What happens if you (the carer) go into hospital/fall sick?

[peaches]

My situation is: my daughter 21, is waiting to be assessed for Asperger's. She now lives with me again, as she was incapable of living independently. She goes to stay with her ex boyfriend 2 or 3 nights a week and her input around the house is minimal. I am bringing up her two children, one of whom (DGS age 5) has very difficult behaviour and may or may not have ASD/ADHD. He found it very unsettling for me just going into hospital as a day case and has had major tantrums this evening, on my return. The other child is 2 years old.

 

Today I have learned I need a hysterectomy. DH has taken off as much leave as he can already whilst Ive been ill. Ive been for a minor op today and they couldnt do it: I need the hysterectomy.

 

How can I go about getting some support at home whilst Im in hospital? My parents and parents in law are too elderly and have health problems of their own. My MIL could possibly babysit at most once a week. Thats about it as far as family input is concerned.

Edited March 31, 2008 by peaches

[Tally]

Is there anything formal in place to say that you are the main carer for your grandchildren? I know that there are special rights for parents to take time off work (especially where the child is disabled, but I'm not sure where you stand if he doesn't yet have a clear diagnosis), and I would imagine these rights are extended to your husband if it is recognised that he is the children's carer.

[pearl]

Hi.

You have an awful lot to deal with at the moment.

I look after my mum, & as her carer I am entitled to an Assessment of Needs. I've never actually pushed for it as her own Assessment of Needs enabled some help to be put in place which has indirectly helped me.

 

Sorry I'm waffling. What I'm trying to say is, I dont get any benefits or anything for looking after mum as I also work, but I am still classed as her Carer & I think that is what you should regard yourself as, both for your daughter & her children, get in touch with Social Services pronto & see what respite etc you are entitled to, particularly with the impending hosp stay.

 

Lay it on thick or you will get nowhere. Your needs are completely different to mine with mum but I am pretty sure they can at the very least put crisis care in place during your hospital stay & convalescence.

 

Good luck & hope the op goes well <'>

[JsMum]

Hi Peaches I have pmed you to look in your messeges.

 

You really do need an assessment of need not just for the hospital period but for the longer term too, so please do consider the longer term plans too.

 

JsMum

[peaches]

Tally, I have a residence order and parental responsibility, my husbands name is on the court papers as well as my own. I suppose the special rights for time off are unpaid leave, which he could probably ask for. That would put a bit of strain on the family though. It would mean I couldn't afford the 2 year olds nursery fees for a start, as well as doing without a lot of other stuff or getting into debt. I need to think about exactly what help I will need, what I am entitled to and where the gaps are. Im still feeling a bit fragile after the hospital ATM. Im hoping to chat to our HV tomorrow but if she suggests short term foster care or home start she can forget it.

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

you will need help for about 6 weeks, i have had 2 hysterectomies( sort off) and couldn't do the school walk ten mins away for at least 3 weeks, i had friend support and DD was/is in general quite passive, you will not be able to do house work bending, or cooking for quite a time

i sorry i know nowt about getting help, with care but can help if you need more info bout surgery

take care

xxx

[Kathryn]

I don't know much about this, but just wondered if it would be possible to get Direct Payments from SS to help with employing home helps, carers, etc?

 

K x

[peaches]

I wondered if they still had home helps. I heard they had been privatised and it was a different service now which you had to pay for.

 

What are "direct payments" please?

[Kathryn]

Hi Peaches,

 

This link will explain:

 

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeo...ers/DG_10018517

 

I haven't any experience of using them myself but I'm sure there are others on the forum who have done so. Looking at the link, it's possible you may be eligible for this.

 

K x

Edited April 1, 2008 by Kathryn

[peaches]

I have been to our GP today.

 

She has referred DGS to a Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist at CAMHS. She thought he had some traits of Asperger's.

 

She said I could ring social services but dont hold my breath. She was happy to give DH a sick note though for whilst I was off.

 

I suppose if I get a diagnosis from CAMHS before I go into hospital then I am eligible to apply for Direct Payments.

[Karen A]

I have been to our GP today.

 

She has referred DGS to a Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist at CAMHS. She thought he had some traits of Asperger's.

 

She said I could ring social services but dont hold my breath. She was happy to give DH a sick note though for whilst I was off.

 

I suppose if I get a diagnosis from CAMHS before I go into hospital then I am eligible to apply for Direct Payments.

 

I am not an expert but think it may be more complicated to obtain direct payments than just having a Diagnosis.

It may help in the process but an assessment of the level of need may still be needed. Karen.

[peaches]

I might try social services, but I think its probably a matter of DH taking time off again.