query about how you feel

[allsetuk]

Hello as some of you may know i am on a bit of a journey just trying to get an adult diagnosis.I was wondering if any of you as adults who think /know you have ASD traits could tell me how you feel about things so i can work out if im on the right track

 

.....do you feel consumed with worry about things when you don't have things in total control?

do any of you over analyze relationships with people so much so that you cant even have them because you are not clear on what someone wants from you?

 

Do you get upset when faced with say a messy house or does housework upset you as ridiculous as this sounds ...i dont mean becuase you are being lazy i mean does it feel overwhelming and upsetting for that reason...when someone else would think nothing of it?

 

Do you feel you need to sit in a particular place in a public area to feel "safe" or struggle to laugh or understand when people are "only kidding!"

 

thanks to anyone that offers up anything - im feeling like a really lost soul at the moment

[Minxygal]

I have OCD and lot's of this sounds like me.

[bikergal]

Hi, allsetuk. I was diagnosed in June this year at the age of 36. I don't like not being in control, full stop.I am consumed by anxiety when things are outside my control. As for sitting in certain places where I feel safe or secure, yes I have to do that. Sitting at the edge of the room where I can see everything that's happening is best for me, I feel very anxious if my back is facing others and I can't see what's going on. I don't often get on a bus but that is very uncomfortable, for me it's not knowing where to look and not wanting to make eye contact. My daughter and I also share some sensory issues with the bus, and we also share a dislike/fear of germs (ie touching something someone else has touched and breathing in germs).

 

I don't think I over analyse relationships, but I expect I consider things more than NT's would. I also like to have definite boundarys and everything has to be black and white with absolutely no room for any doubt. Doubt kills me!!! It causes me immense anxiety when something is neither one thing nor the other.

 

My house often feels like a tip, mainly because I don't keep on top of the tidying. It bugs me because I know it's a mess but I lack the motivation to do it. I don't really have anyone come round, so I feel there's no point. It's not really that bad, but I perceive it to be a tip. I'm not happy about it but I really lack the motivation to do anything about it.Vicious circle, really.

 

Hope some of this helps! <'>

[allsetuk]

absolutly this is fantastic ...im not alone yay!!!

i like you never have anyone around....i rent a very small house and it also causes me a great deal of anxiety as i feel i cant escape , its so small and with my and my son both on the asd spectrum i find it really difficult

[paulathomson]

Hello as some of you may know i am on a bit of a journey just trying to get an adult diagnosis.I was wondering if any of you as adults who think /know you have ASD traits could tell me how you feel about things so i can work out if im on the right track

 

.....do you feel consumed with worry about things when you don't have things in total control?

do any of you over analyze relationships with people so much so that you cant even have them because you are not clear on what someone wants from you?

 

Do you get upset when faced with say a messy house or does housework upset you as ridiculous as this sounds ...i dont mean becuase you are being lazy i mean does it feel overwhelming and upsetting for that reason...when someone else would think nothing of it?

 

Do you feel you need to sit in a particular place in a public area to feel "safe" or struggle to laugh or understand when people are "only kidding!"

 

thanks to anyone that offers up anything - im feeling like a really lost soul at the moment

 

 

yes i feel almost all of these things too..i am just beginning on the road to a dx too. i find my life consumed with anxiety and this is the way i intend to get my foot in the door for an assessment.

 

i am consumed by my rigid routines and if i cant keep to my routine then i dont want to do it at all. for example i like to be able to take kids to school..home by 9.15. exercise dvd til 10.. then shower etc til 10.30, then run around the house doing housework. then lunch then two hours to do whatever i feel like before kids come home. but if i cant do this routine, say i have to go on unexpected errand, then the next day i find it hard to pick up my routine again..plus i cant settle in the afternoon doing my ''unstructured time activites'' because i havent done my routine in the morning and i cant relax.

 

i hate being around people, unless its on my terms..eg i love my mum or my sister coming to stay.. but dont like going to their houses. i have a few freiends but i get very involved with people until i have had enough and i dont want to be around them anymore..i dont like being with strangers or colleagues.. and work is really hard for me..

 

i find that sometimes i get caught up in 'whats fair' and when ''friend'' do things that i wouldnt do to them it makes me cross and i dont want to be with them anymore. eg if i say to my friend that i will be somewhere at a certain time to meet them.. i will be there at that time. but when they arrive late even by 5-10 mins im cheesed off because i wouldnt ever do that to them..im very anxious waiting wondering if they are going to turn up or not..but when its say traffic jam i dont get anxious only if friend is late because they were dilly-dallying.

