medically unfit for school

[Diane]

I hope someone can help me. I have been asked to consider letting my DS be classified as medically unfit for school. I know this means he will be tutored at home. Is that it?

 

My poor DS has been signed off school for this week as his anxiety is so much bigger than he is. I had a meeting yesterday with CAMHS and his outreach worker and it was agreed that he needed some down time which I am pleased about.

 

I have to get in touch with CAMHS after a week to say how things are going. I am not being pressued into anything but I do need to consider all the options for DS education as main stream is so difficult for him. The big problem is he is so desparate to be like other children and fit in and keeps falling flat on his face.

 

For now we are just chilling out and have some fun things planned for next week. Which I think we both need.

[Karen A]

Hi Diane.There are specific guidelines relating to children who are unable to attend school due to recognised medical needs including mental health needs.After a certain number of days the LEA is obliged to ensure alternative provision is made re education.This may be home tutoring or provision in a ''hospita'' school unit.I think sometimes LEAs attempt to offer pupil referal unit as an option but this may not be appropriate for you.Many others here have come across this situation so you are not alone.

It is worth as a first step ensuring that a recognised health professional records that your child is not able to attend school for medical reasons.You will then be less likely to have to deal with EWO who usually chase up on none attendance at school.Also it will ensure that you have documentation to show when alternative provision should start.Karen.

[les1]

Hi Dianne

 

Our daughter was signed off as medically unfit in January of this year.

There were some issues with tutoring though and she did not have any in the end. This seems to have been due to the fact that the cahms doctor asked for her to be admitted at the hospital school. This was turned down and then there was a lot of confusion over what was hapening.

She was out for nine months and has just gone into a special unit.

My advice would be to make sure everyone involved with your son knows the situation.

Do you have a psychologist involved if so make an appointment to see them.

Contact your school welfare officer as well just to keep them in the loop. (if your child is signed off sick you are protected against being taken to court because your child is not in school)

Talk to the educational psychologist who is assigned to your sons school.

Does your child have a statement, is he getting help at school and if so what. Could school do any more to help?

Make sure you keep the lines of communication open with them.

Contact your LEA as well and let them know, ask them about the home tutoring.

Have you tried having a meeting with all the proffessionals involved attending so a decision can be made about the future?

 

If you have any more questions i will be happy to help if I can

 

regards

Lesley

[Karen A]

http://publications.teachernet.gov.uk/defa...732%2f2001&

The infomation can be down-loaded on pdf from the above page.

However I have found that the LEA needs to make alternative provision after 15 days abscence.It would be worth contacting the LEA /Children's services to make the officer responsible for organising arrangements aware of the situation.

Parent Partnership may also be able to offer some local advice and support.Karen.

[Clare63]

Hi Diane,

 

Firstly I am so sorry to hear that your son has struggled with the school environment and has been signed off medically unfit. I don't know if it will help but I will tell you our story. In October last year my don was signed off medically unfit for school by our GP, in the first instance I allowed ourselves to recover and re charge our batteries. I advised school and provided them with the Doctors certificate, I ensured that CAMHS and all parties that had been supporting us were also made aware. I was told that providing CAMHS were in agreement that my son was medically unfit (due to anxiety & stress, basically a mental breakdown) Educational Welfare would not be chasing us for attendance. As we were having problems with the fact that our son would not leave the house, I got permission from the LA to take him out and about to help build his confidence in leaving the house.

 

Once he had chance to recover I asked the school for work which he could do at home and I collected it on a fortnightly basis and returned it when completed for marking. We had not got at statement at this point so I also took steps to obtain one. After Christmas 2007 we were referred to the Children out of School team (COOS) who have been brilliant, their role is to support the family and child in getting back to school. Our son was given a mentor who visited 3 times a week and helped us with school work taking over the co-ordination of bring the work in and returning it back to school.

 

We finally got a statement and it has been agreed that our son requires specialist provision. For the past few months COOS's have provided us with a lovely Home Tutor who gives 5 hours of tution a week. to cut a long story short, we are just embarking on an assessment at one of the Priory schools next week with hope that we will be offered a placement.

 

It has therefore been a whole year that our child has been out of school, it has not been an easy road, but wanted to assure you that there are plently of options out there and no need to rush into anything, your child's health is a priority andf that you deffinately need time to recover and see what options are available.

 

Wishing you all the best, if there is anythink I can do to help or you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask or pm me.

