Army family in Germany

[sis9098]

Hi all

 

A little background. My boy is nearly 10 and was dn with AS 2 years ago after a long period of time thinking it was me going mad. Long story short, we are an Army family and after yet another house move I finally signed on with a doctor who immediatly saw what the situation was and referred my lad, and hey presto we understood.

 

Then we moved again.

 

We have been in Germany now for the last year, and I feel so alone. I don't know who to turn to. I don't know any other mum's here with children with the same dn, although there must be I am sure. The medical centre seem to have no idea what my problem is, my son probably seems fine.

 

I am feeling like a kettle about to explode. I don't feel as if I can tell them the little things that matter to my lad and I as they clearly just don't get it. I don't feel that I can ask them if this is 'normal' or naughty. I just want to cry.

 

Sadly I don't have the support I want from OH. He does love J and our elder child, but it is a difficult relationship for all of us. I think OH has AS traits too. He won't discuss beyond say that we can't put everything down to AS and that I let J get away with everything. (OH is quite controlling of situations)

 

Sorry I am going on and on and probably not making any sense, but I just need help, someone to talk to. I am probably posting this in the wrong place too, I am sorry

[Clare63]

You certainly are not alone here. It must be so very hard being abroad and not getting the much needed support and understanding you are clearly searching for. By posting on here you have made a good start lots of people will be around to support you and offer advice, empathy etc., this is a wonderful place to get that support and understanding.

I can total understand your comments regarding not getting the support from your other half, mine is the same and believe too has AS traits.

You have made total sense and are not going on, you need to talk and you've come to the right place.

Clare x x x

[paulathomson]

hi,

like yourself we are an army family and we were in paderborn germany until 2006. we requested a posting back because there wasnt the facilites out there to help our son. again the medical centre said there was nothing wrong with ds. the sppech and language provision was non- existent even though i was told before going out there that they could cater for my ds needs. the speech and language therapist was on maternity and there was no replacement for 10months.. by which time the waiting list was huge and my son wasnt a priority.

 

i fully understand your frustrations.

 

can i ask.. does your childs school see any difficulties? or nursery?

 

when i was out there the way i got help was to get in touch with the army welfare service and explain to them exactly what is happening.. this should get the ball rolling into getting further help.

 

how long do you have left of your posting?

 

i hope you get some help.

[Karen A]

Hi.Your post made total sense and you are not going on and on at all. <'>

It can be lonely and isolating for any parent when a child has AS.If you are away from other family members and friends it must be more difficult.There are lots of people around on the forum so I hope some others will come along with experience of army posting abroad.Karen.

[Karen A]

Hi again.I have been able to find a bit of info that may be useful if your DS is in school in Germany.The SEN code of practice mentions that where children of serving members of the armed forces are found to have Special Educational Needs and a Statutary Assessment is requested the Service Children's Education should be consulted.Service Children's Education have a website which includes details of the provision available at various forces bases.If you consider your child to have SEN then this moight be another avenue to explore to try and get some support.Karen.

[paulathomson]

if your child has been dx with as then also look at ssafa. they can give provide help and support for families with SEN children. theyalso do a weeks holiday each year where your child and their siblings can go..its like respite for the parents.

 

we have a few army doctors here that i refuse to see. i only see one doctor that i know is quite good. could you opt to see a different doctor? and all your childs notes will be in his medical records..

[paulathomson]

Hi again.I have been able to find a bit of info that may be useful if your DS is in school in Germany.The SEN code of practice mentions that where children of serving members of the armed forces are found to have Special Educational Needs and a Statutary Assessment is requested the Service Children's Education should be consulted.Service Children's Education have a website which includes details of the provision available at various forces bases.If you consider your child to have SEN then this moight be another avenue to explore to try and get some support.Karen.

 

 

this is correct.. i have service childrens education helping me here in uk to get my ds's school to understand what his dx means within school. they have their own ed pyschs and they are very good at getting things done...they work on a totally different agenda to LEA's... the website has the phone number on..give them a ring...

 

it was the best thing that i ever did by getting them involved. i thought i couldnt as we are back in uk. but i phoned them and they asked me for copies of all ds's school reports and dx and a lady came to see me..set up multi-agency meeting and she did the rest...(ds school took no notice of me for 18months) this lady sorted it all and got my son's school to listen to me in a matter of 3/4 weeks.

[allie]

<'> >< <'> >< Hope you find the help, support and advice on here that you are looking for. I know it always helps me.

My heart goes out to you, its hard enough coping with children with as/asd without all the stresses of life in the forces.

<'>

[sis9098]

Hi and thank you to all that have read or replied.

 

With regard to SCE (Service Childrens Education) I got in touch with them about 18 months ago. The did a report which covered whether my sons needs could be meet on our posting to Germany - we are in the Paderborn Garrison if there are any others out there - and so perhaps that is why his first school was so good for him.

 

My son is at his second school since being in Germany, having to move up to a middle school. The last school was FAB, I couldn't praise them enough, but the new one has no SENCO as the last one left last year. A new head has arrived too, so it has been all change.

 

I spoke to the new head a couple of weeks ago and will do so again over the next few days, but the response I got was not impressive. She said she was 'covering' the SENCO job, but didn't sound that knowledgeable and didn't know who my son was, calling him Luke a couple of times(!) No IEP had been implimented at that point. No explaination. I was not happy and told her so. A couple of days later the school arranged for my son to see the Ed Psych on a weekly basis for a while as he is very anxious and his facination with death is back. We will see how that goes, but I am glad J has someone to talk to other than me if you know what I mean. I know even at his age he tries to protect me. He is alway appologising for things he does whether they are right or wrong, it breaks my heart.

 

Every time we move we go through this and it is rediculous and causing J a lot of stress. He is a couple of years behind in his reading/writing and currently getting no educational support and the teachers are giving him attitude about his 'behaviour' because they haven't been told of any of his quirks.

 

To top it all J was up all night with a headache, which meant that I was up all night too. I don't think he is unwell, because we went throught this exact same senario after last half term. Call me suspicious but I feel a pattern emerging. Anyone got any advice on how to prep my lad ready for going back to school? He does actually like the school and I don't think there are any issues of bullying, but I think it is the change in routine having been at home for a week.

 

 

Again thanks for your support, I really thought I was going to breakdown this morning

 

xx

[paulathomson]

hi we were in paderborn garrison and i was a bus escort. i covered the bus runs to william wordsworth, robert browning and the middleschool john buchan. i know that at that time 2004-2006 john buchan was not a particularly great school.

 

i was in an almost similar situation to yourself except that my ds hadnt been dx'd then. what i would say is that firstly i would get in touch with sce and inform them that they told you that the schooling would meet your child's needs prior to your posting. inform them that his needs are not being met.

 

then get on to the army welfare and let them know too. and if necessary get in touch with ssafa. i work for a lady who works for ssafa and i know that they do alot of work to help the dependants of service personnel because the army are soldier orientated.. that being the needs of the soldier get met and the families are not..

 

im not sure that sce are totally aware that there is little provision in specific garrisons for one reason or another.they should not be saying that the schools can address your child's needs when they cant. make them aware of this.. they have a responsibility to make sure the information that is given to parents is correct..and if they havent given correct information about the services available in the garrison then the army and sce need to resolve the situation..by etiher posting you on or by getting the required help at the school to meet your childs needs.

 

i know how frustrating it is being out in paderborn and i didnt know what i could do about it. when i spoke with the families officer i told them immediately what sce told me and that i wanted to speak to army welfare and if necessary i would make a complaint to the minister for education and the minister for forces personnel. of course i never did.. but army welfare soon listened to me.