Will it always be this way

[baileyj]

Hi, its been a long time since Ive posted, hope everyone well.

 

My question is, my Son Max, 6, always seems talk in his own world, its a happy world, but not ours. Whatever his current obsession is, he talks about it, and lives it most of the time. He was a very late talker, really only started understanding and talking more in the last year. Right now he is into a playstation game called Medal of Honour which is a shooting game, so from the minute he wakes, he will ask us what guns we have, ask us to choose what guns we like, calls us "marines", and lives his life through the game. He will answer questions like "do you want a bag of crisps", but apart from that its like pulling teeth. His whole conversation is in that world.

 

It makes me so sad, will it always be this way or will he grow more into our world as he grows older?

 

We don't try and change it because he gets so upset, and can't understand. Also as he's getting older his temper is vicious. We realise that he needs to be able to retreat to his world for comfort and security, so we wouldn't dream of tryin to change that.

 

Will it ever change? Will we ever get to have a conversation about real things? Should we continue to live in his world?

 

He is a bright happy loving little boy, very brave. He is in mainstream school with fulltime 1:1, his LSA is fantastic and works wonders with him, so in lots of ways he is doing brilliantly.

 

Sometimes its so isolating and lonely for us. He doesn't play with other children and doesn't want to, if he talks to other children, it will be an off the wall statement about his current obsession, and they look at him like he's got 2 heads.

 

We love him so much, and accept him as he is, but occassionally we wonder what the future holds.

 

For all you parents of older children with ASD, or older ASD peeps, does it change?

 

Jo

[Paula]

<'> <'>

 

The answer is there is no answer.

 

 

My son now 13 loves his ps2 games and he too played medel of honour none stop for weeks on end he was a whizz at it.Nothing would prize him away.

 

When he was youre sons age if i suggested he step away from the ps2 hed go ballistick but thank god he now understands theres other things to do.He also prefers to be on his todd and doesnt mix with the regular kids who live near us.Hell say hello to the neighbours and chat willingly to a neighbours dog and cat but thats it.

 

Thing is and this is whats so hard to get yer head round it was for us.....our son is happy as larry doing his thing.he aint a problem with it its us that think he should be doing this or that or must be fed up sat on his own........but thats us norms.not the aspie way at all.

 

Now we just let him get on with it its for the best hes happy,were happy,no one stresses and alls well.

 

When its school holidays were lucky enough to be able to leave him in the house doing his thing whilst me and his sister whoes 15 escape and do ours.occasionally hell come with us and thats nice but the next day he back to his ways againe.

 

 

I dont think things get easier ...i think you just learn to accept that there different they dont budge and there best left to it.

 

We love our son to bits too...............................hes just asperger and they do what they do regardless.

[pearl]

Hi baileyj, dont think we've spoken before.

I can only tell you about how JP has progressed, he too would only ever talk about his current obsession when he was little.

 

Now he's 18 he has more obsessive thoughts than full blown obsessions, & he does persevere with these, & we often have the same convo over & over, currently its vomiting, mortgages & the price of housing!

 

However he's now holding down a full time job & seems to be functioning pretty well in the outside world. He can be politer than most teenagers to visitors & they usually say what a nice lad he is.

 

I think he feels freer to be himself with us which is why he lets rip with the vomity talk!

 

He's a lot of fun to be around these days, we just have to tell him, enough of the vomit JP, & he gives an evil laugh & shuts up for a bit.

[Kathryn]

Great to see you here again Jo.

 

I can only describe what it's like for us. L has always had special interests - these have changed over the years and luckily she has found friends who share them, although probably not to the same extent.

 

When she was younger, it was cats and horses, which many little girls are into, so she didn't stand out so much. Now at 18 her interests centre around science fiction films, books and x box games. When the new Halo game comes out at the end of the month, I believe, I know she will think and talk of nothing else. Her dad and her brother are also interested in this so I will be left out in the cold!

 

Pretending an interest in a topic for the sake of conversation is something she cannot and will not do, but she has learned that not everyone wants to hear about her favourite subjects all of the time.

 

As he grows, your son might develop new interests and if they're sufficiently "mainstream" there may just be one or two people who share them and whom he can connect with. I hope so.

 

K x

[elun1]

<'> Hi Jo

Thought you hadn't been around for a while!

O is 6 too and he is diagnosed as severely autistic with severe learning difficulties. He does seem to live in his own world a lot - he's on a totally different planet to be honest! But, like you say with Max he is happy for a lot of the time. He sings and hums to himself a lot and always rocks from side to side - he is loving (on his own terms) and very beautiful. Everyone in the unit where he goes to school adores him but he can have the most horrendous violent outbursts too. With regard to the future I do think that he will always be in his own world to an extent (he has NO idea he is different to anyone else) However my 12 yr old niece who is higher functioning has changed beyond all recognition since she was 6. She is in mainstream now with 20 hrs support. At 6 she was totally obssessed with Disney characters and wouldn't talk about anything else. Now she has her preferred topics but you can 'break in' more easily. Her sense of 'herself' is developing all the time and she is so talented at art some of her drawings have been sent to a fashion designer (although she seems to be totally unimpressed by this) At 6 though she refused to hold a pencil and she's unrecognisable as the little girl she was then. She still refuses all maths etc though!

I suppose one of the hardest things with autism is the uncertainty of the future. It can really do your head in as it's so unpredictable. Even with O who's IQ is meant to be very low sometimes does amazing things and I really wonder how much the 'experts' understand about him. Anyway I'm rambling now!

Elun xx ( <'> still indebted for your kindness when O was diagnosed and havent forgotten it! <'> )

[jlp]

We have very similar with G who's 7 and it is hard - I'll ask him something and he'll tell me something irrelevant (and long and complicated!) about his game - Star Wars Battlefront I think is the current one. I feel sometimes that there's no 'real' communication with him and I'd love to hear stuff about his day or his friends or anything actually but it's all game talk. I'm not sure how much other 7 yr olds tell their parents but probably more than I hear from G!

 

Sometimes we have little windows but that's all really. Like your son all he thinks about is the PC and when he's not on it all he thinks about is when he can next get on it! If we go out, even to do something he enjoys he worries about getting his PC time fitted in.

 

I'm not 100% sure how to handle it, I'd hate to hurt his feelings by not being interested in the game but I'm beginning to feel that he needs some gentle guidance to help him socially.