 

Clare x x x

[Diane]

Hi Karen, Lesley and Clare

 

Thank you for the advice and your stories. It has helped enormously.

 

For those of you who do not know our DS is 14 and just started in year 10. He has AS and is very intelligent and aware that he is different but struggling to accept this. His attendance in school this last three years has at times only been 25% of a school year. So not good. He was only diagnosed in October 2007. (Long story.)

 

Just to put you in the picture it was our sons outreach worker from the inclusive resource who suggested that being signed off medically from school was the way forward and DS psychologist agreed and wrote to the GP. I will collect the paper work from the GP on Monday. We are lucky in that the school is opposite the doctors surgery.

 

Both our outreach worker and our psychologist have been fending off the EWO and have assured me that because of all the work and time i have put into trying to keep our son in school and the fact that a plan is in place they will leave me alone. Phew!

 

Our outreach worker has been in touch with the LEA SEN officer and will meet with her next week to see what all the options are for our DS. Going to a PRU is not one of the choices that will be on the table.

 

One of the problems we have is that DS did not want any help and would not accept it no matter how it was presented. Today he said he does want help but he does not know what with. So some progress is being made. The psychologist has said I need to take a big step back and not help him with issues in the way that I do or my son will never realise what he needs help with. He understands how difficult this is for me but I can see what he is saying that my son needs to expereince the want of needing help if that makes sense.

 

I have explained to my son what is happening and that if he needs help he must ask me or I cannot help him. I am going to give it a good try. This weekend the two of us are going to make a timetable of the activities we know we are going to do next week and I have explained that we can add to it or change it as we want to. If he realises what he needs help with at home there is a good chance that he will begin to see the benefit of letting others help. It's along shot but one that could work.

 

Having spent two days wrapped in a quilt hiding he has finally come out. It makes me understand the level of stress that school causes him. He has given me a hug and a kiss which is lovely so I know he really understands that he does not have to go to school for a while. He asked that if he really wanted to would I let him. I said yes if i thought he would cope. He has not spoken about it since and I know he will not ask to go back.

 

It is going to be very small steps with everything as he needs to gain control of his anxiety so he can process what is happening. When the team who help us care for him are ready with the options they will go through it with me and then with myself and DS at a pace that he can cope with and understand and they will allow him time to come to a decsion he is comfortable with.

 

I spent this morning with his outreach worker having a coffee in a nice cafe and we not only talked about DS and what is happening back stage but other topics not related. It felt good I had forgotten there is a whole world out there that for along time I have not been part off.

 

This down time is not only what the team want for DS but they have said they want me to take time out as well to recharge my batteries.

 

I am sorry for all you guys who do not have this. I feel very lucky indeed to have such an understanding out reach worker and psychologist and more importantly you guys because you really understand and have been where I am now.

 

So for all of you lots of <'> >< <'> >< for the support and empathy it is the best medicine.

 

Thank you.

[Karen A]

<'> <'> <'> <'> Diane.It sounds like you have some great people supporting you and DS.I know it does not solve the problem but it helps.Karen.

[Clare63]

Diane,

 

Sounds like you and your son are in very good hands.

 

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x x x

[Cat]

Having spent two days wrapped in a quilt hiding he has finally come out. It makes me understand the level of stress that school causes him. He has given me a hug and a kiss which is lovely so I know he really understands that he does not have to go to school for a while. He asked that if he really wanted to would I let him. I said yes if i thought he would cope. He has not spoken about it since and I know he will not ask to go back.

 

Boy does this take me back to when my eldest was 14. Not a nice thing to watch or a nice place to be <'>

 

I think that you know by now Diane that I am the radical free thinker here - one of many - but I know that my thoughts about these things often run right of the page of what others would do in similar situations, if that makes any sense to you.

 

The way I see this is if your son is not attending school then he is not being constantly reminded that he is different and so the need to be like everyone else is pretty much taken away. In time he might come to terms with his diagnosis and accept himself for who he is warts and all - I hope so. But for now he maybe just needs some space until he finds out 'who' himself is.

