letting off steam

[Diane]

Hi Everyone

 

I know a lot of you are in the same boat just now with our kids returning to school. I guess like mine some of yours may not have got there.

 

I just need to have a moan to get it off my chest and then hopefully I will feel better.

 

Yesterday my husband managed to get a copy of my sons timetable from school. We went through it with our son and he said he was ok with most of it and that he would go into school because it was important to be there on the first day. He told us exactlywhat happened on the first day and seemed totally ok aabout it.

 

But then his head of year phoned to say that they were changing waht they did no the first day back and they were going to be having a deep learning day. So all the kids work in groups building things out of hay stacks or designing and various other activities. Would we like to know what his timetable was. We explained all this to our son who went into not sure I can do this mode.

 

Last night he told his dad he was going to go but spent what felt like most of the night telling me he did not know what to do etc etc etc.

 

This morning his dad took him on his paper round and then our son climbed into his sisters bed and is still there. So I am having some quiet time. I phoned school to let them know he was not coming in and asked if i could pick up his log book. they told me it was chaos and that what I was asking for might be a step too far! :wallbash:

 

So now I am nearly in tears and it is only day 1 I am so stressed I have been sick

 

I have asked for a meeting with all the staff who will be teaching him this year. I have asked his outreach teacher and psychologist from CAMHS to be there with me. I am hoping they can do this.

 

I feel as if I have already lost the battle. It is so unfair. I do not know what else I can do. I feel I should be doing something but don't know what.

 

I thought I would feel better getting my stresses out but I don't.

 

Diane

[Flora]

Hi Diane <'>

 

You've done absolutely the right thing asking for a multi-disciplinary meeting.

 

From what you've said your son is really trying to meet everyone half way and psyche himself up for the school day. This should be recognised and the school should do their best to meet him half way too; changing the time-table at the last minute was probably something they could have, but didn't want to, avoid (meeting the needs/wants of the majority is what mainstream school is all about.... not great for our kids but a fact of life). However, they should have put more consideration into how this would affect your son and other kids who don't cope well with change. I know my son would not cope with this at all. Some people with ASD have a photographic memory for certain scenarios which they call on to help them cope; when that scenario changes (even tiny changes) they don't 'recognise' it and because of a variable inability to transfer skills they then have to 'learn' it all over again (this happens to my son all the time, and it's very frustrating for him and for the people, ie me and teachers etc, to cope with too).

 

Try to relax today and let your son relax too. Go through the time-table for tomorrow (checking with the school first that they haven't changed that too!!! ) and hopefully tomorrow will go smoothly or smoother.

 

Flora <'>

[oxgirl]

Really feel for you, Diane. <'> <'> I also am all churned about about school this morning, cried most of the way home after dropping him off and am still in a shocking state. Don't want to take over your thread with my moans about what I found out when I dropped him off this morning, might start another thread if I can summon up the energy. It's such a struggle sometimes, isn't it. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[chris54]

We had a good start to the new term. When we got to the school the children were line up in their classes in the play ground instead of going in in a big scrum. A wondered off on his own and found the right line with out any prompting from me. Before I had to go right into school with him as he could not cope with all the hustle and bustle in the corridors.

Just hope this is how thing are going to be done in the future.

 

Sent a email to the school last night are should I say at 3PM this morning, I was the one worried about school today, any way set out a few things, go a reply and a promise of a meeting later in the week. Nothing big well only were we go now with A, he only started at the school 8 days before the end of last term. Only diagnosed AS a few months ago so still feeling our way. But his new school does seem to be very positive.By the way he is 8.

 

Sorry to be so upbeat Diane, as the others have said the school should have taken the needs of your son into consideration, I dare say by the sound of it that a lot of the other children and staff at the school are not having such a good day.

 

Relax and hope tomorow brings a better day.

 

Chris

[Diane]

Hi Diane <'>

 

You've done absolutely the right thing asking for a multi-disciplinary meeting.

