My meldown questions.

[jim]

I am currently waiting to take a genetic test to prove TSC (Tuberous Sklerosis). It was diagnosed four weeks ago, and I found out then that the behavioural problems I always said I had, finally had a nem: ASC.

 

I need to wait for the test and then the results before I can be reffered to a psychologist or psychiatrist to talk about the AS side. I joined this site to find out more, and the more I find out the more I am convinced that I have it. I wont bore you with the eviendence, siffice to say, it is massive, and my nearest friends agree.

 

My questions:

I have had increasing problems with my behavioual side in the last year (I am 43). That is why I appraoched my doctor and finally got the TSC diagnosis). This weeksend I experience the first "meltdown" that I have had since knowing that I had ASC.

And, I have a few qustions about my weekend.

 

The first event was Friday. In a pub, a amn I barely know, insulted me and my family for 15mintues, until I got up and left. HE was really over the top. But I realise it made me angry inside and frustrated that I couldnt deal with the problem. Anyone would have been effected by him, but I guess I was especially angered. I left without finishing my first pint of beer. By the time I got home (5 mnis later) I was fuming. I promised (my girlfirend) I would punch him the next time I saw him.

I now feel that the reaction was stronger than I wanted myself. It was like my "body" over-reacted. MY body decided to increase the pulse rate, but, it was certainly related to my inability to deal with the situation like "Tony Blair".

This fits to the "meltdown" description that I have read here, that it isnt the person that really drives it but the ASC.

Does this sound similar to anyone? Anm I right?

 

On Sunday I went to a football match. I thought "good", I will be able to get rid of the frustration that built up on Friday. On the way I was chatting and getting excited. BUt once in the stadium and in a crowd and on the top teir, I suddenly felt weird. I felt it was all too much. I felt my body couldnt take it anymore. It was too much information. I felt like I wanted to collapse. I felt like I was over worked. I took my coat off and tried to calm down. I dont really like heights and I was scared a bit of where I was sitting, and the feeling took an hour to really go away. When I got home, my whole body breathed a sign of relief and I slumped on the bed. I felt worn out. I felt that my nerves were "burnt out". The situation suprised me. I didnt over react to it myself. I didnt shout or scream.I just reacted logically, but I felt scared. Again, I now believe it was "ASC". I feel it was because I couldnt deal with so much information. I feel that the fact I remained calm in my head, means that again, it was the boddy doing the talking. I always thought it was a psychological problem to do with confidence and conflicts, but I didnt feel uncomfortable myself in going there, or fear going there. I was just overwhelmed (by surprise) when I got there. So that kind of tells me it wasnt classic psychology, not a fear of something. It indicates to my, again, that it was more an "aspie" thing.

Does anyone thing I am right in my understanding?

 

Thirdly, this week I had a new class of adults to teach. The secretary who handles the admin normally gives me the details and I desgin the course. This time a secretary that I dislike, actually copies lots of info for the course, planned the course, and I had tot each it. The problem was that I had to toally re-desgin it and use different material. This was all doe the week before. Come Monday I turned up in the class and she was there, she started telling the students whatz "she" had decided was in the course. As she isnt a teacher and not qualified it inevitably mean that what she planned was inadequate for the group. I just stood by and felt again, over whelmed by the situation. My pulse was 120, I found I couldnt calm down or take in ifo too well. Eventually she left and I taught my own stuff and the course went well and has gone well today, but, the rest of the day i felt my body was "burnt out" it was crying to be locked in my flat.

 

Again, I am not angry or annoyed, but my body seems to over-react. I know that I dont have the clever way to diffuse the situation for me with the secretary (although she doesnt see a problem) and maybe that is the frustration that my body reacts to, but, I feel like I am living with Freddie Kruger !!

Today was relatively okay, but writing this is hard. It makes me nervous, and that isnt good because I still feel burnt out. My next doctors appointment is the 1.11 and I will try and make it til then.

 

Despite the fact I am in a crumpled heep. I still have my intelligence about me, and I can still be fairly logical. I guess that at the age of 43, my body can no long deal with the demands of ASC meltdown. What I could shake off easier at a young age has had a worse effect now.