 

Some adults with AS find it difficult to express there needs it is something that is very much an on-going issue for some people with AS. That is why some adults with AS never claim any of the benefits they are entitled to. Many do not see that they do need help to enable them to do things. This is one of the things that I actually campaign about. With a diagnosis of AS should come a recognition that often the person AS can not express their need for help and some even deny that they need help. That leaves many of them swimming against a very strong tide and often doing so alone. It is easy to say stop doing things for your son to make him realise that somethings he has to ask for there I go again - but - if he is swimming against the tide at the moment maybe he just needs a little help to get him ashore. I used to think that my eldest would never be able to do even the simplest of things for himself including asking for help when he needs it but he eventually he proved me wrong. I have never a patient person always in a rush to do everything quickly. I came to the conclusion that God (if that is where your belief lies) gave me two autistic sons to give me a very big lesson in patience. A diagnosis is a big issue when you are a teen (my son was 13 when he got his) but given time and yes a few hefty nudges along the way progress can be made.

 

Cat

[Diane]

Hi Cat

 

Thank you for your insight.

 

My son was also 13 when he got his diagnosis.

 

Doing nothing, sitting back and watching him turn in on himself because that is what he needs to be allowed to do,(just as I sometimes need time out but not in such an obvious and distressing way) is incredibly hard emotionally because all I want to do is reach out to him but I have to wait for him to be ready. sometimes this happens quickly and at others it seems to take so long.

 

I think this is my learning curve knowing when to leave people alone and that I cannot fix everyones problems as much as I would like to.

 

I received a copy of the letter DS psychologist sent to our GP. It was hard to swallow, seeing it all printed in black and white like that really brings it home to me how much work is still to be done and how gently we need to treat our son just now. I have cried for him and the frustration he is feeling.

 

I am worried that we have this window time which allows us to have the help and support that we now have in place I know we will lose it when he is 16 no matter what. I feel i need to make the most of the next 18 months. I know it will fly by for all of us.

 

'This is one of the things that I actually campaign about. With a diagnosis of AS should come a recognition that often the person AS can not express their need for help and some even deny that they need help. That leaves many of them swimming against a very strong tide and often doing so alone.'

 

I admire and respect you for the campaigning that you do. I would be interested to learn more about how you do this.

 

I try not to think too far ahead but what you have written reminds me that his ASD is not going to go away.

 

Do you think people with AS plateau?. I mean they reach a certain level of understanding and that' is it. Like my sons understanding of emotions is that of a reception year child yet he is intelligent and amazingly articulate that if you met him you would not know he had this difficulty. This is something I find really hard to accept. If he never moves on from this how is ever going to understand the complexity of his emotions and there meaning. The thought of him living his life in such a high state of anxiety saddens me a little. He is an amazing indivual and I am so proud of what he has overcome. I just wish he could see what he has achieved for himself.

 

The letter this morning has upset me more than I thought it would and despite the wonderful support I feel at a loss. I keep hoping that one day soon I will feel strong about this and beable to think more rationally than I am doing. Please tell me that is what will happen given time!

[Karen A]

Hi Cat

 

Thank you for your insight.

 

My son was also 13 when he got his diagnosis.

 

Doing nothing, sitting back and watching him turn in on himself because that is what he needs to be allowed to do,(just as I sometimes need time out but not in such an obvious and distressing way) is incredibly hard emotionally because all I want to do is reach out to him but I have to wait for him to be ready. sometimes this happens quickly and at others it seems to take so long.

 

I think this is my learning curve knowing when to leave people alone and that I cannot fix everyones problems as much as I would like to.

 

I received a copy of the letter DS psychologist sent to our GP. It was hard to swallow, seeing it all printed in black and white like that really brings it home to me how much work is still to be done and how gently we need to treat our son just now. I have cried for him and the frustration he is feeling.

 

I am worried that we have this window time which allows us to have the help and support that we now have in place I know we will lose it when he is 16 no matter what. I feel i need to make the most of the next 18 months. I know it will fly by for all of us.

 

'This is one of the things that I actually campaign about. With a diagnosis of AS should come a recognition that often the person AS can not express their need for help and some even deny that they need help. That leaves many of them swimming against a very strong tide and often doing so alone.'

 

I admire and respect you for the campaigning that you do. I would be interested to learn more about how you do this.

 

I try not to think too far ahead but what you have written reminds me that his ASD is not going to go away.

 

Do you think people with AS plateau?. I mean they reach a certain level of understanding and that' is it. Like my sons understanding of emotions is that of a reception year child yet he is intelligent and amazingly articulate that if you met him you would not know he had this difficulty. This is something I find really hard to accept. If he never moves on from this how is ever going to understand the complexity of his emotions and there meaning. The thought of him living his life in such a high state of anxiety saddens me a little. He is an amazing indivual and I am so proud of what he has overcome. I just wish he could see what he has achieved for himself.

