lisa35 Report post Posted January 27, 2008 My son is 12, qwe re currenly awioting review at CAHMS & have asked for reassesment with a view to ? aspergers Things seem to be getting harder and harder, at school he hasnt got a clue how to behave socially, acting the clown ,etc, in an attempt to fit in. School are good, are looking at some support from an assistant that has worked with another boy with aspergers. He s so low at mo, said he feels lonely, is getting angry with ius cos we ve asked for reassessment, and sdays that he s not different. Trut h is ,he is, and Ive said that, I cant make it go away biut can do all i can to help him, its so heart breaking. If we d had earlier diagnosiis, this wouldnt be so hard, he resents what ever we try to do to help with socail skills, and we re at a loss how to help. A really good friend has twin boys on spectrum, she actually phoned me today and said she feels our sons social skills are just liek her sons used to be a few yrs ago, and that the other kids (who are autistic) find him difficult, bless her though, she is only person that understands. I got a bit upset cos its first time hes had friends/ parents that accept him & Im scared we ll loose them. Feeling hopeless, if other kids on spectrum find hi mhard, whatr chance have we!? Any ideas? he finds it impossible to describe how he feels, and school are working with cahms, and bullying mentor is seeing him tomoerrow. Im tired, tired of the batle, the first assessment just said "traits" of asd, dont think I can face another two yrs of fighting for diagnosuis Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Lya of the Nox Report post Posted January 27, 2008 find yourself a quiet space a wee drink and chill fro 5 mins even forget autism, and just be you x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted January 27, 2008 Big <'> for you. Like lya said, take a little break & get your strength back xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
witsend Report post Posted January 27, 2008 Lisa - your son is at a difficult age and you are all going thorugh a difficult time, it's no wonder you feel down <'> . Your doing all you can and there will be better days ahead at some point! I found the whole diagnosis/statementing/getting help and recognition thing a real rollercoaster, you have little triumphs then major setbacks and it wears you down. But you will find the strength to keep fighting 'cos you've no other option. Don't hold back on telling people (professionals) how hard it really is, I used to put a brave face on and act very professional in any meetings we had then I got to the point where I actually started telling it like it was, which involved crying and shouting at times quite embarrassing and not very me but suddenly 'they' started to take notice, listen and do something! Hang in there, Luv Witsend. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted January 27, 2008 Big <'> for you. Like lya said, take a little break & get your strength back xx Thanks Lya,and Pearl i just wonder if we ve made it all worse, when the so called professionals said he just had traits, we told him that he wasnt autistic/aspergers , just brain worked slightly different, and a bit like that , now, we re trying to tell him we think he probly is, and tahts why we want him seeing again. Why the heck did we accept first assessment, now w e ve just made it even harder He said we make him feel like a rat in labratory, being prodded and poked, maybe itd be best to just leave well alone But then he says, he feels so excluded at school., but wont listen when we kindly try to explain that maybe its cos of way he tries to be with people, how hell do u tell child that without making him feel even worse about himself than he already does! lISA Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted January 27, 2008 Don't beat yourself up about what is past. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. Yes its tough on him, on all of you, him being assessed, but worth it in the long run. He wont think long term though, its up to you to do what you think is best for him & let all the aggression wash over you. But like I said earlier, do it when you feel a bit stronger, sounds like you all could do with a breather. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted January 28, 2008 <'> ........hi hope your o.k. <'> ........my son is the same age as yours , he was dx when he was 7...12 is a tough age my son has totally different issues and problems now, than when he was 10.He has acepted his dx very well, we always laid it on thick about how autism actually has benefitted society, with the likes of einstein and bill gates.This worked for my son as he likes the idea of being a member of the cleverist people in the world club.My son is happy he isn,t NT as he see,s most kids his age as "drongoes!"..who break rules, swear, bully , cheat and lie...things he dislikes .... ..........we tend to behave a bit strangely as a family anyhow....and revel in my sons autism...........for instance if he,s having a noisy moment and "banging stuff and humming or making electric guitar noises we join in"..........he seems to like this .My hubbie has also got into his obsessions with him so they have a good common ground and they watch alot of machinery documentaries together . ...........the biggest thing though is that this has taken some time we constantly have to get used to different situations and issues.My son has needed alot of time to accept himself, when he was 8 we had an awful time .You never know whats round the corner either. . Try not to be too hard on yourselves , best wishes suzex Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
x_tracy_x Report post Posted January 28, 2008 My son is only 10, but we're in the same boat as you, fighting what seems to be a losing battle. Last week we got our letter through from a review - 3 pages, but the only bit I care about is 'unwilling to give a formal diagnosis as Callum is performing well at school and his parents are able to cope with his problems'. They're monitoring him again, ie, we'll have another appointment in 12 months time where they'll ask the same questions, we'll fill in the same questionnaire . Yes, he's performing well academically - he's not going to bring the school SATs scores down which is all they seem to be bothered about. Yes, we're coping, because we have to. Like witsend, I keep it together in meetings, and can put a different head on. I think for the week before his next review, I'm going to treat him just like our other kids - Play with him and let him get so carried away the house gets smashed up. Clean his bedroom just once in the week (he's a smearer) and go in and have a BIG sniff just before the appointment. Let him get out of the car by himself (I'm sure we could clock up a few A&E visits on that one). Maybe then I'll hit rock bottom and people will start to listen. Keep fighting, I know we will. We've tried letting him socialise with other AS kids and it's never really worked for us, mostly because their personalities have clashed rather than any one kid being hard work. We're still great friends with the parents though, and the kids tolerate each others little ways more than NT kids would. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted January 28, 2008 Thanks all, helps to know we re not alone! Witsend, I know what you mean, infact todayat work told boss how hard it is , instead of battling on Traccy,your lad sounds like ours! If we have play fights, takes ages to calm him down after! wE HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING! Suze, we area crazy family,tonight, picture this, me cyclin on exercise bike with sons crash helmet on, he decides to join me, sat on front,,,mmmm,,,never a dull moment! Decided we re gonna have a day away Sat and chill, by way, my lad loves those programmes too...on sky...how its made?! Lisa x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted January 28, 2008 (edited) Hi lisa Hugs to you, its so hard where trying to get the right help and services, just keep expressing your concerns, its not easy as we know that as time goes by without a diagnoses the harder it is to get help. Keep going, and be strong. JsMum Edited January 28, 2008 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frangipani Report post Posted January 28, 2008 <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