 

i often find people confusing, they ask me a question because they think im knowledgable and when i try to explain they think im ''over the top'' or a 'geek'

 

i have my own particular seat in the front room, i like my own particular cup.. i have lots of obsessions..i hate being with my back to the window or door. but i like to be near-ish to an exit if in a closed place.. so i feel safe enough to escape if i need to..

 

i am on my 2nd marriage and even that is volitatile at times..my relationships have only ever last 3/4 years because of how i percieve a partner to be disrespctful of me and my feelings or they dont understand me etc. im surprised my 2nd marriage has lasted this long. my hubbie and i find it hard to communicate sometimes. i alwasy thought it was him.. but am now realising that actually its me.. i dont understand him and i cant make him understand me..

 

i find i cant stand certain noises, i cant eat when the washer or dryer is on, i cant relax if i know that something is out of place in the house..

 

the list is endless..is it like this for you? how far are you on getting an assessment?

[allsetuk]

i completly understand everything you are saying, i have certain ways food must be presented , certain cups for certain drinks, certain routines that must be adhered too and if they are not i feel all out of sorts, i cant stand the noise of my boiler and have to turn it off ...even if its cold...i hate high pitched whistling noises that come from tv's and things like that. i always have tosit in the corner of a room, with one side of me next to a wall and my back to the corner so i can see out ....i cant sit still on public transport, i hate anyone sitting next to me...my anxiety is so huge over everything, i prefer to eat alone. i dont like garage forcourts if they are too busy ..i havent managed a relationship at all or even a date for over 6 years., i struggle being touched and hugged ...as sad as i am to admit this becuase i get so confused and upset trying to understand what someone wants from me and in the past i used to drink a lot to hide this and all this caused was me to hate myself .........

 

i have written to my doctor as i have had 3 years of councilling and feel this has helped in terms of me understanding myself but dont know where to go from here ...im hoping she might have some suggestions, not sure where to go for help really.

[paulathomson]

i completly understand everything you are saying, i have certain ways food must be presented , certain cups for certain drinks, certain routines that must be adhered too and if they are not i feel all out of sorts, i cant stand the noise of my boiler and have to turn it off ...even if its cold...i hate high pitched whistling noises that come from tv's and things like that. i always have tosit in the corner of a room, with one side of me next to a wall and my back to the corner so i can see out ....i cant sit still on public transport, i hate anyone sitting next to me...my anxiety is so huge over everything, i prefer to eat alone. i dont like garage forcourts if they are too busy ..i havent managed a relationship at all or even a date for over 6 years., i struggle being touched and hugged ...as sad as i am to admit this becuase i get so confused and upset trying to understand what someone wants from me and in the past i used to drink a lot to hide this and all this caused was me to hate myself .........

 

i have written to my doctor as i have had 3 years of councilling and feel this has helped in terms of me understanding myself but dont know where to go from here ...im hoping she might have some suggestions, not sure where to go for help really.

 

 

im so sorry..im hopeless at suggestions especially as im battling to do it myself...the way i am going about it is through my anxiety..im hoping anyway. i am waiting to see the psychiatric nurse for my anxiety and panic attacks and i am going to ask for an assessment for AS.

what has the doctor said about your letter? did you ask for an assessment? i really hope you can get some help.. it really pains me to hear how people struggle with ''normal'' daily life...

if i had the money i would pay for a private assessment..

[Tally]

.....do you feel consumed with worry about things when you don't have things in total control?

Sometimes, yes. It really depends on the situation, and probably many things that I am not aware of. Sometimes I am able to let things "wash over me" and cope with situations this way. Other times I do get very anxious when I don't know what is going to happen or if plans change at short notice.

 

do any of you over analyze relationships with people so much so that you cant even have them because you are not clear on what someone wants from you?

I don't think I over analyse relationships, but not knowing what people want definitely stands in the way of having them. I find it hard to feel like someone is a friend until they have made obvious comments that let me know - like someone I recently met invited me to join a group of his friends on a holiday, and I didn't realise we were friends until then, but he wouldn't have invited me if he didn't already consider me a friend. And it's the same with relationships, I need the other person to take the initiative before I realise they are interested. For me I think it stems from low self-confidence and struggling to believe that anyone would like me. I think that's fairly common in people who have reached adulthood without diagnosis, and struggled for many years to make friends, without realising why.

 

Do you get upset when faced with say a messy house or does housework upset you as ridiculous as this sounds ...i dont mean becuase you are being lazy i mean does it feel overwhelming and upsetting for that reason...when someone else would think nothing of it?