 

The letter this morning has upset me more than I thought it would and despite the wonderful support I feel at a loss. I keep hoping that one day soon I will feel strong about this and beable to think more rationally than I am doing. Please tell me that is what will happen given time!

 

 

Diane. <'> <'> Ben is 10 so I am some way behind you and do not have any experience.But I do know there are others here who have older teens who missed out on large parts of education.Even after 16 they have been supported to pick things up and have gone on to further education or college.I can understand that it feels really tough now but wanted to offer some hope . <'> <'> <'> Karen.

[Diane]

I can understand that it feels really tough now but wanted to offer some hope . <'> <'> <'> Karen.

 

Thank you Karen. I cannot express how grateful I am for all the thoughts and messages of support I have received. It is comforting to be send wise and kind words at a time like this.

 

 

I think i need to ask the question of those supporting now what will happen when he is sixteen. Just to put that worry out of my head. especially as it is not an issue just now.

 

Thank you.

[Clare63]

Diane,

 

As I read this thread a can relate to so much of it and things written could almost be written by myself.

 

It certainly hit a cord when you say about reading things in black and white, this too I found very hard and still do now. I also would be interested to know whether AS people plateau, my lad did so well up until the age of about 12 then everything went down hill fast and almost backwards in some ways, I am hoping that if we can survive these teenage years we will come out the other end much better people for it.

 

Clare x x x

[Cat]

Do you think people with AS plateau?. I mean they reach a certain level of understanding and that' is it. Like my sons understanding of emotions is that of a reception year child yet he is intelligent and amazingly articulate that if you met him you would not know he had this difficulty. This is something I find really hard to accept. If he never moves on from this how is ever going to understand the complexity of his emotions and there meaning. The thought of him living his life in such a high state of anxiety saddens me a little. He is an amazing indivual and I am so proud of what he has overcome. I just wish he could see what he has achieved for himself.

 

No I do not think that children or an adult with AS reach a certain level of understanding and that is it. I think that children/adults fist of all need to be emotionally equip before they can move forward in certain areas of their lives. I was told by an ASD specific SALT that if you take away a third of a child's chronological age then you will probably be left with their emotional age and I know that a great many ASD professionals are saying this now to. That makes a great big difference to the way we should view our children. I ask myself if I would allow a 7and a half year old to go out and catch a bus alone and the answer that I come back with is no of course not, and yet my 11 year old son would be expected to go and catch a bus on his own to go to Comprehensive School. It is about time in my opinion that the difference between emotional age and chronological age were quantified somewhere. I have seen my now 21 year old son make great strides emotionally since he turned 16. It has been and still is a slow process but he is making progress. He also has a visual impairment and I know that this adds to his issues but I know that the autism mostly takes first place for the impact it has on his life.

 

I certainly do not believe in windows of opportunities being lost. I do however believe that we can push too hard to make things happen when if we just allowed some time they would probably happen naturally. That is not to say that we do not keep testing the water. My son was a wreck between the ages of 11 and 16 and I do mean a wreck. He would lie for hours on his bed staring at the wall. He interacted with no-one. He would not leave his room even to eat. I had to place a tray outside his door and he would take it into his room and then replace the empty tray. I was told that allowing this to continue was wrong and that I had to lay down some rules and make him leave his room otherwise how was he ever going to make his way through life. My gut said let him be and give him the space he needs. If he needed me to sit and hold his hand for hours while he stared at the wall I sat and held it. I did fear for a long time that he was lost to us forever. Slowly after he reached 16 the barriers began to come down and his zest for life returned. If I saw a spark of interest I would help to fan the flames but I never applied a great amount of pressure because that always put out the spark.

 

Today my son has his own You Tube Chanel with over a thousand subscribers. He is a respected games reviewer and is now being contacted by games companies want to use his reviews and asking his advice and input into games. Is it a career? No not at the moment but what this is doing for his self esteem is priceless. My son is now holding his own and interacting with big games companies. He is on his own with this because I am clueless as to what it is he is doing and what it is they want from him. He is growing all of the time emotionally and I believe that he will continue to do so. Yes we still have dark periods and always will it is par for the course with his condition but I never say never anymore about DS2. I tend to think that one day he will totally amaze me by getting on a plane and flying out to Japan to live on his own. If he does not it will probably be his visual impairment that stops that from happening rather than his autism.