The question is, does this sound like meltdown? or like ASC? Does it have such effects on a person? My TSC diagnosis has taught me to look at ASSC as a solution to my socila problems, the rest that I read seems to fit to ASC, but does this weekend?

[Tally]

Hmmmm . . .

 

This does not sound like meltdown as far as I understand it. The pub situation for example, a meltdown would involve a loss of control, perhaps crying, running out of the pub or punching the man.

 

Us aspies often have a hard time recognising our emotions and putting words to them. I suspect the emotion is there, but you are not recognising it, you are only recognising the physical reaction that the emotion causes. You will probably find that you can control the reaction better once you understand the emotion and learn to recognise it before it becomes too strong.

[jim]

Hmmmm . . .

 

This does not sound like meltdown as far as I understand it. The pub situation for example, a meltdown would involve a loss of control, perhaps crying, running out of the pub or punching the man.

The Friday man has bated me for six months (a total of 4 or 5 times) this time I felt the explosion coming, so walked out of the pub, otherwise I would have punched him !!! BY the time I got home (5 mins later) I was livid and abusing him!

 

 

Us aspies often have a hard time recognising our emotions and putting words to them. I suspect the emotion is there, but you are not recognising it, you are only recognising the physical reaction that the emotion causes. You will probably find that you can control the reaction better once you understand the emotion and learn to recognise it before it becomes too strong.

 

So you are saying I may be Aspie, because I dont seem to recognise the emotion?

Thinking now, I guess the emotion was hate of this man, or maybe I was scared of him because I new I had trouble defending myself, because he always tries to belittle me and treats me like utter dirt, and I dont have anyway of defending myself against him. I know I am more intelligent, but I know I dont have the social skill to take him on, and I guess that frustrates me totally, and Friday I just exploded. I still get annoyed about it now.

[Minxygal]

I've always interpretted meltdown as that place my son gets to where he is unable to think for himself, fear and anxiety takes over and his senses shut down. When he is in 'meltdown' his eyes always look very empty , like he's no longer at home and I know that I cannot reach him for a short while.

[pingu]

I've always interpretted meltdown as that place my son gets to where he is unable to think for himself, fear and anxiety takes over and his senses shut down. When he is in 'meltdown' his eyes always look very empty , like he's no longer at home and I know that I cannot reach him for a short while.

 

 

I agree. this sounds familiar.

 

sorry to hear of your bad times jim, i hope you find comfort here.

 

shaz

[jim]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I do get taken over by fear and anxiety. They are sio intensive it scares me ! and I cant conrol it and I can communicate. On Mandy I was being talked to, but I wasnt answering. It was too much info. I could see the lips move and hear the sound, but my brain wasnt processing it !!

 

I feel a lot better today. But I have realised a few thing:

 

1. I think my ASC is relatively mild, but my reaction to dogs, fairground rides, cacling down hill, loud noises, being tickled, showering (and more I can spontaneously recall), my reaction it far more extreme than other people, and I never realised that this is just ASC, and now I know and will protect myself from these things, but also find ways to calm myself !!

2. I have thought about the comment that I talk about the effects and not the emotions: I think that is the key. I dont really understand my emotions or feeling too much. I dont know when I am ill, I feel feelings but I can order them or label them. I just think, "maybe I am ill, or mabe it is th epilepsy, or maybe the ASC, or maybe Im just nervous..."

 

3. I know today that I have had a throat i nfection since Saturday, and that I have a "head cold". It sounds so stup�id, but it has taken me three days to accept that, and now I can accept the effects of the cold because I nkow what they are. I have labelled them. I know that I get stressed the day before I have a cold. That would explain why I felt Sooo bad.

 

I feel better today, after spending two days in my world, donig my things. But I know now that I really need to talk to a professional about dealing with my emotions, about hearing my body and understanding it, about relaxing (like now in my dinner break instead of typing like mad (although I would rather do something than sit passively) )

[Tally]

So you are saying I may be Aspie, because I dont seem to recognise the emotion?

