How can we see it SO differently??!!

[oxgirl]

I feel terrible about my lad's education and progress at the mo. He hasn't a single friend, constantly breaks down at home telling me he wishes he'd never been born, nobody likes him, he'll never, ever have friends, everything he does is rubbish. His self-esteem is at an all-time low. At the end of every Drama lesson for the last ten minutes the teacher tells the kids to chat amongst themselves. Of course, Jay has no-one to chat to so he goes and sits on a bench in the corner on his own and watches everyone else chatting and feels even worse about himself. He's constantly terrified and on edge when he's in the Unit because of a lad that is very scary and unpredictable, nor can he concentrate when he's in mainstream lessons because he's so worried about what will happen when he gets back to the Unit. He keeps getting sent out of lessons for getting upset and shouting or arguing with his TA, who doesn't listen to him. The other day he ran out of a Maths lesson in a panic back to the Unit because the TA wouldn't let him take his headache tablets! He's always saying he hates school, he's not interested in trying his best, his work is terribly messy and he has no interest in it, convinced that he's rubbish at everything and has no motivation his work is very low standard, he's several years behind apart from Science, where he's several years ahead. He's continually stroppy and angry and depressed and arguing with people at school and getting upset. He's pale like a ghost and continually exhausted.

 

Well, the teacher has just come out to me beaming at me and gushing about how well he's doing, how much more relaxed he is in the Unit, how well he's doing in lessons. I just stared at her. She must have seen something in my eyes, 'cos she stopped and asked me if I was alright! I didn't want to go into my concerns because Jay was sitting right there in the car.

 

My question is, how could we see things so differently??!! Does she really BELIEVE what she's saying and if she does then it's very worrying, because it just shows a total lack of awareness. Are her expectations lower than mine, does she think he's doing well 'considering' or what it is??, how can I be so depressed and feel so much despair when she's telling me everything is so rosy!!

 

~ Mel ~

Edited November 7, 2007 by oxgirl

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

cos we see the "real" kids

<'> >< <'>

for u

x

[Canopus]

Well, the teacher has just come out to me beaming at me and gushing about how well he's doing, how much more relaxed he is in the Unit, how well he's doing in lessons. I just stared at her. She must have seen something in my eyes, 'cos she stopped and asked me if I was alright! I didn't want to go into my concerns because Jay was sitting right there in the car.

 

My question is, how could we see things so differently??!! Does she really BELIEVE what she's saying and if she does then it's very worrying, because it just shows a total lack of awareness. Are her expectations lower than mine, does she think he's doing well 'considering' or what it is??, how can I be so depressed and feel so much despair when she's telling me everything is so rosy!!

 

Sounds like spin and propaganda to me. Rather like the grossly distorted reports my residential school used to produce.

[BusyLizzie100]

I feel for you, Mel, because this is our experience too.

 

We get gushing messages home in the link book every day about how happy DS2 is, how well he's doing... we even get things underlined sometimes. This year is doubly bad, as we're going to tribunal over his amended Statement. It's as if school staff, teachers and LSAs etc, have all been briefed to be over-the-top positive.

 

We even found out this week that school thinks the difficulties we have at home (re challenging behaviour etc) are our own fault, because we make him anxious by having a go at him all the time...! Nothing could be farther from the truth - much of his stress is brought on by school and it surfaces at home. It's not an unusual story for our kids, is it. But because they see very little bad behaviour at school they think they must be doing everything right. It's a very short-sighted view.

 

The head even told me last week that there is NO more bad behaviour at school any more (it started coming out in school in Y2); 'but there is,' I said, 'because DS2 tells me who he hits, who he kicks and who he pushes. 'No there isn't,' she replied. 'Yes there is, he can't lie,' I replied. 'Oh all right, perhaps there is, but we don't see it,' she conceded. Well... that's my point!!!

 

So Mel, I haven't got the answers, but you're definitely not on your own in this.

 

Take care,

Lizzie xxxx <'>

 

Just a quick edit to say, I appreciate that it doesn't all just come down to behaviour, we have huge issues about his learning, too. We say he hasn't learnt to learn yet, they say he's ticking all the curriculum boxes. Yeh, but he isn't learning it - just memorising it when he can. Some days he remembers his number bonds to 20, sometimes he can't do his number bonds to 10.

Edited November 7, 2007 by BusyLizzie100

[rainbow queen]

well ill just second whats already been said

 

just come back from parents evening-not a mention of any probs,i suppose i should be glad that hes doing really well in his subjects ect....but its all the other stuff that worrys me -i tryed raising some points only to be put down with the -well theres no problems at school....i even asked about a statement but she reckoned no chance as hes doing so well

 

i belive my son is starting to notice the difference in him to others or rather the others are seeing that hes different and he only has one friend he plays with at playtime and hes got sen.

 

ive got a report from salt saying that he actually does not truley interact in the playground-but then shes trained in asd,so these reports must stand for nowt then -cause no one seems to take any notice of them.

i said about the getting him to school ect ordeal i have and in the car too.....presents a danger while im driving-cause he hates me making noise ect and her suggestion was asking a policeman to talk to him about it like thats going do anything when its a sensory problem..............and wriitten again in a report is a mention about my son even was said to of asked me to stop breathing once cause it was getting on his nerves.

 

they do seem to like have been told to be over the top positive with me-i reckon its cause they dont want me asking for a statement and they are all told to do this to stop your efforts ect