 

I will pm you tomorrow about our campaigns in the world of autism. Had a busy day today. A young man (now a great friend of our family) with autism who spent a long time in hospital as a child is in my neck of the woods for the Great North Run . He is an inspiration to us. He travels the world and is an active part of the Global Autism movement. And yet his story is even worse than that of my sons. He created his own windows of opportunity after many years of being literally lost in a wilderness. Seeing it written in black and white can be very difficult but black and white does not allow for any colour than can eventauuly find it's way into our lives given time.

 

Cat

Edited October 4, 2008 by Cat

[Clare63]

Thank you as ever Cat, you make so much sense.

 

Clare x x x

[Diane]

Hi Cat

 

Thank you for your insight. I still feel in my infancy with this ASD, I guess a year since diagnosis is not long. So much more I still have to understand. But I am learning and fast.

 

Thank you all of you.

 

Diane

[Cat]

When my two were diagnosed within six weeks of each other I knew diddly squat about ASD. I fished around in the dark quite literally and even though professionals often did not agree with me I went with my gut instinct because that was all I had as my yard stick. That does not mean that I never made a wrong call I did often. I suppose what I did was to tead water until I had educated myself about this thing called autism.

 

Like everything else that life throws at us we will all handle things differently. There are no rights or wrongs just what we believe is best for us and ours that moment in time.

 

One thing I do believe with a passion is that we are all here to help each other and that can only happen if we share our experiences and what worked for us. Then we can at least decided what path is best for us at that moment is time.

 

Cat

[Diane]

Here is the update.

 

I received a copy of the letter CAMHS sent to the GP. It sets out very clearly what they have to do. It arrived at the GPs on Monday and they are telling me that they only sign people off from work not from school. The letter clearly states that they should phone the psychologist or the outreach worker if they have a problem.

 

So nothing has been done. I have suggested to the receptionist that she speak to the GP the letter is addressed to as I am sure he will know what to do. So she asks me if it is a letter that I want excusing him from school. I explain I have never done anything like this before and she will have to speak to the GP or CAMHS :wallbash:

 

I did not ask for any of this. The last thing I wanted was my son to be signed off from school. I feel that I have no choices at the moment. Waiting for the LEA to present the options open to us is agony. The longer our DS is out of school the more difficulty we will have getting him to accept help when the cavelry finally arrive with a solution.

 

sorry I am so frustrated and feeling sad for my DS.

[Karen A]

Here is the update.

 

I received a copy of the letter CAMHS sent to the GP. It sets out very clearly what they have to do. It arrived at the GPs on Monday and they are telling me that they only sign people off from work not from school. The letter clearly states that they should phone the psychologist or the outreach worker if they have a problem.

 

So nothing has been done. I have suggested to the receptionist that she speak to the GP the letter is addressed to as I am sure he will know what to do. So she asks me if it is a letter that I want excusing him from school. I explain I have never done anything like this before and she will have to speak to the GP or CAMHS :wallbash:

 

I did not ask for any of this. The last thing I wanted was my son to be signed off from school. I feel that I have no choices at the moment. Waiting for the LEA to present the options open to us is agony. The longer our DS is out of school the more difficulty we will have getting him to accept help when the cavelry finally arrive with a solution.

 

sorry I am so frustrated and feeling sad for my DS.

 

Hi.If CAMHS wrote to the GP and the GP does not know what to do then I would be tempted to go back to CAMHS and ask them what to do.When we needed a letter in a similar situation last year I wrote to the consultant. <'> Karen.

[Cat]

Diane I can not understand why CAMHS have not written the letter for you? They did for us with our son. Our GP did write the original letter but CAMHS extended the note. A letter from the GP should do it was a letter that our GP wrote for us.

 

Sounds to me as if the GP is very much seeing things in black and white here Either that of they are being awkward which you do not need.

 

Cat

[Diane]

Thanks Karen and Cat.

 

Since my post DS outreach worker has called me for an update to see how long the GP has signed DS off for I explained everything to her. she also has a copy of the letter and cannot understand why the GP is having a problem. If I do not get any joy from the GP tomorrow I will phone the psychologist at CAMHS, he is really good and I know he will get things moving.

 

Just imagine how easy life would be if everyone did there little bit when they were supposed to.

 

Thank you once again.