Any big task really throws me until I can break it down into smaller tasks. The idea of "cleaning the house" in unthinkable. Every week I write a list consisting of all the things I need to do to clean the house, like clean the toilet, hoover, and any extra things. That way it is more manageable. If I don't write this list I can easily spend all day thinking about how messy my house is, but being completely unable to do a thing about it. When I had to book my car in for its MOT I had to work out how to do that and break that down into choosing days I was free, choosing a garage, phoning the garage, taking the car in, collecting it later. The idea of "book your car in for its MOT" is not something I can just do without planning all the steps.

 

Do you feel you need to sit in a particular place in a public area to feel "safe"

I like to be able to see the door and the people coming in and out, but this is merely a preference, not a need. But I know many aspies who do feel the way you describe.

 

Do you struggle to laugh or understand when people are "only kidding!"

YES!!!

I think this has to do with a literal interpretation and difficulty reading the non-verbal queues like facial expression and tone of voice.

[bid]

Re: housework...I'm glad I'm not the only one Tally!

 

I even have to break down cleaning the bathroom or whatever task into manageable steps, otherwise I just worry about the fact it's dirty but doing something about it seems overwhelming. I have to focus on each small step and block out the whole otherwise I panic and do nothing.

 

Bid

[allsetuk]

i went to uni yesterday and had this obnoxious teacher taking class. He thinks its funny to demeanor and goad others into criticizing each others work, its really distressing, in week one we were told that talking out loud about our creative ideas is a safe space and that we were not to criticize each other or judge but to be positive and helpful and constructive,yet yesterday when i started to speak he became hyper critical and threw his hands in the air and started looking at everyone before i had even finished and said well does that float anyones boat...but he did it really sarcastically...then set about an onslaught on me saying wheres the drama, i got really muddled and had to fight my feeling to run away i just wanted to run out the room....i didnt but its left me all out of sorts ..and i havent gone intoday

;(

[bikergal]

Sorry you had such a bad day yesterday <'> Don't know what to suggest as my inclination would've been to run away too

[Perry Chie]

Hi, just thought I would add my bit!

 

I so want to be organised and have everything perfect but i just cant do it, I am living in a diy not finished disaster, so even with a list and a lot of effort the finish is never how i want it it is demoralising and causes so much anxiety, that i have kind of given up.

 

I have sensitive hearing and am driven to the point of punching any one chewing and swallowing, wooley material rubbing together (like socks AHHHHHHHH) and polystyrene squeaking, if I couldnt escape from it I would go crazy.

 

After talking to someone I analize what as said and am often angry that I said something that offended them I dont know if it did really but am sure I have said the wrong thing and I dwell on it for a long time sometimes even days, if i dont hear from them I am sure they are angry, then when I do see them again I always end up apologising and they cant even remember what Im talking about and I feel even stupider

 

People seem to take every thing I say and twist it and dont get what Im trying to say at all, then I feel so jumbled that I cant explain as I am trying to work out what the hell went wrong

 

Poor english really drives me nuts and I have a few times corrected people I hardly know I just cant stop myself, how can they not hear that they are saying it wrong.

 

I always choose to sit where I can see everyone but i avoid looking at them and I feel really bl**dy annoyed if someone sits next to me, esp when there are other places to sit, actually it even annoys me when people park their cars next to mine if there are other places.

 

When i walk down the road I look at the floor and avoid looking at anyone, i feel that I am avoiding any sort of confrontation.

 

I am so sensitive and cry a lot and over nothing, I see danger everywhere and see bad things that could happen to my loved ones and then it turns into a story of how awful it could be if it were for real.

 

I recently saw a therapist, due to crying when i saw the gp and he said he couldnt see any autistic type stuff in me then he asked what was the difference between autism and aspergers!

 

When I do talk to someone like the therapist all i can think is have I looked at you for too long should I look away now, will he think Im strange staring at the ceiling/floor/window while Im talking.

 

Theres prob a million more things I could tell you but, you prob fallen asleep by now!

 

Perry chie

[allsetuk]

i really associate with everything you have said i feel exactly the same about nearly everything you have said, i am also tormented about bad things happening to my son and i get confused ...have you got a diagnosis perry?

[allsetuk]

sorry meant to say im not asleep , it makes great reading

[Perry Chie]

sorry meant to say im not asleep , it makes great reading

 

Thanks, now i dont feel quite so silly! No I havent got a DX and dont know if I want one, what really annoys me is that people say Im fine nothing wrong, but they dont know how I feel and it is strange how I only know because of DS and his dx, there are a few more in the family who are further along the spectrum than I think I am but they havent a clue, but they make their families lives very hard. Thanks for your reply.

