Does school understand my son?

[buzzahole]

Hi there

I joined the forum last year but have always just read various info and never posted before. I am now officially at my wits end and don't know where to turn... so i have turned to you guys.

 

My son is 10 and was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome 2 years ago. He has a statement but is at mainstream school and therefore has a teaching assistant 15 hours a week. He has had the TA since september and things really improved straight away. She is brilliant with him and really seems to relate well to him. However, Joe really hates school no matter what, cannot concentrate, doesn't see the point etc and lately alli seem to read in his book is 'joe was sent out of PE', Joe was sent out of assembly', Joe has missed playtime today as punishment for X'.

 

I know that children with AS can still be naughty with the rest of them but i really feel that this negative reinforcement of his behaviour is making things worse and worse. Today Joe came out of school red eyed (he had been crying), took me ages to get him to tell me but eventually I prised it out of him. He has always been allowed to draw in assembly (drawing is 'his thing') and last week they decided he could no longer draw and he had to read instead. I am not sure how they think a child with AS is going to read quietly in a room full of 150 children but they do. Joe has tried to tell them but they made him read again. He couldn't read and decided to play stick men with his fingers to pass the time..... apparrently not good. The headmistress took him after assembly and shouted at him to the point of his tears and told him he's not allowed to do anything now.

 

I have driven home from school with my 10 year old son in the foetal postion with his coat wrapped round his head while he silently wept. I have cryed myself as i just don't know where to go from here. Sorry for my essay..... please help?

Any advice will be hugely appreciated!

[Karen A]

buzzahole <'> <'> Welcome to posting on the Forum....but very sorry that you and DS are having a tough time with school.I have Ben who is 9.Ben has DCD and Social Communication Difficulties [some AS bits].

 

It sounds as though the Head Teacher does not understand AS very well.We had similar difficulties with school.A teacher from ASD outreach team did some inset training for all staff to help them understand Ben and support him appropriately which made a big difference.

As you say if the school deal with assembly and PE in ways that increase stress for your DS then it will most likely lead to reluctance and further difficulties.I think it is very unhelpful to take such a tough line....when the strategy of drawing appeared to be working.

It may be worth asking to meet with the SENCO to review the support your child is having.If assembly ,PE or unstructured times are difficult then an IEP should include strategies to help at these times.Karen.

[JsMum]

Hi

 

From what you have described about how your son is reacting to the schools disaplin it is clear your son is been pyschologically effected and he is withdrawing into himself, this in itself can be just as destructive as a child kicking off in a classroom screaming and thumping anyone who comes near them, so it has to be totally expressed to the school that what they are doing to your son is emotionally damaging him.

 

I dont like it one bit because it takes me to the days that similair things happened to J and it was totally destressing seeing him go inside himself.

 

A urgent meeting needs arranging and I would look at a respite from school to give your son some time to get throw the changes at school and the emotional upset, and also to give the LEA and school time to arrange a meeting and to resolve this now.

 

I have refused to send J in sometimes in events that need urgent attention because sending him in when things are as what you have describe I wouldnt feel the school would be meeting his SEN, there is grounds here for Discrimination if you wanted to go that far.

 

I would remind the school of his IEP and that Drawing is in the IEP for Assembly, if PE is a difficulty they need to find the cause and look at ways to help your son participate because missing PE and punished by missing breaks can be another way of exclusion which goes against the terms of Inclusion for SEN in mainstream.

 

I would request that he now goes on a report book and some positive reward system in place.

 

I would act on this, as your son is clearly distressed by there actions and in time it could cause further emotional and behavioural difficulties all because the school are Not meeting his SENs.

 

It will make transition very difficult for Secondary school if things are not sorted out now as well.

 

I would write to the LEA too and the School govenors to remind them of this experience that your son has had.

 

JsMum

[lisa35]

Hi, hope you dont mind me sending message, but I can so understand your heart break

My son is 12 nd in 5th month of upper school

Things are so bad at mo that today he spent ttime in the senco room, we re going in again after school tomorrow, we did have meeting 4 weeks ago, and support was discussed. However the senco and ta both went off sick, fab

In mean time my son s behavour has deteriorated , the negative commnets in school diary are unreal, infact I spoke to year head last week and asked for the diary to be no longer used for negative comments. And for positive stuff, this lasted a day, Im seriously considering saying that I refuse for him to have it, but then I worry he ll get into trouble

A couple of teacjhers seem ok, bu t his peer relationships have broken down so bady he is at very rock bottom

I have appt with cahms as part of our second assessment and wil tell them our serious worries. LAst night he began banging his head, pulling his hair, this cannot continue

Im so angry tat he education system in this country, it needs kick up ass and educating

Our kids are vulnerable- you keep fighting-dont stop-at mo I cant see any lihjt at end of tunnel and its breaking our hearts

Good Luck

Lisa

[lisa35]

buzzahole <'> <'> Welcome to posting on the Forum....but very sorry that you and DS are having a tough time with school.I have Ben who is 9.Ben has DCD and Social Communication Difficulties [some AS bits].

 

It sounds as though the Head Teacher does not understand AS very well.We had similar difficulties with school.A teacher from ASD outreach team did some inset training for all staff to help them understand Ben and support him appropriately which made a big difference.

As you say if the school deal with assembly and PE in ways that increase stress for your DS then it will most likely lead to reluctance and further difficulties.I think it is very unhelpful to take such a tough line....when the strategy of drawing appeared to be working.

It may be worth asking to meet with the SENCO to review the support your child is having.If assembly ,PE or unstructured times are difficult then an IEP should include strategies to help at these times.Karen.

 

 

ps-we cant even access any autism support to go into school as we dont have formal diagnosis- no one tells you taht when you get a vague diagnosis of "traits" hence our demand for this 2nd assessment!

[buzzahole]

Thanks for the replies! I have spoken to the SENCO today and also wrote an essay in his communication book. They have decided that he can go to assembly when he wants and then leave and do some one to one when it gets too much. I made a point that some teachers need to be addressed re their attitude towards AS and taught some facts. I also requested that he is not to be sent out of PE anymore and they agreed. He seems happier tonight but i am going to watch the situation very closely.

[JsMum]

That is excellent I am really relieved that things are been sorted out and that you are going to monitor the situation and keep the teachers informed and that now hopefully a few may even read up on AS tonight on googl and see if there attitudes are more supportive rather than making your son react worse to there disaplin.

 

I hope you see a more positive result and that your son can relax a little now.

 

Let us know how it goes.

 

NAS have bookmarkers and booklets on AS maybe sending some of these in his Report communication book may give them a hint where to go to get further information.....

 

JsMum

[Bagpuss]

Welcome to the forum Buzzahole, and for your first post....they are never easy <'>

 

So sorry to read the difficulty your son is experiencing at school It must be heartbreaking to see him like that....hope the above advice helps.

[Erika]

I am shocked at the story you tell of your son in school, i nearly cried, take him out of there, easier said than done i know but to me the treatment your son is recieving is out of order. Have you complained? get yourself down to that school and make some noise, that is your son doing what he does best "drawing" how dare they treat him in such a way, how dare they make your precious child cry, i would love to use other terminology here but wont.

 

my son has Aspergers and conformity is not his middle name, now the teachers leave him alone with certain things because they know i will make some noise in their school (not for long if i have my way)

seriously life is hard enough for our kids dont let them treat him like that.

 

all the best

Erika