Flora Report post Posted December 5, 2007 Bill's new tutor started on Tuesday. she's doing 5 hours a week spread over 3 days. He was really anxious all last week leading up to the tutor starting. Kept asking the same questions over and over, you know the usual obsessive loop! After the tutor had left on Tuesday he was really agitated and had an outburst and I spent a while trying to reassure him, and find out what specifically had upset him. when she came again this morning I explained to her that he was quite anxious and she too tried to reassure Bill. When she left today he started asking me questions that he knew the answer to, over and over again; is she coming tomorrow?, when is she coming next week?, how long will she stay next time?. I've got it all written down, I've showed him this and explained when she's coming and for how long, so I got a bit fed up with this after a while and he ended up having a real temper screaming fit and stormed upstairs to throw things around his room. He can't explain to me what's upsetting him, only in as much as it's related to his tuition. He is obviously genuinely anxious, but why????? I just can't for the life of me work it out. He has his lesson in the kitchen which is quiet and calm. she's a really nice lady. I'm totally bamboozled. I know before the last tutor left he was very poorly with his IBS and headaches, which got better and more or less stopped a couple of weeks after she left. Maybe they were the results of anxiety related to the home tuition but WHY???? Any ideas or suggestions on what might be causing his upsurge in anxiety would be very very welcome. Thanks flora X Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted December 5, 2007 It could be just down to having to deal with a new person in his life and all the anxiety and uncertainly it brings. It also could bring back fears of school I know Connor hates even touching stuff such as books which have come into the house from school, his home is the place where he feels safe and feel great discomfort when people he does not now well come to the house. I know its hard, the constant questioning about what who and when etc, good idea re wrting it down that's what I do in the end and tell him to refer to his list, sometimes it works sometimes not, then we end up with a meltdown. Hope you manage to get to the bottom of this for him, it obviously causing him great anxiety and frustration. Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted December 5, 2007 Connor hates even touching stuff such as books which have come into the house from school, Clare x x x Clare, I think this line taken from your post has helped me work it out (or at least some of the cause)! I heard the tutor saying a few times that she was getting work/had got work/was waiting for work etc from his old school! I wonder if this is what has upset him so much? When he was first signed off sick the SENCO emailed him a history project to do and when he opened the email he flipped because he thought they were invading his personal sanctuary (home). thanks for your reply Flora Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted December 5, 2007 Glad I could help a bit, I knew what I wanted to say but its hard to explain it ! We are supposed to be getting a tutor organised via school and I am dreading that happening coz he'll flip !!!! Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mumble Report post Posted December 5, 2007 Did his last tutor always come when she said she would? Was this regular? If it wasn't he may be anxious about things not happening with the new one when they should do? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted December 5, 2007 Hi Flozza - <'> Guessing, of course, but some thoughts... Bills experiences in the past have sort of set him up with the idea that problems might occur... Given that, it's not surprising that he's anxious for reassurance that things are going to be constant and reliable and 'in control' this time round. Added to that, there's a whole new level of understanding now - he knows (to a greater degree, but still not with full appreciation(?)) how serious this is - how important in the long term that it does go right... Of course, as adults we know it is serious but it isn't the be all and end all, there are always chances further down the road to put right any mistakes that might happen now, but to a boy of his age 10 years in the future is science fiction, where we know it's the wink of an eye... Wrapping that all up in a nutshell, I think it's probably confidence more than anything else, and a helping of fear that a lack of that can engender . Don't know how you can help him through that, but lots of reassurance, lots of praise etc is probably the key, and i know you'll be delivering that in spades anyaway. Tough to get the balance right, but i think the best thing is to let him know that yes this is important, but it's not worth any anxiety attacks either... Sorry... waffling... late, snotty and not at all well! L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted December 6, 2007 baddad, <'> Thank you. I do think you're right, I think bill has an expectation of failure and stress in most situations, but particularly those related to education. Thank you everyone for helping the think through this. flora <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