 

From what you've said your son is really trying to meet everyone half way and psyche himself up for the school day. This should be recognised and the school should do their best to meet him half way too; changing the time-table at the last minute was probably something they could have, but didn't want to, avoid (meeting the needs/wants of the majority is what mainstream school is all about.... not great for our kids but a fact of life). However, they should have put more consideration into how this would affect your son and other kids who don't cope well with change. I know my son would not cope with this at all. Some people with ASD have a photographic memory for certain scenarios which they call on to help them cope; when that scenario changes (even tiny changes) they don't 'recognise' it and because of a variable inability to transfer skills they then have to 'learn' it all over again (this happens to my son all the time, and it's very frustrating for him and for the people, ie me and teachers etc, to cope with too).

 

Try to relax today and let your son relax too. Go through the time-table for tomorrow (checking with the school first that they haven't changed that too!!! ) and hopefully tomorrow will go smoothly or smoother.

 

Flora <'>

 

Hi Flora,

 

Thank you for this. I think I will use some of what you have said here when I talk to school especially the bit about having a photographic memory for certain senarios. I hope you do not mind if I do this.

 

I have let my son totally do what he wants today and if that means three baths and talking non stop about his fish then thats what it will be because I know that is what helps him to calm down and process what is happening.

 

Thank you once again.

 

Diane

[Diane]

Don't want to take over your thread with my moans

 

Hi Mel

 

I really do not mind if you want to share my thread with your moans if it helps you.

 

Thanks for the <'> >< <'>

 

Diane

[Diane]

We had a good start to the new term.

 

Sorry to be so upbeat Diane, as the others have said the school should have taken the needs of your son into consideration, I dare say by the sound of it that a lot of the other children and staff at the school are not having such a good day.

 

Relax and hope tomorow brings a better day.

 

Chris

 

Hi Chris,

 

It is good the hear that the start to the new school term has gone well for you. I hope it continues to stay that way.

 

Diane

[chris54]

Things got even better.

A's new teacher came out with him at the end of the day and had a word with me, we now have a Home school messages book. Lets hope it continues.

 

Chris.

[Diane]

Things got even better.

A's new teacher came out with him at the end of the day and had a word with me, we now have a Home school messages book. Lets hope it continues.

 

Chris.

 

Hi Chris

 

I think that is brilliant. I hope they keep it going.

 

diane

[Cat]

Is there a smiley that says 'soap box' it would probably make it easier for me if there was or get me banned

 

Inclusion to me is a school making sure that they build the fact that they now teach children with disabilities into the core fabric of 'their' being. If this was so then timetables would not be changed 24 hours before the start of term. OK so these things happen but I would like to bet that the last thing of their minds (if it even crossed their minds) was the fact that this was going to make life simply unbearable for the child who has an ASD. Again the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. But if we REALLY had an inclusive system things like this would only ever happen if they had to because the fact that they had children with disabilities who might find it impossible to cope would at least make it onto their agenda.

 

This type of thing happens far too often for it to be a one off.

 

I hope that CAMHS can make it to your meeting and I hope that the school will listen to them and you.

 

Cat

[Diane]

Hi Cat

 

Here! Here! (need soap box) I agree with you when you say 'Inclusion to me is a school making sure that they build the fact that they now teach children with disabilities into the core fabric of 'their' being.'

 

I am in a state shock

 

I managed to get school to give me my sons log book yesterday and the names of his science teachers he has three different ones. I explained to my son what was happening with his science lessons and teachers but he would not believe me and spent the evening asking me the same question. To cut a long story short I managed to get h im to school this morning but we had to go extra extra early so he could speak to his head of year. for every minute we waited for her he asked me what the time was. She was very good as she had to explain to him three times what was happening with his science. I came away with out him I donot know if he will last the day but it is a starting point to move on from.

 

Alistair is more than meeting school halfway. I hope I can make the meeting happen and I hope that school come to realise that what they do can make ahuge difference.

 

I am just taking each day as it comes. I can not plan for the future as school is still too unpredictable.

 

Diane