meeting at school

[rainbow queen]

i just wanted to update where i am at and ask for more advice

 

i have typed up a letter highlighting my problems with my son -before school and after and how he puts me in danger and my other son in the car to school.

also put down how i feel hes struggling with homework/school work and playtimes ect

i said how i though a statement would help.

i sent this out to his social worker /my gp/salt/peadrictian/camhs/and a copy to the school

i also encloed print outs about the passive child and the fact they keep on telling me its a home problem ect when really school is causing half of it.

 

after complaining in the school home book and getting replys like well at christmas u cant help the change ect and also stating that they have watched my son at playtime and he is not alone....and they cant help any more than they r and its not school problem

i enclosed my letter and print outs

today i got reply that they will be arranging a meeting soon with senco and salt who helped to dx my son soon.

i also put in letter that im waiting for appointment with casadt.

 

i know whats going happen at this meeting as it has in the past -and with the previous school...that they will talk me out of thinking of applying for the statement.

i am not very good at putting my point across ect....

 

whats your advice over this................i just dont want things to turn nasty

and even if they say they dont think he should have one -should i still try

 

ive spoken to a lady last night on the advocacy for education service nomber from nas and she thinks i should go for it ....shes ringing me back on sat after shes looked some things up -about transport to ....

 

 

i just feel im useless at standing my ground when face to face with people.

[Kathryn]

Rainbowqueen,

 

I really do sympathise - I used to feel like this with L. I didn't want any confrontation and felt so nervous in face to face meetings with teachers that I too found it difficult to get my point across successfully. I would do anything to avoid these situations.

 

Then I started to go through the statementing process and all that changed - I still got nervous but it got easier over time - I think as I realised I was the only one who was fighting my child's corner, that helped to dispel the fear.

 

What do you think your son needs? In one of your previous threads you mentioned that small group and 1 - 1 support made a noticeable difference to his happiness at school. A statement is the only way to guarantee this level of support.

 

This is just my opinion, but I think there is an advantage to putting in the request for the statutory assessment as soon as possible, even before the meeting. It will make the school take you seriously, and they will not be able to dissuade you as you will have started the process. You can keep them fully informed and keep communication polite and open, it doesn't mean things have to turn nasty, although you will certainly meet opposition. Some people, from the LEA downwards, will try to put you off - even feed you lies. It's nothing personal: they are only thinking of their budgets, and they assume that at least half of all parents will give up in the early stages. Remember you are exercising your legal right to secure an education for your child that is appropriate to his needs, you aren't doing anything outrageous or unreasonable in requesting an assessment.

 

The NAS advocacy service is great - stick with them and they will give you a lot of support, in the form of reassurance and practical help.

 

Something that helped me put my point across was to put as much as possible in writing, this also helps if you need evidence later on, of what has been discussed and agreed to.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do <'>

 

K x

Edited January 11, 2008 by Kathryn

[darky]

Hi there, do you know what? I used to feel intimidated by the meetings and I used to write letters and then panic when they wanted to talk to me about it.

 

That was until I finally realised that these people rely on parents feeling intimidated and worry about causing offence. Now I just laugh at the attempts to emotionally blackmail or to con me, because that's what it is, laughable. It does not wash with me anymore.

 

I am sure that schools are under pressure from the LA's to deter parents from requesting statutory assessment. A head teacher told me the LA had met with them and was told they had to reduce the amount of statutory assessments.

 

Thing is, lots of parents like to feel they have a good relationship with teachers and sencos, and that if they tow the line and don't cause any trouble, the school will actually be honest and go that extra mile for the child. The reality is, the quieter the parent, the less help they are likely to get. They rely on some parents giving up, as there are limited funding pots, and more children claiming dibs on it. In a sense us parents have to be like OAP's in a jumble sale, pushing past everyone and grabbing what they can and not think about anyone else.

 

Once your child leaves that school, not many of the staff will think about your son, or give a second thought. My daughters senco from last year taught me that. I thought she was a person who cared, at least that was the impression she gave. When my daughter started middle school, we had outreach who wanted to speak to her old school for advice. This senco refused to speak to them and refered them to her new school and said everything they needed to know was in the notes. That really showed me how much they really cared.

 

The way I look at things now is this. Your children are the most important life long investment you will ever have. What you put in, you get out. When buying a house, no one would buy a run down shack fit for demolishing because they did not want to upset the estate agent. Treat schools and LA's like a buisness deal, professional not personal. They have rules they need to stick to, if they break the rules and are not taking care of your investment, you have every right to say so. If you feel your son needs more or different help then say so. It really is ok to do it and it is your right. I was told by parent partnership I would not get statements for my children. I carefully waited until the right time and I got both, without tribunals. It can be done, but you do have to be assertive and do your homework. In any meeting, take a picture of your child, if you start to feel worried, look at the picture to remind you what you are doing this for. <'> <'> <'>

[rainbow queen]

thank you both for your encouraging posts -i am very gratefull.xxx

[MichelleW]

I totally agree with everything that has been said. For the last 3 years I have been told J won't get a statement, that he is progressing, he is "very popular", that children worse than him haven't got statements etc.

 

It was only when I started the statement process for DS2, that I realised it is possible to fight the system. the LEA turned me down at the first stage of requesting an assessment for a statement. I went straight to SENDIST and appealed and within a couple of days, the LEA backed down and agreed to assess. This has shown me that they just oppose you hoping you will give up.

 

So for DS1, I had a meeting with SENCO, who agreed that actually DS1 wasn't progressing without 1-2-1 support. That he only gets 4 hours of 1-2-1 a week at the moment. When I said that without a statement his 1-2-1 wasn't guaranteed, she replied to that by saying it wouldn't be guaranteed with a statement. So I reminded her that a statement was legally binding, and provision specified in a statement should be guaranteed. That's when I realised that the SENCO was also trying to put me off getting a statement.

 

Knowing what I know now, as soon as I have little one's statement and specialist placement secured, I am going all out for getting a statement for DS1.

 

It is a case of pestering all the time - otherwise no-one else will bother to do anything.

 

Even if you request an assessment for a statement - appeal to SENDIST if it is turned down. Appeal all the way if you have to. At the end of the day - if SENDIST agree with the LEA, at least you have tried. You have nothing to lose - and loads to gain.

[Karen A]

Hi rainbow queen.If you are nervous it is worth taking a friend along for moral support.When we had an emergency Statement review last year I had OH on one side and a friend on the other.The support helped me feel less intimidated.Karen.