 

What I meant was, that you may not be able to recognise the emotion because you have autistic traits. (I know you don't have a formal diagnosis yet, but I understand it is likely you are on the spectrum, so I was just assuming you are.)

 

You are now recognising the physical reaction, and that is going to help you understand your emotions better.

[jim]

What I meant was, that you may not be able to recognise the emotion because you have autistic traits. (I know you don't have a formal diagnosis yet, but I understand it is likely you are on the spectrum, so I was just assuming you are.)

 

You are now recognising the physical reaction, and that is going to help you understand your emotions better.

 

 

Thanks very much for that.

 

I have a 1,000 traits that fit to being an Aspie. And this wonderful site is helping me find out more about it, and myself and that makes me feel more comfortable with it, because I can avoid things, and I know what is happening to me.

 

I am 100% sure my father is an Aspie: He is socially inept ! Very withdrawn and quiet, he explodes over the slightest thing. HE has intensive hobbies, doesnt understand jokes...etc...

 

As a child (and I assume as a child WITH mild AS), I was scared witless by my father because he reacted unperdictably. His silence was unnerving, especially with my mother saying "dont go near him" etc. Everything was arranged around him. I now understand that him having NO social abilities, meant that I wasnt going to learn what I needed from him.

I was well educated and got to University and got a degree and that helped me deal with my social inadequacies and develop ways of getting round them.

 

What I still can control (and my father is exactly the say) is when people annoy me deliberately and without provoking. It drives me mad. MY body goes in overdrive and I have to leave the scene before I flip out. I find then, that I cant recturn for weeks because the feeling it still there. MY father is exactly the same. He would have arguements with people and couldnt go back and deal with it.

I have an appointment with a genetic doctor for my TSC), and when it is confirmed I hope to be able to see a psychologist or psychiatrist and find ways of dealing with AS.

Im pretty sure I need to 1) learn some social ways of dealing with thing. 2) learn to understand my emotions, 3) learn to relax more an better 4) learn to let my anger and frustration out.

[Tally]

Im pretty sure I need to 1) learn some social ways of dealing with thing. 2) learn to understand my emotions, 3) learn to relax more an better 4) learn to let my anger and frustration out.

 

These all seem very reasonable and realistic goals. You can work on these things without a formal diagnosis anyway, although it sounds like you have quite enough going on in your life anyway at the moment!

 

Learning about AS in general is something that has helped me to understand myself a lot better. A good psychologist would be able to help you, but it's a case of finding a psychologist with a good understanding of AS . . . which isn't easy.

[jim]

I want it diagnosed, simply because I have spent 43 years not knowing what was wrong with me and now I know it, and would feel personally justified. It is also simply the idea that I want someone to "hold my hand". Someone to listen to my story and say "yes, I understand."

 

However, I realise what you say, that getting help depends on finding a professional who knows the first thing about it !!

Luckily, sites like this help enormously, because is the end, the psychologist is just helping YOU to find ways and methods that YOU can use.

 

I am copnfident that I can improve my life on my own too. I just have a problem seperating the effects of mild epilepsy ferom the effects of mild ASC, and the effects of my normal body ! Right niow, I am full of nervous energy (which isnt bad) but I dont know where it comes from (it might be the epi because I slept irregulary the last two nights) it might be jsut nrevous energy, it might be because I slept ten hours last night and have just breakfasted twice (carbs), but, whatever it is, I will go out cycling, which will burn the energy, fill me with lovely adrenalin and sunshine and make me happier !

 

I just noticed your Location (Tally) : My sister lives in Devon ! Used to live in pettrockstowe and now lives in Bratton Clovelly (if that means anything) North/ central Devon ! I love the rods in Devon, they dont go straight ahead, they go right, left, up down, back, forwards, over round....

Edited October 28, 2007 by jim

[SallyAspie]

The Friday man has bated me for six months (a total of 4 or 5 times) this time I felt the explosion coming, so walked out of the pub, otherwise I would have punched him !!! BY the time I got home (5 mins later) I was livid and abusing him!

 

Well done for not punching him Jim. We do learn to handle things better as adults and stop the meltdown from occuring in public places. Doesn't mean we're not still aspie though.