Seen J's consultant and Head Teacher

[KarenT]

Just to update you on post-exclusion events. I met with the Head on Monday and it was a very positive meeting. Although I still feel that they have underestimated J's autism I understand that they won't admit to that as it would open them up to questions about not being prepared to manage his SN properly, however to maintain good relationships and get J the support he needs, I'm prepared to draw a line and move on. The Head is very keen to learn about home strategies that work for J and I've met with her again this morning armed with a bundle of social stories and other tools, and we chatted for an hour on what works best and how to use them. I feel this is a good step forward and worth maintaining.

 

I met with J's psychiatrist yesterday afternoon and in short he agreed with everything we had to say - that we've run out of possibilities with behaviour management alone and it's time to trial medication, and that his presentation is leaning towards a dual dx with ADHD. He's agreed to pass J's case on to the psych that everyone else I know is under, who is more experienced in dual dx especially with children of J's age (even he seemed a bit confused as to why he'd had us all these years...), and he's arranging for her to speak with the Head direct about her concerns then phone me to arrange an appointment asap so as not to delay starting the trial.

 

J himself was back in school on Monday but isolated in the Head's office for the day. He's not allowed out at breaks all this week, until they get measures in place to ensure his and others' safety, and also to be seen to act on inappropriate behaviour both for J's sake and as a warning to others. I'm not entirely comfortable with this as I do believe J's meltdown stemmed from mismanagement, but without raising wider issues I can't prove it and I want to hang on to that good relationship with the Head, J's fine about it so I'm letting it go. I'd been a bit concerned about how his classmates would take to him when he returned, but when we arrived in the yard yesterday morning they all gathered round, yelling his nickname, clearly very pleased to see him and asking me lots of questions about whether he was back in lessons and if he was allowed to go swimming. It was very reassuring, and he had a great first day back. Even the lad he'd had the head bump with and had launched at was fine with him, staying in at pm break to play Hangman.

 

So we're on the right track, things are being put into place and J's settling back down again at both home and school. And for the first time in 5 years of CAMHS involvement they're recognising the wider problems and are prepared to help. All round good result (says Mrs Positive).

 

Thanks for your support, guys, you're gems.

 

Karen

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[Flora]

Hi Karen

 

I can totally empathise with your post. Sometimes we have to give a little to get something in return, and you've decided to draw a line in order to work contstructively with the school. I did this with my youngest son a couple of years back. If I'd rocked the boat to get him support in other areas it would have detracted from all the positives.

 

Hope the school continue to work with you and that the winner in all of this is your son.

 

Flora

[JsMum]

He's not allowed out at breaks all this week

 

I would insist that he is actually be allowed a supervisied break, it contrivenes his basic human rights not to be allowed a break, even convicted prisoners who have done nasty offences get a break, its called excercise.

 

I wouldnt like this for J as he would be set up to fail and go beserk because he wouldnt be aloud to release the pent up frustration, been stuck inside all day would also increase his ADHD symptoms and adgitate his anxiety.

 

It will also effect his social skills and actually enforce other children to avoid him, it will increase other childrens perceptive of your son also.

 

I dont think this is going to change your sons behaviour in the long term either.

 

JsMum

Edited September 17, 2008 by JsMum

[KarenT]

I agree but that it's not ideal in this case it's the right decision, IMO.

 

Strictly speaking the meltdown wasn't J's fault, having resulted from poor management in the first place, but the fact is he DID go for a child and a teacher and also caused damage to school property. For that, the Head must show that such behaviour won't be tolerated.

 

So the 'no breaktimes outdoors' thing is for three reasons:

 

1) to give time for approopriate strategies to be put in place to ensure J's and others' safety.

2) to give J the message that his response was inappropriate

3) to give othe children the message that the behaviour won't be tolerated and anyone who does so will be punished.

 

I actually agree with all three of those reasons. It can't be easy managing a school and her decision has covered all bases.

 

It was agreed that if the Head herself was on yard duty J would be allowed out as she would supervise closely. He had an outdoor break yesterday and did well.

 

He is getting rest breaks during the day and is allowed to have a friend stay inside with him to play games. His friendships have not been affected (if anything, they're stronger because they're all much keener for things to be back to normal so they can all play together again). He's happy with the arrangement and has other opportunities for fresh air outside of school, so no harm done.

 

As for me, I'm content to sacrifice a week of breaks to ensure plans are made for appropriate support and to ensure I keep such a strong relationship with the Head. It's always harder to make progress if you've rattled their cages, IME!

 

Thanks for taking the time to comment J'smum. I have briefly skimmed over your thread and know you're having a rough time with your J too so I do appreciate it. I personally don't know whether I'm coming or going with all the stuff I'm embroiled in at the moment and consequently not keeping up with the forum, so apologies for not commenting on others' issues.

 

Karen

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