 

Perry chie

[Karen A]

Hi, just thought I would add my bit!

 

I so want to be organised and have everything perfect but i just cant do it, I am living in a diy not finished disaster, so even with a list and a lot of effort the finish is never how i want it it is demoralising and causes so much anxiety, that i have kind of given up.

 

I have sensitive hearing and am driven to the point of punching any one chewing and swallowing, wooley material rubbing together (like socks AHHHHHHHH) and polystyrene squeaking, if I couldnt escape from it I would go crazy.

 

After talking to someone I analize what as said and am often angry that I said something that offended them I dont know if it did really but am sure I have said the wrong thing and I dwell on it for a long time sometimes even days, if i dont hear from them I am sure they are angry, then when I do see them again I always end up apologising and they cant even remember what Im talking about and I feel even stupider

 

People seem to take every thing I say and twist it and dont get what Im trying to say at all, then I feel so jumbled that I cant explain as I am trying to work out what the hell went wrong

 

Poor english really drives me nuts and I have a few times corrected people I hardly know I just cant stop myself, how can they not hear that they are saying it wrong.

 

I always choose to sit where I can see everyone but i avoid looking at them and I feel really bl**dy annoyed if someone sits next to me, esp when there are other places to sit, actually it even annoys me when people park their cars next to mine if there are other places.

 

When i walk down the road I look at the floor and avoid looking at anyone, i feel that I am avoiding any sort of confrontation.

 

I am so sensitive and cry a lot and over nothing, I see danger everywhere and see bad things that could happen to my loved ones and then it turns into a story of how awful it could be if it were for real.

 

I recently saw a therapist, due to crying when i saw the gp and he said he couldnt see any autistic type stuff in me then he asked what was the difference between autism and aspergers!

 

When I do talk to someone like the therapist all i can think is have I looked at you for too long should I look away now, will he think Im strange staring at the ceiling/floor/window while Im talking.

 

Theres prob a million more things I could tell you but, you prob fallen asleep by now!

 

Perry chie

 

Hi perry chie.I don't know whether I have AS but thought I would drop my note in anyway.

I just wondered whether the therapist is a ''general'' therapist IE attached to the GP practice.

If the therapist is not trained in AS then he may not see the AS bits.He may not have a lot of training in ASD at all.

So if he does not see autistic type stuff it could be that he just does not know what he should see.

If you really feel you identify with the stuff here then don't let him put you off.Karen.

[Tally]

Another thing about therapists is that they are trained to look for psychological causes for symptoms. Difficulty making conversation or an inability to make eye contact can be caused by extreme low self-confidence. All the symptoms of autism could have psychological roots, but when they all occur together from early childhood, you do need to seriously consider autism. It's just that therapists are not trained to consider it. The problem is that we can easily develop low self-confidence AS WELL when we don't understand what causes our difficulties, and then the issues get confused.

[Mumble]

Perry Chie - I can only assume you are my long lost identical twin and were writing abot me - everything you wrote was exactly me I've also tried the counselling lark - and had the 'you can't be AS' thing - so I walked out. It's very difficult - there's probably lots of people out there who think I need therepy - I don't know what I'm doing with my life at the moment, I broke down at an important conference yesterday and embarrassed my supervisor and I'm not sure I can now continue with my course/at my uni - but there is no way I would put myself through an experience that could be like the one I have had again.

[Perry Chie]

Perry Chie - I can only assume you are my long lost identical twin and were writing abot me - everything you wrote was exactly me I've also tried the counselling lark - and had the 'you can't be AS' thing - so I walked out. It's very difficult - there's probably lots of people out there who think I need therepy - I don't know what I'm doing with my life at the moment, I broke down at an important conference yesterday and embarrassed my supervisor and I'm not sure I can now continue with my course/at my uni - but there is no way I would put myself through an experience that could be like the one I have had again.

I can only hope for your sake that you dont resemble me as i am about as unatractive as you can get.

Sorry you had such a bad day as it goes mine was one of the worst i have ever had too, and have cried pretty much ever since, have found some solace in a tin of Roses meant for xmas and that is not what i need, but you get to the point when you really dont give a s**t. I think if you have an asd then having a child with one is just about as much as you can take.

Take care and thanks for your replies.

 

Perry chie

[Perry Chie]

Sorry Karen A Yes Im sure the therapist is just a GP standard issue, as was refered as GP thought I was depressed, I have voiced my concerns to GP but i think pretty clueless would cover anything from that dept.

Many thanks

 

Perry chie