ever that may be depends on their personality and charachter and the severity of the ADHD and ASD.

 

I think the signs are clear you need more support, some respite, and some spersific management so I hope that the contacts I have listed will help you further to gain that, its taken threatening letters of complaint to get to the stage I have with my son, he nearly ended up in care not because I wasnt looking after him properly but just simply I couldnt manage any longer doing it on my own, since the letters I have recieved a social worker and a sessional worker, an urgent MDT and more support in education and in the home and a course to look at ways to deal with his behaviour.

 

All I know is that you really cant do it on your own, you really do need support.

 

JsMum

[allsetuk]

thank you so much for the comprehensive reply ...i feel its a bit hard here sometimes to "talk" to people...but i really appreciate your help

D

x

 

<'> it really does sound really tuff and it is not on that you have been left to get on with it without any support from the local services, I would ring your local social services department and ask for an urgent assessment due to your sons disability and the inability to cope with his behaviour as you are so exhausted and you have no support, you may be entitled to a social worker and then they can arrange a multi agency meeting to look at all the areas that could provide support from what resources like mental health, social services and education, so it does sound like there could be more done to support you as a family.

 

The National Autistic Society also could offer you some emotional support from parent to parent and help you further with the help programmes in our area we are starting another ADHD/ASD management course, to look at behaviours and how we can support them.

 

Contact a family are brilliant on sending you further information on agencies and there is a great book out that looks at educational funding, so do check out there website and support telephone helplines too, I am still reading throw the mountain of info they sent me.

 

Nas allso sent me further reading on ASD with ADHD and it has really supported me as I can deal with the behaviour and not give negative responces to the child, as it can be hard at times to see that this is a child and not the horrible monster we may be faced with at times, I have to say as well having a child with both ADHD and ASD it is real roller coaster because one part of there brain wants it kaos and the other side is screaming for it to be calmer./=

 

another great supportive service that has helped me is carers, there will be a local support group and they again have given me further details on what my sons rights are.

 

There does sound to be a lot of control and power issues here, him been the boss, I know this one very well and very demanding and mentally exhausting but the other one is the manipulation when we try to authourise our own authority, this issue needs careful and very detailed management, loads of energy and witt, books that look at challenging behaviour and children with special needs has really helped me take back the control but there is days where I just get so confused and I think its about keeping ahead of there behaviour and there goal what ever that may be depends on their personality and charachter and the severity of the ADHD and ASD.

 

I think the signs are clear you need more support, some respite, and some spersific management so I hope that the contacts I have listed will help you further to gain that, its taken threatening letters of complaint to get to the stage I have with my son, he nearly ended up in care not because I wasnt looking after him properly but just simply I couldnt manage any longer doing it on my own, since the letters I have recieved a social worker and a sessional worker, an urgent MDT and more support in education and in the home and a course to look at ways to deal with his behaviour.

 

All I know is that you really cant do it on your own, you really do need support.

 

JsMum

[brooke]

so sorry your having a hard time <'> my son is 6 asd and very hyperactive sometimes its just too much. We went to see some family over the weekend and he just couldnt deal with the change and was so hyper noone could do anything for him so i do understand. I hope you feel a bit better soon <'>

[allsetuk]

i had to go visit my mother this weekend, i feel like everyone looks at me like a freek...we had an italian guest stayin with us so my son spelt the whole weekend doing really inappropriate things like shoving his hands down my tshirt, putting his head up my tshirt, laughing uncontrollably and obsessing with his computer and getting cross when he couldnt beat it. and basically running non stop around the house not ever stopping ....he seemed really stressed and just said and did lots of odd things..innappropritae things ..i have not a clue how to help ...i just felt so sad...he kept getting shouted at by family mebers for being a whirlwind and "showing off" i tried to explain he isnt showing off he is on edge and doesnt know what he should do

[wishingwell]

Sorry you had such a rotten time!

 

Family can make you feel so low, I've give up on family get togethers we don't fit into the family appropriately, we now go for months on end without hearing from my family, thank god. When my mother phones i have to listen to her talking endlessly about her granddaughter on and on and on, about how well she is doing where she is taking her, plus all the holiday's she takes her on. I honestly don't want to know what she thinks about my kids. Because over the years she has reduced me to tears so many times i find it easier to block them all out and get on with my life.

And we are doing very well without their help.

[allsetuk]

thats only the third time ive seen my mum this year ....the others of which there are not many all think the same that he is showing off and im not disciplining him hard enough!!!!